"Sorry, but that's not real,"
Said the clerk wearing an "EBGames" seal.
"Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz was a lie?"
Asked Dark-Hawk the Dark chao, face as blue as the sky.
"Now, get out," said the clerk, about to call the cops,
Until Dark-Hawk slipped on some props.

Dark Chao Adventures (Feature-Length!)
Halloween 2008: Gears n' Roses
[a HUGE story by DJay32, the bulk of which based on Gears of War by Epic Games]

Tale One.... The Tale of Dark-Hawk (Rival Survival)

[cut to EBGames; Dark-Hawk gets up from the props]
Clerk: Hey, you okay?
DH: Yeah, I'm fine. But, you gotta put, like, a wet-floor sign here, or something. What IS this stuff, anyway?
Clerk: Oh, that stuff? It's pee.
DH: WHAT!?
Clerk: Yeah, some kid named "Light-Hawk" came by earlier, and told me he was waiting for you to come by.
DH: Ruh.... really? Where is he now?
Clerk: He said he was going to the parking lot.
[Dark-Hawk realizes Knuckles' car is in the parking lot, and Knuckles is the one who drove him here]
DH: Oh..... CRAP! *dashes out of store*
[suspiciously, nobody else is around]
[Dark-Hawk is halfway between EBGames and the shopping mall's parking lot before all the lights go off]
DH: Wha? Who's there?
[he spots somebody running nearby]
DH: Hello? Who's that?
[a potted plant is knocked over]
DH: Whoa!
[a bright light shines on him]
DH: AAAH! *covers eyes*
[he looks, and notices it's a clothes shop with its lights on]
DH: ........?
[Dark-Hawk peeks into the shop, and sees nothing but lots of clothes at not-too cheap prices]
[he walks into the store, and sees a chao emotiball thing run behind a wall]
[he checks behind the wall, and finds a maintenance shaft]
[in the mainenance shaft, he sees his Hero brother, Light Hawk, sitting, with his back turned to the camera and Dark-Hawk]
DH: Larry? ....Larry, are you okay?
LH: ..........go away..... Derek.
DH: Seriously, bro, you're creeping me out.
LH: I said.... GO.... AWAY.
DH: But--
[Light-Hawk turns around, shouting "GO!"; the camera does not show his face]
[Dark-Hawk freaks out, screams, and runs away]
[he runs into a nearby restroom, chooses a stall, and locks himself in there]
[fifteen minutes of shuddering later, Dark-Hawk is about to leave his stall when he hears lots of banging and crashing]
DH: L....Light-Hawk? Larry? You..... is that you?
LH?: .......................................*inaudible*
DH: ...wh...what?
LH?: .......*inaudible, yet louder*
DH: One more time.
LH?: .....................die.....
DH: ...."die?"
LH?: .....DIE.
DH: What is going ON out *opens stall*--HOLY ****!!!
[outside the stall, everything is covered with blood, the mirrors are cracked, and the ceiling looks like a big, black hole]
[but, the freakiest thing is Light-Hawk. ...who is NOT there.]
DH: L...L......Light-Hawk?
[the blood on the mirror in front of Dark-Hawk is arranged to spell, "Say 'Hello' to Light-Hawk for me!"]
DH: ......................whuh...
[Dark-Hawk breaks down in tears, and runs out of the bathroom]
DH: No......... NOOOOOOO!!!
[the entire mall is covered in blood; the lights are on]
DH: No... no.... no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
[he runs to the parking lot, and sees Knuckles' car]
[it's the only thing in the entire mall that is NOT covered in blood; Knuckles is in the driver's seat, asleep]
DH: I just wanna get outta here...
[before he reaches the car, he trips on something]
DH: Oof! What the? ........NO! NO!!!
[he notices that he tripped on his brother's corpse]
DH: *sob* Larry...... who did this to you?! WHO?!
LH: ......you.
DH: AAAHH! *hops backwards, crawls backwards to Knuckles' car*
[Light-Hawk's body gets up, the camera reveals its face-- one eye is completely missing, its mouth is sewn shut, and tons of scars are all over it]
[also, he's missing an arm, and he has three tails]
DH: Buddy..... please... what happened to you?
[the corpse begins floating in mid-air, and slowly hovers closer to him]
[it also begins chanting the following line:]
LH: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off..... the bad man gave me
three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[Dark-Hawk gets up, and tries opening the car door; it's locked]
DH: KNUCKLES! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN! *BANG BANG BANG* LET ME IN!!! *sob* PLEASE!
[Dark-Hawk looks in the window, and sees Knuckles glaring at him; he screams]
[Knuckles has one eye, tons of scars, his mouth is sewn shut, he's missing an arm, and has three tails]
[and no matter how much Dark-Hawk cries, and begs, and pleads.... Knuckles just glares]
[and Light-Hawk slowly hovers closer]
[Light-Hawk eventually grabs Dark-Hawk, and melts into the ground along with him]
DH: HELP!!!!!
[as the camera zooms out, Dark-Hawk wakes up, screaming]
[he stops, pants, and looks around, frantically-- he's in the Dark Garden]
[the others are startled by his screams]
Shade: WHOA!!! *yawn* What is it?
DH: I.....I had the most horrible dream.... I dreamt my brother... was killed, and then pulled a Silent Hill on me.
Shade: He became a scary-looking zombie, and pulled you into the darkness?
DH: Yeah!
Shade: Just..... shut up, and get some sleep. Tomorrow's Halloween, remember?
DH: Oh, yeah...
Shade: But, we gotta go to freaking SCHOOL tomorrow.
DH: Man, that sucks.
Shade: Just..... *yawn* Try.... to sleep...
DH: Okay....
[as Dark-Hawk lies down, he smiles]
Shade: ........by the way, have you heard of the new game, "Dark-Hawk the Hero Killaz?"
[Dark-Hawk's eyes open; fade to black as he screams]


Tale Two.... The Tale of Metal Sonic (Shade and Dark Against the World)

