Echo: Rise and shine, Shade.... RISE... AND... SHINE... Not that I wish to imply that you have been sleeping on the job...
No one is more deserving of a rest than you.
And all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until....
Well, let's just say your hour has come again.
The right chao in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.
So wake up, Mr. Shade... wake UP... and smell the ashes...
[Shade wakes up and finds himself on a train]
Shade: What? ...Aw, CRAP!

Dark Chao Adventures Episode 43: Shade, Dark, n' Red's Wild Adventure

[the story resumes with Shade on a train to an unknown city]
[Shade looks around and sees Dark and Red]
Red: I didn't see you get on. *chuckle*
Shade: Shut up. Where's this train headed?
Dark: No matter how many times I get relocated, I never get... used to it.
Shade: Seriously, where?
Red: This is my third transfer this year.
Shade: I swear to the Hero Chaos, Red--
Red: All right, all right. I think it's going to New York, but I'm not too sure.
Shade: New York? The big apple? Sweet.
[the train stops at a station, they get off]
Dark: Wow... this city is so... BIG!
Shade: Yeah, yeah. C'mon, let's look for a car. We have to find out where we need to go!
Chapter 1: Chao Theft Auto
[they enter a parking lot; Shade finds a nice car]
Shade: Cool, a Banshee!
Dark: C'mon, Shade... a BANSHEE? That's the best car you can find? Help me look for a Lamborghini.
Red: Pfft! Lamborghini? What a waste. We want one of 'em Hybrid things. I hear they're way better.
Shade: Han-han-hang on a second, Red. *slap* A HYBRID!? *slap* What the HELL are you thinking!? *slap* Nature freak!
Red: All right, we'll go for YOUR idea.
Dark: But we can't all fit in a Banshee! I'll starve!
Shade: *groan* Fine, we'll look for an SUV. You happy now?
[they find an SUV, and try to open it; it's locked]
Shade: What? LOCKED? Dark, gimme my crowbar.
Dark: Sorry, Shade, but Echo "relieved you of your weapons," remember?
Shade: Oh yeah. Curse the G-Man! Him and his... ways. So, I don't have my portal gun, either? Crap.
Red: Well, how are we gonna get around?
Shade: I'm not defeated YET, Red.
[Shade smashes the window open as hard as he can with his fist]
Shade: OW! OWWWW! AAAHHHH!!! AW, ****! AW, ****! OWWWWWWW!!!
[he holds his bloody hand close to his face, and cries]
Red: Okay, I'll do the hotwiring part.
[Red hops into the car, and hotwires it]
Red: You wanna drive, or just hold your hand?
Shade: I'll drive. *inhale* Ah.... it hurts. *hops in front seat* Let's go.
[they start driving; Shade in front, Dark in passenger, Red in back]
Shade: A'ight, first we're taking a stop.
[the car stops]
Red: A 7-11? Why are we at a Seven-Eleven?
Shade: Oh, I just thought we'd stop by for a milkshake-- MY ****ING HAND HAD ****ING GLASS LODGED IN IT, I'M GETTING A ****ING BAND-AID, WHY DO YOU THINK WE'RE HERE!?
Red: ....sorry.
[Shade enters the 7-11, and goes up to the counter]
Shade: Hey.
Man: Uh.... hey.
Shade: Gimme the biggest band-aid you have.
Man: S..s.....sure?
[the man hands Shade a big band-aid]
Shade: Thanks. *applies band-aid* Ahhhhh.... much better.
Man: That'll be 2.50.
Shade: Wha? TWO FIFTY? I swear, the last time I came here, it was only a buck fourty!
[Shade grumbles and hands the man a fiver (he also bought some soda)]
[back in the car, they just sit there, drinking, for a little bit]
Dark: *belch* So, Shade... what's the plan? Where are we going?
Shade: Urp... remember where Zim lives?
Dark: Yeah.
Shade: *hands him a map of San Franciso* Mark it.
[Dark looks at it for a minute, then marks a street]
Dark: 352 56th Street. That's what I remember.
Shade: We're going there.
Dark: San Fran'? Dude, we're in New York.
Shade: Yeah, it'll be a little while before we get there, but so what? Here, I got this map of the US from that clerk.
[Shade pulls out a large road map and puts it in the back]
Shade: Red, count up the states between NY and California.
