DJay32 presents...
A Dark Chao Adventures script...

Still Waiting for Half-Time
(Story #2 of the Green Journey)


[cut to blackness; Echo appears in front of Shadow]
Echo: Rise... and SHINE, misssster Shadowwww.... rise... and... SHINE...
[things become very awkward, and horrific images flash]
Echo: Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on... the JOB.
Shadow: "..the job?" --Oh, right. I forgot.
Echo: No one is more deserving of a rest than YOU, and all the effort in the WORLD would have gone to waste, until...
Shadow: Until? C'mon, what's going on?
Echo: Well... let's just say your hour has... come again.
Shadow: "Again?" When was the first time?
Echo: The right chao in the wrong place can make all the diff...erence... in the WORLD.
Shadow: Seriously, dude... please tell me what's going on.
Echo: So... wake UP, misssster Shadowwww... wake up and.. smell the ASHES.
Chapter 1: Pointed Insertion
[Shadow wakes up on a train pulling into a station]
Shadow: Ugh... what the smack-diddly-umptious?
[outside the window, he sees a very Eastern-European-esque train station]
Shadow: Oh, crap, future Europe.
[he gets off the train, and instantly has his picture taken by a flying robot]
Shadow: Um... thank you?
[he slowly backs away from the robot, and bumps into a man wearing a black... well... "suit" is the best I can describe it]
[the man also has a weird gas mask, and an electric nightstick]
Shadow: Sorry about that. I, um... didn't mean to bump into you--
[he is shoved away, and falls over]
Shadow: Oof! *sniff* That kinda hurt...
[the man waves his nightstick, and sparks fly from it]
Shadow: Alright, I'm movin'! Geez...
[he keeps moving onward, and around him, many men in suits like that one are being oppressive and cruel to people]
Shadow: What the heck HAPPENED here?
?: New here, ain'tcha?
[that came from an old Hero chao, sitting on a bench in a corner]
Shadow: Um... yes, I suppose I am. Can you tell me what's going on?
[the chao looks around, paranoid]
?: Not here. This isn't the place.
[the chao gets up, and begins to walk away]
?: Apartment complex Greknurf.
[he leaves]
Shadow: Wait, where's that? Hey!
[a suited man comes up to Shadow, and gestures for him to be quiet]
Shadow: Sorry.
[he moves on through the train station, and follows a line of people]
[some people in the line go forward, through a door, to the exit]
[others go towards a platform, along which are a bunch of large, dark, ominous trains]
[the third bunch of people... Shadow sees them enter the line, but not come out anywhere]
[Shadow reluctantly steps into the line, and some suited men tell him to go towards the ominous trains]
Shadow: ...you're kidding, right?
[they shove him along]
Shadow: Oof! But... but where do those trains go?
[suddenly, they stop him; a camera on the wall takes pictures of him]
[a door next to him opens; a suited man walks out]
Man: You, citizen, come with me.
[Shadow follows him through a dark corridor, and to a room]
[inside the room is a chair around which, the ground is splattered with blood]
Man: Get in.
[Shadow walks in, as does the man; he goes over to some computer monitors]
Man: Yeah, I'm gonna need me some privacy for this...
[the man presses some buttons, and some cameras (which were there) retreat into the walls]
Man: Now...
[the man slowly takes off his gasmask...]
[aaand it's Red, the red Dark chao! Future form]
RedFuture: ..about that beer you owe me!
Shadow: ...isn't the actual line, "About that beer I owe YOU?"
RedF: Hey, buddy, you barely did squat for me, and I just stopped you from boarding a razor train.
Shadow: What are you talking about? I fought the Patriots and... oh, yeah, they never told the public about that.
RedF: Exactly. Anyway, you know me... I'm Red, from the Dark Garden n' stuff, but I seriously hardly know YOU.
Shadow: I'm Shadow, the green Dark chao. I've been in the garden for much longer than you have. Well... a bit.
RedF: ..okay, so I've seen you around before, but you look so... young.
Shadow: Long story short, I did some time travelling.
RedF: Oh, I see.
Shadow: You do?
RedF: Dude, once you've done some adventures with Shade, you get used to it.
Shadow: I see your point. So, what.. what year is this?
RedF: I don't know. The Combine have deemed calendars "useless." They say it makes us rely on labels.
Shadow: The Combine? Now, where have I heard THAT before...?
RedF: Don't worry too much about it. No, wait, DO. They're the invaders, and I don't mean GOOD invaders like Zim.
Shadow: Darn.
RedF: I've been working undercover with Civil Protection... I can't talk to you for too long, or they'll get suspicious.
Shadow: I take it the Civil Protection are volunteers who go around beating people?
RedF: Pretty much. Hey, we get food and... we get to bathe.
Shadow: Ew.
RedF: I've been way behind on my "beating quota." Hang on, there's somebody who would love to talk to you.
[one of the computer monitors shows Tails]
Tails: Yes, Red, what is it? I'm right in the middle of a critical test!
RedF: Sorry, Doc, but look who's here!
Tails: ...who's that?
Shadow: I'm Shadow. You might not remember me, since... it was a while ago when I last saw you.
Tails: Shadow, my goodness... from the Big Shell incident? Yes, yes! I remember! With the Patriots... *shudder*
Shadow: Well, I'm working for them now, I think, so...
Tails: You're... WORKING for them?! AGAIN?!
Shadow: "Again?"
Tails: You were working for them during the Libfairy stuff... and stuff.
Shadow: Oh, yeah. Feels like it happened only yesterday...
Tails: So, um... Red, what do you intend?
RedF: I'm thinkin'... maybe he could go to the lab, and we can plan somethin' there?
Tails: Shade should be around here somewhere... he would have a better idea of how to get him here.
RedF: Well, as long as he stays away from checkpoints, we'll be okay.
[Red looks at the door]
RedF: Listen, I gotta go, Doc; I'm takin' enough chances as it is.
Tails: Very well. And, uh, Shadow? Nice to meet you.
Shadow: The feeling's mutual, Doctor.
[the screen switches back to random numbers and... letters and... algorithms]
RedF: Okay, Shadow, you're gonna have to make your own way to Mister Prower's lab.
[somebody knocks on the door]
RedF: Aw, man, that's what I was afraid of. Get in here, Shadow, before you blow my cover!
[Red leads Shadow into a room filled with boxes]
RedF: Pile up some stuff to get through that window, and keep goin' 'til you're in the plaza!
[he closes the door halfway]
RedF: I'll meet up with ya later.
[he closes the door]
[Shadow piles up some stuff to get through a window, and keeps goin' 'til he's in the plaza]
[or, rather, back in the train station again]
Shadow: This is a really big train station.
[a Combine cop (man in a suit with a gasmask), whom we will call "metrocops," walks by]
[he knocks a can over]
Cop: Pick up that can.
[Shadow picks it up]
Cop: Now put it in the trash can.
Shadow: And if I don't?
Cop: *charges nightstick* I am authorized to use full force.
Shadow: *puts can in trash can* Okey-doke.
Cop: Okay, you can go. *chuckle*
[as Shadow is leaving the train station, he blows a raspberry at the cop]
[one beating later, Shadow finds himself in the town plaza]
[all the buildings are very old and Eastern-European (Russian, German, stuff like that)]
[in the center of the plaza is a giant TV on which, Doctor Eggman is addressing the public]
Egg: Let me read a letter I recently recieved. "Dear Doctor Eggman, why has the Combine seen fit to suppress our reproductive cycle? Signed, a Concerned citizen." Thank you for writing, Concerned. ...luckily, I'm not gonna answer it! Hohohoh!
Shadow: Eggman...?
[far, far, FAR in the distance, at the center of the city, a gigantic spire rises into the clouds]
Shadow: Ooh, that's ominous.
[Shadow realizes he's talking to himself, and decides to explore a bit]
[as he's walking down a street, he sees it is barricaded by the Combine]
[in front of the barricade, two metrocops are searching some citizens]
[THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!]
[a giant, long-legged, three-legged... thing walks by on the street behind the barricade]
Shadow: What the f--
[one beating later, Shadow hops a fence, and moves through some alleyways]
[he finds himself at a large building, and enters, 'cause there's really nothing else to do]
[inside is an apartment complex, through which, Shadow checks]
[he goes up a floor, and checks some rooms filled with people and chao]
Shadow: Excuse me, um... where am I?
Person: You're in apartment complex Greknurf.
Shadow: Oh, that's good!
?: Hey, there you are. So you finally made it.
[the old Hero chao is there]
?: My name's Hero. Perhaps you know me?
Shadow: Hero... yeah, you were one of the Hero chao from the Gardens, right?
HeroF: And you were... uh...
Shadow: I'm Shadow.
HeroF: My goodness, Shadow! I've completely forgotten you. Anyway, it seems to me like you need some help around here.
Shadow: Pfft. More like a BUNCH of help.
HeroF: Well, all you need to know is, Eggman's finally cracked. He's also finally conquered the world.
Shadow: ...friggin' finally.
HeroF: In this new world of Eggman Empires n' stuff, we must behave... n' stuff.
Shadow: I think I get what you're saying. Eggman's a tyrant?
HeroF: Pretty much.
Shadow: Hm. Hey, do you know how I might get to Mister Prower's lab?
HeroF: The Tailsmeister? Uh, yeah, he's--
[a siren goes off]
Attention, tenants. We have detected a miscount in your block.
Cooperation with your Civil Protection officials will guarantee a full-ration reward.
HeroF: Aw, shizzle!
Shadow: What? What's going on?
HeroF: They detected you. You're a miscount, man; a nobody. Ohhh, now we're gonna get it...
Shadow: What should I do?
HeroF: Head for the roof! There's no time to waste; go on!
[Shadow starts running for the stairs, and sees some metrocops heading up the stairs; he runs faster]
[he gets to the roof, and keeps running along the rooftops]
[the cops on the streets see him and start shooting at him]
Shadow: Aiee!
[he dives into a window, and falls down some stairs; they break]
[the metrocops break in, and surround him]
Shadow: Uh... hai gaiz...
[they knock him out]
[he wakes up a few minutes later to the face of an old, grey Dark chao]
Shadow: Ugh... Shade?
?: Shadow the chao, I presume.
[a siren continues going off in the distance]
?: We'd better hurry. The Combine are slow to wake, but once they're up, you don't want to get in their way.
[the chao helps Shadow up, and presses a button on the wall]
?: Mister Prower said you'd be coming this way. I don't think it occurred to him that you might not have a map.
[an elevator comes up]
?: I'm Shade. ...from your appearance, I'd say you come from the past, right? As in, this is your future?
Shadow: Yeah.
ShadeF: In that case, I'm the future Shade. I'm ten times cooler than the Shade you know.
Shadow: I believe you. ...dude, you have a freaking COWBOY HAT, and a five o' clock shadow.
ShadeF: I also had a shotgun, but it's gone now.
Shadow: What happened to it?
ShadeF: Another war, in the Americas. That was Gears of War, though, and this is something eleven times more awesome.
Shadow: What?
ShadeF: Half-Life 2.
[they ride the elevator to another floor; ShadeF leads Shadow to a propaganda poster of Eggman]
ShadeF: I'm sure you remember the ol' Egghead. He was my commander in that war I mentioned...
Shadow: I thought he was my colonel on this one espionage thing, but it turned out to be a robot.
ShadeF: Huh. Well, I got a warning for ya-- don't get my dad started on him.
Shadow: I thought your dad died. ...on said mission of mine.
ShadeF: Plot hole. ...aw, schnap, a plot hole. Well.. um... we revive people a lot. So we did that to him.
Shadow: Oh. That makes sense, I guess.
[ShadeF presses a button, and the wall behind the poster moves, revealing a hallway]
Chapter 2: "A Shaded Letter Day"
ShadeF: Funny, you showing up on this day in particular...
[they move through some hallways]
ShadeF: We've been helping people escape this city on the underground railroad.
Shadow: Awesome. Good cause.
ShadeF: It's a dangerous route, through the old canals. Today, we're finally on the verge of finding a better way.
[they reach a soda machine]
ShadeF: Here, lemme buy you a drink.
[he puts a coin in, presses three buttons, then bangs on the side of the machine]
[it opens up, revealing Tails' lab]
ShadeF: Oh, and by the way... welcome to the future, kiddo.
[Shadow slowly enters the lab and looks around; tons of circuitry and gadgets are everywhere]
[Tails is looking inside an animal crate]
Tails: Blast that little-- where did she get to?
ShadeF: Uh-oh. Everything alright, Doc?
[Tails bangs his head on the crate, then comes out]
Tails: Oh, hello, Shade. No, not everything... Jett has gotten out of her crate again. If I didn't know better, I'd suspect Red of trapping and...
[Tails finally notices Shadow]
Tails: My goodness.... Shadow. It really IS you, isn't it?
Shadow: Wow, Mister Prower, you...'re no longer an 8-year old.
ShadeF: I found him wandering around outside. A bit of a troublemaker, isn't he?
Tails: Oh, no, we owe a great deal to Shadow... but, trouble doesn't normally follow in his wake.
[Tails moves towards a computer]
Tails: I must say, Shadow, you've come at a very opportune time. Shade has just installed the final piece on our teleport!
ShadeF: Heh heh, yep, I'm awesome.
RedF: Well, is he here?
[they all turn to look at Red, who just got there]
RedF: Man, Shadow, you stirred up the hive.
[Red moves to some monitors; on the monitors are various locations of the city]
RedF: We can't keep him here long, Doc; it'll jeapordize everything we've worked for.
ShadeF: Take a chill pill, Red; he's comin' with me.
Tails: He's right. This is a red letter day! The teleport is complete!
RedF: A "red letter day," huh... I like the sound of that.
ShadeF: Doc, I believe you mean a "letter that is many SHADES of red day."
RedF: Butt off, Shade. The term is "RED letter day," not "SHADED red letter day."
Tails: That doesn't matter! The teleport is COMPLETE, I said!
RedF: So, it's working? For real this time? 'Cause... I still have nightmares about... THE MOOSE.
Shadow: The moose?
Tails: Now, now... there is nothing to worry about. We have made major strides since then. Major strides.
Shadow: ...what moose?
RedF: Well, Doc, since he's not takin' to the streets, you'd better get him out of his civvies.
Tails: Good idea. Red, I'll give you the honor.
RedF: I gotta get back to my shift, but okay.
[Red leads Shadow to a closet; he opens it; he turns on a light]
RedF: There we go-- HOLY FU--
[a headcrab jumps at him and latches to his head; he tears it off and throws it into the lab]
[it hops on to a cabinet]
Tails: Jett! There you are!
RedF: I thought you got rid of that pest...
Tails: Certainly not!
[Shadow stands back a bit from it]
Tails: Never fear, Shadow; she's debeaked and completely harmless. The worst she might do is attempt to couple with your head. ...fruitlessly!
RedF: *fake wretch* Gross.
Tails: Here, my pet... come with me!
[Jett hops up to some shelves]
Tails: No, not up there!
[SMASH!]
[CRACK!]
Tails: Careful, Jett... those are quite fragile!
[BANG!]
[Jett hops into a vent]
Tails: Oh, boy... it'll be a week before I can coax her out of there.
RedF: Yeah... longer, if we're lucky.
ShadeF: Not an animal person, are ya, Red?
RedF: Eah...
[they go back to the closet, and Red hands Shadow a suit]
[he puts it on]
ShadeF: Say, Doc.. that doesn't look like an HEV suit.
Tails: That's because it isn't one! I designed this suit, myself, out of fear that it'll mess up the teleport, like you did.
ShadeF: Sheesh, ONE TIME! Okay? Once!
[a siren goes off in the distance; on the monitor, the metrocops leave their positions]
Tails: Oh, dear.
RedF: Doc, we don't have time for this! Let's get this show on the road!
Tails: Good idea. This way, everyone!
[Tails leads them to a side room; a large machine is there, as is a console and a monitor]
[Shade steps into the machine; Cham appears on the monitor]
ChamF: Miles, are you there?
Tails: Yes, Cham... bit of a hold-up on this end. You'll never guess who stumbled into my lab this morning.
[Cham looks at Shadow]
ChamF: That's not who I think it is, is it?
Tails: Indeed, it is! And I intend to send him packing straightaway, in the company of Shade.
ShadeF: You ready for us, Cham?
ChamF: We're all set on this end.
ShadeF: Then let's do it.