[it's Halloween Day! But, the chao are stuck in school...]
[at least Mister Prower is letting the chao wear their Halloween costumes to school]
[Shade is playing hooky from school once again (and yet, he's just exploring the school) when he finds the basement door]
Shade: Heh. I remember this place. There's a time machine in there. It leads to the future. Speaking of which, I wonder how my future self is doing?
Dark: Shade?
Shade: Whoa! ...don't sneak up on me, Dark. Especially not when I'm playing hooky.
Dark: Ooh! I wanna play, I wanna play!
Shade: I got a better idea. Let's get everyone to come to the future!
Dark: Uh... any particle manure RAISIN (particular reason)?
Shade: Call it a field trip, but really, I just wanna see how future me's doing.
Dark: ....I'll go get my purse.
[cut to all the chao gathered around the time machine]
SShade: What's going on? I was told the principal wanted to see me.
Shade: Oh, he does. ....sort of. So.... what are YOU dressed up as?
SShade: Uh... I'm gonna be GIR, from Invader ZIM. He's just too cute to pass up!
Shade: Red, what about you?
Red: Trust me, my costume has GOT to be the scariest.
Dark: Bet it's not too scary.
Red: I'm a Halo fan.
[everyone screams]
Shade: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
Dark: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Chao: SAVE US!
Dark: That's even scarier than MY costume!
Shade: Dark..... you're a toaster. Again.
Dark: I know; ain't I the scariest?
Red: So, what about YOU, Shade?
Shade: I think I'm even scarier than Red this time. ...or, maybe just more original.
Red: What ARE you? You look like a nerdy jock.
Shade: I'm a person who hates Rock Band because I think it copied Guitar Hero.
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: OW!
Dark: You moron will never get to play Green Grass and High Tides! You're missing out!
Shade: Dark, I'm only PRETENDING to be an idiot! I love that song!
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[pause]
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: Sorry.
Shade: Okay, time for Chao to embarrass himself.
Chao: I'm the creature from Stephen King's "It." Or, to be more precise, I'm Pennywise the clown!
Dark: *shudder* That movie was SCARY.
Shade: Who's next? Who's our next costume person?
Shadow: ME NEXT! I don't get enough air time!
Shade: All right, Shadow. What are you?
Shadow: I'm the weird girl person from The Messengers!
Dark: I didn't see that movie.
Shade: I did. It was.... scary. Definitely. I had to change the channel at one point because I was so scared.
Chao: Pfft. Baby.
Shade: Shut up, PENNYWISE. The Messengers was scarier than It.
Chao: Yeah, but It was longer than The Messengers!
Shade: So what?
Red: quiet n00bs
SShade: ....that was the BEST impression of a Halo fan I've EVER HEARD!
Red: Thanks. I've been practicing.
Shade: What about YOU, Chaosky?
Chy: Oh, I'm nothing much. I'm a vampire! Bluuuuuuh!
Shade: ....weird.
Chy: I know. Isn't it spooky?
SB: Yeah, well.... I'm a Hero Chao.
Chao: I find that offens--
Shade: We don't care.
Chao: But I didn't even fini--
Shade: Don't give a crap.
Chao: But. ................*long pause*........
Shade: Still don't care.
[cut to all the chao gathered around the time machine]
SShade: What's going on? I was told the principal wanted to see me.
Shade: Oh, he does. ....sort of. So.... what are YOU dressed up as?
SShade: Uh... I'm gonna be GIR, from Invader ZIM. He's just too cute to pass up!
Shade: Red, what about you?
Red: Trust me, my costume has GOT to be the scariest.
Dark: Bet it's not too scary.
Red: I'm a Halo fan.
[everyone screams]
Shade: GET HIM AWAY FROM ME! GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!
Dark: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Chao: SAVE US!
Dark: That's even scarier than MY costume!
Shade: Dark..... you're a toaster. Again.
Dark: I know; ain't I the scariest?
Red: So, what about YOU, Shade?
Shade: I think I'm even scarier than Red this time. ...or, maybe just more original.
Red: What ARE you? You look like a nerdy jock.
Shade: I'm a person who hates Rock Band because I think it copied Guitar Hero.
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: OW!
Dark: You moron will never get to play Green Grass and High Tides! You're missing out!
Shade: Dark, I'm only PRETENDING to be an idiot! I love that song!
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[pause]
[Dark punches Shade]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: Sorry.
Shade: Okay, time for Chao to embarrass himself.
Chao: I'm the creature from Stephen King's "It." Or, to be more precise, I'm Pennywise the clown!
Dark: *shudder* That movie was SCARY.
Shade: Who's next? Who's our next costume person?
Shadow: ME NEXT! I don't get enough air time!
Shade: All right, Shadow. What are you?
Shadow: I'm the weird girl person from The Messengers!
Dark: I didn't see that movie.
Shade: I did. It was.... scary. Definitely. I had to change the channel at one point because I was so scared.
Chao: Pfft. Baby.
Shade: Shut up, PENNYWISE. The Messengers was scarier than It.
Chao: Yeah, but It was longer than The Messengers!
Shade: So what?
Red: quiet n00bs
SShade: ....that was the BEST impression of a Halo fan I've EVER HEARD!
Red: Thanks. I've been practicing.
Shade: What about YOU, Chaosky?
Chy: Oh, I'm nothing much. I'm a vampire! Bluuuuuuh!
Shade: ....weird.
Chy: I know. Isn't it spooky?
SB: Yeah, well.... I'm a Hero Chao.
Chao: I find that offens--
Shade: We don't care.
Chao: But I didn't even fini--
Shade: Don't give a crap.
Chao: But. ................*long pause*........
Shade: Still don't care. Hey, why aren't you guys wearing costumes?
Ph: I forgot it's Halloween.
DH: Same here.
Shade: *sigh* You guys don't care much for our adventures, do you? I mean, it's Halloween. We do a TON of crazy things today.
Chao: Last year, I went into a haunted bathroom.
Shade: And you guys KNOW we do crazy things on Halloween, yet you didn't even put on some nice clothes? Disgraceful.
Chao: We're gonna tell your parents about this.
Ph: YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL MOM! *sob*
DH: YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE THIS AGE!
Dark: Great, you made them cry.
Shade: ENOUGH!!!
[they stop crying]
Shade: We're drifting a bit too far off-topic, here! I haven't even told you why I brought you down here!
Chao: So, WHY are we here, again?
Chao: So, WHY are we here, again?
Shade: It's... uh.... Dark!
Dark: It's a school sanctuary (sanctioned) field trip.
Chao: Hmm... I doubt that.
Shade: Dark, plan B.
Dark: Got it!
[Shade locks the door, and Dark farts]
[all the chao run into the time machine; Shade gives Dark a high-five, then dashes into the time machine, covering his nose]
[cut to Future CPAK basement]
Chao: So... NOW what?
Shade: Now, we go to the Dark Garden. ...for education purposes.
[in the Dark Garden, things are once again in flames]
Shade: OH, COME ON!!!
[the future Shade comes out, wearing a cowboy hat]
ShadeF: Hey. Uh... you may be wondering why everything's still ****ed up.
Shade: MAYBE! I thought I took care of everything!
ShadeF: Well, Metal Sonic is back.
Shade: I thought I destroyed--
ShadeF: Heh heh heh.... no, I'm afraid you're WRONG.
Shade: Wruh.... wrong?
ShadeF: Yep. You only destroyed Metal Solaris, Metal's crazy form from the Sonic the Hedgehog Betas.
Dark: You have a thing for Betas, Shade.
Shade: I know....
ShadeF: Of course, we all know... Metal Solaris doesn't really exist.
Shade: Rats... curse you, Sonic Team.
ShadeF: Yeah, so he returned, and has already destroyed the gardens. He told me he wanted you.
Shade: Really? Where is he now?
ShadeF: On the Earth somewhere.
Shade: The Earth is still alive in this ****ed-up future?
ShadeF: Just barely.
Shade: Well, guys? You wanna hunt him down?
[the others display signs of agreement]
Shade: Sweet!
[they arrive on Earth when they're surrounded by robots with guns]
Robot: Halt! Thou art Shade, yea?
Shade: Yea.
Robot: Thou art dead, then! Cometh with me!
Shade: No!
[the robots knock Shade out while everyone else runs away]
[Shade is thrown into a prison]
DUST: 14 HOURS AFTER E-DAY
[Shade is in his cell, thinking]
[he hears Dark]
Dark: Sam n' Max, rip open that door!
[sparks fly; the door busts down; Dark is there next to a flying robot]
Shade: You could get into a LOT o' trouble for doing this.
Dark: We're gonna stop Metal anyway, so who cares? You ready to go?
Shade: Yep.
[they run out of the cell, and Shade notices the whole prison is extremely destroyed]
Shade: Man, I was only gone, like, five minutes, and ALREADY they've trashed the place.
Dark: We got a choice. We can go back the way I came, through the guard's quarters; it takes time, but it's safe; or
we can cut through those places down there and go right to the fight.
Shade: Let's go through those places down there. I'm ready to kick some butt.
[Shade grabs an assault rifle, and heads down the corridors]
[Shade and Dark fight some robots, and make it out of the prison]
Dark: Uh, *radio* Redd Fox, this is Cap'n Falcon; I have retrieved Shades of Gray, over. Please pick us up, over.
Red: Copy that.
[a helicopter lands about fifty feet away]
Red: By the way, I see summin' below ground.
Dark: I think I see it, too. What are we lookin' at?
Red: Hell if I know!
Shade: Run!
[Shade and Dark run, action move-style, to the helicopter; it takes off]
DUST: TRIAL BY FIREFIGHTERS
[in the helicopter, there are Shadow the chao, and Future Shade]
Shade: Future me?
ShadeF: 'Sup? They told me everything. You were pretty crazy to actually go to Earth.
Shade: Okay, so I was. Could you tell me a bit more about this predicament?
ShadeF: *smirk* Oh, you'd LIKE to learn about it, wouldn't you?
Shade: Awesome, you're being mysterious again-- TELL ME THE DETAILS!
ShadeF: He came to the garden in a rage. He wanted you. What more is there to say?
Shade: What about these random forces he has?
ShadeF: Yeah, when he came to the garden, he had two weird robots with him. I'm sure I've seen them before somewhere... wait, one was a doll.
Shade: Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll!
ShadeF: Yeah, those two. That's about all I know. ...or all I can tell you.
Shade: I hate it when you do that.
Shadow: Guys, we're arriving at MC Square!
Shade: MC Square? Why are we going there?
ShadeF: We're going there to rendezvous with Doctor Eggman.
Shade: Eggman's still alive?
Dark: Apparently so.
[the helicopter lands, and they get off]
Egg: A traitor like you doesn't deserve to fight in this war!
Shade: What did I do?
ShadeF: He says that to everyone today. He thinks everyone's a traitor.
Shadow: Enemies!
Dark: We got 'em.
[Dark and Shadow hide behind sandbags and shoot at the robots]
Egg: Shade.... Future Shade, I mean.
ShadeF: Yep?
Egg: We have the lightmass ka-boomamahogonafunifyeramajigger-o-matic! Using this, we can hit those sons of--
[an explosion nearby drowns out Eggman's swear]
Egg: --where they live!
ShadeF: And... where do they live?
Egg: We do not know! That is why we need that resonator!
ShadeF: And... where is the resonator?
Egg: We do not know! I gave it to Alpha Squadron a while back, but they can't be trusted for squat!
ShadeF: And... where is Alpha Squadron?
Egg: We do not know! Last we heard, they were here, in MC Square!
?: Yes, and I recommend we get out of here, now!
[in a second helicopter is a beautiful woman]
Egg: Shade, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Elicia. I want you two to get married some day, and get me some grandkids.
ShadeF: Sir, she's... she's stunning.
Egg: Which is why she's perfect for you. You're my best soldier, Shade. I just wanted to repay you. Elicia, come say hi!
[RAWR!!!]
[Eggman and ShadeF stare at the helicopter, of which there is none anymore]
[all that is left is a big hole in the ground]
[awkward silence]
ShadeF: .......damn.
Egg: El....Elicia...... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[Eggman falls to the ground, sobbing]
ShadeF: (whispering, to Shade) Let's get going.
Shade: Got it.
[Delta Squad: ShadeF, leader; Shade, second; Dark, third; Shadow, grunt]
[they walk away, towards a large building]
Shadow: So, what's the plan?
ShadeF: We need to find Alpha Squad, and get that resonator.
Dark: Whoa. Sounds deep.
ShadeF: It'll be hard. Very.
[they enter a large church]
[a big hole appears, and robots crawl out of it]
ShadeF: Grubs!
[they take care of the robots]
[as they walk out of the church, and down a path, they talk]
Shade: So... what's with these holes and stuff?
ShadeF: It started a while back. Holes opened in the streets... robots crawled out, and killed almost everyone.
Dark: Ooh! Tell us more!
ShadeF: We think it has to do with secret underground factories or something. Still, it makes life more interesting.
[they find some dead bodies next to a hole]
DUST: MORE FUN THAN FISH IN A BARREL
Dark: ...is this Alpha?
ShadeF: Could be. Hey, Shadow! Is that object the resonator?
Shadow: *checks* ...nah.
ShadeF: *radio* Eggman. We checked some dead bodies. No sign of resonator. Where's the next target?
[radio chatter]
ShadeF: I see. Wilco. *radio off* Next target's House of Solvitude. Just down this path.
[a robot arms a turret]
ShadeF: Crap! Take down that droideka!
Shade: You mean troika?
ShadeF: Whatever! Shade, flank right!
Shade: What? Me? Why?
ShadeF: GO!
Shade: Eah!
[Shade dashes across the area, going around to some alleyways]
Shade: *pant* I... I think I was just... SHOT.
[Shade peeks around a corner, and notices the troika turret guy]
Shade: All right, Troika Turret Robot... time for YOU to get shot.... with my FIST!
[Shade is about to punch the robot in the back of the neck when Dark shouts on the radio]
Dark: HEY, SHADE, DID YOU KILL HIM YET?!
[the Troika Turret Robot turns to face Shade, and points his gun at him]
Shade: Crap! Thanks, Dark!
Dark: Shade, don't forget your gun has a chainsaw bayonet!
Shade: Really? Oh, that's cool. Now, how do you work this thing?
[the robot is still pointing its gun at him]
Shade: Hmm... *beep* *chainsaw whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Bingo!
Robot: CRAP SENSORS OVERFLOWING!
[Shade chainsaws the robot in half]
Dark: Thanks, Shade! *radio off*
[they continue, and are ambushed by four holes!]
[each hole, which we'll call an "O CRAP HOLE," is a passage for somewhere between 5-10 robots to crawl out before it magically closes]
ShadeF: We got four O CRAP holes! Either grenade them, or shoot the robots that come out!
[after a long battle, they take care of all four]
[they continue, but the road crashes behind them, preventing any backtracking]
DUST: FORK IN ROAD, GUN IN FACE
ShadeF: Hmm... the road splits into two here. Dark, you and Shade will go right. Shadow and I will go left.
Dark: Okay.
Shade: Fine.
Shadow: Yay!
[the two corridors are connected by some barred-up openings, so the two teams can communicate]
Dark: Oh, boy, Shade! Isn't this exciting? You and me, kicking butt and taking names, in the FUTURE?
Shade: I suppose. But, I'm getting too old for this stuff!
Dark: But... I'm older than YOU!
Shade: You know what I mean!
Dark: Yeah...
ShadeF: You two, make sure you're ready. I hear robots.
[the robots charge forward, but are instantly shot]
[the two groups find a building, and enter it through different entrances]
[Shade and Dark's path takes them around a corner to a long hallway, where a Troika is shooting them]
Shade: Holy--!
Dark: Ouchies!
Shade: Future me! Can you take down the Troika from your position?
ShadeF: I think so!
[a few shots later, they continue on]
[then, the paths connect, and ANOTHER Troika!]
[after taking care of that one, they make it outside]
DUST: KNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE? AMBUSHED! AMBUSHED WHO? AMBUSHED, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ShadeF: There's the House of Solvitude. C'mon, let's--
[BOOM!]
[something is seen moving below ground, something HUGE]
ShadeF: Run. NOW!
[they run to the front steps of the House of Solvitude; it's a mix between a courtyard and a staircase]
[the underground monster thing goes away]
Dark: Is it safe?
[the doors break open, and robots come pouring out]
ShadeF: Negatory! OPEN FIRE!
[budda budda budda budda budda budda]
[a robot grabs Dark and runs off]
Dark: SHADE!!!
Shade: Holy crap!
[Shade runs after him]
[Dark is taken inside the building; Shade chases]
Shadow: There's too many!
ShadeF: C'mon, Shade... hurry up.
[the robots surround them]
ShadeF: Uh... uh...
Shadow: EAT CHAINSAW, ROBOT SCUM!
[Shadow drives his chainsaw through hordes of robots]
ShadeF: ....wow. Wasn't expecting that.
[Shade returns, Dark behind him]
Shade: Need help?
ShadeF: Maybe!
[Shade and Dark join in the chainsawing]
[eventually, the robots die down]
All: *pant*
Dark: That was intense.
[another door breaks down, and a grenadier walks out]
ShadeF: Boomer!
Dark: A what?
ShadeF: He's a big guy who blows people up.
[a robot runs out, and equips a Troika; a few others help it]
Shade: We got a Troika!
ShadeF: Aw, ****! Shade, you take the Troika; Dark, take down the others. Shadow and I will fight the Boomer.
[the Boomer shoots a rocket; the chao duck; the rocket hits the Troika]
ShadeF: That was convenient. Everyone, attack the Boomer!
[overkill]
[they duck behind some sandbags]
ShadeF: Everyone, report in!
Shade: I'm alive.
Dark: I'm.... fine.
Shadow: I'm okay, but... I think there's something wrong with my gun! It keeps jamming! See?
[Shadow steps up to show ShadeF the gun, but is instantly shot in the head]
Dark: Shi--
ShadeF: SNIPERS!!!
[there are snipers outside the building]
Shade: Eff this; let's run into the building!
ShadeF: Good idea. Let's go, you two.
[they run in]
DUST: HAMMER TIME
[up some stairs, they reach a balcony overlooking a small garden]
ShadeF: How are we doing?
Dark: We're fine, but... damn, man. Shadow...
Shade: Yeah...
?: Ha! Eat lead, mother*gunfire*!!!
Shade+ShadeF: That voice...
Dark: What? What voice?
[they look into the garden, and see a Neutral chao fighting robots]
ShadeF: How is he...
Shade: It's a long story, Future me. ...and I think you were there.
Dark: How is WHO?
Shade: It's Cham, Dark!
Dark: .....WHAAAAT!?
Shade: Long story! Let's save him.
ShadeF: Right.
[they run down some stairs and get out to the garden; they destroy all the robots]
Cham: Thanks.
ShadeF: Are you Alpha Squad?
Cham: Yep.
ShadeF: We're Delta. Where's the rest of you?
Cham: Trapped on a rooftop.
ShadeF: Seriously?
Cham: Seriously. C'mon, let's go save them.
ShadeF: ...sure.
[they run up some stairs, and smell something horrible]
Shade: Phew! Dude... Dark, did you fart?
Dark: No, that smells nothing like me.
Cham: Those are Metal's seeders, man. They jam up the radios, and just smell terrible.
ShadeF: Seeders? What do they look like?
[ROOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!!]
[outside a window, they see a giant robot plant thing buried in the ground]
Cham: That, sir.
ShadeF: *looks around* *notices something* Shade, Dark, grab those weapons on the ground.
[they do]
Dark: Permission to ask what the hell these things are?
ShadeF: Granted.
Dark: Thanks. ....WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE THINGS?
ShadeF: It's a Hammer of Dawn of War. Super powerful weapons. I think they can take down those seeders. Test them.
Shade: Uh... okay.
[they go outside onto more balconies; Shade and Dark fire the Hammers of Dawn of War at the seeder]
Shade: Nothing's happening!
ShadeF: Keep the button held down!
[pause]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[oh, and since both are using them, that means TWO GIANT LAZERZ OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
[the seeder is dead]
Dark: Yeah, it better be.
[they move on]
DUST: WRAITH
[they go through the House of Solvitude, fighting robots, when they find another seeder]
ShadeF: ....bomb the hell out of it.
Dark: ROKK!!
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
Dark: Hey, I think it's dead! Yeah! It's dead--
[Dark falls of the ledge]
Cham: .....see ya.
Shade: Wha-buh....
[ShadeF and Cham are walking towards the next room]
Shade: You're just gonna leave him there?
Cham: Sure.
Shade: Well, I'm going in after him! *dives off ledge*
[pause]
Cham: .....idiot.
ShadeF: Yeah, I was pretty stupid back then.
Cham: Hold on. If he's the past you, then doesn't that mean YOU went through all this back then?
ShadeF: Nope.
Cham: ......and where's the effing LOGIC in that?
ShadeF: Logic? Chao don't use logic. We use--
[RUMBLE RUMBLE]
[Shade does an epic action movie-style jump out of a huge explosion in slow-mo, holding Dark]
Dark: Thanks.
Shade: Eh, I like using action movie powers.
Cham: So, no explanations for anything?
ShadeF: Nothing that matters. Just the story. That's all I focus on.
Cham: All YOU focus on?
ShadeF: All I focus on.
Shade: C'mon, let's keep going!
ShadeF: Hang on. *radio* Shade to da Walrus. How you doin', Beatle-Juice?
Egg: Stop calling me names. You defeated all three seeders, correct?
ShadeF: All..... three?
Egg: Yes. Three.
Shade: Psst. I killed him with the awesome action move-style explosion.
ShadeF: Um... yeah, we got 'em.
Egg: Good. We have recieved contact with Alpha. I'll let you talk to them.
[RADIO SWITCH]
?: Where the Hero Garden ARE you guys?
ShadeF: ..........Chao?
Chao: Shade? Wait, no. FUTURE Shade, right? YOU'RE Delta Squad?
ShadeF: Yeah. Why? Where are you guys?
Chao: We're trapped on YOUR rooftop, being gunned down by the 'bots and some Troikas!
ShadeF: The roof.... wilco. Moving to your position.
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: Hey, Future Shade?
ShadeF: Yes, Dark?
Dark: What's "wilco" mean?
ShadeF: I don't know. Lemme check Wikipedia. ....it's either a band from Illinois, or a shortened form of "Will comply."
Dark: Are they a rock band?
ShadeF: I already exited Internet Explorer, so... I don't know.
Dark: Oh.
[they go to the rooftop, but not before killing some robots and having fun with it]
[on the rooftop, they notice lots of bots in the streets below]
ShadeF: Shade, Cham, you two take the Troikas that are here somehow. Dark, you and I will just randomly shoot things we see.
Dark: I like this plan.
[budda budda budda budda]
[BANG BANG BOOOOOM!]
[KA-BLAM!]
[eventually, the streets become empty]
ShadeF: C'mon, let's go! *radio* Redd Fox, this is Future Shade dude of no point, we have Alpha Squad. Requesting pick-up.
Red: Cowabunga, dude!
[RADIO OFF]
[down in the streets, ShadeF, Shade, Cham, Dark, Chao, Quartz, and Aqua are awaiting Red to fly by with his helicopter]
[they see him approaching]
[Shade notices some robots following it]
[a flying robot hits Red's 'copter, sending it spiraling down]
[the robots charge in and start killing]
[the chao duck for cover]
[basically, carnage city]
[Shade looks and notices ShadeF out in the streets, telling the others to do some random military movement]
[he also sees a familiar figure in a black cape slowly and very dramatically walking towards ShadeF in the midst of the gunfire]
[it walks up behind ShadeF; ShadeF turns and screams]
[it picks ShadeF up, points its random super epic sword to the sky, then...]
[STAB! STAB! STAB!]
[it tosses ShadeF's dead body to the ground]
[all while a voice speaks in a voice-over]
? (Voice-over): Our plan is going smoothly. It's like dealing with a snake.
[it looks directly at Shade]
? (VO): Cut off the head of the snake..... and the body dies.
[Shade had watched the whole murder, and is now very, very freaked out]
? (VO): We will win this war. It's only a matter of time.
[Shade directs the others into the building behind them... the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier]
DUST: LITTLE CHINA SHOP OF HORRORS
Shade: Is everyone okay?
Chao: Great, you got us into another mess, Shade.
Shade: Chao...
Chao: Yeah, that's right. Question is, who are you?
[pause]
Shade: C'mon, you've known me for years now.
Chao: I am only messing with you, Shade.
Shade: Yeah, yeah. *radio* Egghead? Future me is dead, and we're trapped in the Tomb of the Well-Known Soldier.
Egg: Repeat, Delta; Shade is dead?
Shade: Yes. KIA (Killed In Action).
Egg: Uh... okay, well, there should be a courtyard at the other end of the building. That's your best bet.
[RADIO OFF]
[CRASH!!!!!!!! ROAAAARRRR!!!!]
Aqua: What was that?
Shade: Shh! Be very, VERY quiet.
[normally, in the game, this is where you would see what's making the noise, but NOT THIS TIME!]
[and since future Shade is dead, he can't tell you!]
Dark: What IS it, Shade?
Shade: I.... I'm not sure.
Aqua: Oh, no. Oh, no! Oh, ****! ****! We're gonna die! I don't wanna die! NO!!
Qz: Let's get the crap outta this dump!
[Quartz and Aqua run down the narrow hallway, and turn a corner, but scream]
[the light casts their shadows as Shade, Dark, and Chao's jaws drop]
Cham: What.... what IS that....... that THING?
Shade: I... I... I think....
[the shadows show Aqua and Quartz being thoroughly beaten and killed by a large, crazy, upgraded.... Mecha Knuckles]
[oh, and blood splatters, too, so it's freakier]
Chao: Mech....Mecha....?
Dark: Shade, what will we do?
Shade: Relax. Dark and I said we'd get you guys outta here, so that's what we're gonna do. Dark, follow me.
[Cham and Chao are left standing in the dark, narrow hallway, all alone]
Cham: Shade is a very, very annoying person.
Chao: You have a LOT to learn, Cham. Plus, I thought you knew us from BEFORE episode 1?
Cham: You guys didn't communicate much.
[cut to Shade and Dark walking down an even darker hallway, which cuts into a large room]
[they are slowly walking, looking around in fear, and they hear lots of little noises coming from everywhere]