Red: Uh................................ seven?
Shade: Seriously, the number?
Red: Um..... heh heh heh.... I kinda... can't count.
Shade: WHAT? I've seen you count loads of times!
Red: Those times I was slightly on my side.
Shade: ...huh? Oh, forget it. We can get there in this SUV anyway, so the number of states doesn't matter.
(note: During their awesome road trip, I won't put what state they're in, 'cause it won't matter much)
Shade: *burp* Great soda. So, you ready? 'Cause this is gonna be a LONG road trip, trust me.
Dark: No potty breaks?
Shade: Wha-hu-bu-OF COURSE THERE'LL BE POTTY BREAKS! We're not gonna be in this car the WHOLE trip.
Red: All right, I'm ready. We went through Half-Life, may as well go through REAL life.
Dark: BRING IT ON!!!
Shade: Let's go, then!
[their SUV pulls out of the parking lot and enters the interstate; the chao cheer]
Chapter 2: Cheese it, it's the Pigmasks!
Shade&Red: ROCK THE BOAT!
Dark: Don't rock the boat, baby!
Shade&Red: ROCK THE BOAT!
Dark: Don't rock the boat over!
[Shade pulls over at a forest]
Dark: Hey, why'd you stop?
Shade: Can't talk! *gets out of car, runs off*
Red: ...
Dark: ...
[they see Shade standing by a tree, liquid by his feet]
Both: Oh.
[he runs back, and they drive some more]
Shade: ........what? .........WHAT?
Dark: Couldn't wait for a convenience store, could ya?
[hours later, Shade realizes the car's almost out of gas]
Shade: Aw, crap.
Red: What?
Shade: Need gas!
[they pull over at a gas station]
[Shade goes to the gas pump, and is about to connect it to the car when he drops the pump, eyes wide]
[he slowly walks back into the car, and drives away without saying a word]
Dark: Why do you suppose he stopped?
Red: Maybe we'll never know.
[the camera pans to the gas station, revealing the station's name is "Shell"]
[eventually, he gets gas from another station, and they move on]
Shade: *groan*
Red: What's up?
Shade: Dude, those gas prices are just..... UGH!
Dark: How much 'they charging ya this time?
Shade: *sigh* $3.85.
[Dark and Red stare]
Red: No. Way.
Dark: Get outta here!
Red: You serious!?
Shade: I'm serious.
Dark: Dude, that's just cruel!
[they drive on a little more, and they hear sirens]
Red: ....*looks out the back window* Shade... how fast are we going?
Shade: Uh.... *checks* ....about 90.
Red: The limit's 70.
Shade: .......*realizes* Aw, ****!!!
[Shade pulls over, and a cop comes over to the car]
Red: Shade, what'll we do?
Shade: Relax. I got a plan.
[the cop looks into the window, and sees nobody, then looks down and sees Shade (he's small, get it?)]
Cop: Buddy, you know how fast you been going?
Shade: Yeah. About 90.
Cop: The speed limit for this area's 70, son.
Shade: How much I gotta pay?
Cop: Hmm.... one K.
Shade: ...................WHAT?
Red: That means one thousand.
[Shade sits for a while]
Cop: ....buddy?
Shade: Officer, how much would I have to pay if I got you a free trip to the nearest Hooters?
[cut to the SUV being chased by the cop car]
Shade: Me and my big mouth...
Dark: DRIVE, SHADE, DRIVE!!!
[Shade drives off the interstate into the woods, followed by the cop]
Red: SHADE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
Shade: I DON'T KNOW!!!
[Shade swerves around trees, hoping for the cop to mess up]
Shade: Man, he just won't give up, will he?
Red: SHADE, LOOK OUT!!!
[they're coming up to a large river]
Shade: !!! C..R..A.....P....!!!
[Shade quickly tries a sharp turn, but it stops in front of the river]
All: ....*pant*
Shade: Phew...
Dark: Oh, Hero Chaos....
Red: That's a load off my back....
[pause]
[the cop car smashes into their SUV, knocking both into the river]
[cut to the chao swimming out of the SUV, and finding solid ground]
Shade: Man, I REALLY hate that cop now...
[they see the SUV and the cop drifting down the river, and they both fall down a waterfall]
Red: Jeez, there's ALWAYS a waterfall, inn't there?