[the machine warms up]
Tails: Hm, let's see... I've connected the GY circuit to the HJ socket, and activated both relays, Hilbert inclusive.
[the machine is warmed up]
Tails: Conditions could hardly be more ideal!
RedF: Yeah, that's what you said last time.
Shadow: Hey, um... yeah, about that moose--
[BZZZRT]
[the machine does nothing]
Tails: Oh, fiddlesticks, what now?
ShadeF: Ah, the darn thing's come unplugged!
Shadow: I got it. *plugs it in*
[BZZZRT!]
Tails: ...did it work?
ChamF: See for yourself.
[Shade appears on the monitor]
ShadeF: This is Major Tom to Ground Control; I'm stepping through the doors.
Tails: Ground Control to Major Tom, you've made the grade, and the papers want to know whose shirt you wear.
RedF: ...just ignore them when they're like this.
Shadow: Oh, okay.
[Shadow gets into the machine]
Tails: Sending Shadow in 3... 2... 1...
RedF: Good luck out there, Shadow.
[BZZ-RAPAAAAAAAA]
Tails: What the? What's gone wrong?
RedF: It's your pet, the freakin' HEAD-HUMPER!
[Jett is messing with the circuitry, and jumps into the machine]
Tails: Jett? Joan, NO!
[BZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRTTTTT]
[Shadow appears on a beach somewhere; Jett hops away]
[BZZRT]
[Shadow teleports back]
RedF: There he is!
Tails: Is Jett with him?
RedF: Forget about that thing!
[BZZRT]
[Shadow appears in Cham's lab]
ChamF: There he is. ..what's wrong, Purflee (the first, the female one)?
PFF: Something's pulling him away...
ShadeF: Stay put, Shadow. We'll get you out of there.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow finds himself in a fancy office; windows show the city from extremely high up]
[Eggman is in the room, sitting at a desk]
Egg: ...what the? Who are you? How did you get in here?
[BZZRT]
[back to Tails' lab]
RedF: He's back! Ah, screw this, Shadow, I'm getin' you out of there!
Tails: You can't just wade into the field! It will peel you apart!
ShadeF: We just lost Shadow. What's going on?
Tails: I wish I knew! We're encountering unexpected interference!
ChamF: Hold on, Shadow, we'll--
[BZZRT]
[back to Cham's lab]
ShadeF: Shadow!
PFF: It's no use; he's going again.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow finds himself in Eggman's office again]
[this time, Eggman has turned around, and is talking on a monitor to Metal Sonic, in his awesome future glory]
Egg: ...I'm all but certain he was...
[Metal looks behind Eggman; Eggman turns around and sees Shadow]
Egg: .......Shadow Raid.
[BZZRT]
[Shadow drops into a lake; he sinks for a bit; an alien fish monster charges at him, mouth wide open]
[BZZRT]
[finally, as the teleport field wears off, Shadow appears outside Tails' lab, by a window]
Tails: What do you mean, "he didn't come through?"
ChamF: He wasn't here.
Tails: Then... where IS he?
ChamF: *looks* ...behind you.
[Tails turns around, and sees Shadow, outside the window]
Tails: WOAH!
ChamF: Shut it down, shut it down!
Tails: Shadow! You must get out of here!
[some camera bots fly by and take multiple pictures of him]
RedF: Get down out of sight; I'll come find you.
[Tails closes the blinds; Shadow is able to move again]
[he runs as fast as he can around the building]
RedF: Hey, hold up a sec!
[he finds Red]
RedF: Shadow! The Egg Citadel's on full alert; I've never seen it lit up like that!
[the humongous tower in the distance is blasting sirens, camera bots, and tons of lights]
RedF: Listen to me... the teleport didn't work like we wanted it to.
Shadow: Yeah, I noticed.
RedF: Instead, you need to go through the underground railroad. It's extremely dangerous, but there are lots of others.
Shadow: Others? Like... other rebels, and stuff?
RedF: Yeah. They'll help you when they can.
Shadow: Um.. to Cham's lab, right?
RedF: Yes.
Shadow: Where, exactly, is that?
RedF: Um... it's... not that far. Really.
Shadow: (sigh) How far is it, Red?
RedF: A couple.. .. ....miles.
Shadow: A couple what?
RedF: Just take this freakin' crowbar, already!
[Red tosses a crowbar at him--]
[SNATCH] (somebody grabs it)
RedF: Holy crapadoo...
Shadow: There you are...
?: I am the only person who can use these. Understand?
[it's Shade! THE Shade! The present Shade! Not the future one!]
Shadow: Shade, where WERE you?
Shade: Somebody intercepted the Daleks' teleport; I woke up in a dumpster, way far out there.
Shadow: Well, the Veteran's Committee got me, and made me do a job for them.
Shade: A job? What kinda job?
Shadow: I dunno; they said I'd find ou--.....
[Shadow slowly turns to face the Egg Citadel]
Shadow: ....don't tell me...
Shade: They want you to assassinate Egghead, don't they?
Shadow: It's a safe bet.
RedF: ...um... you're welcome for the crowbar. Like I said, stick to the underground, 'kay? I gotta go.
[Red leaves]
Shadow: ...y'ever played Half-Life 2?
Shade: Beaten it a couple hundred times. Why? It doesn't help here; the Veteran's Committee can change stuff.
Shadow: Oh... that is not good news.
Shade: Sure it is! It makes this more fun!
[they move on, past some train tracks]
Chapter 3: The Root of the Canal
[they head down some stairs]
Shadow: Um... so, in the end, do the good guys win?
Shade: Pfft, no. In the end, SOMEBODY wins, but it's never explained if he's good or bad. Even then, he doesn't actually win.
Shadow: ...I'm not even gonna ask.
Shade: Yeah, don't.
Shadow: So... so we're entering the underground railroad now?
Shade: Yep.
Shadow: How far is Cham's lab?
Shade: Well, in the game, Doctor Eli's lab was a couple hundred miles away, across huge rivers and canals.
Shadow: C-couple HUNDRED?!
Shade: Yeah. It took the player about two chapters to get there.
Shadow: Holy damsel...
Shade: Shh! Hear that?
[they hear some crying, and peek around a dark corner]
[a woman is kneeling by a dead man, crying, as two metrocops continue to beat the corpse]
Woman: Stop, he didn't do anything...
Shadow: Shade, we've got to do something...
Shade: Wait a second.
[Shade keeps looking at the woman]
Shade: I swear, that woman looks awfully familiar...
[the woman is rather pale, and is sitting on the ground, sobbing her eyes out]
Shadow: Oh, I don't have time for this! I'm going to help her!
[as Shadow leaves, Shade remembers where he saw her from]
Shade: ....oh, snap. Shadow, stop!
[the metrocops notice Shadow, and start shooting at him]
[the woman starts growling]
[Shade slowly hides]
[Shadow attacks the metrocops, but accidentally bumps into the woman]
Shadow: Sorry! I was......
[the woman is now standing up, eyes red, with long claws, and is snarling with great intensity]
Shadow: ...just leaving.
[the camera shows Shade, ducking, cowering, as Shadow screams in pain, and the woman growls and slashes]
[a while passes; Shadow walks on-screen, covered in deep gashes]
Shadow: .....
Shade: ........I don't think that happened in the gam--
Shadow: SHUT UP.
Shade: Hey, it's not my fault if the Veteran's Committee can put Left 4 Dead stuff in Half-Life 2!
[they get past the dark hallway, and head up some stairs]
[upstairs, some metrocops see them and start shooting]
Shade: WA SNAP
[one crowbar smack later, Shade and Shadow make it to the top of the stairs with a brand new pistol!]
[at the top of the stairs, they are outside again, just as it becomes about... 4 PM? I dunno]
Shadow: Why does the time matter, again?
Shade: It doesn't. It's just awesome how time progresses at such an awesome pace in this game.
[in front of them is a large valley, with a train track inside]
Shade: I gotta say, it's not that easy to describe this place, is it?
Shadow: Can't be.
[on the other side of the valley are some old construction sites... and... stuff]
Shade: I'll just put it this way, we've got to go along this train track, but we can't.
Shadow: Why not?
Shade: Eggman's made a lot of technology, you know. He just doesn't.. want to make the city, itself, look better.
Shadow: So.. he's... made some barriers. That's all ya gotta say.
Shade: Yeah, but... ah, whatever.
[they descend some steps into the valley, but find no way up the other side]
[nearby, a train's horn honks]
Shadow: Um... Shade?
Shade: What?
Shadow: How do we get up there?
Shade: We're supposed to, uh... crap, I forgot.
Shadow: HOW DO YOU FORGET?!
Shade: Route Canal's not entirely one of my favorite chapters, okay? It's a brilliant concept, but I... I get bored.
[HONK HONKKKKKK]
[the train is very close to them]
Shade: Oh, yeah, I remember now.
[Shade starts running up the stairs, which suddenly collapse]
Shade: What the--
[HONK HONNNNNKKKK]
[SMASH]
[somehow, Shade and Shadow were able to hop into the driver's carriage via the front window]
Shade: ...oh, thank goodness this thing's automated.
Shadow: Shade, did this happen in the game?
Shade: Pfft. I wish. It'd be freaking awesome if it did.
Shadow: Then... then what? Where do we go from here?
Shade: I dunno.
Shadow: Oh, this isn't good. *paces around the room* This is bad, this is very, very bad...
Shade: Dude, calm down. We'll get out of this.
Shadow: But, what makes you so sure? The show, itself, is threatened... and we're lost in the future on a train!
Shade: Dude. Dude. Dude. Calm. Down. We're the good guys. The good guys AlWAYS win.
Shadow: What about in Watchmen?
Shade: ..uh... the good guys won in that one, too, remember?
Shadow: They did? I... I didn't get it.
Shade: How did you not get it? They had to kill millions of people to save billions!
Shadow: But... but did the good guys win, or the bad guys?
Shade: There WERE no "good" or "bad" guys in Watchmen. Just people.
Shadow: But... wait... what?
Shade: People don't have to be "good" or "bad," dude.
?: Hey, what's going on in here?
[a Dark chao, a regular, plain-old Dark chao, steps into the cabin]
Shade: ...Dark?
Dark: Shade? ..Green guy? What are you two doing here?
Shadow: Long story short, we're gonna kill Eggman, but what are YOU doing here?
Dark: Well, long story short, I woke up in a dumpster.
Shade: Me, too! Then I found this guy.
Dark: You did? Hey, me, too!
Shade: ...yeah, well, do you know where this train's headed?
Dark: This place called "Nova" something or other.
Shade: We gotta get off this train, NOW.
Dark: Have you tried jumping out the window?
[cut to a river... thing, filled with lots of crap and boxes and stuff]
[pause]
[pause]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow land in it]
Shadow: *spits water out of mouth* Eah... what did we just land in?
Shade: *feels around* ....I don't want to know.
Shadow: Good point.
[they wade through the water...stuff, and enter a big construction crate]
[inside is future Hero again! And a freaky alien thing!]
HeroF: Shadow! Heh, you again.
Shadow: ohai
HeroF: Fancy meetin' YOU down here... I always thought you'd be charging headfirst into the Egg Citadel.
Shade: Are you kidding? Even in Half-Life 2, that'd be suicide, let alone in THIS crazy world.
HeroF: Hm. You speak of nonsense, and yet I am curious.
Shade: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: ..look, I'm just the Checkpoint guy for the underground railroad. Main Station's right around the corner.
Dark: Main Station?
Shadow: Fuck, I completely forgot you were even with us!
Dark: I have that effect on people.
HeroF: But, yeah, Main Station.. for the underground railroad, n' stuff. You wanna go there. Trust me.
[Future Hero opens up a door.. thing that leads outside]
HeroF: Just simply head through this dump, and Main Station's hidden in a pipe to your right.
Shadow: Thanks. We'll look for it.
[Shadow, Shade, and Dark go through the dump, and find a pipe to their right]
[a man runs to them]
Man: H-help! They found us! They found--
[BANG! The man drops to the ground, dead]
Dark: ...you're welcome?
[they follow the pipe to a secret, underground room filled with couches and.. stuff]
Shadow: This must be Main Station.
Shade: It's deserted... you think the cops found it?
Shadow: Judging from the guy who just told us that "they found" something, yeah, probably.
[Dark investigates a dead body by a radio]
Dark: Shade, this guy's got holes in him... he looks like cheese!
Shade: Cheese? Obviously, you mean he's got bullet holes in him.
Shadow: Hm, those don't look like bullet holes.
[the radio next to the body turns on]
Radio: Main Station, do you read? Main Station?
[Shadow hesitates, but then grabs a microphone]
Shadow: This.. is Main Station. Yes, we read.
Radio: Oh, thank goodness... you've been showing radio silence for a while.
Shadow: Yeah, um... it was just a bit of technical difficulty.
Radio: Anyway, we need to inform you that we have confirmed reports of Manhacks.
Shadow: M-manhacks...?
Radio: I repeat, the cops are flooding the sewers with MANHACKS!
[a loud buzzing noise is heard on the other end]
Radio: ...oh, speak of the devil.
[static]
Dark: ...I don't like the sound of that, Shade.
Shade: Neither do I.
Shadow: Um... Shade, you've beaten Half-Life 2; what are we supposed to do now?
Shade: Well, once we reach Main Station, we're supposed to.. um...
Shadow: Yes?
Shade: .....I forgot. SORRY!
Shadow: How the... I mean... this has got to be the WORST time to forget something like that, Shade!
Shade: Like I said, I don't play this chapter much!
Dark: Yeah, we usually skip ahead to Highway 17.
Shadow: *siiiiiigh* Great. Look, at this rate, I don't think there'll BE a Highway 17.. for us.
[Shadow sits on one of the random couches]
Shadow: It's no use. We're lost... in a post-apocalyptic future EUROPE. Where EGGMAN rules.
Shade: Dude, cheer up, and calm down! Okay? I've been through much worse than this.
Shadow: Oh, yeah? Like what?
Shade: Like when Dark, Chao, Cham and I went through future... somewhere or other, and fought weird time.. things.
Dark: You mean Gears n' Roses?
Shade: Yes, I do. Then, there was my Grey Journey... ooh, I never wanna relive that. But, looks like I'm gonna have to.
Shadow: Did you ever have as big risks as this? I mean, the freaking SHOW will end if I fail this...
Dark: And it might even if you don't!
Shade: Well... no, I can't say that I have. But, you're lucky. This mission's EASY.
Shadow: It is?
Shade: Sure it is! Okay, so I forgot what we do here, but so what? I DIDN'T forget that this game is easy!
Dark: Yeah, so get up and go play!
Shadow: ..you guys are right. Thanks. I shouldn't be moping about so much. I have a fat guy to kill!
[Shadow goes up a ladder]
[pause]
[he comes back down, covered in blood]
Shade: Dude, what happened to you?
Shadow: Cops. Lots of 'em.
Shade: Are you hurt?
Shadow: No. ...but THEY are.
[Shade gives Shadow a hi-5]
Shadow: Up there, I saw some more pipes, and I figured we could just go along the sewers.
Dark: But, didn't the radio person say something about Pac-Man in the sewers?
Shade: Yeah, what about the Manhacks?
Shadow: Whatever they are, I'm sure we can handle them, EASILY.
[montage time! Insert some indie rock song in here]
[Shade, Dark, and Shadow basically just run along the sewers, fighting cops, and solving puzzles]
[cut to a bright room, deep in the sewers-- it's a little bunker, manned by a... well, man]
[LOLWUT NO IT NOT MAN IT RED]
[...the regular Red! Not the future one who plays the role of Barney!]
Red: More refugees... wait, what? Shade? Dark? ...greenie?
Shadow: The name's "Shadow."
Shade: Red, man, what're you doing here?
Red: I woke up in a dumpster, which apparently is frowned upon in today's society, so I was chased down here.
Shadow: So now you help with the underground railroad?
Red: You bet.
Shade: Eh, that sounds boring. You oughta come with us.
Dark: Everybody's doing it.
Red: Well... where are you guys going?
Shadow: To Cham's lab.
Red: Cham's lab? ...that's a little... far, isn't it?
Shadow: Prolly, but who cares? Soon, I'm gonna kill Eggman, and move on with my life.
Red: ...what the hey, I'll come with you guys.
[RED JOINED YOUR PARTY!]
Red: Lemme just open this door for ya...