[footsteps to the right-- nothing there]
[shadows in front of them-- nothing there]
[doorway to their left-- what's in here?]
[it's just an empty hallwayMECHA KNUCKLES BROKE IN THROUGH THE WALL HOLY CRAP]
MK: RAWR! ROAAR! I CAN SMELL CHAO! DARK CHAO!
Dark: How can you SMELL us? You're a ROBOT!
MK: I WAS UPGRADED TO BE ABLE TO SMELL AND TASTE. BUT, I AM NOW... blind...
Shade: Dark, I recommend you don't talk to him.
MK: Ruh? And why NOT...... *sniff*.... SHADE?
[Shade gulps]
MK: Oh, you smell DIFFERENT than you normally do..... you smell.... YOUNGER.
Shade: Um...
MK: Ah, I was curious how you were here despite the boss having killed you.
Shade: Wait.... "the boss?" You don't mean... that familiar figure who killed future me-- URP!
MK: "Future me?" Bingo.... my hunch was.... CORRECT. You're.... the Shade from..... BACK... then..... when I was a YOUNG robot. A ROBOT..... with sight.
Dark: But... but you can smell things now!
MK: You can stop moving BACKWARDS now. I know you're edging to the door. My smell and sound is THAT good.
Dark: What... wha.... what are you going to....
MK: Oh, not MUCH. Just....... bash. Your skulls..... in... two.
Dark: What's with the odd speech?
MK: It adds to the suspense, and makes it seem like I'm a rather senseless piece of mecha. But, I'm quite intelligent,
you see. Intelligent enough to know how to expose your GUTS.
Shade: Dark, maybe we should run.
Dark: Maybe.
MK: Hey. HEY! Don't. Don't. Stop. Right now.
[they run]
MK: *groan* They always..... RUN. But I always.......... catch.... them.
[cut to Shade and Dark, hiding somewhere, hearing odd noises everywhere]
Dark: Shade, this is bad. This is very, very bad.
Shade: Keep quiet, Dark! *radio* Eggman, we have a bezerk Mecha Knuckles in the vicinity. PLEASE advise.
Egg: OH CRAP NO. A Bezerk Mecha? This isn't good... um... okay, okay, let's see... do you still have the Hammer of Dawn of War?
Shade: Affirmative.
Egg: Get him outside, and burn the crap out of him.
Shade: Copy that.
Egg: But, hurry! You only have minutes of satellite coverage before the hammers stop working!
[RADIO OFF]
Dark: So... Shade... what do we do?
Shade: Unfortunately, all we gotta do is get him to follow us.
Dark: Aw, ****. I'm not liking this mission we're in.
Shade: C'mon. Let's try and find a way out.
[they walk very slowly, and find another long hallway with a breakable door at the other end]
[STOMP STOMP]
[Dark whimpers; Shade shushes him]
[they hear Mecha humming "The Wheels on the Bus;" it's coming from the hall behind them]
[they slowly turn around, and see Mecha, facing them, sniffing around]
MK: *sniff* I... I smell...... I smell chao.
[Mecha walks into the hall and starts smelling around]
MK: Now..... where..... are those smells.... coming from?
[Shade gestures for Dark to follow him down the hall; they slowly step away]
MK: Hmm... the smells.... are gone. WHERE... ARE.... they?
[Dark falls over and grunts; Mecha's head instantly turns to face him]
MK: Que pasa, Dark? Fall? ....hit your... head?
Dark: (mouths the word "Shade")
Shade: (mouths "Keep quiet")
[Mecha steps towards Dark, and sniffs around]
MK: Dark...... I think... you would die.... easily.
Shade: Uh.... uh.... RUN, DARK!
[Dark gets up and runs; Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: It's useless to.... SHOOT me, Shade. Guns... are...... futile. But, my fists AREN't! *charges at Dark*
Dark: NO!! *SMACK* ACK!
[Dark falls over as Mecha hits his leg]
Dark: Help me, Shade! *crying* I... I'm gonna die!
Shade: Hey, Mecha freak! Over here! *shoots Mecha*
[Mecha turns to face Shade, who is standing in front of the breakable door]
MK: I told you... shooting.... is futile. Or, should I... REMIND... you?
Shade: Do your worst.
MK: ......okay.
[Mecha charges at Shade, who dives to the side at the last second]
[CRASH!]
[Mecha busted the breakable door down]
[through the door, Shade sees another corridor]
MK: Ugh.... man, what'd I hit? Just.... just hold on, Shade, I'll get to you... in a minute. ....I need Tylenol.
[Shade sneaks past him, and into the corridor]
[past the corridor is another long hall with a breakable door at the end of it]
[Shade shoots Mecha]
MK: What? Shooting me.... again, Shade? Urgh......... all right, I suppose... I never taught you that... lesson, now... did I?
[Mecha charges at Shade, who directs him to the second breakable door]
[CRASH!]
MK: Oh, jeez.... you.... that hurt.
[through the door is a third corridor, behind which is ANOTHER breakable door]
[Shade goes through the whole cat-and-mouse again]
MK: Man, HANG ON. Let me just.... buff out... the dents in my head.
[Mecha's head magically de-dents itself]
[through THIS door.... is the outdoors]
[Shade gets Mecha outside, and equips the Hammer of Dawn of War]
MK: Damn... according to my robot nose... we're outside. Which means... your smell.... is magically AMPLIFIED!
Shade: Wha?
[Mecha charges at him, and Shade dodges]
Shade: I can't get a clear shot!
MK: *laughs* That's right, Shade. You can NEVER kill me. No matter what.
[Mecha grabs Shade]
MK: Now, time to die.
Shade: *gulp* Make it quick.
MK: Sorry. No can do. Poker Gang policy; it's got to be slow and painful!
[Mecha tosses Shade onto the ground, and prepares to jab at him with his fist]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
MK: O CRAP WTF?!
[the laser ends, and Dark appears at the doorway holding a Hammer of Dawn of War]
Dark: It's just been revoked.
MK: Ugh.... Dark...... Shade....... I'll be back. You hear me? I... will... be.... BACK.
[Mecha runs away, breaking some buildings open in the process]
[Chao and Cham come out]
Chao: ....wow.
Cham: Hey, thanks, you two! We were sure goners there!
Shade: At least he's gone now. But, he'll be back. So, we'd better get moving.
[BEEP BEEP! RADIO!]
Shade: Yeah?
Egg: Do you have the resonator yet?
Shade: Uh...
Dark: I found it! It was on the ground! Mecha dropped it.
Shade: So, yeah, we have it.
Egg: Good. Now, you need to put that resonator where it belongs: in the middle of Metal Sonic's Factory Fright.
Shade: Metal Sonic's Factory of Fright?
Egg: Well... actually, it's just The Factory. It's pretty far from where you are. I'll send you the coordinates.
[SENT! RECIEVE'D!]
Shade: ....whoa. This is far.
Egg: Now, GET THERE!
[RADIO OFF]
Cham: How are we supposed to get THERE? That's not even in this city!
Dark: Don't worry; I have a plan.
Chao: Whatever your plan is, it'd better be quick. It's nearly nighttime!
Shade: So? You scared of the dark, or something? Anyway, let's get moving.
DARK NIGHT: TIKK TIKK KA-BOOM
[cut to Delta Squad walking down some streets; night is pretty close]
Chao: You keep talking about a plan, Dark. But, I bet you don't even have one!
Dark: Oh, I have one. ...I just forgot it.
Shade: Well, try to remember it soon!
[Shade spots some robots running around]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda budda]
Cham: They were trying to sneak up on us!
Shade: Yeah, TRYING to.
[FORK IN DA ROAD]
Chao: Well? Where we going?
Shade: ...Dark, you and Chao can go right. Cham, you and I are gonna go left.
Dark: Can do!
[we see Shade and Cham going to the left]
Cham: So..... lord of the Dark Garden, huh?
Shade: Yup.
Cham: Does this mean I'm... lord of the Neutral Garden?
Shade: You're the only one IN that garden.
Cham: Well, yeah, but...
[pause in conversation as both paths enter a building; right goes up some stairs, left stays on first floor]
Cham: Anything interesting happen since I was gone?
Shade: The Poker Gang appeared. They're Metal Sonic, Mecha Knuckles, and the Tails Doll.
Cham: Hmm.
Shade: Oh, and Mephiles the Dark appeared, and declared that he hates us.
Cham: Lots of people hate you, it seems.
Shade: Eh, I'm used to it.
[they walk into a room, and the doors close behind them]
Shade: Something's happening.
[RADIO!]
Dark: Shade! Shade, you hear me?
Shade: Yeah, I hear you. What's going on?
Dark: You've got some Boomers heading your way. Brace yourselves.
[RADIO OFF]
Cham: That didn't sound good.
[the Boomers bust the door open, and fire grenades in]
[budda budda budda]
[they continue to the next room, and see a huge, unidentifiable thing crawl into the ground]
All: WHAT THE ****/CRAP!?
Chao: Something's happening here.
[they exit the building, and start fighting more robots]
[then, they fight a Troika on a huge bridge]
Dark: It's too far!
Shade: Push this car along the highway like the idiot you are, and use it for cover!
[budda budda budda]
[they enter another building, and walk among catwalks]
DARK NIGHT: THAT'S THE GIST OF IT
[they fight more robots]
[something huge is moving belowground under them]
[they exit the building, and fight even more robots]
[then, Dark's brain works again]
Dark: !!! I just thunk! I can remember my plan!
Cham: Great, what was it?
Dark: See, I know this guy who is currently at this camp near here. He has a Junker, which is some kind of car.
[they find a chao by a gate]
Chaosky: Okay, who's this? ....Shade? Dark? Chao? ...CHAM? What are you guys doing here?
Shade: We're Delta Squad. Dark says he knows somebody in some camp.
Chaosky: Well, you came to the right place, Delta Squad. Come on in.
[Chaosky lets them in]
[inside the camp of surviving chao, some look to Delta Squad with anger, some with envy, and some with a feeling of desertion]
Randomchao: Hey, Shade! You gonna let Metal kill more of us?
[Shade stands still for a second, before shooting the chao]
?: Dark? Is that you?
Dark: ...Phantom?
[Phantom appears, followed by two bodyguard chao]
Ph: Hey, Dark-o!
Dark: How's it going, Phantom?
Ph: Eh, pretty good. I mean, I'm the boss of this little camp.
Dark: Cool. So... about this camp...
Ph: After Metal kidnapped Shade, and you guys ran off to be an army, we just hid in these streets.
Dark: I see. Anyway.... we need your Junker.
Ph: Say WUT?!
[the bodyguards aim their random shotguns at Dark]
Dark: C'mon, Phantom; you owe me one. Remember how I saved your wife from that burning building?
Ph: ............
Dark: C'mon!
Ph: ...it's cool.
[the bodyguards lower their guns]
Ph: Alright. You can have it. But, you gotta go get it. It's down at the gas station place.
Dark: Wilco.
Ph: One condition, though. Those two stay here. Only Darks can go to the gas station.
Dark: Uh... sure. C'mon, Shade; let's go get that Junker.
Ph: One last thing, Dark. No more favors! We're even now, right?
Dark: Yeah, sure. Whatever.
[Shade and Dark leave the camp, and start moving]
DARK NIGHT: SMALL OUTPOST
[RADIO]
Ph: Remember, Dark. The Junker's at the gas station place. There are two checkpoints on the way; they'll give you ammo.
Dark: Copy that. Anything else?
Ph: Yeah, you'd better hurry. Night's almost here.
Dark: Okay.
[RADIO OFF]
[they kick down a door and keep moving]
DARK NIGHT: LETHAL WEAPON 3: DUSK
Shade: This isn't so bad-- *GUNSHOT!!!*
Dark: SNIPER!
[Shade tosses a grenade into the sniper's nest]
[they reach a large river]
Shade: Huh. A river. How are we gonna get across?
[Shade looks around, and sees a boat]
Shade: Bingo.
[Shade climbs on the boat, and starts moving it, slowly, across the river]
[robots shoot at them]
Shade: Dark! Get them!
Dark: Getting them!
[budda budda budda]
Dark: Uh-oh; night's here.
Shade: Seriously, why is night time so scary to you guys?
Dark: Damn. They never told you when you were in that prison, did they?
Shade: Seeing as the prison guards were all DEAD... no.
Dark: The reason we couldn't bust you out earlier is because it was night.
Shade: Well, what happens at night?
[the moon appears in the sky, and a giant hologram of Neo Metal Sonic (that's the Sonic Heroes one) appears]
MS: Attention, all robots. Keep searching Station Square for those chao. However, I'm activating KYLL now.
[Metal presses a button]
MS: So, stay in the light if you want to live. ...that means YOU, Shade.
[the hologram ends]
Shade: "KYLL?"
Dark: "Killer Yellow Lucid Litharge." It's a deadly poison, that's actually a computer virus.
Shade: ....really? And... it's yellow?
Dark: Yellow and lucid. So, it's transparent.
Shade: I see.
Dark: But, it cannot go into light. Basically, STAY OUT OF THE DARK.
Shade: Pfft, that's crazy talk.
[a bunch of yellow particles form in the air, and spread everywhere except places with light]
Shade: Wait, if it's a computer virus, why is it out here?
Dark: Metal is super awesome in the future, you know. His technological advances have allowed specific computer viruses
to infect and/or affect living bipedal A-life organisms. ...and robots.
Shade: Um... all right? WAIT. Dark, you seem to have gained quite the vocabulary.
Dark: Quite.
Shade: ...and... you're okay?
Dark: Quite okay.
Shade: ..no explanation for the vocabulary?
Dark: What vocabulamalaria?
Shade: .........................yeah. Well, let's just keep moving.
[they arrive at the other side of the river, and find a checkpoint]
Quartz: Hi, guys!
Shade: ....Quartz?
Qz: How's it going? I'm the checkpoint guy!
Dark: Really? Cool!
Qz: Yeah. ....stay in the light.
[the light above Quartz' head turns off]
Qz: ....oh, crap.
[the KYLL spreads to the checkpoint]
Dark: Run.
Shade: Got it.
[Shade and Dark run to the nearest lit building, while Quartz dies off-screen]
Shade: So, how does the KYLL kill you? Like, suffocation?
Dark: You wanna find out? So do I.
Shade: And... how WILL we?
Dark: I dunno. Let's think.
[think time]
Shade: I've got it.
[somehow, Shade's clone, Tint is in the building with them]
Shade: Now, Tint, it's time to play a game. Are you ready?
Tint: Sure thing, Shade! I love games!
Shade: That's good. This one's called, "Red Light, Green Light."
Tint: Ooh! I know this one!
Shade: All right. You wanna get to that streetlight right there. If you make it... uh...
Dark: We'll give you stuff.
Shade: Yeah. Stuff. Toys, plastics, video games, clothes, and, um....
Dark: Alcoholic beverages.
Tint: Okay!
[Tint goes off-screen]
Shade: ....."alcoholic beverages?"
Dark: First thing that came to my head.
[cut to Tint out in the streets]
Shade: Red light!
[Tint stops]
[the KYLL enter Tint's bloodstream, and begin to tear at his bones]
Tint: Um... guys? This feels weird.
[he becomes a big blob of bigness]
Shade+Dark: EWWW!
[the skin peels away, revealing muscles, organs, and blood]
Dark: Mommy! Mommy!
Shade: Let's hurry and get through this!
[an O CRAP HOLE appears in the street]
Both: O CRAP!
[however, the KYLL gets to it first]
Both: .....oh.
[they run through some more streets and buildings, occasionally shooting some robots, but mostly watching horrible, gruesome, KYLL-related deaths]
[then, they find a large street, and the lights go out]
Shade: Let's get back into this building...
Dark: Y-yeah...
[they retreat into the lit building to rethink their strategy]
Shade: Hmm... how will we cross this street?
[Shade notices a spotlight on top of a building]
[he also notices a huge switch labelled "Streetlights" at the other side of the street]
Shade: ...I've got it. Dark, I'm gonna go activate that conveniently-placed spotlight, and direct you across the street.
Dark: Okay.
Shade: Then, you need to get that switch.
Dark: Leave it to me, Shade.
[Shade makes a mad dash to the building and the spotlight, and actually makes it wtf?]
[he directs Dark across the street to the other building]
Shade: Okay, now pull that switch, Dark-- no. No. Forget about the butterfly, Dark. Okay? See? It died. Because of KYLL.
We will, too, if you don't hit that switch. There you go. Yeah. Yep, now pull it-- NO! Stop! Forget about the toaster, Dark!
...good. GOOD. You pulled it. ...oh, crap. My spotlight went out. Run, Dark! Run! ...forget the freaking toaster, Dark!
[the streetlights finally turn on; Shade and Dark meet up]
[Dark is holding the toaster, with a silly grin on his face]
Shade: ............
Dark: I got the toas--
Shade: I KNOW YOU GOT THE ****ING TOASTER!!!
[Shade picks the toaster up, and chucks it]
Shade: THERE! NOW YOU DON'T HAVE THE TOASTER!
[Dark picks up another toaster]
Dark: I got another one.
Shade: ......yes, Dark. Yes, you did.
Dark: Wanna see it?
Shade: No, thanks. Let's continue.
[they continue, and find a big building]
?: Hey, wassup? How ya doin', ya panda?
Shade: .....Speedy?
[Speedy, the Hero Sonic chao, appears]
Speedy: Hey, Shade. Hey, Dark. What are you two doing down here?
Shade: We're looking for the gas station place.
Speedy: Oh, shucks. Ain't no lights between here n' there. Of course, if you cut through the building--
[by now, Shade and Dark are already in the building]
Speedy: Um.... okay! I'll... I'll stand watch out here.
DARK NIGHT: SHADED LABYRINTH
[Shade and Dark are walking through the big house]
[things are going bump bump in the night]
[suddenly, the lights go out!]
[Dark screams]
Shade: Dark, we're inside a building.
Dark: Oh, yeah.
[then, the roof breaks open as robots pour in!]
[budda budda budda]
[then, the KYLL slowly drifts in]
Shade: O CRAP NO!
Dark: RUN!
[they cover their noses and mouths, running as fast as they can]
[suddenly, they run into a locked door]
Dark: NO!
Shade: AAAHHH!!
[the lights suddenly turn on; the KYLL sticks to the dark parts of the house]
[Speedy walks in]
Speedy: Heh. Looks like I got here juuust in time.
Shade: *pant* ....yes...... you did...... I think I'm gonna throw up....
Dark: *pant* Well, don't throw up at... our feet.... 'cause it'll mix with mine...
Speedy: Relax. I'll stick with you two, just to make sure you don't... freak out.
Shade: .......all...right...
Dark: .....*throws up*..... fine by me...
[cut to the trio walking through the maze of corridors, looking for the exit]
[suddenly, some robots run in]
[they kill Speedy!]
[then, Shade and Dark destroy them]
Shade: Crap. We're stuck in this building with no tour guide.
Dark: It's Chao Talk second coming all over again!
Shade: We're gonna die!
[around the corner is the exit]
Shade: ....oh.
[they reach the gas station place!]
DARK NIGHT: A KEG OF PETROL, PLEASE
[they also find Shade's father, Shawn, at the gas station place]
Shawn: Hey, son. What brings you kids down here?
Dark: I understand Phantom's Junker is here?
Shawn: Sure is. Got it all set up for you. ....but, not filled up.
Dark: What?!
Shawn: Relax! All you gotta do is turn that wheel right there ONCE, and it'll all be taken care of!
[Dark turns the wheel]
Shawn: Now the Junker's being filled up.
[RADIO!!!]
Cham: Uh, Shade, we got a bit of a problem here.
Shade: What is it?
Cham: The robots are attacking!
Shade: Oh, crap.
Cham: Where's that Junker, man?
Shade: We're working on it. Filling it up right now.
Cham: That's good, n' all, but... WE NEED HELP!
Shade: Wilco. We'll get there ASAP.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shawn: Hey, you two need ammo?
Dark: I suppose.
Shawn: Come to the back of my little shop. ...ALONE.
Shade: Okay.
[they enter the back of his shop... ALONE...]
[and Shawn gives them ammo]
Shade: Thanks!
Dark: Why'd we have to be alone?
Shawn: I'm not sure.
[the robots invade the gas station!]
Shade: We've got hostiles!
[budda budda budda]
Shawn: Yeah, sure, shoot the gas pumps. Great idea.
[some robots start hiding]
Shawn: HEY! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS, STUPID!? THOSE ARE GAS PUMPS YOU'RE HIDING BEHIND!
[the robots realize this, and instantly get out of cover, only to be shot]
[some Boomers start coming]
[also, the Junker is all filled up now]
Shawn: Crap. Let's get out of here before those Boomers blow the whole station to smithereens!
Shade+Dark: Agreed!
[they enter the Junker and drive]
Shawn: LEFT turn, idiot!
Dark: Sorry!
Shade: Dark, maybe I should drive.
Dark: Good idea.
DARK NIGHT: GREAT BURNT RUBBER OF FIRE
[they're driving on the highway as fast as they can]
Dark: Shade, the KYLL are chasing us!
Shade: Crap!
Shawn: There's a turret thing that has KYLL-killing bullets on this thing.
Dark: I've got it!
Shawn: But, using it slows the Junker down.
Shade: Relax. We've got it covered.
Shawn: You missed the exit.
Shade: WHAT!? CRAP!!!
[Shade swerves, and actually manages to break the edge of the highway, and fall to the streets]
Shawn: Nice going.
Shade: Hey, the Junker's fine.
Dark: KYLL's coming.
Shade: Then SHOOT them!
Dark: Right!
[BOOM! SUPER CANNON!]
Dark: Whoa, this thing actually works!
Shawn: Of COURSE it works! Right turn.
[SWERVE!]
Shawn: Watch out! It's a blockade of robots!
[SMASH! roadkill]
Dark: KYLL coming. *BOOM!* Never mind. *chuckle*
Shawn: Take this highway.
[SWERVE!]
Shade: Crap! There's a huge ramp!
Dark: Hordes of KYLL coming our way.
Shade: We can't do both! The cannon'll slow us down enough to FAIL'D the jump!
Shawn: Then just do the jump!
Shade: Affirmative.
[speed up.... JUMP!]
[the KYLL get dangerously close...]
[then the Junker lands and speeds up!]
All: *cheer*
[they arrive back at the camp]
DARK NIGHT: ONE LAST STAND FOR A CHAO, ONE EPIC WIN FOR CHAOKIND
[Shade and Dark get out of the Junker]
Shade: Dad, aren't you coming?
Shawn: Nah, I'll sit this one out.
[they find Cham and Chao hiding behind cover]
Cham: Took you guys long enough.
Shade: Shut up. We're here, and that's all that matters. Now then, what's the situation?
[BOOM!]
Cham: That is.
[there's a huge army of robots]
Chao: INCOMING!
[BOOM!]
Shade: Dark, you and Cham flank right and take that Troika!
Both: Got it!
Shade: Chao, take to that random building right there, and snipe them!
Chao: Sniping!
[Shade stands his ground, and tosses some grenades]
[Chao snipes some heads, while a robot is sneaking up on him]
[meanwhile, Dark is shooting enemies with the Troika, and Cham is by his side, yet another Troika is behind them...]
[Shade is too busy destroying robots to notice]
[Chao decides to turn around, then he screams]
[BANG!]
[the robot's head is no more]
[the Troika starts shooting Dark, who dives to the side]
Dark: Yikes!
Cham: Oh no, you don't!
[budda budda budda ka-BOOM!]
[Cham shot the Troika enough that it blows up]
[three O CRAP HOLES form]
All: O CRAP NO!!!
[the robots just keep pouring out, and more O CRAP HOLES form]
Dark: Shade.... I... I don't know how much more I can take...
Shade: Relax, Dark.... I... I think they're nearly done...
[eventually, they finish off all the robots]
Chao: Wow... we did it... holy crap.
Shade: And here I thought Heroes couldn't say "crap."
Chao: Just....... shut...... up...
[large rumble]
[Delta Squad slowly, and reluctantly, turns around]
Chao: Oh...
Cham: Crap...
Dark: Please...
Shade: NO....!
[behind them is a humongous O CRAP HOLE, filled with Boomers]
Cham: They just never cut us any slack...
Shade: Well, no point just sitting here... let's get this over with. Dark, take the Troika.
Dark: Okay.
[Dark takes the Troika, and shoots a few Boomers before stopping, eyes wide]
Dark: Uh... Shade? You may want to take a look at this.
Shade: What-- *notices*................(quietly, weak)...now?
[all the Boomers are gone, but something is in their place]
[that something is a tiny doll]
Cham: Awww, it's a cute little doll!
[Cham jumps into the hole to grab it]
Shade: Cham, please don't--
[Cham grabs the doll]
Cham: Hang on... this doll..... it's torn. An eye is missing, it has three tails, and I think it's lost a leg.
?: Help...
Cham: Huh? Dark, did you say something?
Dark: What? No.
Shade: Cham, you REALLY oughta lose that doll...
Cham: Why? It's cute!
Shade: But, you're a guy! Guys don't care about cuteness!
Cham: Well, it looks cool, then.
Shade: But.... but....
Dark: Please, Cham. PLEASE. Lose the doll.
Cham: All right, FINE. I will.
[Cham sets the doll down, and they get into the Junker]
Shade: DARK.
Dark: We might need to cook some--
[a toaster is seen flying out the Junker's window]
Dark: ........let's go.
[they drive off]
[the camera zooms in on the doll]
[it's a doll of Miles "Tails" Prower, and an eye and leg ARE missing, and it DOES have three tails, and it's very, VERY torn]
[as the screen fades to black, you can just about see the doll move a little bit]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: IT'S POURING DOWN
[cut to the Junker in a forest; it's raining]
[the Junker suddenly stops; Delta Squad gets out]
[RADIO ON]
Shade: Eggman? This is Delta. Junker's down.
Egg: Oh. Well... according to my data, the factory you're looking for is just ahead.
Shade: That's awfully convenient, sarge. I don't like the way this is going.
Egg: Look, you need to take advantage of these situations, becuase you won't get many more of them. Now, go!
[RADIO OFF!]
Dark: Well?
Shade: The factory's up ahead. Come on; let's get moving.
[they start walking through the forest]
Cham: *sigh* I hate the rain.
Shade: Yeah? That's 'cause you're a Neutral chao. Rain's awesome. It's good for you. It's good for the environment. It rocks.
[pitter patter]
Chao: ...what was that?
Shade: What was what?
Chao: ..........nothing. Probably just hearing things.
[pitter patter]
Chao: There it was again!
Shade: *sigh* What did it SOUND like?
Chao: Like... something slowly walking on pipes.
Shade: Look around you. Do you see any pipes?
Dark: There's one.
[they see a huge factory in front of them, with lots of pipes coming out of it]
[suddenly, something jumps down, and starts running to them]
[Shade shoots it; it blows up]
Shade: Whoa! What the hell was that?
Chao: More of 'em coming our way.
[Delta Squad readies their guns. .....and roses]
[the creatures bash into them]
[a creature breaks the Junker's door open]
Radio: Hello, and you're listening to 200.1 FM, Chao Chat, where we play the most conveniently-placed songs and interviews.
...EVER. Next up on our setlist, is "Welcome to the Jungle," by Guns N' Roses. Once again, this is 200.1 FM, Chao Chat.