Dark: It's like some state law, or summin'; "Every time someone is in a river, there MUST be a waterfall."
Shade: Bye-bye, mister cop. See ya in the Dark Garden.
[they start to head back onto the interstate]
Dark: Why d'ya think we'll see him in the Dark Garden, Shade?
Shade: Uh... I didn't literally mean THE garden; it's some sort of phrase DJay came up with to substitute... ah, never mind.
[they reach the interstate and start walking]
Chapter 3: 100 Bottles of Beer in the Bar...
Dark: *growl* !!! ...heh... getting hungry. Shade, how far until the next town?
Shade: *checks map* Well, if we passed that river like an hour ago, we should be around here, so....
Red: Shade?
Shade: Not now, dude.
Red: Shade!!
Shade: I don't care.
Red: TRUCK!!!
[Red dives Shade out of the way of the oncoming truck]
Shade: Ow. Um...thanks, I guess. Now, according to this map, the next town.....
Red: We're standing in it.
[the camera zooms out to show that they're right in the center of some mid-west town]
Shade: Oh. I guess we can stop for a burger or two...
Dark: YAYZ0RZ!!!
[Dark runs into a nearby truck-stop bar; Shade and Red follow]
[they find seats]
Dark: Hey, barkeep! Gimme the biggest one ya got.
[the barkeep comes to him]
Barkeep: Ya want the Super Metroid Burger?
Dark: That's rig-- Marty? Is that YOU, pal?
Marty: Dark? Ayyy, I ain't seen you in a long time! Whatcha been doin' all this time, huh?
Dark: Oh, y'know... a little explorin'. I beat up the Nihilanth recently, and completely ****ed up the existance of humanity.
Marty: Ah, really? Oh. ......all's I's done's call an exterminator for the roaches in da basement...
Dark: So, uh.. could I get a Super Metroid Burger? 
Marty: Comin' right up, on the house!
Dark: In fact, make that three, will ya? I got two friends here who're awful skinny.
Marty: A'ight, a'ight, three Supa Metroids comin' up.
[Marty brings them three huge burgers]
Marty: So, Dark... what brings ya here, anyhow?
Dark: *munch munch* Um... well, these thugs, they set us up the bomb.
Marty: You get signal?
Dark: Yup, all our base belong to them. We are on the path to destruction, make our time.
Marty: What they say!?
Dark: I know, right? So, we got onto the subway, and got ****ed up, badly. Woke up in New Mexico with a headcrab on my head and half a kidney.
Marty: Naw!
Dark: True story, these guys'll vouch for me.
Shade: *munch munch munch* Huh? ....yeah. *munch munch munch*
Dark: After that, Shade here said we need to find Zim. Remember him? From the party?
Marty: Aw, yeah, the dude with the hilarious duds!
Dark: See, Zim knows how to get us back to our home, a'ight?
Marty: Yeah, yeah, I see.
[they finish their burgers]
Dark: Well, it was nice to see ya again, Marty. Don't become ****, okay?
Marty: Okay, see ya!
[they leave]
Red: Who WAS that guy, Dark?
Dark: Actually, I have no idea...
[as they leave town, cut to the bar as Marty enters a back room]
Marty: Silly chao.... Heh heh heh.... hah hah hah.... HAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAA!!!
[fade-out, cut to the chao hotwiring another car and driving off]
Shade: Okay, so I figure if we just passed that town.... *checks map* ....we're now in the state of California.
Dark+Red: *cheer*
Red: Friggin' FINALLY!
[sirens wail; their car is in a helicopter searchlight]
Cop: (on megaphone) Attention, speeders! You have been charged for killing a police officer, and for speeding really fast! Pull over, or we'll have to resort to some epic driving!
Dark: He's bluffing!
Shade: I'm not willing to take that risk, Dark!
[Shade speeds up and swerves past multiple cars; the police are catching up]
Red: This is funny 'cause we didn't kill that officer, did we?
Shade: Actually, I poisoned his coffee.
Red: Oh. Just keep driving, will ya?
[Shade drives faster; the cops drive faster]
Shade: Get ready; this is gonna be a bumpy ride!