[he opens the door, and several flying robots with attatched sawblades fly in, making a loud buzzing noise]
Red: O SNAP, MANHAAAACKS!
[Shade hops up, and jams his crowbar into one of the sawblades; that manhack swerves out of control, and hits another]
[that one spins in circles, hitting all the others; Shade simply whacks that spinning one, and that's that]
Shade: Easy. Let's move.
[they head out to a second montage]
[they go through a really complicated sewer place, fighting tons of cops and manhacks]
[one cop accidentally drops his Sub-Machine Gun, which Red then grabs]
[eventually, after yet another water puzzle, they make it out of the sewers, and find themselves in a small creek]
Red: Ugh, disgusting. Eggman's been dumping his toxic waste in this creek, so--
[a zombie rises out of the sewage; Shade whacks it with his crowbar]
Red: Thanks. So, this place is now a toxic waste dump. Careful, don't step in that stuff.
Shadow: Red, you seem to know a lot about this city.
Red: Of course. Once you've been underground long enough, you start to learn these kinds of things. For instance--
[another zombie rises up, but is whacked back down]
Red: ...we are technically in the suburbs right now.
Shadow: FINALLY. This city's giving me the creeps.
Red: BUT, there's not really any convenient way out of the city from here.
Shadow: ..oh.
Red: HOWEVER, this is the only way to get to Cham's lab. I think.
Shadow: Um... okay! Shall we move on?
[they keep going through the weird little... place, until they find the only way to continue filled with toxic waste]
Dark: Oh, no, we've hit a snag.
Shade: No snag is too big for the Shade man to handle!
[Shade steps forward, toward the radioactive waste, when a horde of zombies rises out]
[Shade pauses, then steps back; the zombies go back under]
Shade: ...okay, so maybe we've found our first big snag.
[they also find a little underground railroad dock of sorts]
[in the dock is a very strange vehicle-- basically, a hovercraft, but.. well.. um.. let's stick with Airboat.]
[and there is a woman by the airboat, fueling it up with gas]
Woman: ohai, you're in luck! We have one airboat left! I just finished fueling it up.
Shadow: Um... thanks. We're trying to get to Cham's lab. Where is that?
Woman: Cham's lab? Oh, that's miles away...
Shadow: Wonderful. And how do we get there?
Woman: Well, you'd have to follow these creeks for a few hundred miles...
Shadow: Great.
Woman: ...then cross the Channel to the Great Dam... and his lab's just past that.
Shadow: Wacco.
Shade: Wizard.
Red: Smashing.
Dark: COR BLIMEY! That's a lot longer than it was in the game, isn't it, Shade?
Shade: A-yup. MUCH longer.
Shadow: I hate the Veteran's Committee.
Woman: It might help you to look out for Station 12, out on the canal... they're a big, red barn.
Shadow: Okay, thanks, we'll look for them.
Shade: Well, we're not gonna get much done by just sitting here!
[Shade climbs into the airboat]
Shade: Let's get this pahdy started! You comin', Dark?
Dark: BOOYAH! This is gonna be AWESOME! *hops in boat*
Red: Eh. Half-Life 1 nearly killed us on countless occasions, so this'll be similar. ..wait for me! *hops in*
Shadow: ....*siiigh* It's for DCA, Shadow... for DCA... *hops in*
[so, they drive the airboat off into the horizon as the sun marks the time at being around 5:30]
Shade: I love the time passage.
Chapter 4: Wet Hazard
[the airboat zooms across a large river/canal at a relatively fast pace]
Dark: Guys, look, a big, red barn!
Shadow: That must be Station 12.
[Shadow stops the airboat; they get out and enter the big, red barn on the side of the river]
[inside the barn, things are really dark, and absent of life]
[..except for two zombies, who chuck barrels and crates at our heroes]
[of course, Shade and Red make quick work of them]
Shadow: It's strange... as we were coming here, I thought I saw somebody watching us from here.
Shade: Eh, you get that feeling a lot in this game.
Shadow: So, now what? Station 12's down.
Shade: So, let's just keep moving. C'mon; we've got a long way to go.
Shadow: Yeah. I noticed.
[as they walk back to the boat, they notice a helicopter flying directly above them]
Shadow: ...
Red: What's up?
Shadow: That helicopter... is it... what's it doing?
Shade: I'd say the people inside are taking pictures of us.
Red: Oh, yeah? Well, take a picture o' THIS--
Shadow: Whoa-hoh-hoh, Red, calm down.
[they hop in the boat, and continue driving]
[as they pass under a bridge...]
Man: YOU THERE! UP HERE!
[Shadow stops the boat, and sees a man atop the bridge]
Man: HAVE SOME SUPPLIES! LOOK OUT BELOW!
[the man drops some boxes of ammo and such down for them]
Shadow: WHY ARE YOU HELPING US?
Man: IT'S A GOOD CAUSE! DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM!
Dark: Down with the SICKNESS.
[some camera bots fly by the man]
Man: Whuh-oh, gotta go. *flees*
[some Egg Trucks drive past the bridge]
Red: Shadow?
Shadow: Yeah?
Red: FLOOR IT.
Shadow: Got it.
[Shadow floors it, and speeds through some canals as cops shoot at them]
[they zip through some barricades, and through some cops]
Dark: Hit the ramp! The ramp!
Shadow: I'll try.
[THUMP]
[SPLASH]
Shade: ...next time, let ME drive.
Shadow: No way! Just because I missed the ramp...
Shade: And capsized the boat.
Shadow: A little bit! Still, I can drive. I can drive.
[they flip the boat back over, and continue driving along]
[they turn a corner, and see some big gates closing]
Red: We're not gonna make it!
Shadow: Crap, you're right.
[they manage to squeeze through before the gates close]
Shadow: ...oh. Awesome!
Shade: Don't stop driving! Keep going! We're still miles away.
Shadow: How many?
Shade: Well, we're not even a quarter of the way through the regular chapter..
Shadow: Perfect. *sigh*
[as they drive, an Egg Truck parks by the canal, and fires rockets at them]
All: WHOA!
Shade: C'mon, watch where you're going!
Shadow: Shut up! Be quiet! I... I can't concentrate!
[then, a barricade in front of them is lit on fire]
Shadow: Oh, they're evil.
Dark: Ramp at 2:45!
Shadow: I see it!
[Shadow hits the ramp, and flies past the firey barricade]
All: YAHOO!
Red: That was awesome.
Dark: Rocket!
Shadow: Crap, I almost forgot about the--
[BOOM!]
[the airboat spins around in the air, and is shot again]
[BOOM!]
[then, some cops come by and shoot at them]
[Shadow manages to grab the steering wheel and pilot it down to a tunnel, where the cops and rockets can't get them]
All: *pant*
Shade: Pretty fancy piloting there, Shadow.
Shadow: Thanks... Red, status report.
Red: I'd say we're on the verge of death, but the boat's fine.
Shade: In video game terms, Red?
Red: The boat has infinite HP, while we only have... roughly... 7.
Shade: Oh, that's not good.
Shadow: Not good... or is it perfectly good?
Shade: Wha?
Shadow: C'mon, where's your sense of adventure? Your thrill? 7 HP left... I can live with that.
Shade: Something's happened to Mister Damp Towel. I like the new you.
[they move on, and find another closing gate]
Shadow: *vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* Are you asking for a challenge?
[SMACK]
Shadow: .....you win.
Shade: Tough luck, dude. Looks like we'll have to go into that giant facility to press one teensy little switch.
Shadow: Sweetness. How hard is it in the game?
Shade: Meh. Epic in its own way.
Red: Shade, you might want to take another look at the facility.
[the camera pans, showing a humongous fortress with barbed wire, searchlights, and huge towers]
Shade: .......Metal Gear Shade time?
Dark: NO! Metal Gear DARK time.
[Shadow parks the boat behind a big rock]
Shadow: Okay, Dark... you sure you want to do this?
Dark: You kidding? I've been DYING to be Solid Dark!
Shade: Keep quiet! First rule of espionage, Dark-- be stealthy!
Dark: Oh! Sorry.
Shadow: Are you sure you don't want us to come in with you?
Red: I think it's best just he goes in. Think about it-- THREE freaks in sneaking suits in there?
Shadow: Good point.
Shade: Okay, Dark-o... make us proud.
Dark: Don't I get a codec, or anything like that?
Red: Sorry, Dark, but no. We've got walkie-talkies, though!
[so, Dark swims towards the base, and comes out in a small dock]
Dark: Hm. This is gonna be fun! Oop! Quiet.
[he enters a door, and sneaks through some dark corridors]
[cut to the airboat]
Shadow: *sigh* You guys think he'll come back?
Red: Who, Dark? Of course not.
Shade: Yeah, he's gonna die in a few seconds. 3, 2, 1--
[BOOOOOOOOOM]
Shade: Called it.
[pause]
[the walkie-talkie turns on]
Dark (on radio): Guys... guys... help... I.. I've found the button, but... but...
Shadow: But what, Dark?
Dark: But... they caught me. Help..
Shadow: Shade, you wanna do this?
Shade: No. I want US to do this.
Red: I'll just leave you two... kids alone, then.
Shade: Yeah, as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew.. they were not right.
Shadow: ...let's just go.
Shade: Yeah, I'm comin'.
[so, Solid Shade and Shadow Raid swim to the base, and go through many rooms filled with dead cops]
Shadow: Whoa. Seems like Dark actually put up a fight.
Shade: Of course. I trained him.
[they head up some stairs, and find themselves in a large construction yard, filled with crates]
Shade: It's quiet here... TOO quiet.
[a helicopter hovers upwards, facing them]
[they see it]
Shadow: ...wonderful.
[the helicopter charges something up]
Shadow: Shade? What do we do now?
Shade: ...run.
[they dash through multiple crates as the helicopter fires rapid machine-gun fire at them]
[they manage to make it into a large warehouse]
Shade: I think we're safe now.
Dark: Guys?
[in the center of the room is Dark, tied to a pole]
Dark: This isn't very comfortable.
Shade: Hang on, buddy; we'll get you out of there.
[suddenly, tons of cops swarm into the room, and release some manhacks at them]
Shade: Pfft, MANHACKS? That's the best you can do?
[Shade takes care of them quickly]
[Shadow shoots the cops; they die]
[they unties Dark]
Shadow: Dark, you really shouldn't have gone in here alone. This place is a madhouse!
Dark: I know.. but... but, I found the button! It's through here! C'mon!
[Dark leads them through a doorway; the helicopter hovers outside the windows, and charges up its guns]
Shadow: ..run?
Shade: As fast as you can.
[they dash to a door, but find a pile of boxes blocking it]
[the helicopter is almost done charging]
Dark: Break it open, Shade!
Shade: I'm trying! *SMASH*
[the helicopter shoots at them, and breaks the windows]
[they dash through the door, and down some stairs]
[unfortunately, they wind up back in the construction yard]
Shade: Keep running!
Dark: The button's this way, in that guard tower!
[they hurry to the tower, and climb the ladder]
[at the top is a bunch of cops]
Dark: ohai
[Dark tosses a grenade in the room, then the chao duck]
[BOOM]
Shadow: Okay, now where's that button of yours?
Dark: *points at button* Right...
[chaarrrrrrrgge......]
[the chao slowly turn to look out the windows; the helicopter is right there]
Dark: ....*presses button* ..there. RUN!
[they hurry down the ladder, and dash down a little balcony overlooking the water]
Shade: (shouting into radio) RED, START THE AIRBOAT! START THE AIRBOAT!
[the chao leap over the railing in slow-motion as the helicopter fires at them]
[Red comes by with the airboat just in time for the chao to land in it]
[..except Dark, who hits the front of the boat, and falls into the water]
Dark: Oof!
[Shade then pulls him up]
Dark: Thank you.
Red: Shadow, you want the wheel?
Shadow: Yes, please.
[Shadow drives the boat through the now-open gate, and into the canals again]
Red: Uh... Shadow?
Shadow: Yeah?
Red: You might wanna drive faster.
[the helicopter flies above them, and drops some mines]
Shadow: I.. don't know HOW to drive faster.
[the mines land in the water in front of them]
Red: Then at least STEER!
[BOOM!]
[the boat flies into the air a bit]
Shadow: Nyaaah... this is gonna be fun. Hold on to yer hats, folks!
[Shadow carefully maneuvers the boat through a U-turn... and into a wall]
Shadow: Ow. Okay, NOW hold on to yer hats!
[he drives it into a small little sewer/tunnel thing]
Shadow: Hm. I wonder where this tunnel leads.
Red: Probably out into more suburb. I mean, we're not that far from the city, y'know.
Dark: My head hurts.
Shadow: That's probably because you hit it on the front of the boat, Dark.
Dark: Yeah, thanks to Red's piloting skills.
Red: Hey, I wasn't trained to drive this thing!
Shadow: Neither was I, yet I'm sufficing.
[the tunnel ends at a clearing; the time is now around... 6 PM; the sky is turning orange]
Shadow: Getting kinda late, isn't it? I wish we could find some sort of outpost to rest at...
Shade: We will. Not for another hour, mind you, but we will.
Red: Just be glad that the helicopter is nowhere in sight.
[the helicopter hovers in front of them]
Red: ...oh....... good luck, dude.
[the helicopter turns around, and starts flying in the same direction as them]
Shadow: ?
[it then starts dropping mines in strategically painful locations]
[at the same time, the boat's radio turns on]
Radio: You're listening to 200.1 FM, Chao Chat. "All A-Life, all YOUR life."
Shadow: Okay, WHO turned the radio on?
Radio: Now, we have for you, some good old-fashioned heavy rock. Perfect for chase scenes! Enjoy!
[some heavy rock starts playing]
Dark: Ooh, keep it on, I love this song!
[BOOM!]
[the boat swerves around to avoid mines]
[eventually, they go under some cover, and make a big jump into another sewer pipe]
Radio: ...oh, technical difficulties; we have to cut this song short. Thanks for listening.
[the radio turns off]
Shadow: That was strangely easy to avoid.
[they come out in another canal-- an industrial one]
[there are some silos and pipes above them]
Red: Hmm.. I recognize those structures up there. We're in Pipeline 7982-B.
Shadow: Where's that?
Red: Actually, we're... at least 40 miles from the city by now.
[the helicopter keeps following them, and even starts shooting at them again]
[AND the canals here have many junctions]
Shadow: Crap.
[AAAND cops come by and shoot at them, too]
[AAAAAAND the helicopter drops plenty of mines]
Shadow: AARGH, is Valve TRYING to kill us?
Dark: I asked the same question in Half-Life 1.
Red: Yeah, we had to ride a full-speed train into a.. train-stopper thing.
Dark: And then we were flung out of the train, and into a pile of toxic waste.
Red: While aliens attacked us.
Shadow: ...wow.
Shade: Forget about Black Mesa; just DRIVE!
[Shadow drives through the canals, and up many make-shift ramps]
[..suddenly, a truck stops nearby, and begins firing homing rockets at them]
[..as the mines are being dropped]
Shadow: Craaap!
[BOOM]
[BOOM]
[BOOOOM]
[all the rockets hit the helicopter; it spirals down to the ground]
[they drive into another sewage pipe]
Shadow: *sigh* At least the helicopter's down.
Red: Yes, but for how long?
Shadow: What do you mean?
Red: When it hit the ground, did you hear an explosion? I didn't.
Shadow: You're saying they're gonna repair it, aren't you?
Red: Undoubtedly.
[they find a random blockade/gate]
Tail: Ahoy there!
[Tail, the baby Hero chao, as well as his Future counterpart, have set up a little fort]
TailF: Oh, well, lookee what we have here. Shade, Dark, Red, and... uh......
Shadow: I'm Shadow.
TailF: Ah, of course. You seemed familiar. Kid, let 'em in.
[Tail lets them into the fort]
Tail: It's good to see you four again.
TailF: Okay, enough small talk. Kid, go upgrade their boat. It's lookin' a little.. malnourished.
Tail: Aye-aye, captain!
[Future Tail leads the four into an office; a large map is on the wall]
TailF: I take it you children are headed to Cham's place, right?
Shade: Right.
TailF: Then lemme show ya what you're up against. See, we're riiiiiiight here, at the top of this map...
[he moves his hand down the map]
TailF: You wanna go down this river. It goes directly to the Channel.
Shadow: But wait, what's all this stuff over here, next to the river?