[as the music plays, Delta Squad fights off the strange creatures in the jungle-y forest]
Welcome to the jungle!
We've got fun 'n' games!
We got everything you want.
Honey, we know the names.
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need.
If you got the money, honey,
We got your disease.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!
I wanna watch you bleed.

Welcome to the jungle!
We take it day by day!
If you want it, you're gonna bleed,
But that's the price you pay.
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please.
You can taste the bright lights,
But you won't get them for free.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Feel my, my, my serpentine!
I, I wanna hear you scream!

*guitar solo*

Welcome to the jungle!
It gets worse here everyday!
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play.
If you got a hunger for what you see,
You'll take it eventually!
You can have anything you want!
But you better not take it from me.

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!
I wanna watch you bleed.

And when you're high you never,
Never want to come down, come down, come down, YEAH!

*guitar solo*

You know where you are!
You're in the jungle, baby!
You're gonna die!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Feel my, my, my serpentine

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your
knees, knees!

In the jungle,
Welcome to the jungle!
Watch it bring you to your--
It's gonna bring you down-HA!

Announcer: That was "Welcome to the Jungle," by Guns N' Roses. Next up, we got "Thriller," by Mic--
[a creature destroys the radio, and is shot by Shade]
[the creatures stop coming]
Dark: Conveniently-placed songs, indeed.
Chao: What WERE those things?
Shade: I don't know. But, I don't wanna stick around to find out. Let's keep moving.
[they reach the entrance to the factory, and try to open the door]
Shade: Damn. Locked.
[RADIO]
Shade: Control, this is Delta. We've reached the factory, but the front door is locked.
Egg: Copy that, Delta. Uh... I think there's an elevator to the second floor close to you. Somewhere.
Shade: Wilco. Delta out.
[RADIO OFF]
Shade: Eggman says there's another way in. Cham, you and Chao go that way. We'll go this way.
Cham: Man, I don't like this...
Shade: I understand. Now, go!
Cham: .....yes, SIR!
[Cham and Chao go in their direction]
Dark: That was a little harsh.
Shade: Are you being serious, or random?
Dark: ...LOOK, A TOASTER! *runs off*
[they check the outside of the factory, and find an elevator]
[it doesn't work]
Dark: I bet if we continue pressing it, it eventually will.
Shade: .....I doubt it.
[Shade looks around, and finds a button]
Shade: Hm?
[BEEP!]
Dark: Shade, the elevator works now.
Shade: Yay!
[the mysterious creatures are coming]
Shade: Crap!
[they quickly take the elevator, and jump onto the rooftop]
Shade: It's a good thing Chao isn't here.
[Shade looks down at the dozens of creatures running around]
Shade: He's scared crapless as it is.
[they enter a window]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: DREAMS OF AN EVOLUTION
[it's really dark and spooky]
Dark: Hey, Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Dark: Why is it that you always want me to come with you?
Shade: 'Cause we're best pals, dude! Or.... well, I dunno. I suppose it's 'cause you're a Dark chao, like me.
[they find a door-- locked]
Shade: Damn. Are there ANY unlocked doors in this place?
[they walk down a different corridor, and hear a small crash]
Both: What the!?
[they catch a glimpse of something moving]
Dark: I don't like this place...
[they find another door-- unlocked]
[RADIO!!]
Shade: Yep?
Cham: Any luck?
Shade: Yeah. We're in. But, it's very dark.
Dark: YAY!
Cham: Heh... we're in the basement, so you're in luck. There might be a switch or two around here...
Shade: Keep looking for it.
[RADIO OFF!]
[they walk through a few corridors, while occasionally catching glimpses of things moving]
[they open a door, and the lights turn on]
Both: HOLY ****!!!
[a ton of dead bodies, lots of blood, and just plain fright]
[RADIO]
Chao: Hey, we got the lights!
Shade: Yep, Chao.... you did.
Dark: Yeah, liked it better with them off.
Chao: What?
Shade: Don't worry about it. Just find a way for us to regroup.
Chao: Uh... wilco.
[RADIO OFF]
Shade: Let's hurry and leave this room.
Dark: ....
Shade: Dark?
Dark: ........................
Shade: Dark...?
Dark: ....................huh? Oh... um.... okey-dokey.
[they leave the room, and Dark takes another look at a certain dead body]
[the camera zooms in on the dead body]
[one eye is missing, a leg is missing, a bunch of scars cover it, and it has three tails WTF?]
[cut to Shade and Dark exploring more rooms]
[they enter a room, and see a bunch of furniture, and a cowboy hat]
[the hat moves]
[it rises, and reveals that it's being worn by Dark-Hawk!]
DH: Shade? Dark? Wow, am I glad to see you guys!
Shade: Dark-Hawk? What are you doing here?
DH: Waiting for you guys. You.... ARE the rescue team, right?
Shade: ...Dark, what do you think?
Dark: I dunno, I mean... he IS a dedicated member of our army.
Shade: .......all right, Dark-Hawk. You can come with us.
DH: Yay!
Shade: So, do you know how to get to the actual factory part of this building? 'Cause this seems more like a haunted house.
DH: Huh? Me? Aren't we leaving?
Shade: Not yet. We've got work to do. Now, c'mon. Help us open this door.
[Dark-Hawk opens a door for them, and they follow him through the facility]
DH: Well..... I DO know that there's a real factory deep underground. But, to get there, you have to ride these minecarts. You need the cart control room.
Shade: And... do you know where that IS?
DH: Somewhere this way. Really, you soldiers are all the same. Bunch of macho, facist PIGS.
[they reach a big corridor with rickety, wooden planks for a floor]
DH: I know it's not too far from here. That's all I know, thou--
[the floorboards break, and Dark-Hawk falls down]
[THUD!]
[Shade and Dark look down the hole, and see Dark-Hawk being torn apart by the mysterious creatures]
Shade: Once again, lost in a strange place with no tour guide.
[they take a step back, and look at the huge corridor]
[no floorboard looks stable]
[they hear lots of creaks and cringes]
[they also hear the creatures breathing, grunting, and running around]
[but, most of all.... they hear their own fear. That's deep.]
[after what seems like minutes, Shade took a deep breath, and slowly stepped forward]
[he hears a loud creak, and quickly jumps back; the floorboard he just stepped on breaks]
[Shade pants; he just avoided a gruesome death]
[Dark slowly follows Shade as he carefully steps across the maze of floorboards, quickly stepping back for every loud creak]
[eventually, they reach the end]
Dark: YES! FINALLY!
[Dark's yelling drowns out the loud creak as he steps forward]
[and Dark's smile instantly becomes a frown as his footing breaks beneath him, sending him plummeting into the dark depths]
Shade: DARK!
Dark: HELP ME!!!
[Dark manages to grab on to Shade's hand]
Shade: Hang on, Dark!
Dark: I'm trying!
[then, Dark feels a sharp pain in his leg-- a creature is grabbing it, and dragging him down!]
Dark: HELP! HELP! PLEASE! NO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! *sniff* Please.........
Shade: *sniff* Just... hold on tight, Dark........ we'll get out of this one, I swear...
Dark: I'm slipping....
[Dark falls down]
Shade: DARK!
[Shade dives into the hole]
[cut to Dark, cowering]
Dark: No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
[Dark looks up and sees one of the creatures]
Dark: AIEE--..........what.....the?
[Dark spends a little bit staring at the creature]
Shade: Hey, ugly! I got something for ya!
[the creature turns around, and Shade chainsaws it in half (although it blows up)]
Shade: C'mon, Dark!
[Shade grabs Dark, and runs for the ladder at the other end of the room]
[as they climb the ladder, the camera shows a creature attempting to climb it, then turns around, showing its face]
[one eye is missing, and it has tons of scars; its mouth is sewn shut]
[in its other eye, the one that's there, it has a very spacious gaze, sorta like the abyss]
[basically, it's like it's staring into your soul]
[anyway, Shade and Dark make it back up, and make it past the corridor this time]
Dark: HOLY CRAP....... dude...... that... was....... oh, man....
Shade: Are you alright?
Dark: I... I'm not sure...
Shade: Well, are you ready to move on? 'Cause I think we're at the cart control room.
Dark: Really?
Shade: We're close.
[RADIO!!!]
Cham: Hey, dude and dudette.
Shade: ....what?
Cham: Doesn't matter. Guess where we are!
Shade: *sigh* Control, could you give us their location?
Egg: Looks like... the sewers?
Cham: It smells like **** down here, man!
Shade: Whatever. Just get to the cart control room. 'Cause we're already here.
Cham: Wilco, Shadester. Delta Two out.
[RADIO OFF!]
[Cham and Chao make it, and they all get on the mine carts]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: COAL CARGO
[the mine carts start moving down the path]
[they are all in a different cart, just to let you know]
Shade: Well, this is boring. How are you guys doing?
Dark: Alright.
Cham: All set on this end.
Chao: Bring it ON!!!
Shade: Good. Good. *looks in front of carts* .....aw, ****.
[RADIO]
Shade: Uh, control? Could you... redirect the carts? We're.... heading into a furnace.
[silence]
Shade: Control? Seriously. REDIRECT THE CARTS.
[silence]
Shade: We're heading into a fire!
Egg: At the end of the test, you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
Shade: O CRAP NO! GLaDOS CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD, AND IS HERE TO HAUNT ME!
Egg: No, I'm at the cart redirect console, but I need a password. The clue is, "At the end of the test, you will be baked,
and then there will be cake." Any ideas?
Shade: Uh... uh...... the cake is a lie!
Egg: *types in password* Password accepted.
[the carts turn just before they reach the fire]
Shade: Phew....
[the carts begin to speed up a little, and enter a large room with a Boomer]
Chao: Holy crap! What's HE doing here?
Cham: Checking tickets?
Shade: Dark, drop a train on 'em!
Dark: Aye-aye, sir!
[Dark tosses a grenade at the Boomer-- BOOM!]
Chao: "Drop a train on 'em?"
Dark: It's a Homestar Runner thing.
[they keep moving through the factory, shooting robots as they see them]
[eventually, the carts reach their station]
[Chao hits Shade's cart, and flips right into it]
Chao: Heh.... that was fun.
Shade: Great. I'm stuck with you, while Dark gets to partner up with Cham.
Chao: Shut up and let's go.
[they walk down the hall, shooting the occasional creature, before reaching a very large room]
[RADIO!!!]
Egg: Delta, the elevators leading into the actual factory are in that room. I'll send them up for you.
Shade: Cool. Oh, and, control?
Egg: Yep?
Shade: What's so special about the actual factory, again?
Egg: *sigh* You have to put the resonator into the core of the factory, so we can get a good map of the place.
Shade: And then bomb the crap outta them?
Egg: Exactly. I'll send the elevators up now.
Shade: Okay.
[RADIO OFF!!!]
[Chao peeks over the edge, looking at the elevator]
Chao: Uh..... Shade? We've got a small problem.
Shade: Name it.
Chao: Boomers are getting on the elevators.
Shade: lol wut?
Chao: I'm serious.
Shade: ......really? ....crap. *radio* Dark, Cham?
Dark: We're here.
Shade: Get ready 2 rokk.
Dark: Right. ....why?
Shade: Boomers. On the elevators.
Dark: Oh. ......less talk, more rokk.
Cham: lolz freezepop *radio off*
[as soon as the Boomers reach the top, expecting to surprise them, they are ambushed, and killed]
Dark: I love ironing.
Cham: Irony.
Dark: Whatever.
[they get on the elevators, and take them down.... down into the depths of the factory]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: DARKEST BEFORE DAWN.... EXCEPT AFTER C
[the elevators stop in a completely metal factory-- no loose boards, no broken windows, nothing out of place]
Shade: Can we pause this thing for a second?
[the screen turns black and white, and a pause menu appears]
Cham: Hey, why'd you pause it?
Dark: Yeah, I'm ready to kick some arson!
Shade: Something's not right here. If this really IS a DCA adaption of Gears of War....
Chao: *coughfourthwallcough*
Shade: ...then, shouldn't this chapter take place in an underground cavern? A dark one?
Cham: Maybe DJay's changing it to make things work better for the story.
Shade: ............still, something is just..... off. I don't know WHAT, though.
Dark: Worry about it when you have a worrywart on your toe. For now, unpause the script!
Shade: All right.
[they explore the corridors of the factory, and are shocked to find no robots, or sign of life, or doors, or signs, or anything]
Cham: Strange.... it would appear that this factory is either a decoy....
Shade: Or Metal Sonic took advice from Turrican.
Chao: That reminds me. I wonder what Chao Talk is like in the future?
Shade: I'd rather not find out.
Cham: What if we were to try splitting up?
Dark: NO!!!
Chao: Please, no.
Shade: Yeah, if even DARK knows it's a bad idea, then it IS.
Cham: Come on. What's the worst that could happen?
Shade: NEVER ask that question. You hear me? NEVER ask it.
Cham: Fine. Let's just keep wandering through this strange 'factory.'
Dark: Okay.
[they wander around for a few minutes, before Cham gets too bored]
Cham: That's IT! You guys can go that way, I'M gonna go THIS way!
[CRASH!!! The wall directly in front of Cham is busted open]
Shade: (whispering) Cham. Keep quiet, and slowly.... tiptoe.... back... here.
[Cham nods, and slowly tiptoes back into the group]
[they slowly back around a corner]
Shade: (from now on until further noted, they whisper) Stay here, and stay quiet. I'm going to keep a look out.
[Shade peeks around the corner]
Dark: Well?
Shade: Still there.
Dark: Shade, I REALLY don't like where this is going.
Shade: Me, neither. But.... there's only one way to get ourselves out of this. Well, one SAFE way.
Chao: Shade.... I'd like to know... was that thing..... was it..... what I think it is?
Cham: It's... no. Can't be. You two... killed... it.
Shade: We never killed it. It ran away, remember?
[getting the clue yet?]
[the camera takes its point of view, slowly moving towards the group]
[although, technically, it doesn't HAVE a point of view, but whatever]
Shade: ...guys, we've got to keep backing up. Slowly. Quietly. Just keep.... backing up.
[they back up, but then, Dark snaps]
Dark: (regular volume) I... I can't do this. *shoots it*
Shade: Dark...... STOP. NOW.
Dark: (regular volume) I CAN'T! I don't want to do this!
[it realizes where Dark is]
It: Ah.... DARK. THAT'S where you four are. I knew I could hear........ WHISPERING.
Shade: This was never part of Gears of War! I call a mulligan!
It: Oh, you WOULD... want a mulligan...... wouldn't....you?
Chao: (from now on, it's back to normal volume) Mecha... what happened to you?
MK: I got.... an upgrade. THAT'S.... what happened. ..help. Help, mommy. ACK. No. Get out of... my.... HEAD!
[Mecha holds his head, then punches the wall, breaking it open, and revealing a new room]
Shade: (whispering) Dark, keep distracting him. Get him away from that hole. We need to get into that hole.
MK: What? Oh, I get it. I want you to go into my hole, Ness; is THAT it?
Shade: N-no, nothing like that!
MK: I...... see. Well, make sure to write to me when you're down there.
Dark: Down where?
Shade: Dark.
Dark: .......OH. That was uncalled for.
[Shade grabs Dark and dives into the hole]
[Mecha doesn't notice]
Dark: Shade, what about Chao and Cham?
Shade: You're right. I mean, if Mecha's here, there are bound to be more dangerous things.... so we'll need their help.
Dark: What about our singing and stuff?
Shade: For some reason, I don't think Rubber Goose is gonna get us out of another mess.
Dark: Good point. Our only option is to help the others.
[they peek out through the hole, and see Mecha walking around, sniffing, while Chao and Cham are frozen in fear]
Dark: How are we gonna get to them?
Shade: Time for some Metal Gear Shade action.
[Shade puts on a bandanna, and sneaks out into the hallway]
[he cautiously goes around Mecha, and makes it to Cham and Chao]
Cham: Help...
Shade: Shh. Follow me. Quietly.
[they follow him, but halfway through, Chao lets out a whimper]
[Mecha turns directly towards them]
MK: There you are.
[Mecha grabs Chao]
Chao: Yikes!
MK: Chao.... look deeply into my eye..... section.
Chao: No! I won't fall for your tricks!
MK: Either look, or I'll kill you now.
Chao: So, about that eye place...
[Chao looks deeply in, and becomes lost in the abyss before Shade plants a grenade on Mecha]
MK: What the?
[BOOM!]
[Chao manages to run, and the three jump into the hole]
Dark: Shade.... that was cool.
Shade: Yep.
Dark: Let's hurry and get out of here.
Shade: Good.
[they continue down this new section of the factory, where things are somewhat bulkier]
Cham: Man, I wonder where the core of this place is...
Shade: I'm wondering on why DJay sent us here, instead of the cavern place we were SUPPOSED to go to.
Cham: Wait. So... you KNOW what's happening?
Shade: Not entirely. I just know the little things, like there are five acts, and stuff.
Cham: I..... see.
Shade: Hey, if I knew what was happening, I'd have expected future me to be killed at that part.
Dark: He makes a good point.
[after a little bit, they find a window showing a large room]
All: NO WAY.
[through the window, they see the room where all the robots lie in standby]
Cham: ...can... we... split up... now?
Shade: I don't know why, but... yes. We'll meet up... here.... in half an hour.
[they all go their seperate ways]
[we follow Shade, since nobody else finds anything interesting]
Shade: Hmm.... I don't know WHY I agreed to this. It's like... something was controlling me.
[Shade walks past an open door, stops, then walks back to it]
Shade: What the?
[inside the door is a staircase leading downwards]
[down the stairs seems to be a cavern-like place]
[Shade peeks, and sees it's a long, long cavern, with a few lights along the way]
[a bright light is at the end of the cavern]
Shade: Oh, man.... I REALLY know I shouldn't, but...
[Shade goes down]
[he walks down the cavern, and eventually reaches the bright light]
?: Hello, Shade. I was expecting you.
[Shade shields his eyes from the light, then eventually asks, "Dad?"]
?: Guess again.
Shade: Uh.... future me?
?: He's dead. Did you forget?
Shade: Dark?
?: LISTEN TO MY VOICE, moron!
Shade: ....no wai cant b
?: Oh, yea wai, Shade. For, 'tis I..... the current and everlasting ruler of the world... the galaxy...
[a figure steps out of the bright light]
[the figure is wearing elf-like shoes, a dark cape, and has huge spikes coming out of its head]
[it also has sharp claws for hands coming out of what look like huge, robotic sleeves]
[its most distinguishing features, though... are the eyes, glowing blood red]
[WHO'S THAT POKEMANZ?! IT'S NEO METAL SONIC! The one from Sonic Heroes. In case you didn't know, that's his official name.]
MS: ...Metal Sonic. Previously Hyper Metal Sonic. As of a few years ago, I am Neo Metal Sonic.
Shade: Eh, "Recycled Metal" sounds WAY cooler.
MS: You can never trust Game Informer, Shade. ...although, yeah, it DOES sound cooler. ANYWAY!
Shade: Yes, anyway.
MS: I called you down here because you need to wake up.
Shade: What?
[Shade bolts up from his sleep, sweat dripping down his face]
[it's the middle of the night, and he's in the Dark Garden]
Shade: .....wha? ..guess it was all just... a dream.
[Shade looks around before going back to sleep]
[then, his eyes burst open, in realization that he's the only one there!]
Shade: WHAT THE CRAP?!
[he wakes up AGAIN! This time, he's in the factory, outside the door leading to the cavern]
Shade: What is going on?!
[Shade notices the door is closed]
[he gets up, and reaches for the doorknob]
[as soon as he opens it, he sees Mecha, but that image randomly disappears]
[behind the door is a small office; there's a desk, and a spinny chair spun to face the other way]
[there is also a random fireplace that the spinny chair is facing]
[Shade looks at the chair, and can swear that he sees Metal's fingers]
[he stays very quiet]
Shade: ...............................................h.e...llo?
MS?: ...........
Shade: ...Metal?
MS?: ...........
Shade: Metal, is that you?
[as Metal? stays quiet, Shade slowly approaches the chair]
[he extends his arm, preparing to spin the chair]
MS: Stop. It's me.
Shade: AHH!
MS: Calm down, mortal. Just, please... DON'T... spin this chair.
Shade: Why not? What's wrong?
MS: You are probably curious as to what's going on here.
Shade: I... suppose.
MS: I shall put it simply. You recall that, earlier, I invaded the gardens under the title, "Murderous Mechetal?"
Shade: Yeah. Worst Season Finale ever.
MS: You recall the way I invaded? The things I used? I cannot recall their names...
Shade: Stardust? ....Instability?
MS: Yes! That's it! Instabilities!
Shade: What about them? First off, I thought we killed them off, and second, what do they have to do with this?
MS: You merely destroyed the weird sphere thing that was their leader. It was Solaris, or something.
Shade: Yeah.
MS: Well, it turns out that... the Instability merely stopped moving through the first three dimensions. They can still move freely throughout the fourth.
Shade: .......?
MS: Wait, no, that's not right. Um... let me think... they are still alive. However, I sealed them off in this factory for a few years.
Shade: ....no way.
MS: Yep. Months ago, I encountered a sudden partial memory loss. I think. I'm not sure anymore... it's like something was controlling me...
Shade: You went to the factory.
MS: Yes. As soon as I came to, the Instabilities were gone, and I had an awesome army at my feet.
Shade: Wow. So... what do you want me to do about it?
MS: There's something going on here, Shade. And, you know what? I'm putting YOU in charge of figuring it out.
Shade: M...me?
MS: Well, of course, your squad can help you. And, I'll help you via radio.
Shade: Why can't we just stick to the Gears of War script?
MS: We're going back to that script in Act 4, okay? That's all I know, though.
Shade: I see. Well..... okay. I'll talk to you once I find some stuff out.
MS: Good. Now, go.
[Shade walks up his stairs, and stops in fright as he sees Mecha down the hall]
[Shade runs back into Metal's office, and closes the door]
Shade: Metal, do you know what's up with Mec--
[Shade turns around, and sees that the chair has turned around, and Metal is sitting there]
[Shade has some tears brought to his eyes, and is trembling]
MS: Horrifying, isn't it? This has been slowly happening for the past few months. Ever since I went to this factory...
Shade: But... but.... but, I recognize...... I recognize.........
MS: What?
[Shade is too freaked out by Metal's appearance]
[Metal's eye is missing, his arm is gone, and he is slowly growing two more tails]
Shade: *deep breath, closes eyes* I recognize your appearance. Your...... disease, if you will.
MS: You do? Impossible! Mecha told me he had never seen this before!
Shade: ...you serious? There are dead people in the upstairs section that look like you, and......
MS: And?
Shade: We... we found the Tails Doll in Station Square. He looked like that.
MS: ...................I see. Anything else?
Shade: We've seen some strange creatures.... in the upstairs factory, and outside it.
MS: Strange creatures? I assume they had these features?
Shade: Yes. But.... they also had another.
MS: Another?
Shade: Their mouths were sewn shut.
MS: .....interesting.
Shade: By the way, Metal? Could you tell me a bit about Mecha's upgrades?
MS: His upgrades? WHAT upgrades?
Shade: ...................................NO WAY. I refuse.... to believe this. I just.... CAN'T.
MS: What?
Shade: You're telling me Mecha somehow gained the power of smell, lost his sight, got covered in blood, and grew three times in size just by CHANCE?
MS: ....he WHAT?!
Shade: Man, what ELSE don't you know about?
MS: Well.... I haven't even left this factory since I awoke here a few months a--
Shade: OBJECTION! You killed Future me yesterday in Station Square!
MS: ....WHAAAAAAAT?! What ELSE have I done?
Shade: Future me said you came into the Dark Garden with Mecha and the Tails Doll a while ago, and destroyed the place.
MS: ..unbelievable. ...and how is Station Square? Still the city that never sleeps?
Shade: ....you seriously never left this factory, have you? Wow.
MS: Let me guess. It's in ruins?
Shade: Worse. Every night, some computer virus named KYLL comes out and kills things.
MS: Shade... I must come with you. Out this factory. I must help you set things back to normal.
Shade: So, you sure you can get out of this place?
MS: Of course! Come on.
[Metal is about to open the door when Shade stops him]
Shade: Like I said... Mecha. He's out there. He's super deadly.
MS: Relax. I'll try to talk to him.