[he jumps off a busted street sign ("Road Work") onto a girder (they are in a construction site)]
[the cops stay on the road, and start shooting]
[Shade drives off the girder, and lands in the actual construction site, swerving around bulldozers and cranes]
[the cops drive into the fray and continue shooting, while tailgating (driving directly behind them)]
[Shade pulls a sharp turn, making the cops smash into a bulldozer]
Dark+Red: *cheer*
Shade: No time to celebrate now, buds; there's a helicopter tailing us! What, d'ja forget?
[the cops on the copter start shooting]
Shade: This is gonna be fun. Hold on tight, guys!
[Shade drives off some kinda ramp out of the construction site, and lands back on the highway]
Chapter 4: Reunited
[Shade swerves between cars and trucks, and breaks off into a forest]
[he goes across acres of hills and trees and rocks, and finds train tracks]
[the tracks enter a tunnel, and while Dark sighs, Shade and Red know that the cops haven't given up yet]
[the tunnel ends, and they find a huge barricade of cop cars, as well as the chopper]
All: ****.
Cop: (on megaphone) Freeze! We have you surrounded! Exit the car, and walk towards us with your hands in the air!
Dark: What do we do, Shade?
Shade: ...
Red: Yeah, we're screwed!
Shade: ......*remembers something* No, we're not. Guys, get out there and stall them for about... two minutes, will ya?
Red: ..okay.
Dark: Stalin is my middle name!
Shade: .......that's not a good thing. Just get out there!
[Dark and Red exit the car with their hands in the air; the cops point their guns at them]
Dark: Fellas! Fellas, please! You peelers are SO quick to judge, aren't you?
Red: Yeah, I mean... wasn't the show good? Seeing us go across the girders an' all that stuff?
[the cops remain on guard]
Dark: Hey, hey, before we come over there... do you know pig latin? I mean, hey... you must. You're pigs, ain'tcha?
Red: Pigs? You sure they aren't pig...MASKS?
[pause; a random cop coughs]
Dark: I don't think these guys played MOTHER 3, Devilish.
Red: Please, call me "Red." That's my real name, you know.
Dark: Say, Red?
Red: Yes, Dark?
Dark: Crazy travel conditions, huh?
Red: First class and no class!
[a cop shoots Red]
Red: AW, ****!!! Sheesh, can't you guys at least CHUCKLE?
Dark: They're a tough crowd.
Red: The toughest.
[the cop reloads]
Dark: Eah! Man, you guys are impatient.
[Red turns around and Shade makes the gesture to "continue"]
Red: Um... moving on, who here has tried the Super Metroid burgers?
Dark: Oh yeah! Those are good.
Red: Really? I don't think so.
Dark: Why not?
Red: The last one I had tried to suck my brains out.
[pause; a random cop coughs]
Dark: Crap.
Red: What?
Dark: That's all I got.
[the cops come forward, but stop as Shade exits the car with his hands up]
Shade: Hey, you're gonna leave before hearing the actual material? The show's about to start!
Red: Oh, um... what's the show, Shade?
Shade: Cops, we're gonna enter our car for just a tiny second, okay? I promise, we won't drive off.
Dark: If we do, you can bomb us, or something!
[the cops mumble in agreeance]
Shade: Good.
[the chao enter their car]
Red: Psst... Shade. What's going on?
Shade: Just watch.
[pause]
[a train comes by on the track the chao aren't on, and hits all the cops]
[Red and Dark stare, jaws on the floor]
Shade: Amazing how all the cops were on the same track, huh?
Dark: I guess they thought we'd try to run them over.
Red: Oh, how ironic fate can be.
Dark: Say, what happened to the chopper?
Shade: Must've flew off when it saw the train. Anyway, let's go!
[Shade drives off the tracks and back onto the highway]
[after a few hours of driving, they arrive in San Francisco]
[the chao cheer]
Shade: So, anybody know where Zim is?
Dark: Not really.
Red: Isn't he, like, in some weird place? We had to take the subway from Station Square to get there.
Shade: Speaking of which, why aren't we in Station Square? Why are we in the REAL world?
Dark: You mean... our world isn't REAL!?
Red: Nice callback, Dark. I think it's because... um... I don't know--
Dark: Ooh! Ooh! I'm thinking again! Those Bay Area guys!
Red: ....?
Shade: I think he means 'Beta.'
Red: Of course! After all, they edited the ending of Half-Life, didn't they? So maybe Echo teleported us to Earth on purpose!