TailF: Oh, that? That's Port 18. Steer clear of there.
Shadow: Got it. Thanks for the help.
TailF: Hold it, that ain't all the help you're gettin' from us.
[he leads them back to their boat; regular Tail is tinkering with it]
TailF: Kid!
[Tail bonks his head, then turns around]
Tail: Ohai.
TailF: You about done?
Tail: Just about.
TailF: Good. What Shorty, here, has done to your boat is, he's installed a gun into it.
Thefour: YES!
TailF: The cool thing is: the gun came from the same kinda chopper that's gunnin' you down.
Dark: I love bringing iron into a firefight.
Red: I believe you mean, "irony."
Dark: Ew, irony-flavor. Tastes bad.
TailF: Anyway, we'll let you through now. Nice chattin' with ya.
Tail: Bye!
[they let them through]
[Shadow drives the boat out of the sewage pipe, and is instantly greeted by the chopper]
Shadow: Shade. Gun. Now.
Shade: Woohoo!
[Shade grabs the chopper-gun thing, and shoots at the helicopter; an explosion is heard; the chopper flies away]
Shade: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU LET YOUR HEART WIN!
All: WHOA-OH, OHHHHH, OH!
[they go through a jump, and see the river ahead blocked off, leaving the only route left being...]
Red: Port 18...
Shadow: I think we can take it.
Red: *gulp* I hope your thinking is right.
[they drive through some awesome jumps; Shade shows off his kickass shooting skills]
[then, they enter Port 18; cops surround them]
Dark: Shadow! Put the pedal to the metal to the other pedal!
[vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
["ROAAAAGH"]
["MY LEG!"]
[they drive through plenty of narrow corridors, explosive barrels, rockets, jumps, and U-turns]
[...and cops]
[eventually, they reach a dead-end]
Shadow: Crap.
Shade: Hold on a sec.
[Shade shoots at some explosive barrels; they... explode :P, revealing an exit]
Shadow: Smart thinking.
[they drive out]
[this time, they find themselves in a much more open space; barren rocks and shallow water surround them]
[a crashed ship is to their right; a dam is forward]
Red: Well, isn't THIS eerie?
Shadow: I'm getting something... normally, in video games, open space = boss battle, right?
Shade: *chuckle* Yep. It equals that moreso in Valve games, which are filled with narrow corridors.
Shadow: Hm. I feel scared.
Shade: Don't. Move on.
[forward, they go]
[the helicopter flies down to them]
Shadow: .....Shade. Switch.
Shade: Huh?
Shadow: You drive. I'll shoot.
Shade: Oh, you want revenge on this F.O.B, huh?
Shadow: Hell yeah.
[they switch seats; the helicopter charges at them; Shade does the same]
[Shadow fires away]
[the two vehicles pass each other, turn around, and do it again]
[this time, the chopper's flight messes up]
Shadow: That's right, buddy... flinch...
[BEEP........ BEEP! BEEP! BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP]
Dark: What's it doing?!
[it slowly moves forward, toward them, while deploying every single mine it has]
[the skies are filled with mines, dropping towards the ground]
Shadow: Don't move, Shade.
Shade: You sure?
Shadow: Yeah. This'll only take a second...
[GUNSHOT]
[BOOM]
[SPIRAL]
[CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!]
All: YAY!
Shade: Fancy shootin' there.
Shadow: Thanks.
Red: Guys?
Shade: *sigh* What NOW, Red?
[Red points to the area in front of them, covered in mines]
Shade+Shadow: Aw, shi--
[KA-BLAMMO]
[the boat flies in the air, and miraculously lands out in the Channel]
Shade: *hack* Whoa... that was fun.
Dark: Let's do that again...
[a mine drops by them]
Dark: CRAP! I wasn't being serious! AH!
[Shade drives them away]
[they slowly and uneventfully drive across the Channel]
Red: Anybody else getting a major "Top Gear" vibe from this?
Dark: Yo.
Shade: Seconded.
Shadow: A-yup.
Red: *sigggh*
[eventually, they reach a big dam]
Shadow: Great. How are we supposed to get through THAT?
[Red spies a ladder on the dam]
Red: We're not. We gotta ditch the boat.
Dark: *gasp* DITCH this poor boat? But I luvs it!
Shade: There'll be toast.
Dark: Then what are we waiting for? Let's ditch that sucker.
[they climb the ladder, and find, at the top, a giant lab]
Chapter 5: Cham Labs East
[they enter it; the door behind them slams shut; the lights go off]
?: We've got something.
[steam hisses into the room]
?: ..okay, they're chao..... hmm.. you'll have to forgive the scanning process; we can't take any chances.
[a red laser scans them]
?: Shadow? Shadow the Dark chao? Well, Cham will be surprised, not to mention relieved, to hear about your sudden arrival!
[they are let through; the future Purflee (female) formally greets them]
PFF: I'm Purflee, Doctor Purflee the First. I've been hearing about your work since long before the Big Shell incident.
Shadow: Ah, you've heard of that?
PFF: Of course. We here at Cham Labs East are kept up-to-date on all revolutionary events, including things as confidential as that.
Shadow: That's good to hear.
[Purflee begins leading them through the facility]
Shadow: So, uh.. I'm looking for a Green Chaos Drive. You guys know where I can find one?
PFF: A GREEN Chaos Drive, you say? Hm, no, I don't believe I do. Perhaps Cham can help you.
Red: Say, what have you guys been working on down here?
PFF: A new kind of teleport. You see, the one the robots use is a yaddayaddayaddasciencemumbojumbo-type teleport.
Dark: *GASP* NO WAY! That is SOOOO primitive. I take it you guys are using the YaddayaddayadaaCAPITAL-type teleport?
PFF: We're working on it. Still a few kinks to work out. Heh, Shadow can testify to that, can't ya?
Shadow: It's not funny. I nearly got eaten by a freaking Icky.
Dark: I like the White Stripes.
PFF: ...yes, well, uh.. lookitthat, we're there!
[they reach a laboratory deep underground; the future Cham is talking with a Dalek]
ChamF: That's good. You keep right on it.
[the Dalek turns and moves out the door]
PFF: Cham! Look who I found in the airlock.
ChamF: Heh, Shadow the Dark chao... and Shade, Dark, n' Red? Lemme get a good look at you, man.
[Cham shakes hands with the four]
ChamF: Let me see, the last time I saw you, I sent you to get me some coffee. Never thought it'd take you this long.
Shadow: Ha, well... I was recruited for the whole... Big Shell incident.
ChamF: Of course, and what an incident THAT was, hm? Anyway, welcome to our labs.
Shade: They're no Black Mesa, are they?
ChamF: No, but they're enough to suffice during this time.
Shade: Meh. I guess.
PFF: Cham, I have some work to do, so.. I'll go do that. By the way, Shadow? It's been a real honor meeting you.
Shadow: Uh... thanks?
[Purflee goes to work on some stuff]
ChamF: Shadow, I presume you're here to ask if I know where to get a green Chaos Drive, correct?
Shadow: Yeah. Where can we find one?
ChamF: I'm afraid that green Chaos Drives are hard to obtain these days. They can only be found on the Chao World.
ShadeRed+Dark: DAMMIT.
Shadow: That's certainly not good to hear.
ChamF: But, I've been doing some research on them, and have found something curious.
Shadow: Mmhmm?
ChamF: They're no longer on Chao World.
Red: So... where ARE they?
ChamF: I'm still trying to figure that out.
ShadeF: Yo, Doc, Shadow here yet?
[the future Shade enters the room]
ShadeF: There you are! The Daleks said you were here. I can't believe you guys made it here so quickly on foot.
ChamF: I believe he broke YOUR record, Shade.
Shade: Hey! That's not really possible, since... I mean, he IS me. And I was part of this group.
ShadeF: Oh, buddy, there's a lot of stuff I have got to tell you.
[Purflee comes back out]
PFF: Shade? I thought you were on watch.
ShadeF: The Daleks relieved me so I could come help the green dude.
PFF: Hmph. Fine.
ChamF: Shade, why don't you go ahead and teach Shadow how to use the gravity gun?
ShadeF: Good idea. C'mon, you four; let's go have some fun.
PFF: The zero-point energy-field manipulator is NOT a toy, Shade.
ShadeF: ...let's go.
[they leave the room, and head down some corridors]
ShadeF: I see you've met Purflee the Wet Towel.
All: A-yup.
[they pass a dark hallway; a single light is on at the other end, showing a ladder]
Shadow: What's down there?
ShadeF: That's the path to Ravenholm. It's an old mining town. We don't go there anymore.
[the Twilight Zone theme starts playing]
Shadow: ....spooky.
ShadeF: C'mon, let's keep going.
[they reach a large junkyard]
ShadeF: Now, where'd we put that old piece of junk? Ah, here it is.
[future Shade grabs a large gun...thing, and hands it to Shadow]
Shadow: ...what the heck IS it?
ShadeF: THIS.. is the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator. We call it the Gravity Gun.
Shadow: Cool. ..what's it do?
ShadeF: I'll show you.
[he moves over to an old junk pile, picks up a crate, and tosses it at Shadow]
[BONK]
Shadow: OW! What'dja do THAT for?
ShadeF: *sigh* Try using the GUN, buddy.
[he throws another; Shadow does something or other on the gun; the crate stops, and floats in front of him]
Shadow: Whoa. What the smack?
Dark: *gasp* THE GRAVITY GUN! IT WORKS! YAY!
ShadeF: Of COURSE it works. Cham built it.
[some scanner robot things fly into the junkyard]
ShadeF: oshi--
[they take pictures of the chao]
ShadeF: They found us! Quick, back to the lab!
[they run in]
[BOOM]
[the hall caves in, seperating the four present chao from future Shade]
ShadeF: Crap. CRAP... uh... um... guys, listen, as much as I hate to say this, we're gonna have to split up for now.
Shadow: Aw, crap.
ShadeF: Now, listen closely: you guys have to head for the coast. The only way to get there is through Ravenholm.
Shadow: But... but I thought we don't go there!
ShadeF: Looks like you're gonna have to. I gotta go... Cham may be in trouble. Good luck! I'll meet up with you at the coast.
[future Shade leaves]
Red: Well? We gonna do that, or not?
Shadow: I... I don't know if I want to.
Shade: C'mon, Shadow; Ravenholm's EASY.
Shadow: But, what if the Veteran's Committee change everything?
Shade: Then.. it'll be fun, probably. Let's just go!
[Shade, Dark, and Red run off; Shadow sighs, and follows them]
[they reach a big ladder]
Shadow: Really, guys, I don't know about this...
Shade: What's the worst that could happen?
[a dead headcrab falls down]
Shade: ...besides that.
[they climb the ladder]
Chapter 6: "Dead Ravenhell," Tagline: We Don't Go There Anymore... Without Weapons.
[at the top of the ladder, they find themselves in a small town at the middle of the night]
[crows are cawing]
[Shade, Dark, and Red look at each other with fear, wishing they had never gone up]
[Shadow creeps forward, until he sees a tree with someone's legs attached to it]
[the four slowly avoid it, and enter a house]
[in the house, a zombie (now with headcrab attachment) comes at them]
[buddabuddabudda; Red takes good care of the zombie]
[they move forward, taking care of many zombies]
[they exit into the town, and hear three high-pitched notes played on a piano]
Shade: *gasp* Guys. Look around. Look now. Stick together.
Red: What is it, Shade?
[grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaarrr...]
Shade: No.. no, this isn't possible... this.. this is the wrong game! No!
[the same three notes are played on a viola]
Shadow: Shade.... what do we do?
Shade: Aaa, nooo, noo, no, no... guys, I'm scared. I'm scared now. Who's it gonna hit? Who?
[snarrrrrrrl... grrrrrowlllllll...]
Dark: .......I recognize that sound.
[SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!]
[a hooded figure pounces at Dark, and pins him down; Dark is then clawed at]
Dark: OW! OW! AAH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF!
Red: Um! Uh! Uhhhh.... oh, right!
[Red shoots it; it dies, and Dark gets up]
Dark: Owwww... Shade.. please tell me that wasn't what I think it was.
Shade: I'm afraid it was, buddy.
Shadow: What was it? What's going on?
Shade: Shadow, you'd better master your new gun. We're gonna need it.
Shadow: Um... okay. I'll work on it.
Shade: Red... work on your reflexes. If I'm right, we're gonna encounter quite a number of those things.
Red: Right. Sorry.
Shade: Dark?
Dark: Y..yeah?
Shade: You need a weapon. Badly.
Dark: I want a pulse rifle, but we're not getting those until later.
Shade: ....how about a shotgun?
Dark: That's fine. I'd.. I'd like one of those.
Shade: ..we've got to keep moving. ARGH, we can't stand around for too long, or he'll send something worse...
[Shade begins moving forward]
Shade: C'mon, guys.
[they move on through the town]
[eventually, they hear a lot of shrieks in the distance]
Shade: Aw, jeez...
[dramatic music plays]
Shade: Pick up the pace, guys! Stick together, but run!
Shadow: Why? What's happen--what the fu--
[a huge horde of figures are seen running towards them from all directions]
Dark: INCOMING ZOMBIES!
Shade: OPEN FIRE!
[budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda]
[suddenly, Red is grabbed by a long tongue, and dragged away]
Red: ACK! AH! URP.. HEL..P ME!
[Shadow is the only one who sees this; Shade and Dark are too busy fighting off hordes of zombies]
Shadow: Um... uh... oh, crap... uh.. hang on, Red!
Red: Urp.. not.. much else I CAN.. do... ugh...
[Shadow proceeds to gravity gun a rock (yup, "gravity gun" is a verb now), and toss it at the tongue]
[nothing happens]
Red: The.. Smoker! Shoot.. the... Smoker!
Shadow: What the heck's a Smoker?
[he sees a tall zombie, to whom the tongue belongs, coughing and excreting smoke]
Shadow: ...oh.
[he gravity guns another rock, and hits the smoker square in the head; Red is set free]
Red: Ow. Thank you.
[they meet up with Shade and Dark, who have just finished finishing off the zombies]
Shade: *pant* I... I friggin' hate the Veteran's Committee now.
Red: *deep breath* Are you sure it's.. them? Who's doing this?
Shade: Hey, who else CAN it be?
Dark: The MILKMAN.
Shade: Yeah, but he's my dad. And he's... actually, he's.... o snap.
Shadow: Your dad.. Shawn, right? Isn't he.. dead?
Shade: He died during the Libfairy incident.
Dark: But wait... we've been to the Future before, Shade! Your dad's been here!
Shade: *sigh* Boys, I believe we are now messing with the time line. Or, rather, DJay is. Or the Veteran's Committee.
[Shade realizes something, and snaps his fingers]
Shade: Of course! The Veteran's Committee wants to end this script, so they're tearing it apart! Even the very logic used to hold it together! CURSE YOU, VETERAN'S COMMITTEE!
[suddenly, they hear a bunch of shrieks in the distance AGAIN]
Shade: Shi...argh.
Red: What are we gonna do? We're too tired to fight more!
Shadow: ...are you guys too tired to play music?
Red: Well.. no, but what's that got to do with anything?
Shadow: I've got a plan.
[cut to Rubber Goose (Shade-drums, Red-bass, Dark-guitar, Shadow's the spokesperson)]
Red: *plugs guitar into amp* Ready.
Shade: *drum warm-up* All set.
[Dark shreds a freestyle guitar solo, and goes all-out; everyone stares at him]
Dark: *ends solo* ...bring it on. Okay, Shadow, count us off.
[Shadow stands in front, holding his hands up]
Shadow: 'Kay, guys, Boogie de la Satch in C.
Dark: *sigh* He means "Satch Boogie," guys.
Shadow: One! ...three! One, two, three, four!
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1MJAyRN3Lg ]
[Shade starts off with a bouncy, jazzy cymbal intro]
[the zombies stop charging at them, and start standing around]
[BAM, Dark and Red play a bit, then Dark goes on a little guitar tangent]
[and again]
[they do some more of those until Dark begins playing a long solo]
[Red just plays a basic little rhythm]
[Shade gives a nice jazzy beat]
[Dark gets rather carried away in his soloing]
[by now, the zombies have formed an audience, and are cheering]
[after a long solo, it seems as if the song is going to end as Dark and Red both play long sustained notes]
[..until Shade plays a steady heavy beat, and Dark jams to a double-snake melody]
[again]
[and again]
[and again, all with different base notes]
[after a long time, Red plays the base notes in bass, as Dark keeps up his melody]
[the crowd goes wild as finally, this guitar solo ends]
[then, they go back to the duo and guitar tangents for a bit before finally ending the song]
Shadow: Ladies and gentlecrabs, please give it up for Rubber Goose!