[Metal steps outside while Shade watches from the door]
MK: HM? WHAT........... IS THAT....
MS: Mecha. How go things?
MK: Boss. I... I haven't seen you in a while!
MS: And I you, Mecha. I see you got some upgrades.
MK: Y...yes.
MS: When did you acquire such things?
MK: It... it wasn't too long ago. I mean, you spent your days cooped up in that room. What's in there, anyway?
MS: It does not matter. Why did you not inform me of the KYLL? And Station Square?
MK: ............................Shade is in there. He told you of these things.
MS: Um....
MK: You betrayed your own kind, sir?
MS: Now, HOLD ON. I never betrayed anyone. There are no laws which state that we can't talk to the chao.
MK: ...
MS: If anything, YOU have betrayed ME, by not informing me of this virus!
MK: ..........
[STOMP STOMP STOMP]
[Shade dives backwards as the door is busted open]
MS: Mecha!
[Mecha grabs Shade]
Shade: Help!
MK: SHADE, YOU WILL PERISH!
Shade: O CRAP!
[Mecha is just about to punch Shade when Metal shoots him; Mecha drops Shade]
MS: Run, Shade.
Shade: ....
MS: RUN!
[Shade runs away]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: A N G R Y  T-I-T A-N-S, ANGRY TITANS, LET'S GO!
[cut to the window place; the others have been waiting for Shade]
Chao: Took you long enough.
Cham: What the crap were you DOING back there?
[Shade explains the whole thing]
Dark: ................................holy crap, dude.
Cham: So Metal saved your butt back there? Nice.
Chao: Yeah, but now where do we go?
Shade: Hmm...
[RADIO!]
Shade: Eggman, where is the core of the factory?
[static]
Shade: Eggman? ...aw, crap.
MS: *static* .......Shade? You there?
Shade: Metal? Hey, how ya doing?
MS: I managed to trap Mecha in a big room made of some sort of tough steel.
Shade: Hey, do you know where the core of the factory is?
MS: The core? Yeah, that's the room where I woke up months ago.
Shade: Oh. Thanks.
[RADIO OFF!]
Cham: Well?
Shade: I think the core is that huge room right there. Through that window.
[they break through the window, and enter the core room]
Shade: So, what were the directions? Throw the resonator in here, and run off?
Cham: That's about it.
Shade: Okay--
[BOOM!!! RAWWWR!!!]
Dark: That's a new sound.
[something huge is digging around]
Shade: Crap.
[it breaks out of the ground, revealing a giant crab-like robotic creature]
Chao: What.... the....
All: CRAP!
[the creature/robot roars]
Dark: What do we do?
Shade: Shoot the freaking thing!
[budda budda budda]
[the monster isn't even harmed]
Dark: Now what?
Shade: Activate the resonator, and RUN!
[STOMP.......; Shade's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Dark's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Cham's face fills with fear]
[STOMP.......; Chao's face fills with fear]
[Mecha Knuckles enters the room]
MK: *sniff* Smells like my pal's here. *sniff* ....and chao.
Chao: Crap...
Shade: Mecha.
MK: Hmm?
Shade: Tell me what this thing is.
MK: What, my pal? He's nothing special... just an old foe of yours.
Shade: .....
MK: Right, you've had LOTS of old foes. Well, he's a creature being controlled by the Tails Doll.
Shade: A creature covered with weird, robotic parts?
MK: Like with me, he has been..... upgraded.
Shade: Dark, you and Cham take Mecha. Chao and I will try and stop this, uh....
MK: This particular species is called, "Corpse Maker."
Shade: Right. We'll take the Corpse Maker.
MK: Mmhmmhmmhmmhmmm...... very well. Take me on.
[they begin the fight]
[let's start with Shade and Chao versus the Corpse Maker]
[Chao tries shooting it-- nothing]
CM: RAAAAWWWR!
[the Corpse Maker smashes the ground at their feet]
Shade: Yikes!
[Shade looks around, and sees a big tank of acid]
Shade: Chao! Co-op snipe that tank!
Chao: Got it.
[they get out random sniper rifles, and carefully ignore the monster while aiming for the tank]
Shade: Careful. 3... 2.... 1..--
[SMASH!]
[Mecha hits Chao; Chao flies across the room, and hits the wall]
Shade: WHAT THE CRAP!?
MK: *evil laughter* Looks like there'll be no two-man army co-op sniping for you, Shade.
Cham: Shade, man, what were you THINKING? Co-op sniping is for unrealistic games, and copies of this one!
Shade: HEY! I happened to like that game...
[Dark hops onto Mecha's back]
Dark: Shade, take out the Corpse Maker! I got Mecha!
[Mecha shakes Dark off]
MK: Nice try, but I don't fall for things like that-- *CLUNG!!!*
[Mecha stands still for a second before falling over]
[behind him is Cham holding a monkey wrench with a huge dent in it]
Cham: Now THAT'S how you use these things.
Shade: Whoo... thanks, man.
Dark: Yeah, he was about to kill us!
Cham: Enough talk. Shoot the freaking tank.
Shade: Right. Dark, you with me?
Dark: Sure.
[they get out random sniper rifles, and carefully ignore the monster while aiming for the tank]
Shade: Careful. 3....2....1......
[BANG! BOOM! RAWR!]
[the tank explodes, sending the monster flying into the wall above them]
Cham: Crap.
Shade: RUN.
[they run, and the monster crashes into the ground they were just standing in]
[they also get to Chao, and give him some Medkits to get him going]
BELLY OF THE BEAST AND THE HARLOT: TIP OF THE FOOD CHAIN
Chao: Uh... we just passed the core. Where are we going NOW?
Shade: Something's not right here. The resonator shouldn't go off in a room with an acid tank... that would corrupt the process!
Dark: So, where ARE we going, then?
Shade: The room NEXT to the core.
[they enter the room next to the core, and plant the resonator]
Shade: Cham, I'm gonna need you to set it off. As soon as it does, we gotta RUN. Run as fast as we can, to the nearest elevators.
Cham: Copy that!
[Chao sees some robots running around]
Chao: Shade, we got company.
Shade: Damn! Cham, keep working on it. We'll take these guys.
[wave after wave of robots pour in as Shade, Dark, and Chao shoot them down, but they just keep coming]
[Shade even runs out of ammo, and starts using a pistol]
Shade: This is crazy! What ELSE could happen in this brand-new land of not-in-GoW factoryness?
[the others run out of ammo]
Shade: Crap.
Cham: Resonator set!
Shade: Just in time, too. Okay, boys. Let's run like a bat outta--
[BOOM!]
Shade: ****!!!
[they sprint for the exit, but get swept up by the explosion]
All: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
[the explosion sends them flying outside, where they land on the ground]
Dark: Oof... my back...
Chao: Did we do it?
Shade: I.... I think so. That explosion wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, though...
[RADIO!!!]
Egg: SHADE!
Shade: Whoa. What's up?
Egg: We have some bad news, THAT'S what's up!
Shade: Bad news?
MS: I'm afraid it's true, Shade.
Shade: Metal?
Egg: Commander Metal? What are you doing in our transmission?
[Shade and metal explain the stuff]
Egg: Oh.
Shade: So.... the bad news?
Egg: Right. Uh, Commander Metal, since you seem so certain.... you explain it.
MS: My pleasure. I'm afraid that your little resonator was a dud.
Shade: lol wut
Egg: He means the resonator ****ed up.
MS: For lack of a better phrase, yes. It did not cover the entire factory.
Shade: It..... it didn't? Wait, refresh my memory. WHAT was it supposed to do?
Egg: Map the factory, so we know where to bomb it.
Shade: Can't we just ask Metal for the info?
MS: Hmm.... good idea, but I don't even KNOW the factory, myself. It's sorta like Rose Red; it builds new parts of itself every few days.
Shade: Great movie, but bad time for something to copy it. So, what do you propose we--
[ZZZZRT!]
Egg: What was that?
Shade: Dark, put your flying robot guy away.
Dark: But.... Sam n' Max has barely gotten any screen time! He just got you out of jail, and that's all we saw of him!
Shade: *groan* ......wait.... what the crap?
Egg: What?
Shade: Sam n' Max is showing a huge map of the factory somehow...
Egg+MS: WHAT?!
MS: Dark, where did you get that robot from, again?
Dark: Shade's dad.
MS: Shawn? Hmm... but.... where is he?
Shade: Last I saw, he was in our Junker--.....
Egg: What?
[Shade is standing, eyes wide, as the Junker lies in front of them, upside-down, and on fire]
Shade: (quietly) Damn robots..... (normally) Uh, my dad.... is dead. Yeah.
Egg: Oh. Metal, where does he live?
Shade: Isn't it in the Dark Garden?
MS: Well, future you may not have told you this, but... actually, the other chao simply evacuated to Earth instead of dying in the Dark Garden, so...
Shade: So future him is somewhere here?
MS: Died of old age.
Shade: Oh.
MS: BUT, we know where his house is.
Shade: Sweet!
MS: Eggman, I'll send you the coordinates.
Egg: And.... what will they do when they get there?
MS: Hack Sam n' Max up to Shawn's computers. If he has a huge map of the factory, he probably has more information about it, too.
Egg: That's.... that's a good plan. All right, I've got the coordinates. Shade, I'm sending Redd Fox to pick you up and take you there.
Shade: Awesome!
[RADIO OFF!]
[Redd Fox (Red) lands his helicopter and picks them up]
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: DELTA SQUAD ON CAMPUS
[cut to Delta Squad flying in the helicopter]
[they got more ammo, and are all suited up]
[and it's daytime, so no KYLL]
Shade: So, let's get clear on what we're doing.
Dark: 'Kay.
Shade: We're flying to future Shawn's house, or future my dad, and we're searching his house for some data on the factory. Okay?
Cham: Yep.
Chao: Fine.
Dark: I like surprises.
[BOOM!]
Red: Uh, guys, we're going down. Some robots shot us.
Shade: Dark.... shut up. We're going down, so... brace yourselves.
[Delta Squad jumps out, and lands on solid ground]
[Red manages to escape, as well, but somewhere far away]
Shade: OW. Status report.
Chao: We're fine, but..... pretty far from your dad's house, I'd say.
Cham: But, where ARE we?
Chao: ...looks like a college.
Dark: YAY, A COLLEGE! I wanna join Alpha-Beta, and beat me up some nerds!
Shade: Wrong series, Dark. And, this looks more like a.... destroyed college.
Chao: Look out; we got robots!
[the robots charge in and ambush them]
[budda budda budda]
Chao: INCOMING!
[two Boomers enter the fray]
Shade: Crap. Take 'em down, and let's get outta here!
[they kill the Boomers and run for it before more show up]
[then, they reach a large, robot-filled street]
Cham: ....what do we do here?
Shade: Hmmm... I think it's your time to shine, Chao. You and Dark go through those buildings and maybe snipe some robots
for us. Cham and I'll go through these streets.
Chao: Hey, whatever you say. You're the leader.
[for once, we focus on Chao as he and Dark explore the buildings]
Chao: Dark.
Dark: Chao.
Chao: ....race you to the top of these stairs.
Dark: You're on!
[they run up the stairs, and Dark wins]
Dark: HA!
Chao: Oh, you..... you just.... won magically.
Dark: Face it, Chao. You can't beat the beaters of the beaten!
[they hear a plate crash nearby]
Chao: What was that?
Dark: I don't know..... but, it came from the kitchen.
Chao: It.... did?
[they peek around the corner, and see a lone, broken plate lying on the floor]
Chao: What.... the.... heck?
Dark: Maybe it was your suckiness coming to life?
Chao: Shut up!
[they hear something moving around]
Dark: There it was again.
[they see something moving]
[Chao gestures for Dark to follow him]
[they look around the corner, and see one of the creatures tearing apart a random corpse]
[Dark accidentally knocks a random can lying on the floor]
[the creature turns around, staring deep into their souls with its deep eyes]
Dark: Hey... this one is different than the others...
Chao: What? How so?
Dark: It... it....... has no eyes.
Chao: No eyes? *shudder*
Dark: It's just.... these weird things look like they're turning less and less stable every time we see them...
Chao: Less stable? ...I don't see it. You have a weird perception of things, Dark. And you randomly speak smart!
Dark: Wait. It's gone.
Chao: ...but.... I kept my eyes on it at all times. When did it leave? And how?
Dark: I don't know.... this is really weird. Let's hurry and regroup with Shade.
Chao: Agreed.
[they go through the buildings, sniping some robots on the ground, until they regroup in the streets ahead]
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: IT GETS BAD, THEN IT GETS WORSE. MUCH WORSE.
Shade: Status report.
Chao: We're fine.
Dark: But, we ran into a creature thing. ...it was different.
Shade: Different? How so?
Dark: Rather than one eye... it had none.
All: *shudder*
[RADIO!]
Egg: How are things going? We heard your copter crashed, and you're in the streets now.
Shade: Things are going rather well. But, we have no idea where to go from here.
Egg: State your surroundings.
Shade: There's.....a HUGE greenhouse slash conservatory here.
Egg: Go in there. It'll put you on the right track.
Shade: Uh.... thanks?
MS: Remember, you NEED to get to your father's house, Shade. I'll try and see if--
[silence]
Shade: ....Metal?
Egg: Commander Metal, are you there?
MS: ...........
Egg: Hmm.... radio status shows that he's been disconnected. Let me try to reach him.
[pause]
Egg: ..........
Shade: .....Eggman?
Egg: ..........
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: Whoa. He hung up on me.
Chao: Not quite, Shade. I'm picking up some electronic interference coming from somewhere... probably your father's house.
Shade: Oh, sweet! It's probably just through this greenhouse, then!
[they enter the greenhouse]
Chao: Oh, and.... the Hammer of Dawn of War is online. The satellites are above us, and it's daytime.
Shade: Sweet! We're gonna breeze through this in a nanosecond!
[they walk through the huge greenhouse slash conservatory]
Shade: So.... anybody played Kirby Super Star Ultra yet?
Cham: I have. It's.... it's fun.
Chao: Same.
Dark: Same.
Shade: ....you mean I'm the only one who hasn't?!
Chao: No, we're just lying to make you feel bad. ...well, I am.
Shade: So, you've never played it.
Chao: Nope.
Shade: HA! I lied! I have! Now YOU'RE the only one who hasn't!
Chao: What? Oh, COME ON! Well.... at least tell me how it is!
Shade: It's awesome. I beat it a while ago. Meta Knight's final boss is INTENSE, dude.
Chao: Oh, I hate you.
Shade: I know you do, Chao. I know youPOW!!!!
[Shade is sent flying into a wall as Mecha Knuckles charges in]
MK: RAAAAAWWWRR!!!! WHO'S THE BOZO WHO WHACKED ME WITH THE EFFING MONKEY WRENCH!!?
DeltaSquad: HOLY ****!!! HOLY ****!!! HOLY ****!!!
MK: I.... DON'T... LIKE.... TO GET.... KNOCKED OUT.
Chao: (whispering) Shade's out cold. What do we do?
Cham: (whispering) Walk. Slowly. Around. This. Guy.
Dark: (whispering) Well, let's hurry.... I'm scared.
MK: I CAN HEAR.... YOU WHISPER....
[as they quietly sneak around Mecha, Dark looks at him and freaks out; he yelps loudly]
MK: THERE YOU ARE.
Dark: Wait! Mecha.... what happened to your arm?
MK: Oh.... that? That.... THAT.... is...... IS..... well............ UM.....
Chao: And when did you get two extra tails?
MK: SHUT UP! DO YOU WANT.... EVERYONE READING.... TO FIND OUT?
Chao: Wait. You mean.... this is related to those weird creatures?
MK: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU NOW, AND ALL THE CAKE IS GONE.
Dark: lol portal
[Mecha punches Dark with his hand that he has]
[Dark smacks against the wall]
Cham: Uh... Chao? Hammer of Dawn of War?
Chao: We're indoors.
Cham: ****.
MK: MY FRIENDS, I AM AFRAID... IT IS time.... for you.... to PEr...isH! Oh, mAN.... WHAT's happenING...?!
[Mecha holds his head, and suddenly, his other arm falls off; everyone awake screams]
MK: MY ARMS!!! RAAAAWWWR!! WHY, COMMANDER? WHY DID YOU.... kill.......every...one?
[Mecha shuts down and falls over]
[Chao and Cham stand there for a few minutes, in disbelief, panting, before finally helping Dark and Shade]
Shade: Wait, so...... WHAT did Mecha say before he died?
Chao: "Why, Commander? Why did you kill everyone?"
Shade: Commander.... Metal?
Dark: Wait.... so, Metal killed his own people, then lied about it?
Shade: I doubt he was lying, Dark. In fact.... I get the feeling that he's not telling us something. Maybe there's
another factor in the equation of these mysterious creatures...
Cham: I love metaphors and similes.
[RADIO!]
Shade: Hello? Is anyone there?
MS: .....*static*......Sha....is......you?
Shade: Metal?
MS: .......ha........n.......I'll.........fi......tic....
[ZZRRT!]
MS: Is that better?
Shade: Much better.
MS: So, what is it?
Shade: Uh... we ran into Mecha again. He had the same symptoms as the creatures. Except, he lost his other arm, and then died.
MS: Say.... WHAT?!
Shade: And get this: Before he died, he said you killed everyone.
MS: He DID, did he? Hmm..... I see.
Shade: What?
MS: I now have a theory for what's going on. Just a small one.
Shade: Shoot.
MS: I think that these creatures you're running into are the Instability, slowly decomposing.
Shade: Makes sense.
MS: I also think that they are carrying a deadly virus that is CAUSING them to decompose. A contagious virus.
Shade: Hmm.... I think I have an objection, maybe. What about the three tails?
MS: ..................................................good point.
Shade: Still, man, Mecha's DEAD. Isn't this.... good?
MS: Yes. So, I'd recommend you get a move on before any other mysterious enemies appear.
Shade: Wilco. We're going.
[RADIO OFF!]
Chao: So...?
Shade: Let's get a move on.
Cham: Can do.
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: A-HAZING(LY SHORT)
[Delta Squad goes through the city, shoot 'em up-ing robots, while looking for Shawn's house]
Chao: So...... how IS Kirby Super Star Ultra?
Shade: Awesome. I beat it 100%.
Chao: What? And WHEN?
Shade: About five days after I got it.
Chao: Oh, so it's short and easy.
Shade: OBJECTION! It's NOT short, and it's NOT easy. I had played the original Kirby Super Star, so I knew a lot of secrets.
Dark: Yeah, it's hard.
Shade: And, I'm just plain good at Kirby.
Chao: Oh.
Shade: And....... I..... sorta..... used Action Replay.... for the True Arena.
Chao: ....Really? You suck THAT bad?
Shade: Have you ever even TRIED the True Arena before, Chao?
Chao: I don't even know what it IS!
Shade: *snap* Dark.
Dark: The True Arena is the final game mode in Kirby Super Star Ultra, and the third and final boss rush mode. You play
Kirby with a choice of one of many copy abilities, and try to defeat all ten brand-new bosses with limited healing abilities.
Chao: ....cool. What's this about "final game mode?"
Dark: Kirby Super Star and Kirby Super Star Ultra are made up of multiple Kirby games in one. Ultra, being the remake,
has more game modes. The original has one boss rush, called "The Arena," while Ultra has three: The Arena, Helper to Hero, and The True Arena.
Chao: Cool. What about this "limited healing abilities" thing?
Dark: The Arena and Helper to Hero have a few Maxim Tomatoes, which heal you completely. However, the True Arena only has a
few regular tomatoes, which only heal you a little bit. And once you've eaten the tomatoes, they never come back.
Chao: ....whoa.
[they make it out of the main city]
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: NOT TOO FAR FROM HOME
[they reach the outskirts of town, but they don't actually NOTICE; they're just shooting robots and talking]
Cham: So, uh.... could you tell us some of the bosses in these modes?
Dark: For spoiler purposes, no.
Cham: Oh.
Chao: What about difficulty, then?
Dark: The games are ranked on difficulty by stars. 1 star means it's REALLY easy. 2 stars means it's rather easy.
3 stars means you might die every now and then. 4 stars means you're gonna die a lot. 5 stars means "Good luck, pal." 6
stars means "Steer clear of this game mode!" And 7 stars, only given to ONE game mode, means "Beat this and you win."
Chao: I see.
Dark: Spring Breeze, the remake of the original Kirby's Dreamland, is 1 star. Gourmet Race, a footrace where the most
famous Kirby song came from, is 2 stars. Dyna Blade, an average Kirby adventure, is 3 stars. Revenge of Meta Knight, an
epic action-adventure game where the Halberd came from, is 4 stars. The Great Cave Offensive, a huge adventure slash
treasure hunt, is 4 stars. Milky Way Wishes, a huge, novel, space epic, also where Marx's theme in Brawl came from, is 5
stars. The Arena, the first of the arenas, with a total of 20 bosses, and also is the final game that was on the original,
is 6 stars. At this point, the ranking system appears to be full, and it seems no game can get a higher rank.
Chao: ....wow. And the new games?
Dark: Revenge of the King, a harder, darker, and longer version of Spring Breeze, also sticking closer to the original
Kirby's Dreamland's difficulty, is 5 stars. Meta Knightmare Ultra, a mode where you play through the four platformers from
Super Star as Meta Knight, is 5 stars. Helper to Hero, the second arena where you choose one of twenty 'helpers,' or
friendly enemies, and go through 13 bosses, is 6 stars. The True Arena, the final arena and game mode where you fight
five bosses from Revenge of the King, one set of hard mini-bosses, and the Last Four, is seven stars. There are also five mini-games you can play.
Chao: Holy crap, that's a lot of games.
Cham: Yep.
Chao: Now, what's this about the Last Four?
Dark: The Last Four is a group of bosses you fight last in The True Arena. Normally, in the Arena games, the bosses are
fought randomly, except for the final boss and in Helper to Hero. But, in The True Arena, only the first six are randomized.
Chao: But, who ARE they?
Dark: *sigh* Readers, if you don't want to be spoiled, then skip ahead to the next chapter.
[SPOILERZ AHEAD]
Dark: The Final Boss of the (regular) Arena is Marx, who is also the final boss of Milky Way Wishes. He is your typical Kirby final boss, teleporting everywhere and using weird, space-y projectiles and killer moves. He's also hard the first few times you fight him, but soon fighting him becomes a fun, daily activity, just like the other Kirby final bosses. The Final Boss of Helper to Hero is Wham Bam Rock, who is also the final boss of The Great Cave Offensive. You may know him as a rock version of Master Hand. They say Master Hand's moveset was based off of Wham Bam Rock. However, in Helper to Hero, once you beat WBR, it transforms into Wham Bam Jewel, which is a harder, tougher, crystallized form of WBR. The Final Boss of Revenge of the King is Masked Dedede. Masked Dedede is a harder form of King Dedede, who is that giant penguin with the hammer. Masked Dedede obviously has a mask, but also has a mechanized hammer, and the arena you fight him in is an electric cage. The Final Boss of Meta Knightmare Ultra is Galacta Knight, who looks like Meta Knight, but is white and pink, has a huge lance, flies all the time, has angel wings, red eyes, and horns. He's also very hard for those not used to Kirby. Also, his theme song is not what you'd expect a Kirby song to be-- hard rock. The Last Four is ALWAYS Masked Dedede, then Wham Bam Jewel, then Galacta Knight, and then... Marx Soul. Marx Soul is a freaky, zombie form of Marx. He is much harder than Marx, and much more unpredictable.
Chao: Holy crap, man, that sounds TOUGH.
Dark: It is.
Shade: Very. But, I only used the Infinite HP cheat for True Arena. Every other game mode, I beat by myself.
Chao: Also, how did Dark--
Shade: I trained him.
[SPOILERZ ARE OVER]
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: SHE TAKES ME AWAY TO THAT SPECIAL PLACE
[they reach Shawn's home]
Shade: Hey, we made it!
Chao: Not quite.
[outside Shawn's home is a HUGE staircase leading up to it]
[tons of robots and Boomers are there]
Shade: Damn. Dark, you and Chao flank right; Cham and I will take the offensive while you two stay close behind.
[they start running up the stairs]
[Cham kills a Boomer as Shade defeats waves of robots]
Cham: Uh, Shade? Too many robots!
Shade: Yep.... just keep shooting.
[the robots get to be too many]
Shade: Dark, Chao! HELP!
Dark: Can't! Too many!
Chao: Yeah, my hands are full, too!
Shade: CRAP! Only one thing left to do here, huh, Dark?
Dark: I didn't bring my guitar, Shade!
Shade: Double CRAP! What do we do, then?
Chao: .....I've got an idea.
[RADIO ON!]
Chao: Redd Fox, this is Chao Mein. I need you to bring us the Junker.
Red: Junker? Uh, where'd you park it?
Chao: Outside the Factory. We're outside Shawn's house.
Red: I hope no robots shoot me down this time... but, okay. Wait! I thought it blew up!
Chao: Yeah, but I fixed it. I'm magic.
Red: ....whatever. I'll get it.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: Well?
Chao: Hold on a little bit. Just keep fighting.
[they manage to survive for a little bit before Redd Fox brings them the Junker]
Shade: So.... what, we gonna run 'em over in the Junker? 'Cause there's still too many.
Chao: Better. Chao Chat said they'd play a favorite of mine around now, so...
[they turn on the stereo]
Announcer: Yeah, this is 200.1 FM, Chao Chat, the #1 A-Life radio station. Our next song is a song considered by
some to be a very, very good one. So..... kick it, homie!
[Guns n' Roses' "Sweet Child o' Mine" plays]
Shade: Nice one, Chao!
Chao: This should at least give us a good... I dunno, boost.