Shade: Yes, yes... but WHY? Why would the MILKMAN, JOE, ECHO, and TAGLIARE want us to find Zim?
Dark: Um... uh... hrrrm... wait... so the bad guys are wanting us to do something good?
Shade: Yeah.
Dark: Gee, uh... thinking's hard. ...OH! Maybe they want us to do good because they did something to make it do bad!
Red: Hey, yeah..... after all, they ARE good at scheming things.
Shade: You mean they're smart.
Red: Don't put words in my mouth.
Shade: Now, this brings us back to our original problem: WHERE THE **** IS ZIM!?
[Shade drives on for a while]
Dark: ...HEY! Do the stopping thing!
[Shade stops; Dark rolls his window down to speak with someone]
Dark: Marty?
Marty: Ayyyy, Dark! What brings YOU here?
Dark: We're still looking for Zim, but we don't know where he lives.
Marty: ....Dark, c'mere a second. I wanna show you summin' in private.
Dark: Um... okay.
[Dark exits the car and follows Marty; Shade and Red look, curiously]
[cut to a dark alley, Marty and Dark are there]
Chapter 5: Shocking Return
Dark: You wanted to see me, Marty?
Marty: Yeah. Yeah. *reaches into pocket* I got summin' here.
[Marty pulls out a package, and hands it to Dark]
Marty: This package, right? It has everything you need to beat them.
Dark: B-beat who?
Marty: You know who I'm talkin' 'bout.
Dark: The... the Beta Avengers?
Marty: Right. Now, you gotta promise me, Dark... don't open that package until you're stumped. All right?
Dark: When I'm stumped?
Marty: That's right. Any time you reach a puzzle you can't solve, or are stuck in a boss with no strategy guide... just take a peek into that package.
Dark: What's in it?
Marty: Oh, nothing. Just promise me you'll ONLY open it when you're stumped.
Dark: .....all right. I promise, Marty.
Marty: Good! So, go join your friends. And take a look inside when you're looking for Zim.
Dark: Thanks. Oh, and.... Marty? I need to ask you something.
Marty: Ask away.
Dark: I've never met you before in my life, but... I know your name, and recognize you from a memory. Who... who ARE you?
[Marty leans over to Dark's ear area]
Marty: (whispering) If I told you... it'd break your little heart.
Dark: The Master?
Marty: Heh heh... naw, I'm only kiddin'. Really, I'm just an old friend o' yers, who needs them Betas gone.
[Marty slowly walks away]
Marty: Just go back to your friends.
[Dark does]
Shade: What'd he need?
Dark: He gave me this package... and I musn't open it until we're completely stumped, screwed, and/or confused.
Red: Well, we can't find Zim! We're stumped NOW, so open it!
Dark: *sigh* All right.
[Dark slowly opens the package, and finds a GPS system with a random adress marked]
GPS: Turn left after 300 feet.
Shade: Sweet!
[they follow the directions, and pull up at an apartment]
Shade: This should be the place. Let's go.
[they get to the door, and knock; the door opens, and a small, green alien comes out]
?: Yes? What is it, I'm VERY busy planning to RULE the Earth!
Shade: Zim, my main man! How ya been?
Zim: Eh? Oh, it's just you, Shade. What do you want?
Shade: Hey...... say it.
Zim: I'd rather not...
Shade: Say it...
Zim: *sigh* I'm in a bear suit.
[the chao burst out with laughter]
Shade: Anyway, we need to use your teleporter to send us back to the lobby.
Zim: Why?
Shade: Just do it.
Zim: Okay.
[Zim teleports them back to the lobby; they cheer]
[a yellow chaos drive is on the ground; Shade picks it up]
Red: We made it!
Dark: W00T!!! *air guitar*
Shade: No time to celebrate NOW, guys... we still have the mission I planned from the beginning to do.
Red: And that mission was?
Shade: It WAS gonna be me, Chao, Hero, and Phantom going into CPAK and finding Mister Prower, and, uh... doing all these action moves and stuff. We'd find something cool, and beat the Beta Avengers, and win.
Red: Is that it, or is there some detail to this plan?
Shade: That's as far as I got.
[Red sighs and facepalms, Shade looks down at the ground, Dark stops airguitaring and wonders what everyone's so sad about, and the screen fades out]
TO BE CONTINUED...