[cheeeeer]
Shadow: There. I doubt they'll threaten to murder a bunch of musicians, now, will they?
Shade: I guess not.
Red: That was actually a good idea, Shadow.
Shadow: Thanks. Now, let's move on.
[they force their way through the crowd, until they reach a dead end]
?: HA HA HAAAA.... *gunshot* YES, MY CHILDREN... *gunshot* DANCE FOR ME!
[the chao look up, and see a figure standing in a balcony, shooting zombies with a shotgun]
[Are you ready for a super-shocking twist?]
[It's... FUTURE AMY ROSE! Holy sheep! O_O]
[her hair is messed up, she has blatant crow's feet, and she's switched to a dress that doesn't show her panties :P]
Shadow: Um... excuse me, Miss Rose?
[she looks down at them]
AmyF: That's MISSUS Rose to you, newcomer! And welcome to Ravenholm! *crazy laughter* Hope you can stick around!
[she points her gun at them]
AmyF: You guys... WILL stick around, won't you?
Shadow: Well.. we've got to get goi--
[Shadow looks at the others, who gesture "YES, YES, YES!"]
Shadow: I mean....yes, ma'am, we will!
AmyF: That's good, then! *shoots zombie behind them* Could you guys meet me at the church on the other side of town?
Shadow: Um.. okay, I.. I guess.
AmyF: Splendid! See you there, cutie-pies!
[Amy leaves into the window behind her, laughing maniacally]
Dark: ...anybody else think she looks hotter now?
[Shade covertly shakes Dark's hand]
Dark: Just checkin'.
[they see a door in front of them that is now open]
[they run inside, and seal the door]
Red: Shade, quick question.
Shade: Yeah?
Red: Are we playing Half-Life 2, or Left 4 Dead?
Dark: Yeah, seriously. I mean, we're in a freaking SAFEROOM right now!
Shade: I think we're playing a combination between them right now.
Shadow: Guys, I'm.. starting to think this is a three-way of games.
Red: What makes you think that?
Shadow: Just... just a feeling. I mean... I don't think Satch Boogie was in either Left 4 Dead OR Half-Life 2...
Shade: No way. You can't be suggesting.. Rock Band, as well?
Shadow: I'm just saying, don't be surprised if we have to play more songs.
[the chao stare at the door in front of them as they hear noises coming from beyond]
[Shadow looks at Shade, who looks back, and nods]
[Shadow slowly steps up to the door, and opens it]
[it leads to a dark hallway within an old house]
[Shadow turns to look at the others; they gesture for him to move on]
[he starts moving through the dark hallway, and hears heavy footsteps coming from above]
[he stops in fear as they run down an apparent staircase, and towards the door in front of him]
?: (muffled) Subject last seen in saferoom beyond this door.
Shadow: Shi--
[BASH! the door in front of him is knocked down]
[Shadow turns and runs back to the saferoom]
?: THERE HE IS! After him!
[he runs into the saferoom, and quickly closes the door; he then barricades it]
Red: Who's out there?
Shadow: No idea!
[KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK]
?: OPEN UP! SURRENDER THE GREEN ONE!
Shadow: Over my dead body!
[they hear guns being loaded]
Shadow: Um.. on second thought, lemme get the door for you.
[Shadow opens the door; a bright light shines into the saferoom, blinding them from seeing who the antagonist is]
[Shadow covers his eyes; some arms grab him, and pull him out; the saferoom door is closed]
Red: Whaaa?!
Shade: They took Shadow?!
Dark: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
[Shade grabs Dark, then slaps him]
Shade: Get ahold of yourself!
Dark: You're right... Shadow wouldn't want me to be freaking out. Not.. when he was alive...
Red: Um.. he's probably still alive.
Dark: SILENCE, NONBELIEVER! You weren't there, man! You.. you just weren't there!
Red: What are you talking about? I was there.
Dark: It was CRAZY, man... they were, like... blinding me, and yet.. blinding my MIND... it was freaky.
Red: I..
Dark: You don't have the war experience I do, newb.
Red: But I DO--
Dark: GO STAND IN THE CORNER WHILE I WORK OUT HOW TO TOAST THIS BREAD!
Red: Um..
Dark: GO!
[cut to Shadow]

...it is blackness. Not a room, but just... a void.
The only sight is a faint green wave, traveling throughout the void.
Where am I?
"Shadow..... Shadow......"
Who is there?
"It is I, Shadow..... the one you call 'Echo.'"
Echo?
"Vraiment, monsieur."
What's up with the text? Why.. why is everything in this strange format?
"Yes, um.. sorry about that. We're just trying some experiments."
Experiments? Of what sort?
"Nunyabusiness, of THAT sort."
Well.. what did you want me for?
"You're going in the wrong direction, for starters."
Oh, I am? I.. I don't even know where Eggman IS.
"Eggman? Foolish chao! We do not want EGGMAN..."
Well.. what DO you want? I have no clue at all! You never really told me.
"All in good time."
That's what you've always said! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
"All.. in good...... time."
Hey! HEY! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

"Boss."
"Boss, this format is not quite working."
"Boss, please call off the experiment."
"Boss, it is hard to tell who's talking."
"Boss."
Enough. Send the chao back.

[cut to Ravenholm; Shade and Dark are talking about a plan; Red is standing in the corner]
Shade: So I was thinking you could spiral down there, jump up and down like a monkey, and bite their brains out.
Dark: Got it! C'mon, let's go!
[Shade and Dark run out the door; Red reluctantly follows]
[they leave the building (finally), and hear someone fighting zombies nearby]
[they then proceed to clear all the zombies, and discover a grey fox with red eyes]
?: Oh, thank you.. so much. I thought I was a goner.
Shade: Wait just a darn-tootin' minute. You're... Dark Tails, aren't you? Former Poker Gang member?
DT: Yes... that's me.
Red: What happened, dude? Were you kicked out?
DT: No. The guys all thought I didn't fit in.. plus, they already had a Tails clone, so I decided to leave, myself.
Dark: You got kicked out.
DT: I.. I didn't, no!
Dark: yea u mad
Shade: yea he mad
DT: Okay, fine, so they kicked me out. I just spent some time on Earth as the mascot for the Atlanta Fox Guy Men.
Shade: Then one day, you woke up in the future, in Europe?
DT: Precisely, yes.
Shade: Well, um.. listen, we've just lost our gravity gunman, who was our most essential man, so.. you wanna join us?
DT: Where are you going?
Shade: We're trying to get to the coast.
DT: Uh.. sure, I can help.
[NEW PARTY MEMBER: DARK TAILS]
[Your new member can fly you out of dangerous situations if you press C-Down.]
[He has a mean Headbonk attack, and can Tattle his way to freedom.]
Red: Can you really do all that?
DT: No. Now, let's get going! I believe the church is a military evac station.
Shade: Oh, yeah. Missus Rose told us to meet her there.
DT: Oh, she did?
Shade: Yeah. Why?
DT: ..no reason. To the church, then!
[they begin moving through the mining town of Ravenholm]
[they move into a town square, and hear shrill shrieks from all directions]
Shade: Brace yourselves. We got a horde.
[LEFT 4 DEAD TIME]
[they shoot some zombeez]
Dark: Pipe out!
[Dark throws a pipe bomb; it beeps n stuff and distracts the zombies; they run towards it]
[...BOOM! Dead.]
[CON-STRIKKKKKK-SHUN]
DT: Ack! Uck... urp...
[Red shoots the Smoker that is constricting Dark Tails, letting him free]
[BWAAAAAAAAAARG--wait, no, not yet. Moohoohaahaa.]
[they just.. spend some more time shooting and shooting]
[eventually, the horde lets up]
[..............BWAAAAAARG!]
[They were vomited on by a really, really fat guy. ..And by a Boomer.]
All: Ugh! Ew!
Shade: Here come the zombies!
[the vomit attracts the zombies, so.. budda budda]
[one eventually later, the zombies finally cease. ..to exist]
[HALF-LIFE 2 TIME]
AmyF: You sure murderalized those zombies up real nice. Men after my own heart!
[Amy is standing on a rooftop above them]
AmyF: I must say, you've been doing such a nice job so far that I want to give you a present.
Dark: I like prezzies.
AmyF: Then I shall give it to YOU, cutie-pie!
Dark: Yay!
[Dark is then hit in the head with a shotgun]
Dark: mah favorite *equips shotgun*
AmyF: Keep traveling, friends. The church is close, yet not so much so.
[Amy leaves]
DT: Dang. You were right.
Red: She seems to have gone crazy.
Shade: Indeed. Is everyone alright? Nobody needs healing?
Dark: I got a shotgun. :3
Shade: ...yeah, let's just keep moving, then.
[they head forward]
[a few puzzles and crazy mazes of corridors and streets later, and a couple hordes later, they reach a rooftop]
[next to the rooftop is a large cliff; atop the cliff is a church]
[Amy Rose is outside the church, by a large lever; the lever is connected to a cart/pulley system that connects to the roof]
DT: Okay, I think I can guess what's gonna happen here.
AmyF: KAY SO IMMA GUNNA SEND THE CART OVER FOR YA! Protect yourselves, strangers!
[Amy pulls the lever; the cart begins moving towards them very slowly, and very loudly]
Shade: Alright, guys.. defend yourselves. We got ourselves a Crescendo Event.
[thousands of screams are heard coming from downtown]
Red: We.. we should be safe, right? I mean... zombies can't climb buildings.
[Shade looks at him]
Red: ...can they?
[Shade grabs Red's assault rifle, and hands it back to him]
Red: *sigh* Oh, boy.
[they see hordes and hordes of zombies rushing towards the rooftop]
Dark: I have an idea.
[Dark places a stereo behind them]
Dark: See, I just had a brainfart. I realized that Rubber Goose can't save us here, but... Dethklok can.
Shade: Beautiful! Now you're thinking with Left 4 Dead, Half-Life, AND Rock Band!
Dark: And Cartoon Network. Okay, let's hit it!
[Dark hits "Play" on the stereo]
[GONGGGGG....]
[the zombies rush the building, and being climbing]
Ride...
[HEAVY METAL :D]
[Shade mouths "Here they come..."]
[Dark loads his shotgun]
Ride...
[Red reloads his gun]
[Shade clenches his crowbar]
Ride...
[Dark Tails loads a pistol he happened to have]
Ride...
[Shade mouths "ATTACK!"]
[the zombies reach the rooftop, and are immediately shot and/or bludgeoned]
Thunder...
[SMACK]
Thunder...
[WHACK]
Thunder...
[BITE]
Thunder...
[GEETAAAH SOLO :D]
[END OF REALLY SHORT SOLO D:]
[BUDDA BUDDA--SHOTGUN'D!]
Thunderhorse!
[a Smoker grabs Shade with its long tongue]
Thunderhorse!
[a Hunter pounces on Dark Tails]
Thunderhorse!
[a Boomer vomits on all four of them]
Thunderhorse!
[Dark gets mad!]
[DIFFERENT GEETAAAH SOLO :D]
Revenge!
[Dark shoots the smoker, freeing Shade]
Revenge!
[Shade inserts his crowbar deep into the Hunter's skull, freeing Dark Tails]
Revenge!
[the three shove the Boomer off the rooftop]
[END OF REALLY SHORT SOLO D:]
[Shade looks around, then mouths "Red?"]
[he looks back, and realizes that Red had tried jumping to the cart, but fell, and was now clinging to the ledge of the roof]
[Shade shouts "RED," then runs to his aid]
[he pulls him up, but the ground begins to shake]
[in the distance, they see a large, muscular zombie charging their way]
[all four shout "TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!"]
Thunder...
[Red, Dark Tails, and Dark all try to kill it from a distance as it comes their way]
Horse
[it's no use]
Thunder... 
[the Tank reaches the square in which the building they're standing on is located]
Horse
[it charges its way through the hordes of zombies, then reaches the base of the building]
[it begins its ascent]
Thunder...
[the four attempt to kill it by any means necessary]
Horse
[it reaches about halfway]
Thunder... 
[budda budda budda budda]
Horse
[grenade!]
[..miss]
[the Tank reaches the rooftop]
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
[BOOM BAM WHAM BOOM]
[BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA]
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
[budda budda DODGE]
[BLAAAM! The Tank falls off the roof, and dies]
Thunder, Thunder...
[the cart is close]
Thunder, Thunder, Thunder...
[more and more zombies approach]
Thunder...
[they get close, and close-quarters-combat is required]
Thunder...
[Dark Tails becomes overwhelmed]
Horse
[SHOTGUN BLAST!]
[Dark stands in front of a ton of zombies, having just blasted the crap out of some of them]
[they are mad now]
[GEETAAAH SOLO :D]
Thunderhorse!
[SHOTGUN BLAM!]
Thunderhorse!
[ZOMBIE CLAW!]
Thunderhorse!
[SHOTGUN KA-ZAM!]
Thunderhorse!
[SHOTGUN BLAAAAAAAAAAZAKAZAAM!]
[the cart arrives]
[Shade mouths, "GO, GO, GO!!!"]
[they dash into the cart; Dark pulls the handbrake, letting them go back (much faster)]
[as they leave, the zombies get to the stereo, and destroy it, ending the music]
[they all pant for a few seconds]
[long pause]
DT: ....SHIT!
Red: My thoughts exactly.
Shade: Ditto.
Dark: Are we there yet?
[they reach the church, and jump out of the cart]
AmyF: Ah, excellent! You survived the ordeal, strangers.
Shade: Yes, just barely.
AmyF: Alright, well... *smooch* congrats! Now, I'll help you get out of here.
Red: Friggin' finally.
[Amy glares at Red]
AmyF: Hun, would you mind coming into the church to talk to me privately?
Red: Um... okay..
[Amy grabs Red, and drags him into the church]
[about half an hour later, they come back out]
Shade: Dude, Red, you smell like blood! What happened?
Red: ...*urp*.....I.. I fell.
AmyF: Right, then! No more outbursts like that, kay, sweetie?
Red: Y-yes, ma'am...
AmyF: I mean, I have plenty of tape... and I wuff using tape. >:D
Red: I obey, ma'am! Please, no more tape...
AmyF: Good boy. Now, follow me!
[Amy leads them into a cemetary]
AmyF: Tread lightly, boys... for this is hallowed ground.
Shade: In other words, a Gauntlet Finale?
AmyF: More than that, my friends. 'Tis a three-part Gauntlet Finale. Enjoy, sweetums!
Shade: Wait, wait, wait... aren't you gonna take us through the cemetary first?
AmyF: No. Why would I?
Shade: 'Cause.. in the game...
AmyF: What game?
Shade: ..never mind, ma'am.
AmyF: Tara!
[Amy leaves]
Red: Best do as she says. Let's go.
DT: I'm with you.
[they begin moving through the cemetary, and are immediately swarmed by zombies]
Shade: Okay, seriously, why are we always fighting the Infected? Why can't we fight the good ol' headcrab zombies?
[suddenly, the zombies stop moving, and look at each other]
[they then disappear]
DT: Whoa. That was odd.
[thousands of headcrab zombies appear, instead]
Shade: Me and my big mouth.
[the Fearsome Foursome move onward, into the cemetary]
Red: "Fearsome Foursome?"
[Whatever.]
[Dark blasts some heads with his big ol' shotty]
DT: Gee, there sure are a lot of zombies around here...
Shade: We're in a cemetary.
DT: Good point.. and well made.
[budda budda budda]
[whack smack raaawr]
[they move onward through the cemetary, very slowly, killing all the zombies and headcrabs they can]
[eventually, they reach an elevated platform, and climb atop it, seeking salvation from the slaughter]
[ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!]
[AAAAARR RAR AR ARAARAR RAARRAR!]
[high-pitched squealing is heard coming from the distance]
[Shade looks around attentively]
Red: What is it now?
Shade: I hear... I hear....... a...
[a skinny, mutilated, and no-skin headcrab zombie dashes and leaps towards them]
Shade: FAAAAAST ZOMBIEEEEEE!
Dark: FIRE!