[famous opening riff]
[bass kicks in]
[whole band kicks in]
She's got a smile that it seems to me,
Reminds me of childhood memories,
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky! (sky, sky, sky...)
Now and then when I see her face;
She takes me away to that
special place!
And if I stared too long,
I'd probably break down and cry! (cry, cry, cry...)

[chorus]
Ooooh, whoa, whoa, whoa,
Sweet child o' mine!
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
Sweet love of mine!

[other famous guitar riff]

She's got eyes of the bluest skies!
As if they thought of rain,
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain.
Her hair reminds me
of a warm, safe place,
Where as a child I'd hide
And pray for the thunder,
And the rain,
To quietly pass me by!

[chorus]
Whoooaaaa,
Sweet child o' mine!
Oooooowhoa, oh, oh, oh,
Sweet love of mine!
Whoa, oh, oh, oh,
Sweet child o' mine!
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Sweet love of mine!

[guitar solo]

Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Sweet child o' mine!
Where do we go now?
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
Where do we go now?
Sweet child o' mine!
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Where do we go?
Sweet child,
Sweet chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild
of miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine....
[end]

Announcer: Once again, that was "Sweet Child o' Mine," by Guns n' Roses. Next, we have the Barney theme song!
[a Boomer blows the Junker up; Delta Squad kills it]
[by now, they've finished off all the robots]
Shade: Damn. The Junker's broke.
Chao: I can fix it.
Shade: Well then, FIX IT! Cham, back him up while Dark and I go into my dad's house and take care of the mission.
Cham: Yes, sir.
[Shade and Dark enter the mansion]
[there are a few O CRAP HOLES inside]
Dark: I got 'em!
[BOOM! CRASH! The O CRAP HOLES get filled up]
Shade: Nice.
Dark: So, where do we go now? Where do we go? Where do we go now?
Shade: I dunno. Probably the basement. Let's check it out.
[they explore the dark corridors of the basement, occasionally destroying some robots, and running into what Metal calls "The New Instabilities," or those mysterious creatures]
[yeah, let's call the mysterious creatures, the Instability]
[eventually, they make it to a huge wine cellar, where they reach a dead end]
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: EN-BELIEVABLE
Shade: Huh. This is.... odd.
Dark: Yeah. Why does this wine cellar have no wine in it?
Shade: No, not that.... although, that IS strange. I mean, there's no way out of this room but backwards...
Dark: And we can't go back, because this is a new chapter, right?
Shade: Yep. Let's search this place.
[they search the wine cellar]
Dark: Shade, over here! I FOUND SOMETHING GOOD!
Shade: What?
Dark: WINE! I FOUND WINE!
Shade: *sigh* You and your wine... c'mon, we're supposed to find my dad's secret lab or something!
Dark: You know what, Shade? You're like Jesus. You turn water into WHINE.
[Dark pulls a bottle of wine out from the cabinet]
Dark: WHAT!? EMPTY!? No way!
[rumble]
[the cabinet moves to the side, revealing a secret lab]
Shade: Dark, you did it!
Dark: Did what? Found an empty bottle of wine?
Shade: No, you found the freaking secret lab!
Dark: Oh. Cool!
[they enter the lab, and push some buttons]
[a map of the Factory appears]
[RADIO ON!]
Shade: Control, this is Delta. We've found the secret lab, and the map.
Egg: That's great!
Shade: In fact, Dark's got Sam n' Max downloading it right now.
Dark: It's gonna take a while.
Egg: Well, hurry back!
Shade: Wilco. Delta out.
[RADIO OFF!]
Dark: Shade, Sam n' Max has this weird teleport thing. He'll teleport back to us whenever we want him to, so...
Shade: We get outta here, and when he's done downloading, get him to come back?
Dark: Yeah.
Shade: Okay. Hang on...
[RADIO ON!]
Shade: Delta Two, this is Delta One. How are you two doing?
Chao: The Junker's looking good. Just a few more tweaks...
Shade: Get Cham to go to the second floor of the mansion and wait for us. We're coming back.
Chao: Uh... copy that.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: So, we going or what?
Dark: Yeah, let's go. Sam n' Max, as soon as you're done downloading, teleport back to us.
[they leave the lab, only to be ambushed by robots]
Shade: Crap!
[Dark throws a grenade; it blows the robots up]
Dark: We'd better run. The force is strong with these things.
[they run for it, killing some robots, before reaching a big room]
[the doors shut; robots ambush them]
Shade: Aw, crap.
Dark: *click click* I'm out of ammo!
Shade: WHAT!? *click click* Damn, so am I!
[rumble rumble rumble]
Shade: Crap, now what?
[holes break open in the walls, and the Instability crawl in]
Both: ****!
[the robots and the Instability fight as Shade and Dark dive for cover]
[Shade looks up from cowering, and sees the Instability tearing apart at the robots]
Shade: Dark.... I doubt if we're gonna make it out of this one...
Dark: Shade, I think we'd need another thing that never happened in Gears of War in order to get outta this one...
[cut to Chao working on the Junker; no robots are anywhere near him; gunshots are heard in the city]
Chao: Hm? .....it's probably just robots shooting birds, or something.
[Cham is in the mansion's second floor with a sniper rifle, looking out the window, covering Chao]
Cham: This is strange. Where are all the robots?
[Cham sees a huge army at the bottom of the staircase]
Cham: ......................................c...c...c....crap.....!
Chao: Huh? You say something?
Cham: Chao, I highly recommend you.... get... in the house.... NOW.
Chao: Why? There are no robots here.
Cham: While that may be true...... there's something even worse.... down there.
[Chao looks down the staircase, and sees a huge, huge, HUGE army of Instability]
Chao: !!! Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap CRAP!
[Chao runs into the house, and to Cham]
Chao: What are they doing?!
Cham: They're just..... standing there.
Chao: Anything significant?
Cham: No..... wait. Chao, I don't think those ARE the creature things.
Chao: What makes you think that?
Cham: They.... look like robots.
Chao: You serious? ....wow, they DO look like them!
Cham: Robots with one eye, one arm, three tails, and scars all over. What is going ON here?
Chao: ...shoot one of them.
Cham: Are you CRAZY?
Chao: Hey, they might be sending a spy over, or something!
Cham: *groan* All right, I'll shoot one.
[Cham shoots one; the Instability robot things start marching up the stairs]
Cham: Holy....
Chao: What?
Cham: They're all moving as one..... like they're all part of one consciousness...
Chao: Typical Sci-Fi mysterious creature story.
Cham: Also, I'd recommend we try to find Shade and Dark before we get killed--wait.
Chao: What?
Cham: Dude, among those things.... is Speedy! What the crap? ....and Phantom? And the other third-parties?
Chao: But.... they were KYLL'd.
Both: Unless....
Chao: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Cham: I hope not.
Chao: Let's just say it at the same time.
Cham: The KYLL transforms them!
Chao: They were pretending to be dead!
Cham: .....
Chao: ........your theory is better.
[Chao gets his chainsaw gun thing, and starts fending off the Insta-robot invasion, while Cham snipes them]
[meanwhile, Shade and Dark watch in horror as the Instability stare deep into the robots' souls-- wait. Well, their circuits]
[the robots lose an eye and an arm, and gain lots of scars, and grow three tails]
Shade: Crap.
Dark: Mommy...
Instabilities: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off.....
the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man will die.
Both: Crap!
[now, all the Instabilities in the world begin chanting those words over and over again]
Dark: But, their mouths are sewn shut!
[the Instability gain a new chant: "the bad man sew my mouth shut...."]
Shade: I... I think they can still talk. But, MAN, that looks painful.
[the Instability start moving toward them]
Shade: Crap! Dark, don't you have ANY weapons on you?
Dark: ....wait, yeah! Yes, I do!
[Dark tosses another grenade; it kills the enemies and blasts the doors open, revealing MORE Instability]
[Shade and Dark run for it]
[they reach the top of the house, and regroup with Cham and Chao]
Cham: Shade, help me, please.
Shade: Damn, won't these guys ever STOP?
Chao: Junker's ready.
Shade: Let's run for it, then!
SWEET LONG ROAD HOME ALABAMA: I'M TAKING MY TIME, JUST MOVING ALONG
[the Instability break through the doors]
Chao: Guys, they're taking our Junker!
Shade: NO WAY.
[Shade runs outside]
Shade: Instability.... time to get.... HAMMERED.
[Shade pulls out the Hammer of Dawn of War]
Dark: Shade, the sattelites aren't overhead!
Shade: Well, I'm just gonna have to hope I catch a lucky break, then.
[Shade aims it, charges it, and....]
[poof]
Shade: ....c'mon....
[the Instability surround him]
Shade: C'MON......
[they reach for him]
Shade: COME...... ON.....
[.....BOOM!]
Shade: Yeah-heh-heh-HEH!
[BOOM! BOOOM! BOOOOOOM!!!]
[OMG HAX GIANT LAZER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION WTF LOL LOL LEET HAX]
Shade: Let's get out of here!
[they run for it, and get their Junker back]
[CRAAAAAAASSSSSHHHH!!!!]
[ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!]
All: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?
[Dark takes a look]
Dark: Uh, Shade.... you're not gonna believe this, but....
[they all look back, and see a HUMONGUS Instability]
[it is completely blind, but is controlled by an Instabilitized Tails Doll, so it CAN see, it has only one arm, tons of scars, three tails, yeah yeah, AND.... it has huge bazookas and cannons on its back]
[the Tails Doll has no eyes, either, but... it's the Tails Doll; it doesn't NEED eyes to see]
[let's just call it a BOOM-ACK for now]
Chao: The freakiest part... is that THAT used to be a chao.
Shade: *shudder* Let's try not to think about that.
[RADIO!!!]
Shade: Control, we are in our Junker, and, uh--
[WARP!]
Shade: Sam n' Max just got here with the map.
[ROOOAAAARR!]
Shade: Oh, and we have a BOOM-ACK on our tail. We just left Shawn's mansion. Where to next?
Egg: Hang on. Sam n' Max just sent us this map....
[Eggman hums cheerfully as he checks the map]
Egg: Ah-HA! It looks like the robots have a HUGE train that takes supplies down to their Factory! A station is close to you!
Shade: ****, really? That's great! But.... what do you want US to do?
Egg: The engine, Shade! Plant our nukes on that engine, and we'll set them off once the train makes it to the Factory!
Shade: Of course!
Egg: We'll give Sam n' Max the explosives once you reach the station. For now, just GET THERE!
Shade: ...we don't even know WHERE the station IS.
Egg: I've updated your Junker's GPS system with the info.
Shade: Oh. ...cool. We'll get right on that, then.
Egg: Oh, and... Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Egg: If this goes as planned... the war will be over, and you can go home.
Shade: **** YEAH! Wilco, Control! Delta out!
[RADIO OFF!]
[Shade tells them the mission]
Cham: That's great! That's BETTER than great! That's AWESOME!
Chao: Yes, but.... what about the armies of Instability, and the BOOM-ACK?
Shade: ......you just HAD to bring those up, DIDN'T you, Chao?
ANGUISH: BLIND ALLEY
(DJay's Note: The following few chapters are not in the XBOX360 version of Gears of War. They're only in the PC version,
WHICH I HAVE NEVER PLAYED. I'm working off this walkthrough of the PC version, so there may be some inaccuracies. I'll
let you know once we get back into the 360 version.)
[cut to Delta Squad driving along in the city; they've lost the BOOM-ACK; no enemies in the immediate area]
[they also got more ammo]
[suddenly, they reach a drawbridge that is up]
Shade: Crap.
Dark: Hang on, there's some bridge controls here.
[Dark activates the controls]
[the bridge begins to move down; it jams]
Chao: Great. What do we do now?
[O CRAP HOLES break open; Instarobots crawl out]
Shade: Fight for our lives, that's what!
[they kill the Instarobots]
[they break in from the buildings]
All: WHOA!
Dark: Alright, robot freaks! *vrrrrr* Time to get chainsaw'd.
[Dark charges forward, then stops in fear as a Instarobot prepares to chainsaw HIM]
Dark: Yikes! Help!
[Cham shoots the robot, saving Dark]
Dark: Thanks...
[they finish off all the enemies]
Cham: Sir, what are your orders?
Shade: Uh... let's explore this section of town. Maybe we can find something. C'mon, through here.
[they explore some buildings and alleys]
[inside the buildings are a bunch of Instabilities, which are easily taken care of]
[eventually, in a building, they run into a Troika!]
Shade: Damn, we haven't seen these guys in a while. Cham, you and Chao flank left and take out the others. Dark and I'll take this one.
Chao: Sure thing.
Cham: Yes, sir!
Shade: So, Dark.... ready for this?
Dark: Ready.
[they run across the long hallway; the Troika shoots at them; they duck behind cover]
Dark: Shall I throw a grenade?
Shade: Be my guest.
[Dark tosses a grenade; it blows the Troika up]
Shade: Everyone, the Troika is down! Let's regroup and move on.
[they keep going]
[they enter a garden]
[AMBUSH!]
Shade: Delta Squad, let's take these guys out!
[budda budda budda]
[after a huge, yet boring gunfight, the Instability and the Instarobots were taken care of]
[they get back onto a street]
ANGUISH: ERRORS OF COMEDY
[RADIO!]
Shade: Yes, Control?
Egg: Delta, we've recieved word that the train is accellerating in speed, so it's nearly at the station. You'd better hurry!
Shade: Wilco. Also, Control? Do you have any idea how to get this big drawbridge back up?
Egg: Yes, there should be a power supply thing nearby.
Shade: Oh. Thanks. Delta out.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: Team, there's a power supply thing for the bridge nearby.
[CRASH! RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWRRR!]
All: NO ****ING WAY!
[the BOOM-ACK caught up with them]
Cham: Sir, you'd better take cover. I'll distract it!
Shade: From what?
Cham: Sir, the power lines are RIGHT THERE! If the BOOM-ACK destroys them, the bridge will NEVER be fixed!
Shade: Oh. Distract it, then. Dark, Chao, c'mon!
Chao: I'll.... I'll help Cham distract it. You two hurry and reactivate the bridge!
Shade: Got it. Dark, let's go.
Dark: Yeah, let's.
[Shade and Dark find an underground passage; the BOOM-ACK's thundering footsteps are heard and felt above them]
[RADIO!!!]
Egg: Delta, we've recieved word that the Instability has boarded the train, and they're "eagerly" awaiting you.
Shade: Crap! We'd better hurry, then. Delta out!
[RADIO OFF!]
[Shade and Dark explore the city and slums, and they find a downed power line]
Shade: Crap....
Dark: Sam n' Max, fix that wire!
[Sam n' Max starts repairing the wire]
[they're ambushed!]
Dark: Shade, we need to defend Sam n' Max!
Shade: Got it!
[they defeat all the O CRAP HOLES and such]
[eventually, the BOOM-ACK reaches them]
Both: Holy crap!
Shade: Shoot its legs!
[they shoot its legs to slow it down]
Dark: Shade, don't bother shooting IT! Shoot the Tails Doll!
Shade: Great idea!
[they shoot the Tails Doll, and the Tails Doll falls off]
TD: RRRRAAGHHHHHHH!!!
Both: Yikes!
[the Tails Doll uses its mystical powers to pause time around them; only Shade, Dark, and the Doll can move]
Shade: What the?
TD: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off.....
the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[the Tails Doll adds a new chant, "The bad man tore both my eyes out...."]
[the Doll slowly approaches them]
Shade: Uh.... uh....
[Shade notices a big theater behind them]
Shade: In here!
[they run in there as the Doll slowly floats behind]
[there's a choice-- through the Main Hall, or up in the Theater Balconies]
[the Doll slowly follows them]
Shade: Dark, you take the balconies; I'll go through the Main Hall.
Dark: Affirmative!
[they split up]
[the Doll stops at the crossing]
[cut to Dark up in the balconies]
Dark: *pant* This... this is scary. I don't like this.
[the lights go out]
Dark: Eep!
[he sees a red glow behind him]
Dark: ....Shade?
[he turns around, slowly]
[the red glow is a small, red orb that seems to be floating in mid-air]
Dark: ....very...funny.... Shade......
[the lights flicker on for a second, revealing the Tails Doll]
Dark: Yelp!
[cut to Shade in the Main Hall]
Shade: Well, this is kinda boring. Still, it's also awesome!
[the lights turn off]
Shade: What the?
[he keeps walking, slowly, for a little bit]
Shade: Mister Tails Doll.... I'm right here for you.
[Dark screams nearby]
Shade: *gasp* Dark!
[Shade looks around frantically]
[he sees a doorway leading to the stage]
[he enters the stage, and looks up to the balconies]
[he sees Dark backing up to a ledge, the Tails Doll slowly approaching him]
Shade: HEY! TAILS DOLL-FACE! DOWN HERE!
[the Tails Doll doesn't even seem to want to care; it still approaches Dark]
Shade: Crap.
[Shade notices a valve nearby]
Shade: I don't care WHAT this does, but I'm turning it.
[he turns it, and a huge piece of backstage scenery flies across the theater, and hits the balcony]
[it provides a ramp for Dark to slide down to the stage]
Shade: Dark! Slide down the ramp!
Dark: Gladly!
[Dark slides down, and runs behind Shade]
[the Doll finally notices Shade]
TD: ....the bad man....... is.... YOU.
Shade: Urk!
TD: ....the bad man........ will........... DIE.
Shade: Tails Doll... calm down. Everything's gonna be all right. I'm not the bad man. The bad man is Mecha Knuckles. Okay?
TD: ....the bad man....... is.... YOU!
Shade: But--
TD: YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!
["YOU" is screamed as a very, VERY loud shriek, that breaks windows, and sends Shade and Dark flying against the wall]
Dark: Shade, I don't think you should try talking to him anymore!
Shade: Good idea. *vrrrrrr* Time for my chainsaw to do the talking FOR me.
[Shade charges forward, chainsaw gun in tow, and rips the Tails Doll to shreds]
Dark: You did it!
Shade: Yeah..... *pant* ....now... let's get outta here. This place gives me the creeps.
[as they leave, the remains of the Tails Doll get up]
[all that's left is just part of its head, half of its torso, and a whole arm]
TD: ....the bad man....... chainsawed me. He.......... *sob* .....he killed me.
[the very, very torn-apart Tails Doll floats forward very slowly]
[as Shade and Dark leave the theater, they run into Cham and Chao]
[apparently, time is back to normal]
Cham: Hey, what the crap HAPPENED in there?
Chao: Yeah, you look like you just saw a ghost.
Dark: We ran into--
Shade: Let's not talk about it.
ANGUISH: WINDOW SOBBING
[it turns out Chao and Cham were just their imagination, as they float away like dust]
[they hear some trash cans behind them get knocked over]
Both: Wha?
[Shade and Dark turn around, and see the torn-apart Tails Doll, hovering in the doorway]
Both: AAAAAHHHH!!!
TD: ....Shade, why did you chainsaw me into pieces? You know you cannot kill me.
Shade: Tails Doll... are you a part of my imagination, too? Are you a mirage?
TD: No, I assure you, you cannot even comprehend what is going on. We will win this war. It is only a matter of time.
Shade: Wait. I heard that voice... when "Metal" killed future me.
TD: Future you? Metal? Are you sure they weren't mirages, too?
Dark: Shade, what's going on?
Shade: I don't know. But, I feel that this guy's behind most of this.
TD: Oh, no. I am not. I am merely.... a pawn, if you will. A pawn... in this game of Chess. And you are the guard of the King.
Shade: Huh?
TD: Dark, you are the guard of the guard of the king.
Dark: Cool, am I one of those horse-riding guys?
TD: ....sure, why not?
Shade: Dark, stay on focus. Don't get pulled into his freaky ways.
TD: The Instability.... they are the team you are fighting. The robots are their army.
Shade: What is going ON?
TD: In this game of Chess.... it's the Instability versus space. We want... your space.
Shade: What are you TALKING about!? You're freaking me out!
TD: Like I said... you are the guard of the king of the "space" side of Chess.
Shade: So... I'm your enemy?
TD: Correct. And, when we kill Dark, we can kill YOU. When we kill YOU.... we can kill the king.
Shade: The.... king?
TD: The king.
Shade: Who is the king?
TD: .....
Shade: WHO IS THE KING?!
TD: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore both my eyes out.... the bad man tore my arm off.....
the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[the Tails Doll resumes its slow move]
Shade: Dark, any ideas?
Dark: .....only one.
[cut to Shade and Dark out in the streets, the Tails Doll following them]
Shade: TAILS DOLL!
TD: Ruh?
Shade: Unpause time, and we will stay completely still for you to kill us.
TD: ......fine!
[the Tails Doll unpauses time, and starts laughing maniacally]
[Shade and Dark wave "goodbye"]