[budda budda budda]
[the fast zombie dies]
Red: Dark Tails, can you try something risky?
DT: Such as?
Red: Shoot those barrels over there.
DT: You mean the ones labelled "DANGER: Explosive?"
Red: Those are the ones.
[BANG!]
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!]
[zombie death cries]
Shade: Okay, we have an opening. That explosion killed a ton of 'em, but more will come, so RUN NOW!
[they dash forward, past all the dead zombies, and find a locked gate]
[beyond the gate is a large building]
[oh, and tons of zombies are approaching]
Shade: Shit.
Red: What's up?
Shade: Gate's locked.
Red: Well, can't ya open it?!
Shade: Not a chance. Only Amy can.
Red: Can't ya TRY?!
Shade: I guess...
[RRUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
Shade: FUUUUCK!!!
[a purple zombie, covered in three black headcrabs, limps its way closer to them]
Red: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!
Shade: Poison zombie! Poison headcrabs knock your HP down to 1, so the other headcrabs and/or zombies can easily kill you.
Dark: Doesn't the poison dude also throw its little guys at you?
[the poison zombie tosses one of its three poison headcrabs at them]
All: AAHH!
DT: You three! Take care of the zombies, but stay near the gate.
[Dark Tails tosses his pistol aside, and pulls out a BFG 2000]
[he then proceeds to charge into the crowd of zombies, looking for something]
Dark: Where the heck is HE going?
Shade: I think he's looking for the switch that opens this gate.
[the gate opens]
Red: Hey, he found it!
DT: (in the distance) GUYS! GO THROUGH NOW! AS SOON AS I LET GO OF THIS THING, IT'LL CLOSE!
Shade: WE AIN'T LEAVING YOU BEHIND, MAN!
DT: GO! NOW!
Red: Shade, c'mon, he's right. We need to go.
[Red pulls Shade along through the gate; it slams shut, leaving Dark Tails in the cemetary with the zombies]
[Shade, Dark, and Red stand atop a small hill, watching Dark Tails fight back the zombies]
[some explosive barrels explode, setting fire to the place]
Red: Shade, we'd best keep moving.
Shade: *stares at the cemetary* ....you're right.
[they turn and head into the building]
[as they walk inside, Dark Tails is heard laughing maniacally amidst the roars of countless zombies]
[fade to black]
[cut to inside the building; all that's inside is an incredibly deep mineshaft]
Red: Well, here we are... part two of the three-part finale.
Shade: Pfft, yeah, if you put it in Left 4 Dead terms. We're in Half-Life 2, remember?
Dark: INTO THE MINE SHAFT! *leaps into shaft*
[pause]
Red: ....he's dead, isn't he?
Shade: Oh, yeah.
[pause]
Red: Should we go retrieve the body?
Shade: Might as well.
[Shade and Red begin descending into the mine shaft]
Shade: It'll be a long way before we reach the ground. Whaddya wanna talk about?
Red: I dunno. What do YOU wanna talk about?
Shade: The Dark Garden. I wanna know what happened to it while I was gone.
Red: Well... as we said, Chao took over.
Shade: Yeah, but... does that mean, when we return, everything's gonna be all cloudy n' crap?
Red: No.
[Red turns his head away from Shade]
Red: Look... Shade...... the gardens...
Dark: GUYS?! IS THAT YOU!?
Shade+Red: Dark?!
Dark: Guys, it's weird down here! Drop down!
Shade: ...I trust him. *drops*
Red: Oh, but...! Ohhhhh, fine. *drops*
[down in the mines, everything is....... weird.]
Shade: Ew, what the heck did we just land in?
Red: It feels like... water.
Shade: This sure as crap ain't water, dude.
Dark: Guys? It smells like poo down here.
Shade: Poo? .......can't be.
Red: Can't be what, Shade?
Shade: Anybody got a match?
[someone lights a match]
Shade: Thanks. ...oh, geez, no way...
[all around them, the walls, ceiling, and floor... it's all poo]
Shade: No... no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Impossible!
Shadow: What's impossible, Shade?
Shade: ...well, first of all, you're impossible.
[the camera turns to show Shadow (the chao, who else?) holding the match]
Red: Whoa! Dude! How'd you...
Shadow: I have no idea.
Dark: We thought you'd be gone forever! You missed out on all the fun!
Shadow: Judging from the look on Shade's face, I'd say the fun's just beginning.
Shade: You could say that, yes.
Shadow: *sniff sniff* ...could we discuss things somewhere where it doesn't smell this bad?
Shade: I fear that, if this is what I think it is, it's best I explain it now.
Shadow: Fine. Where are we?
Shade: In terms of Half-Life 2, we're in the mines below Ravenholm.
Red: That's where I THOUGHT we were.
Shadow: Alright, Shade... I'll bite. Where are we OUTSIDE those terms?
Shade: In Poo Mountain.
Dark: I take it this place is nowhere near as fun as it sounds.
Shade: Dark, it's about as fun as it smells.
Shadow: Just give us the short version, please. I don't want to spend more time here than necessary.
Shade: In the next room, we're gonna fight a boss. Throw projectiles down his throat when he starts singing.
Shadow: That shit's pretty vague.
Shade: Yes, but you just filled in most of the blanks.
Shadow: Wha? How--oh.
Red: Can we.. can we get out of this room before I gag?
Shade: Try not to let it get to you, Red. It's gonna get worse. Let's go.
[they begin plopping through the "mud" into a large cavern]
???: BRING ME SOME SWEET CORN!!!
Shade: Yup, I was right.
Shadow: Shade, if I may?
Shade: You may.
Shadow: I have a brilliant idea. Let's... y'know, NOT bring this gent some sweet corn.
Shade: Absurd! I like the way you're thinking.
[the chao run through the cavern]
Shade: ...oh, yeah.
Shadow: What?
Shade: The only way out is to beat the boss. He would then break open this window, right here, which would help us get out.
Dark: Leave this to me.
[Dark smashes his head into the window; it breaks open]
Shade: Or we could do that. Right. Well, now, we simply flush this toilet flusher thing.
[they do that]
???: WAIT, WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT JUST YET!
Shade: Yeah, but.. we REALLY wanna get out of here. It smells a bit too pooey for us.
???: OHHH, I'M FLUSHING, I'M FLUSHING! OH, WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A WORLD!
Shade: Yeah, yeah, I know, Wizard of Oz parody... bye!
???: AAAAAHHHHH!!!
[pause]
Shade: ...he's dead now.
Red: What, exactly, were we fighting?
Shade: A big pile of poop.
Red: ..you're kidding.
[Shade looks at him]
Red: ......glad we skipped it.
Shadow: That wasn't in Half-Life 2, was it?
Shade: Of course not. The Great Mighty Poo is from Conker's Bad Fur Day.
[suddenly, things start to go static-y]
Shade: Well, ain't THAT good news?
[the static clears, and leaves the chao in an actual mine; there is light at the end of the tunnel in front of them]
All: LIGHT!
[they dash towards the light, and finally leave the mines]
[they find themselves at a train track; a train has toppled on one side, leaving only one direction]
[also, it's now about... 9, 10 AM? Daybreak.]
Dark: There's only one direction in the faces that I see.
Shade: It's upwards, to the ceiling, where the chamber's set to be. Okay, enough Genesis; let's keep going.
[they walk along the train tracks for a while before Shade stops them]
Shadow: What's up, Shade?
Shade: Shh. Just watch.
[they see a headcrab in front of them]
Shadow: It's just a headc--
Shade: Hush.
[the headcrab sees them, and starts moving towards them]
[pause]
[a blue line (off of some type of weapon) aims at the headcrab]
Shadow: Oh. Yeah, that.. that just about answers it.
[BANG!]
Shadow: Snipers. How far left 'til we're clear of them?
Shade: Quite a bit. It's not too long of a railroad, but we haven't quite reached Shorepoint yet.
Shadow: Shorepoint?
Shade: A little rebel outpost by the shore.
Red: Wait, wait, wait... we're going to the shore?
Shadow: Apparently so.
Shade: ...okay, c'mon, let's run!
[Shade dashes across the tracks, and hides behind another train that's up ahead]
[he looks back at them, and gestures for them to follow]
[the other three dash across to him]
[Shade peeks around the train car (okay, not even I know what I'm talking about anymore)]
Shadow: You see anything?
Shade: No.. nothing at all.
[a sniper aiming thingy aims at all four of 'em somehow]
Shade: ...aw, crap.
[they run through the rest of the train tracks, trying to dodge most of the gunshots directed at them]
[eventually, the snipers cease and the chao encounter the full-fledged badnik ARMY!]
[these particularly guys are the chao-shaped footsoldiers, equipped with AR2s (better version of an assault rifle)]
Red: Whoa. Shade... Shade, these guys are shaped like us.
Shade: Damn, they ARE! Let's take 'em down, first.
[budda budda budda WHACK]
Dark: These robo guys scare me...
Red: Interesting. They appear to be based on.. baby Dark chao?
Shade: Wha? You're kidding.
Red: Hey, it's what I see.
Shade: Hm. Just what the heck is Eggman up to?
[Shade ponders for a moment]
Shadow: We won't be able to figure it out just from standing here, Shade. We've gotta keep moving.
Shade: You're right. I mean, I'm pretty sure we've made it to Shorepoint by now.
Dark: I hear they're evacuating civvies from the city there.
Shade: No, we're... out of Left 4 Dead now, Dark-o.
Dark: Oh.
[they walk on a little longer, then find a bunch of robochao guys invading a warehouse]
[Shade gestures for the other three to follow him behind the robochao]
[they sneak into the warehouse, and see the robochao surrounding a group of rebel chao]
[...oh, by "Rebel Chao," I meant chao who happen to be rebels. :P]
Chao1: What do you guys want with us?
Robo1: All citizens must obey herr Doktor.
Robo2: ABIDE BY THE ROBOTNIK'S LAWS!
Chao2: Fuck off! You guys are ruining the Earth!
Robo1: Resistance is futile. These claims are biased.
Robo2: WE ARE IMPROVING THE PLANET!
Chao1: "Improving?" You're draining the oceans!
Robo1: End discussion.
Robo2: WE GONNA GET MEGAMAN 2 ON YO BEHIND FOOL
[Shade whacks the second robot from behind with his crowbar; it falls over]
Shade: GET 'EM!
[the rebels take this cue to attack the robots]
[budda budda dodge boom bang]
[eventually, they defeat all the robots]
Rebel1: Gee, thanks a lot for the help, guys. We were goners for a second there.
Shade: No prob.
Shadow: What were those robot things?
Rebel1: We've heard tale of them... the Badnik Army's version of a SWAT team. Chao and metal combined. ...the CHAOBINE.
Ourfourheroes: "Chaobine..?"
Rebel1: Enough about that, though. Status report! Who's hurt?
Rebel3: Winston's been hit.
Rebel1: Oh, no! Not Winston!
Shadow: Who's Winston?
Rebel1: Beats me. Hey, you're Shadow, ain't ya? Yeah... an' this guy's Shade, right?
Shade: That's us.
Rebel1: Oh, no way! Wonderful! And you two are Dark n' Red?
Dark: Yo.
Red: Hello.
Rebel1: Alright, well, we've got another Shade on the radio; he wants to speak to you.
Shadow: That'll be future Shade, or... okay, PRESENT Shade, technically.
[the rebel leads them into another room, and shows them the radio]
Rebel1: Hey, Shade, we're back, and we have Shadow and the other guys with me!
ShadeFRadio: Shadow? Kid, that you?
Shadow: Yes, it's me. Shade, Red, and Dark are here, too.
ShadeFR: Good. Good. Listen, uh.. I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news.
Dark: NO MOAR TWILIGHT!?!?!
ShadeFR: *chuckle* No, Dark. It turns out.. Cham's been taken hostage by the Badniks.
Shadow: *gulp* He... he has?
ShadeFR: I'm afraid so. He's been taken to Novella Prospekt.
Shadow: I know I'm gonna regret asking, but... what's Novella Prospekt? And where is it?
ShadeFR: We don't know much other than what some chao have reported, but what we know isn't good.
Shadow: Yup, I'm gonna regret it.
ShadeFR: It's... basically, a prison, but we know it's much worse than that.
Shadow: Alright... and where is this place?
ShadeFR: It's pretty far from Shorepoint; I can tell you that. About... six, eight plus hours by car.
[Shadow's pupils shrink]
Shadow: You're kidding me.
ShadeFR: Not at all.
Shadow: And we don't have a car, do we?
ShadeFR: That's the good news.
Shadow: Oh, well THAT'S a relief!
ShadeFR: I bet it is. Look, I'll meet up with you in Novella Prospekt's train platform.
Shadow: So THAT'S where the trains were going...
ShadeFR: Yeah. Okay, see you then.
[the radio turns to static]
Rebel1: So there ya go. We're gassin' the car up for ya right now, but first, lemme show you what you're up against.
[the rebel shows them a large road map]
[the roads are a coastal highway, and the map encompasses about... three towns and a bridge or two]
Red: Shit.
Shadow: Took the word right outta my mouth.
Rebel1: If you stick to this highway, here... you should pass through New Little Oddyssey and Lighthouse Cliff Place.
Don't worry, they've got rebels stationed there. Anyway, just stick to that highway, and... you'll be fine.
Radio: Car's filled.
Rebel1: Perfect timing! C'mon, let's introduce you to your car.
[the rebel leads them through a door]
Chapter 7: The Highway to Hell has the Best Beaches in the World
Red: Sheesh, that was an incredibly long chapter, wasn't it?
Shade: I know. I mean, I think DJay may have misjudged the size of this game, and the size of his love for it.
Shadow: What are you guys talking about?
Shade: Nuthin'.
[through the door was a dock, but instead of water below them... they see shore]
Dark: I see sea shells down by that thar sea shore.
Rebel4: Mornin', boys! Car's all ready for you.
[a rebel operating a crane drops off the car on the dock in front of them]
Shadow: Whoa, this is a really nice car!
[it's an Aston Martin DB9]
Shade: Huh. I guess the Veteran's Committee isn't as bad as I thought.
Shadow: ...who's driving?
Shade: You.
Red: You.
Dark: You.
Shadow: ..........oh.
Shade: I may as well take shotgun, so I can easily take control of the wheel before you drive us off a cliff.
Shadow: Yeah, please do that.
[they have their seats in the car]
[the rebel crane person picks up the car again, and prepares to lower it onto the shore]
Rebel4: Damn magnet's failing... hold on...
[suddenly, the car is dropped, upside-down, onto the sand]
Rebel4: Sorry, guys!
Shadow: Oh, snap. *sigh* Let me handle this.
[Shadow climbs out of the car, and flips the car over with the gravity gun]
[SCREEECH!]
Shadow: ....what was that?
[he turns around, and sees a GIANT FREAKING ALIEN BUG THING]
Shadow: WHAT THE FUUUU
[Shadow dives into the car, and hits the gas]
Red: What? What is it?
Shadow: Giant freaking alien bug things!
Shade: They're called antlions.
Shadow: Well, whatever they're called, they're FREAKY!
Shade: Can't argue with that. Take a left.
Shadow: Oh, sorry. *left turn*
Shade: Up this ramp. Now, see that fallen bridge up ahead?
Shadow: Yeah.
Shade: Hit the turbo.
Shadow: The turbo?
Shade: Yeah, the turbo.
Shadow: Um... okay.... the turbo...
Shade: You can hit it now, you know.
Shadow: I know... uh....... turbo....
Shade: Don't tell me you can't find the turbo?
[they fly off the ramp, and crash down to the ground]
Shade: Ahhh.... NOOO! The beautiful Aston Martin... NOOO!
[Dark pats Shade on the back]
Dark: It'll be okay, Shade... it's in a better place now.
Shade: *sniff* You're.. you're right. Thanks.
Dark: Or, rather... it's in the SAME place, but now it's got a mangled engine!
Shadow: ...thanks, Dark. C'mon, Shade. C'mon. It'll be okay.
[Shadow leads Shade out of the car; Red and Dark follow]
[they go back to Shorepoint]
Rebel1: You trashed our car? Nah, it's fine, I mean.. it was the only Aston Martin DB9 left in this dystopian future, but...
Shadow: I'm really sorry. It didn't have a turbo.
Rebel1: You mean the button that's labelled "turbo," right next to the indicator?
Shade: Told you it had one.
Rebel1: Whatever. We've got a feasable replacement for you.