[suddenly...]
[STOMP!]
[the BOOM-ACK steps on the Tails Doll's remains]
Shade: Now let's run.
Dark: Got it.
[they run for it]
[RADIO!]
Shade: Chao, Cham, are you two okay?
Chao: Yep.
Cham: I'm fine.
Shade: Where are you?
Chao: We're in a garage. We can see you.... hurry and get here before that BOOM-ACK crushes you!
Shade: Roger that.
[RADIO OFF!]
[CRASH!]
[there's a Seeder there]
Dark: What the?
Shade: Haven't seen those in a while. It would explain why Control hasn't called yet.
Dark: Yes, it would.
Shade: Time to Hammer of Dawn of War it.
Dark: The satellites SERIOUSLY aren't overhead, Shade.
Shade: Oh. Well, how will we destroy it?
[Dark looks around, and sees a Troika and a propane tank]
Dark: Shoot that propane tank with that Troika!
Shade: Of course!
[BOOM! RAAAAWWR!]
[the Seeder dies in the explosion]
[RADIO!!!]
Shade: Control?
Egg: ........hello?
Shade: Yay, it works! Control, is the bridge up yet?
Egg: Negative, Delta.
Shade: Oh. Okay, Delta out.
[RADIO OFF!]
[Shade and Dark regroup with Chao and Cham; they keep moving]
ANGUISH: POWERS THAT THERE MAY BE
[as they explore the city some more, they talk a bit more]
Shade: So..... who here's seen "This is Spinal Tap?"
Dark: I have! Why else do you think I became a rock star in the first place?
Chao: I thought your rocker personality was loosely based off Ozzy Osbourne, and Ringo.
Dark: Well, yes, but also Spinal Tap heavily influenced me, as well.
Cham: I haven't seen This is Spinal Tap.
Shade: You should. It's hilarious.
Chao: Wait. I thought they were a BAND, not a MOVIE!
Shade: They ARE a band, but there's a movie made about them. I think it's a mock-u-mentary.
Dark: Actually, Spinal Tap used to not exist. But after "This is Spinal Tap," which was a mock/rock-u-mentary about a
fictional rock band, they have released several songs under the name "Spinal Tap." One of their songs,
"Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight" is in Guitar Hero 2 as an encore song.
Chao: Hm. I see.
Shade: Okay, what about the music video for The Kill, by 30 Seconds to Mars?
Dark: I have yet to see that one.
Chao: I think I saw it.
Cham: Doesn't ring a bell.
Shade: It's really weird. The song is in Rock Band, and soon to be in Guitar Hero 4, but the music video is messed UP.
Chao: Isn't that the one where the bear..... does.... sexual things... with that guy?
Shade: The bear blows the guy, yes.
Dark: Ooh, I wanna see that!
Shade: You don't actually SEE it. It's only implyed, because you see a bear at the foot of a bed, then you see this guy
sit up next to it, on the bed. But, it's a good video. I think it might be based on The Shining, possibly. It certainly
REMINDED me of it.
Chao: Yeah, all the band members are in that hotel, and they see mirror images of each other, and tons of freaky things happen.
Cham: Huh. Sounds neat.
Shade: What about "Edward Scissorhands?"
Dark: I think EVERYBODY'S seen that one.
Chao: I LOVE that movie!
Cham: That's the Tim Burton film where that guy has scissors for hands, right?
Shade: Yeah.
Cham: I liked it.
Shade: Okay..... how about "Misery?"
Dark: Read the book, saw the movie. Both are good.
Chao: Stephen King's so gory.
Cham: Misery.... Misery..... I.... think I've seen it.
Shade: "1408?"
Dark: It's cool. I like things about scary hotels.
Chao: I preferred Silent Hill 4.
Shade: Dude, that one was awesome.
Cham: Yeah. Especially when that bunny is always facing away from you... and then randomly looks at you.
Shade: *shudder* That part always freaks me out.
[they reach a power supply thing]
Shade: We found it!
[Shade activates it]
[RADIO!]
Shade: This is Delta. We've activated the bridge.
Egg: Good job, Delta! Now you can get to your Junker, and get to the train station!
Shade: Wilco. Moving to the Junker now.
[RADIO OFF!]
ANGUISH: TITANIC PROPORTIONS
[between them and the Junker is a huge parking lot]
Shade: C'mon, let's go!
[CRASH!]
[ROOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!]
All: ****!
[the BOOM-ACK is heading towards the power lines]
Cham: If it breaks those, our whole mission was a waste of time!
Shade: Time to finish the BOOM-ACK off.
[they begin shooting it]
[it roars, and stomps the ground, causing an earthquake]
Dark: Whoa, this guy is BIG!
Shade: Shut up and shoot it!
[while they shoot it, Shade notices an extremely messed-up Tails Doll riding on top of it, controlling it]
Shade: Dark....... look!
Dark: Huh? *notices* ......NO WAY. I thought we really killed it!
Shade: *sigh* The Tails Doll can NEVER die, Dark. All we can do now is just.... shoot it.
[Shade gets an idea]
Shade: Everyone, shoot the BOOM-ACK's legs!
Chao: Why?
Shade: Just do it!
[they shoot its legs; it falls over; the Tails Doll falls off]
Cham: That doll!?
Chao: It's the Tails Doll!
Shade: Yeah, now kill it! KILL IT!
[they all start shooting the Doll, throwing grenades at it, and chainsawing it]
[eventually, the Doll just.... dies; the Doll stops floating]
[the BOOM-ACK, without a leader, goes in a rampage]
Shade: Crap! I didn't think about this!
Dark: I've got an idea.
[Dark jumps onto the BOOM-ACK, and rides it off into the horizon]
[pause]
[KA-BOOM!]
[Dark is seen in the sky, falling down to the parking lot, action movie-style]
Dark: It's gone.
Chao: How'd you kill it?
Dark: Easy. I showed it the PS3.
Cham: It blew up out of sheer awesomeness?
Dark: NO! What are you, STUPID? It lost the will to live after seeing such crap, so it self-destructed!
Shade: .....you used TNT, didn't you?
Dark: I used TNT.
Shade: Anyway, let's move on.
[they get back into the Junker, and drive to the train station]
ANGUISH: PONY EXPRESS
(DJay's Note: We're back into the 360 version here.)
[they jump out of the Junker, and dash into a gunfight]
[tons of Instarobots were waiting for them]
Shade: According to Control, the train isn't here yet, but when it gets here, it's not gonna stop for us.
Chao: So how'll we get on?
Shade: We jump on, epicly.
[they get behind parked cars, broken concrete, and parked trains, shooting at the robots]
[once all the enemies are dead, a new O CRAP HOLE opens]
[they take care of it]
Shade: Here comes the train.... get ready....
[as the train passes, Shade and Dark hop on]
[but, not Chao and Cham; more Instarobots fight them]
Chao: Don't worry, Shade! We'll catch up!
ANGUISH: TRAIN DECIMATION
[the train is a long one, which looks slightly like a freight train-- no roof, no walls, just the floor]
[there are cabins ahead]
[Shade and Dark are on the car at the VERY back]
[the train is speeding along what seems like a huge, barren desert, at sunset]
Shade: So.... Dark.... you ready to start the final mission?
Dark: I'm ready.
Shade: No backup. I don't think Chao and Cham will catch up with us for a while.
Dark: I'm..... I'm ready.
Shade: The Instability have taken over this train, you know.
Dark: I SAID I'M READY!!
Shade: Okay! Let's go.
[they begin moving along the train cars, and the Instarobots appear further ahead, hiding behind cover]
Shade: Let's get this over with.
[they duck behind cover, and do some blind firing at the enemies]
[Dark tosses a grenade or two, and shoots]
[once everything is clear, they move ahead]
[they reach the back door to the first cabin]
Shade: Damn. It's locked.
Dark: Sam n' Max, rip that door!
[Sam n' Max appears, and starts unlocking it]
?: SHAAAAADE! DAAAAAAAARK!
[Shade and Dark turn around and scream]
[they see a red blur dashing along the desert]
[it jumps high and lands on the last train car]
[WHOOOO'S THAT POKEMON?]
[IIIIIT'S MECHA KNUCKLES!]
[except, Mecha has no arms]
MK: Just.... because I..... HAVE.... NO..... arms..... DOESN'T mean I can't..... kiLL... YoU!
Shade: But.... but.... we watched you shut down!
MK: I'm so unstable. So.... IN...stable. I can.... be impulsive if I..... WanT tO.
[Mecha charges forward, and smacks into the cabin]
MK: So.... ready to die?
Shade: Can't we just talk first?
MK: Sure thing, pal! Howzabout we talk about your DEATH?
Shade: As long as we just... talk.
MK: Awwww.... but what's the point in JUST talking when ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS?
[Shade gestures for Dark to slowly follow him; they sneak past him]
MK: I KnOW whEre you ARE...
[Mecha turns around, and kicks Dark]
Dark: Oof!
Shade: Dark!
MK: Face it, pally. There's no beating me. Muh huh huh huh....
[Shade grabs Dark, and enters the cabin that Sam n' Max just opened]
MK: Hey, I can still come in there! You can't do anything to me!
[Shade presses a button inside the cabin, and the cars outside it detatch and stop]
MK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..............!
[Dark throws an extra grenade, just to "help the situation"]
Shade: Let's get back to moving.
[they move up the train, inside the cabins, shooting Instability and Instarobots]
Dark: Awfully long train, isn't it?
Shade: It's a supply train, Dark. It has to have enough food for the Factory people.
[they see some flying Instability outside the windows]
Dark: Shade, what are those things?
Shade: I think they're flying Instability, Dark. What did you THINK they were?
Dark: I'm scared, though!
Shade: Relax! They're no threat to us!
[the flying creatures, which we'll call Grinning Reapers, eerily fly alongside the train, doing nothing but following Shade and Dark]
[RADIO!]
Egg: Shade, you've got some Grinning Reapers headed your way. They have Instarobots piloting them!
Shade: Uh-oh, that doesn't sound too good.
Egg: You have some Troikas on the train you can use to kill them.
Shade: Really? Cool! Wilco, Delta out!
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: Dark, we're gonna get to use some Troikas.
Dark: Yay!
[they climb some ladders to the roof of the train, and get on some Troikas]
[they take out the Grinning Reapers]
[rumble]
[RADIO!]
Shade: Control, what was that?
Egg: It seems that some Instability in the front of the train are starting to detatch your car from the train.
Shade: WHAT?!
Egg: You have 45 seconds.
[RADIO OFF!]
Shade: Dark, c'mon! We have 45 seconds to get to the front of the train!
Dark: Crap-a-da-doo-dah!
[they jump back into the train as it goes into a tunnel and accellerates, going much faster]
[they can feel the car rumbling as it begins to detatch]
Shade: Hurry!
Dark: Hurrying!
[they run through the cabins and such until the rumbling stops]
[RADIO!]
Shade: Control, has the detatchment stopped?
Egg: Negative. It's now in the process of detatching.
Shade: CRAP!
[RADIO OFF!]
[they reach a locked door]
Dark: Sam n' Max, rip that door!
[Sam n' Max begins opening the door]
[the lights go off]
Shade: HURRY, SAM N' MAX!
[some Instability break into the train through the vents]
Shade: Crap! *budda budda* Take 'em out!
[the Instability get very close to them before Sam n' Max opens the door]
[they dive in]
[the Instability grab Sam n' Max, and tear it apart]
Dark: NOOOOOOO!!!
Shade: Dark, get a hold of yourself! *slap* Now those things are coming after US!
[the cars detatch; Shade and Dark are in the front car, so they aren't affected]
Shade: .....
Dark: .....
Shade: Never mind, then.
ANGUISH: PALE AND HOARSE
[they are in a small cabin; outside the door in front of them is a large, open train car; the engine is at the front]
Shade: We're here. There's the engine. We gotta place these explosives that I got from Sam n' Max on the engine.
Dark: Oooh... this sounds hard.
Shade: You just let me do the work. But, are you ready to finish what we started?
Dark: ................I'm ready.
[they walk out into the open car]
[nightfall comes; the KYLL surround the car]
[luckily, Shade and Dark are by a bit of cover with lamps on it]
[the train is speeding like crazy now]
Dark: Shade, what's that?
Shade: Huh?
[at the other end of the car is a very scary-looking figure]
[it is crouching]
[it gets up, showing spikes on its head, a cape, elf-like shoes, and sharp hands coming out of what look like robotic sleeves]
Shade: Metal?
[the figure points to the sky, and a bolt of lightning strikes, showing for a split second....]
[Neo Metal Sonic, covered in blood, with one arm, one eye, and three tails]
Both: CRAP!!!
[at all times, his one red eye glows ominously in the darkness]
Shade: Metal, don't tell me they got you, too!
MS: Help..... help me, mommy....... the bad man tore my eye out.... the bad man tore my arm off.....
the bad man gave me three tails.... the bad man gave me scars...... the bad man sew my mouth shut.... the bad man will die.
[Metal raises his hand to the sky, and thousands of KYLL surround him]
[Metal slowly starts walking towards them]
Dark: Shade..... I'm REALLY scared now.
Shade: S...so am I.
Dark: I mean, we're up against ****ing METAL SONIC, Instabilitized, and THE KYLL! And not the awesome one by 30 Seconds to Mars, I mean the BAD ones!
Shade: I KNOW, ALRIGHT!? I'm....*sniff*... I don't know what to do!
Dark: But..... *sniff* you.... you..... ALWAYS..... know what to do...
Shade: *sob* Not this time..... this time..... I think we're really done for. I really..... really.... think so...
[Metal is still slowly getting closer]
[the camera dramatically shows Shade and Dark, crying]
[suddenly, a light shines on Metal; the KYLL fly away]
[Shade and Dark look up, and see Redd Fox's helicopter shining a spotlight on the train; Chao and Cham are riding in it with Troikas]
Chao: SHADE!
Shade: Couldn't you guys have come any sooner?!
Chao: WE TOOK THE WRONG TURN AT ALBUQUERQUE!
Shade: Heh..... *laughter* Now, could you guys give us a hand?!
Cham: Sure thing. *budda budda budda* EAT LEAD, METAL SCUM!
Dark: Shade, the KYLL are no longer protecting him! Let's shoot him!
Shade: Huh? Oh, right.
[they shoot at Metal]
[the KYLL begin attacking Redd Fox's helicopter, but he flies away]
[with no light over Metal, the KYLL return to him]
Shade: Crap.
Dark: Back to square one. What will we do?
Shade: Just stay low.
[pause; they can hear Metal slowly getting closer]
Chao: FIRE!
[they shine the light over Metal again; the KYLL fly away]
Shade: SHOOT!
[Shade and Dark shoot at Metal]
[the cycle repeats, but this time, Redd Fox is completely killed by the KYLL; Chao and Cham hop onto the train before the helicopter crashes]
Shade: Whoa, TIME OUT! This.... this wasn't supposed to happen!
Dark: I guess we'll have to just.... wait here until we die.
MS: .......RAAAGH!
Shade: Wha?
[Shade peeks over the cover, and sees Metal holding his head]
Shade: Metal, are you okay?
MS: Shade..... SHOOT ME.... now..... I've sent... the KYLL...... away...... SHOOT ME!
Shade: But.....
Cham: NOW, SHADE!
[they fire at Metal; right before the KYLL return, Metal falls off the train, and blows up]
All: *cheer*
Dark: WE DID IT!
Cham: Not quite.
Shade: Cham's right. I've still got to plant the explosives, then we gotta bail somehow.
Chao: But.... how? Redd Fox is down!
?: So, you're just..... gonna.... have to DIE..... with us!
Shade: No way.
Dark: Can't be.
Chao: Impossible.
Cham: But it IS....
[they turn around, and see, in the doorway....]
[an extremely destroyed Mecha Knuckles]
Shade: Easy there, Mecha.... we didn't mean to kill you.
MK: Kill me? Hahahahahaha! You can't kill ME! I... I am the king of our side of the Chess board!
Shade: Wha...... say WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?
MK: Tails Doll never told you? Ah, you can't get that moron to do ANYTHING right.
Chao: So.... you're.... the LEADER of the Instability?
MK: Essentially. Sure, I'm not their creator; I'm not the first Instability; I'm certainly not the actual KING....
but, I'm the strongest, scariest, deadliest, most persistant, and most important!
Dark: Are you gonna tell us all about the Instability, or something?
MK: Eh, why bother? You're gonna die soon, anyway. What's the point of LEARNING when you're seconds from death? I
CAN tell you something to compare us to, though. The Flood. Except.... we're cooler, and from a better series.
Shade: You weren't from a game series!
MK: No, we're not, but we're from DCA. That's a SERIES. Doesn't matter. Time for me to do my job.
[Mecha Knuckles charges forward; the chao dive to the side]
[Mecha stops before hits the engine]
MK: Wait. Why am I still fighting at an unfair disadvantage? There are FOUR of you, each fully intact, and only ONE of me, with most of my limbs missing.
Chao: Can you at least tell us why your limbs are missing?
MK: It's got something to do with our bodies being unstable, and feeding off of space and time, and stuff.
Chao: Oh.
[Mecha strains, and manages to grow some really freaky-looking limbs (the ones he was missing)]
MK: That's better. Oh, and now I can see, too! Neat! ....oh, THERE you are. Time for the last horses to finally cross the DEATH line.
[Mecha grabs Cham, and throws him off the train]
Cham: HELP!
[Mecha chases after Chao; Shade sneaks to the engine, and plants the explosives]
[Shade then begins shooting Mecha]
MK: Heh.... I thought I told you that shooting is useless.
Shade: Yes, but.... I can still try.
MK: Oh, no you can't!
[Mecha picks Shade up, and prepares to punch him to death, when Dark sticks a grenade to Mecha]
MK: What the?
Dark: That's for all you've done to us, you meanie!
MK: AIEEE!!! A GRENADE! A GRENADE!
[Mecha runs around, knocks Chao and Dark off the train, drops Shade, and dives off the train, himself]
[so, Shade's the only one still on the train]
Shade: .......I don't like where this is going.
[Shade looks into the distance, and sees a huge bridge going over a lake of plasma]
[the plasma leads to the Factory; the bridge is broken; that's how the train gets to the Factory]
Shade: ....CRAP. CRAP. CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! HELP ME! SOMEBODY! NO! AAAHHH!!! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
[Shade runs in circles before seeing a spotlight shine on him]
Shade: Wha?
Chao: SHADE! GRAB MY HAND!
Shade: ...huh?
[Shade sees a helicopter, piloted by Shadow Bonic, and Chao is there, extending his hand]
Chao: GRAB MY HAND!
Shade: I.... I can't! I won't be able to make it!
Chao: YES, YOU WILL!
Dark: C'MON, SHADE!
Shade: Dark?
Cham: SHADOW BONIC'S AWESOME PILOTING SKILLS SAVED OUR BUTTS OUT THERE, MAN!
Dark: AND NOW HE'S GONNA SAVE YOURS!
Shade: ....I... I can't make that jump.
Egg: Yes, you can.
Shade: Eggman?
[Eggman is there, arms crossed]
Egg: Come on, Shade. You can do it. This is your last task.
Shade: ........okay.
[Shade gets a running start, leaps, and falls]
Shade: NOOOO!!!
[a hand grabs him-- Eggman's]
Egg: You're.... not...... gonna DIE, Shade!
[Eggman pulls Shade up; the others help]
Shade: Wow..... thanks, guys..... *pant* you..... you really helped me out there.
Chao: Well, we weren't going to just let you DIE.
Dark: Shh! The movie's starting!
Shade: Movie?
[Dark points to the train; Shade turns around and sees the train fall into the plasma]
Egg: Here it comes....
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!]
[the camera pans out, showing the helicopter flying away as a huge explosion comes out of the plasma lake]
[Metal's voice-over is heard speaking]
MS: *sigh* The gears of war keep spinning.... and the roses of gunfire fuel it. The Factory was destroyed that day,
along with all the Instabilities. Mecha blew up, thanks to the heroic efforts of Dark. Delta Squad managed to prevent
the Instability from completely possessing my body. Did I die? Of course not. A mere explosion cannot kill me! *cough cough*
But, it certainly hurt. The Tails Doll was killed, thanks to the Delta Squad. In the end, the Instability's invasion was
averted.... and we owe it all to you, Shade. ...and Dark. And Cham. And Chao. Of course, those already possessed by the
fourth-dimension menace... are gone forever. But, you are not forgotten. However......
(getting more and more sinister) perhaps the Factory was destroyed..... but not eradicated? Perhaps the Instability was
defeated.... but not finished off? Perhaps Shade won the battle..... but not the war? Perhaps Mecha Knuckles fell off the
train.... but not out of life? Perhaps we actually....... WON? After all, we WILL win this war. It is only a matter of time.
Now that Shade is the last of Delta Squad that's truly..... ALIVE...... muahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!! No one can save him NOW!
Mwah-hah! MWAH-HAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!
[the screen fades to black as Dark, Chao, Cham, Eggman, and Shadow Bonic laugh monotonously, while Metal laughs maniacally]
Shade: Are you guys alright? I think you've gotten tons of scars, or something.
Dark: Not to worry, Shade. Not...... to...... WORRY.
Shade: ......I don't like where this is going.
[a chainsaw engine is heard revving; the Gears n' Roses logo appears on-screen]
[as the credits roll, "Sweet Child o' Mine" plays, but with Rubber Goose, Dark's band, playing it! And playing a little differently, too.]
[oh, and Cham is the singer]
(DJay's Note: This is a TERRIBLE song. I'm not good at lyrics.)

"Cham's Description of an Instability"
Rubber Goose, based on "Sweet Child o' Mine" by Guns n' Roses

CHAM:
She's got a smile that, sewn shut, it seems,
Reminds me of repressed memories...
Where everything
Was as red as their blood-red skulls. (skulls, skulls, skulls)
Now and then when I see her face...
She takes me away to that horrible place,
And if I'd stare too long,
My face, too, would be very dull. (dull, dull, dull)

Oh, Oh, Oh,
Gears n' Roses!
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
As dead as Moses!

She's got eyes of the blackest holes...
As if they thought of death.
I hate to look into those eyes;
I always feel like I'm on meth.
Her hair reminds me of a warm, rocky place,
Which, as a child, I'd fear.
And pray for the Hero Chaos,
And the Garden,
To quietly take me from.

Oh, Oh, Oh,
Gears n' Roses!
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
As dead as Moses!

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Gears n' Roses!
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
As dead as Moses!

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,
Gears n' Roses!
Oh,
As dead as Moses!


[Guitar Solo]

Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Oh, Oh,
Where do we go?
Oh,
Where CAN we go now?
Where do we go?
Oh, (Shade, help)
Where do we go now?
Oh,
Where do we go now?
Oh,
Where do we go?
Oh,
Where do we go now?
Oh,
Where do we go?
Where do we go now?
Where do we go?
Oh,
Where do we go now?
No, No, No, No, No, No
Shade, help,
Shade, help me, please.