[cut to a close-up of Shade's face, pouting, later on]
Shade: You just HAD to go and break the DB9, didn't you? You just HAD to not see the turbo button.
Shadow: Calm down, Shade. I'm sure we'll have lots of great adventures in this car.
Shade: Yeah, no, I feel a LOT better knowing that, instead of a DB9, WHICH YOU BROKE, we can have WONDERFUL adventures...
[the camera zooms out, revealing a rather large, red car]
Shade: ..IN THIS FREAKISH FIAT PANDA!!!
Shadow: Hey, what's so bad about it? I kinda like it. It's... home-y.
Shade: You mean it's big.
Shadow: Ye--no! No. It's.. got a roomy feel to it.
Shade: Yeah, that's because it's big.
Shadow: Well, at least I can find the turbo button.
Shade: In the one car that you wouldn't WANT to find it in.
[they drive along the highway for a little bit]
Red: Shadow, I have a question for you.
Shadow: Yes?
Red: What are you gonna do when you've killed Eggman?
Shadow: I'll... probably wait for the Veteran's Committee to give me another job.
Red: Why are you working for them, again?
Shadow: I didn't really have a choice.
[suddenly, they fall off the road, and onto the beach below]
[Shadow flips the car back to its upright position with his gravity gun, and drives along the beach]
[antlions emerge from the sand and chase them]
Shadow: Aiieeeeee! *turbo*
[vrrrrrrrrrr]
[they do a big jump n' stuff]
[they then speed right past multiple houses and Chaobine soldiers]
Shade: Whoa, easy there, buckaroo. We wanna get there in one piece, remember?
Shadow: Antlions ew ew ew ew ew gross aaaah
Shade: Okay, okay, okay, gimme the wheel and I'll drive for us!
Shadow: Eff off!
[screech swerve swerve]
Shade: Gimme the wheel! C'mon!
Shadow: NO!
[SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH skidskidskid]
Red: Will you two STOP FIGHTING and keep your eyes on the road?!
Shadow+Shade: The road?
[they find themselves speeding towards a wall]
All: AAAAHHH!!!
[Shade grabs the wheel, and thrusts it to the right, making the car spin and face the right]
Shade: HIT THE BRAKE!
[Shadow slams on the brakes, and the car stops short of the wall]
[they sit there, panting, for a while]
[pause]
Dark: Are we there yet?
[cut to a small town nearby, populated by rebels]
Rebel: Hey, look! A car's coming!
Rebel2: Think it's Shadow?
Rebel: The one free Shadow? I doubt it.
[the Fiat Panda slowly rolls in, and our heroes exit]
Shadow: Hey, wassup? This New Little Oddyssey?
Rebel: HOLY SHIT, IT'S SHADOW! EVERYBODY, IT'S SHADOW! HE'S HERE!
[cheering is heard]
Shadow: Wow. Warm welcome for once.
Rebel: Yes, this is NLO. Go down to the basement of that house, thar. Colonel Cabbage Patch will be glad to see you.
[the four head down some stairs and whatnot; they find Colonel Cabbage Patch]
Cabbage: Ah! Hello! I'll be with you in a moment.
[the Colonel is giving a little mission briefing to some rebels]
Cab: *picks up RPG* This RPG is the only known way to destroy the gunships.
[the Darks join the briefing, and take a seat]
Cab: It's a homingafyer, so simply steer it past the gunship's defenses, and... voila!
[Dark raises his hand]
Cab: Um.. yes! You there!
Dark: Is it Lost Odyssey, or Paper Mario? Ooh! Or is it EarthBound, maybe?
Cab: No, I assure you, this RPG is one no one will miss. It's Final Fantasy VII.
Dark: *gasp* ..nice.
[a siren is heard going off]
[a rebel runs down the stairs, and yells "GUNSHIP!"]
Cab: Alright, now who shall be our volunteer?
[Dark jumps up]
Dark: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Pick me! ME! HELLO! MEEE!
Cab: Hohoh! Fine, then! You, Mister Lost Odyssey, shall have this RPG.
[Dark takes FF7]
Dark: YAY! *equips* Let's go kill us some badniks.
[Dark runs outside, and throws FF7 into the air]
[it hits the gunship hovering above the town]
[the gunship falls down and crashes]
[everyone cheers]
[FF7 flies back to Dark, who catches it]
Cab: Excellent maneuvering, mah boi! I've contacted Lighthouse Cliff Place, and they'll be expecting you.
Shadow: Sweet, thanks.
Cab: I must warn you, though... it's a long way to get there. And radio silence from the bridge leads me to suspect....
Red: Suspect what?
Cab: Well... nothing short of badnik assault. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
Shadow: Thank you, Colonel. Goodbye.
Cab: Fare thee well!
[the chao get back into their car, and drive onward]
Shade: You were awfully polite and professional back there, Shadow. Nice job. You're learning.
Shadow: Thanks. I suppose that, if I'm gonna get seven chaos drives, I'm gonna have to act my age, huh?
Shade: Yup. And Dark... smooth aiming.
Dark: I'm better at aiming than you are, Shade. :D
Shade: We'll see, we'll see.
[the road in front of them is out]
Shadow: Fuck.
Shade: It's cool. Just take a right.
Shadow: Onto the grass?
Shade: Yeah.
Shadow: Um.. okay.
[they drive off the road, and find themselves at a large coast; docks are above them]
[they can't find a way to get the car up onto the dock, but can get themselves up there]
[oh, and Chaobine soldiers are there, too]
Shadow: How are we supposed to move on? The road's up there!
Shade: Hmm...
[Shade looks around, and sees a giant crane]
Shade: Wait here and defend the car. Dark!
Dark: Shade and Dark Play Half-Life 2 time?
Shade: Shade and Dark Play Half-Life 2 time.
[Shade and Dark jump out of the car and up to the docks]
[Dark kicks a soldier and he dies or whatever]
[Shade does something or other, too]
[they climb a large ladder to reach the crane, then fight off whatever soldiers are up there]
Dark: Can I use the crane?
Shade: Can I trust you not to kill everyone?
Dark: maaayyyybe :3
Shade: *sigh* Knock yourself out.
[Dark squeals and then jumps into the crane]
[he steers it, and picks up the Panda]
[Red and Shadow, still inside the car, are freaking out]
Shade: Okay, Dark, now carefully and gently take it over to--
Dark: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!
[Dark swings the car over, and smacks it against a nearby wall]
[Red and Shadow fall out and onto the dock]
[Dark then drops the car on the dock and hops out of the crane]
[he and Shade then regroup with the two rude dudes]
Red: "Two rude dudes?" What's gotten into our Jordan today?
[Chaobine soldiers suddenly surround them]
Dark: WHA NOOOO
[budda budda boom]
Shadow: C'mon, guys; the sooner we get outta here, the better.
[they hop in the Panda and drive through... places]
[then, they come up to a ramp]
Shade: You know what to do here.
Shadow: Sure do, boss.
[TURBO!]
[everything goes all slow-mo as the car jumps the ramp.. and... whatnot]
Man, I'm losing my touch today. :P
[they resume their "keep on driving" state of mind]
[..until they realize the road ahead is blocked by abandoned cars]
Shadow: *sigh* I got this one.
[Shadow gets out of the car and shunts the cars off the road with his gravity gun]
[GUNSHIP! DUN DUN DUUUUN!]
Shadow: Oh, crap.
[the gunship warms up its guns]
[Shadow glances at Shade, who quickly opens up the driver-side door]
[Shadow leaps into the Panda, slams the door shut, and revvs the engine]
[IT'S A RACE AGAINST TIME NOW GAIZ]
[the gunship's guns are ready-- BUDDABUDDABUDDA]
[But Shadow plants it as fast as he can and slams it on the gas! VRRRRRRRR!]
[The Panda JUUUUST manages to get away!]
[Dark and Red cheer]
Shade: We're not out of the woods yet, kid.
Shadow: I hear ya. I mean, I know gunships can MOVE.
[they drive on for a while, and the gunship eventually gives up]
[...oh, snap, I completely forgot to mention the fact that the car has a gun attached to it. 'Cause it does. Infinite ammo.]
Red: *looks back* I think we lost 'em.
Shadow: Good. How much further do we have left, Shade?
Shade: 'Til Novella Prospekt?
Shadow: Yeah.
Shade: Hooo... I'd say four, six, eight hours? That's if we don't lose this car.
Shadow: *deeeeeeep sigh* Great. Hey, if anybody else wants to drive for a bit, just say so.
Shade: I'll take over at the next outpost, kay?
Shadow: Okay. How far's that?
Shade: Not too far. Ten minutes at most.
Dark: Now, I'm purdy shur this chapter isn't THAT long.
Shade: Nah, but the Veteran's Committee's kinda... sized it up to scale.
Dark: Ah, cool.
[so they drive]
[and drive]
[and drive s'more along the coastal highway]
[at one random point, Red glances out the window at the ocean]
[he is steadily falling asleep at this point]
[he sees a figure dash from the coast and into the sea]
Red: What?
Shade: What's up?
Red: I...... nothing.
Shade: Alright, suit yourself.
[they keep driving and eventually reach a small outpost (or really small town)]
[...and it's occupied by the Chaobine!]
Shade: Right, then. *grabs crowbar, opens door* Let's stretch our legs.
Dark: Maybe we should kill the robots, too?
Shade: .........yeah, let's do that, too.
[they scout through the buildings, killing whatever robots they find]
Red: It's still odd how they're all based on baby Dark chao.
Shadow: I'm sure we'll find out why at Novella Prospekt.
Shade: That's kind of a random and baseless assumption, don't you think?
Shadow: Well... thinking in terms of video games, you usually find out secrets like that in the climax of the game.
Shade: Yes, so why would we find it out in Novella Prospekt?
Shadow: You mean... you mean it's not the climax?
Shade: Far from it. Well, not TOO far. I'd say about four or five chapters away.
Shadow: Argh... do we have to drive more?
Shade: No, this'll be the last time we drive.
Shadow: Good.
[they stand around for a bit]
Dark: Are we there yet?
Red: Dark's got the right idea. We done standing around yet?
Shade: Just stretching our legs. You two don't have to do any driving, so shut up.
[a little more standing around]
Shade: Right. I'm ready. You ready?
Shadow: Why, am I doing something?
Shade: Yes, you're doing something. I'll only drive 'til the next chapter, which isn't TOO far.
Shadow: Oh... alright. What else?
Shade: Yeah. While I'm driving, I want you to take the gun.
Shadow: Okay, fine. Let's go.
Dark: ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!
[they hop into the car, and Shade drives them along for a bit]
Shade: This is the life, ain't it, kid?
Shadow: What's the life?
Shade: THIS is. Out on the open road... I mean, sure, we're anticitizens one, two, three and four, but hey! We're living.
Shadow: I guess.
Shade: You "guess?" You "GUESS?!" *sigh* I'll never understand you kids... you kids and your iPads...
Shadow: What the heck are you talking about?
Shade: Eh, no idea. Hey, you hungry?
Dark: HELLS YEA
Shade: Haha, thought so. Well, I'll see what I can do about that.
[they drive for a bit more]
[Shadow looks out the window at the ocean]
[Shade glances at him]
Shade: Notice something about that ocean?
Shadow: Yeah, it looks a little... low.
Shade: That's 'cause Eggman's draining it. He needs to power his badnik empire SOMEHOW.
Shadow: Dang.
[suddenly, Shadow sees a bright, red light in the ocean]
Shadow: Whoa.
Shade: What?
Shadow: There's.. there's this big, red light in the ocean.
Shade: Really? What kind of "red?"
Shadow: Like... "Captain Scarlet" red.
[Shade stops the car quickly, and steps out]
[he walks over to the edge of the road, and looks out into the ocean]
Shade: No way...
[he runs back into the car, and gives a facepalm]
Shadow: What's wrong?
Shade: That light... that light... I know that light.
[he turns to face Dark and Red]
Shade: Guys... I don't know how to tell you this, but.... there's something in the sea.
[Red looks puzzled, but Dark's jaw drops to the ground]
Dark: NO!
Shade: Yes.
Dark: That's not possible! I thought... I mean, I thought.... in HALF-LIFE 2?!
Shade: Hey, the Veteran's Committee can do anything. *siiigh* Whatever. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.
[they resume driving]
Dark: Are we there yet?
[they reach a small town by a large railroad bridge]
[Shade drives down to the town; Chaobine soldiers are ready to meet them]
[one little shooting later, our 'heroes' get out of their car and look around the town]
Shade: Get your health and ammo, guys, and I'll give you the scoop.
[they do that]
Shade: That bridge up there is where we wanna go, but the badniks have set up a forcefield.
Shadow: We want to deactivate it?
Shade: Yup. Problem is, the switch is on the other side of the bridge.
Dark: Here it comes...
Shade: So we need someone to go UNDER the bridge to the other side.
Dark: Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner. Sometimes I feel like my only friend is the city I live in, the city--
Shade: Shut up. Who wants to volunteer?
[pause]
Shadow: Guess I'll go.
Shade: Heheh, glad to hear it. Right this way, kid.
[Shade leads Shadow down to the cliffside; a path to the underside of the bridge is there]
Shade: Alright. This'll be your test. Pass this, and you'll prove you can handle yourself out there.
Shadow: Okay. I'm ready.
Shade: Good luck.
[Shade leaves]
Shadow: Um... okay. Right, then.
[Shadow enters a door on the side of the bridge, and comes out at the bottom of the bridge]
[below him for at least half a mile is a long drop to water]
[in front of him is a broken and rickety series of maintenance passages]
[he can't even see the other side of the bridge from here]
Shadow: Oh, dear.
[he starts moving across a particular metal walkway]
[it's pretty stable for now]
[HONK HONK!!!]
[the entire underside of the bridge starts shaking heavily-- a train's passing above]
[Shadow stands still and clings to the railing while waiting for it to pass]
[it does, and he resumes moving forward]
[cut to Shade, Dark and Red, sitting around in the bridgeside town]
Red: ....do you think Shadow's actually gonna do this?
Dark: Not a chance.
Shade: Hey, now... of course he will. I see something good in that kid.
Dark: Creeper.
Shade: Not like that. I mean... I mean he seems like he's got good potential as a Dark/Run chao.
Red: I'm sure he WILL be one, but for now, he hasn't even got a single chaos drive.
Shade: Hm. You've got a point. If the Veteran's Committee were to try something now, he'd be dead.
Dark: Something now... something... something...
Shade: You say somethin', Dark-o?
Dark: I'm thinking... what if... the Veteran's Committee already IS trying something?
Shade: Right now?
Dark: Yes.
Shade: Like?
Dark: Like... there's something in the sea.
[the camera zooms in on Shade's face, lost in thought]
[cut to Shadow, now three-quarters of the way through the bridge]
[he's carefully walking through]
[SMASH!]
[the floor breaks, and Shadow falls; he grabs hard onto the railings to avoid falling]
[he looks down to the ocean below, and sees a figure dart through his field of vision]
[Shadow pulls himself back up, and climbs over to the nearest footing]
[creeeaaaaaak]
[grooooaaaaaaaaan]
Shadow: Uh-oh.
[he makes a mad dash for the other side of the bridge as the walkway collapses behind him]
[at the last stretch, he takes a giant leap as the whole walkway falls]
[aaaaaand falls short]
[but, he is pulled up by...]
Shadow: Shade?!
Shade: You're WELCOME.
Shadow: Thanks, but.. how'd you get here? And so fast?
Shade: Your walkway wasn't the only one, kid.
Shadow: Oh. Well.. why did you come? I thought this was my test.
Shade: Turns out we've got bigger problems. We've got to get away from the water.
Shadow: We seem pretty high.
Shade: Yeah, not high enough. I mean we've gotta head inland. Unfortunately, we won't for another couple chapters.
Shadow: So..... what? What possible course of action is left?
Shade: Speedrun. We must get to Novella Prospekt posthaste, then clear it out ASAP.
Shadow: Can we do that quickly?
Shade: Not sure. Then again, we're a smart quad. I bet we can pull it off.
Shadow: 'Kay, then. When do we start?
[Shade has dashed into the badnik facility that I forgot to mention was on this side of the bridge]
Shade: THREE SECONDS AGO!
Shadow: HEY! *dashes*
[they dash through, defeating any Chaobine they encounter, and finally find the forcefield button]
Shade: *pant* Found it.
Shadow: *pant* You're not.. TIRED... are you?
Shade: *pant* N...never. *grin* Okay... now, listen... once this button's pressed, we'll have a gunship on our tail.
Shadow: Dammit, and Dark didn't come, did he?
Shade: No worries... he's standing at the cliffside as our sniper.
Shadow: Awesome. What are we waiting for? Let's go.
Shade: You're learnin'. .......RACE YA! *presses*
Shadow: You're on!
[as they run, an alarm goes off]
Badnik: ATTENTION, SOLDIERS: FORCEFIELD IS OFF PREMATURELY. APPREHEND THE VANDALS.
[they keep running through the facility, and take care of whatever Chaobine stand in their way]
[as they reach the walkway under the bridge, the gunship arrives and warms up its guns]
[Shade pulls out a walkie-talkie]
Shade: This is Shaded Grey to Dark Days, the bogey is niner-niner and we are oscar mike, repeat, we are oscar mike, over.
Dark (radio): Dark Days to Shaded Grey, I read you loud and clear, and report tangos closing in on our position, over.
Shade: Shaded Grey to Dark Days, how many tangos, over?
[radio silence]
Shade: Shaded Grey to Dark Days, HOW MANY TANGOS, over?
[radio silence]
Shade: *puts away radio* Not good news.
Shadow: Shade and Shadow time?
Shade: Shade and Shadow time.
[cut to Dark and Red at the center of the little town; Chaobine soldiers are hiding in the buildings]
Red: Dark... they're looking at us.
Dark: No worries. We have a shotgun and an AR2, don't we?
Red: I guess so.
[Red glances at the cliffside, and sees Shade and Shadow sneaking into the back door of a building]
Red: (whispering) Dark. *tilts head toward Shade and Shadow*
Dark: Ah. *smirk* Let's go to THIS building, here.
[Dark leads Red into the building opposite the one Shade and Shadow entered]
[BUDDA BUDDA WHACK! BOOM! CRACK!]
[so... basically, they clear out the town]
[they then meet up at the Panda]
Shade: Alright, everyone get in! We're trying a speedrun.
Dark: YES!
[Shade drives them up to the bridge]
[he then drives across the bridge for a bit]
[HONK HONK!!!!]
Shadow: Shade...... what was that?
Shade: I'll give you a hint. We're about to be run over by a fucking train.
Shadow: That's quite a hint.
Shade: Hrm.. what to do, what to do...
[they see the train coming at them pretty fast]
Shade: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit.
[Shade quickly stops the car and hits it in reverse]
Shadow: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!
Shade: I HAD FORGOTTEN THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!
Dark: SHADE, I THINK YOU DID IT A LITTLE LATE!
[HONNNNK HONNNNK!!!!]
Shade: C'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon c'moooooon...
[Shade JUST BARELY manages to drive the car off the tracks (at a point where they wouldn't fall in the ocean) in time]
[WHOOOOSH! The train.. whooshes past them. :P]
[the four sit in the car, breathing heavily]
Dark: Are we... are we there yet?
Shade: Still got a ways to go.
[Shade then drives the car across the bridge, now that no trains are coming]
[at the other side, the road resumes inside a dark tunnel]
Chapter 8: Chaotraps
Shade: Okay, we're at the next chapter now. Your shift.
Shadow: Fine by me.
[the two switch places once more]
[Shadow drives them through the dark tunnel, but they soon encounter a huuuuge block of abandoned cars]
Shadow: *sigh* I got it. *gets out of car*
[Shadow shunts some cars to the side before ZOMBIES COME WTF]
Shadow: Aah!
[the other three are quick to fight them off]
Shadow: Thanks, guys.
[HOWWWWL]
[a fast zombie sprints towards them]
Shadow: Back in the car, NOW!
[they run back into the car, and Shadow drives as fast as he can]
[the zombie pounces in front of the car]
[HOWWWWWL--SMACK!]
[they finally leave the tunnel]
[by now, it's about... 4, 5-ish?]
[the road is a long one]
Red: So, Shade... why are we doing a speedrun?
Shade: We're just doing one 'til we get inland. We've got to get away from the ocean.
[eventually, they reach a small town]
[everything is deserted]
[ahead of them is a giant gate-- it's closed]
[Shadow parks the car in front of it, and everyone gets out]
Shadow: Huh. What are we supposed to do now?
Shade: Open it.
Shadow: And how?
Shade: Use your puzzle-solving skills. You solve this puzzle, and we'll take care of the Chaobine.
Red: What Chaobine?
[a dropship lands behind the gate; a squad of Chaobine climbs out; the dropship flies away]
Shade: THOSE Chaobine.
[Shade, Dark and Red run around the gate and fight off the soldiers]
[Shadow takes a look at the gate]
Shadow: Hmmm...
[he finds a wire, and follows it to a small building]
[inside is a generator powered by three batteries, but only one is installed]
Shadow: Aha!
[he looks around, finds a battery, and pops it in]
Shadow: Now, where's the last one?
[he looks around again and finds the other one in a car, then plugs it in]
Shadow: What is this, just filler?
[Kinda. This just isn't really an exciting part.]
[Shadow moves back to the car, as do the other three; they get in and drive further]
Shade: So, kid... what do you think of Half-Life 2 so far?
Shadow: It's... it's fun.
Shade: Heh, it'd better be. You're lucky. I had to go through all the crazy games, like the original Half-Life.
Shadow: Uh-huh? What's that one like?
Red: Ohhh, you don't wanna know.
Dark: Gargs are bigger in person.
Shade: For one thing, it's considerably harder than this one.
Shadow: Ooh... yikes.
[they drive for a little bit longer]
[eventually, they reach another town, this time a little bigger than the others]
[a lighthouse is on a cliff at the edge of the town]
[a bunch of rebels are there to greet our heroes]
Rebel1: Hey! You guys made it! Ditch the car, and we'll brief you on what's going on. Hurry now!
[they park the car in a garage, then meet with the rebels]
Rebel1: Alright, listen... we've got a badnik assault comin' our way in the next few minutes.
Rebel2: Our watchmen tell us we have at least four waves of tangos on the way.
Red: This won't be too tough. We can take 'em!
Rebel3: If you can, that'd be grand.
[a rebel runs in shouting "DROPSHIP!"]
Rebel1: They're here. Let's go.
[everyone takes their positions in the town]
[the first dropship lands and drops off a squadron of Chaobine soldiers]
[the squad is quickly taken care of]
[then another dropship lands, and is quickly taken care of]
[and the next]
Shadow: Boy, this is easier than I thought it would be.
Shade: Eh, Chaobine soldiers are cannon fodder.
Rebel4: INCOMING DROPSHIP AT THE LIGHTHOUSE!
[Shadow looks at Shade, who looks back and nods]
Shade+Shadow: We got it.
[they run up to the lighthouse, and quickly fight off the soldiers]
Shadow: Crap, we've got a gunship, too!
Shade: DARK! WE NEED YA!
Dark: I got it!
[Dark tosses Final Fantasy VII at the gunship]
[DIRECT HIT!]
[BOOOOOM!]
[the rebels cheer]
Rebel5: Hey, guys, you're goin' to Novella Prospekt, ain't ya?
Shadow: Sure are. We're trying to reach there by nightfall.
Rebel5: Well, come with me. I'll put you on the right path.
[the rebel leads them to the bottom of the lighthouse, and through a secret door]
Rebel5: I'm not sure why you wanna go there, but... this is the best way to get there.
[the door leads to some steep cliffs]
Rebel5: Just go around this cliff face 'til you reach solid ground. You'll be on the right path by then.
[pause]
Rebel5: ...good luck!
[he leaves and slams the door behind him]
Shadow: Wha-but-wait-ohh....
Dark: Are we there yet?
Shade: Not quite. We've just gotta keep pressing on now.
[they carefully go around the cliff face until they reach solid ground]
Shade: ...oh, crap, I remember this part.
Shadow: What?
[they find a small patch of beach in between giant rock faces.. or.. argh, I can't describe this kinda thing]
[in the beach are some scattered rocks]
[a rebel is lying on one rock next to a dying rebel lying in the sand]
Rebel1: Hang on, Laszlo... I think I hear someone.
[the rebel sees the chao]
Rebel1: YOU THERE! STAY ON THE ROCKS! Keep off the sand, it makes the antlions CRAZY!
[Shadow's pupils shrink]
Shadow: Antlions?
Rebel1: Yeah... they're oddly hostile for this time of year.
Shadow: Oh, no...
[Laszlo attempts to move]
Rebel1: No, Laszlo, don't move...
[rumble rumble]
Rebel1: Oh, crap.
[a swarm of antlions come out of the sand and charge at everyone]
[the chao fight them off]
Rebel1: Thank you... I thought I was a goner. Can't say the same for Laszlo, though... he was the best of his generation.
[the rebel holds back some tears]
Rebel1: G..go now. And stay on the rocks!
Shadow: Oh, believe me, I don't plan on stepping on that sand.
[they move forward, hopping on the rocks and staying off the sand]
[eventually they see higher ground, but no way of getting up there without stepping on the sand]
[scattered around are various wood planks and whatnot]
Shadow: Hrrmm...... *snap* I got this one, guys.
[Shadow uses his gravity gun to make a walkway out of planks n' stuff]
[they then go up to higher ground]
Shadow: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, you gotta be KIDDING me!
[in front of them is a LAAAAARGE beach, and the rocks stop altogether about halfway through]
Dark: Oh, it won't be that bad!
Shadow: Why, will we gain the ability to FLY soon?
Dark: Well... no, but... it's not that hard to run across.
Shade: What's the matter, kid? Scared of a little antlion?
Shadow: N-no! I just... want to get this done... quickly.
Shade: Then let's make a mad dash for that high ground at the other side of the beach.
Shadow: But...
Shade: Race ya!
Shadow: .....FINE! Fine! Fine.
[they start running across the sand]
Shade: Here's a tip: ignore the antlions for a second!
[the antlions emerge from the sand]
Shadow: *deep breath* Ignore the antlions...
[they make it to the high ground]
Shadow: Whoo! I.. I made it! I MADE IT!
Shade: Congrats, kid. Now help us kill these bugs that are chasing us.
Shadow: Oh, um..... crap.
[they manage to kill the antlions, but Shadow hesitates to even look at them]
Shade: Alright, now, Shadow, you've obviously got a fear o' these damn things.
Shadow: N-no, I don't!
Shade: 'Course ya do. And we're gonna put you through a test that'll end your phobia for once and for all.
Shadow: *gulp* Do I have to?
Shade: Well, if you wanna go through this chapter without SCREAMING every few seconds, you do.
Shadow: ....fiiiiiiiiine. What's my test?
Shade: Oh, just head into this little valley, right here. ALONE. You'll see your test. Ya can't miss it.
Shadow: This... this valley that's filled with blood, explosive barrels, and a dead body?
Shade: The very same. Pass your test, and you will be ready for the rest of the game.
Shadow: Okay. I'm sure this won't be as bad as I think it will.
[Shadow hops down; Shade, Dark, and Red snicker]
[Dark gives Shade a hi-5]
Red: I can't believe what you just did... *laughter* you pretty much MURDERED him, you know that?
Shade: Yeah, but it was SOOOOO perfect, though!
Red: Yes, it was... *more laughter*
Dark: And he said it wouldn't be as... heh... it... it... wouldn't be as bad as he... HA... HAAAA! *cries with laughter*
[cut to Shadow, having just dropped into the valley]
Shadow: Hm. Yeah, this isn't that bad. I don't know what he was--
[RUMMMMBLE]
Shadow: ..talk..ing... (high-pitched voice) about?
[a GIANT antlion rises from the sand, and growls at him, at least five times his size]
[cut to Shade, Dark and Red]
[they're looking into the valley, watching]
Shadow: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
[the three burst out with laughter]
Red: I.. I shouldn't be laughing, but... hahahaha... it's just.... so.... HAHAHAAA! Perfect!
Shade: Haha.... HEY, KID! I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT: THE BARRELS!
[back to Shadow]
Shadow: Oh, yeah, the explosive barrels.
[he grabs them with the gravity gun, and shoots them at the Antlion Guard]
[the Guard flinches for a second, then charges straight at him]
Shadow: Oh, crap! *dodges*
[the Guard smacks into a wall, instead]
[a couple of smaller antlions come out of the sand]
Shadow: *sigh* Bug heaven here, innit?
[he quickly scans his surrounding area]
Shadow: Um... uh... aw, jeez, I'm out of explosives.
Red: HEY, SHADOW!
Shadow: Huh?
Red: HERE! YOU CAN BORROW THIS JUST THIS ONCE, OKAY?
[Red tosses his AR2]
Shadow: *catches* Sweet! Thank you!
[he aims at the Guard]
Shadow: Alright, mister giant freaky antlion guy... get ready to die.
[the Guard turns to face him]
[budda budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda budda]
[CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK]
Shadow: Crap. *reloads*
[the Guard charges at him again]
[he swiftly dodges it, but drops his next magazine]
Shadow: Drat!
[he runs back, grabs it, then loads his gun]
Shadow: Here, have some more caviar, you son of a bug!
[budda budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda budda]
[budda budda budda budda]
[CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK]
Shadow: Oh, boy. ...oh, BOY! Out of ammo!
[the Guard is struggling now, but still charges at him]
Shadow: *dodge* Great. How am I gonna get outta THIS one?
Shade: KID!
[Shadow looks up at Shade]
Shade: I know I'm gonna regret this, but... here!
[Shade pulls out his crowbar]
Shade: You know what to do. Don't lose this, understand?
[Shade tosses his crowbar down, and it lands in the sand]
[...right in the Guard's charging path]
Shade: Yep, I regret it already.
[Shadow looks up at the Guard, who snarls and strokes the ground with its feet (like a bull)]
Shadow: Oh, no you DON'T! *dives*
[the Guard charges forward]
[Shadow snatches the crowbar and slides under the Guard as it charges]
[the Guard then turns around in confusion]
Shadow: Yeah. You couldn't get me. But, you know what? I think you need to change your diet. You need a little more... IRON!
[Shadow leaps at the Guard]
[the Guard charges forward]
[slow-mo shot of the two going at each other]
[Shadow thrusts his crowbar forward at the last minute]
[SPLAT!]
[Red covers his eyes; Shade and Dark cheer]
[cut to Shadow standing epically in front of the Guard's corpse; its head has a big hole through it]
[Shade, Dark and Red hop down into the valley]
Dark: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!
Red: That was AMAZING, Shadow!
Dark: Oh, remember when the Guard was all "Ruff, ruff... SNAAARRRRL..."
Red: Yeah, and then Shadow was all like "budda budda budda..."
Dark: Then the Guard was all "ROOOAAAAR!"
Red: And Shadow was like, "OH NO YOU DI-N'T!"
Shade: *chuckle* Well, I gotta hand it to you, kid... that was very impressive.
Shadow: You mean... you mean you're proud of me?
Shade: ....yeah. You could say that.
Shadow: *smile* ...oh, yeah, here's your crowbar back.
[Shadow holds out the crowbar, covered in Antlion Guard guts]
[Shade looks at it for a second, then slowly grabs it]
Shade: ......um... thanks.
[Shade looks at the crowbar a bit more, rather disgusted]
Shadow: So, where we going now?
Shade: (quietly, looking at crowbar) To the nearest sink.
Shadow: Wha?
Shade: (normally, looking at Shadow) I'm pretty sure THAT guy over there knows.
[a freaky alien thing runs to them]
Alien: The Shadow Raid will heed!
Shadow: Guess that's me.
Alien: The Shadow Raid will pay attention while I extract the pheropod. The process is not entirely hygenic.
Shadow: Wha?
[the alien moves over to the Guard's corpse, and shoots a bolt of lightning from its hands into the corpse]
[blood splatters everywhere; the chao cover their faces]
All: UGH!
Dark: Nasty.
[a small ball is left on the ground]
Alien: The Shadow Raid will now equip the pheropod.
[Shadow looks at the ball on the ground, then at the alien]
Shadow: Please tell me you don't mean THAT.
[the alien nods]
[Shadow looks at it again, then looks at the other three chao, then back at the alien]
Shadow: ...you want me to WHAT its balls?
Alien: Equip them.
[he looks once more at the object on the ground]
Shadow: Um..... Shade?
Shade: Hey, don't look at me; he said "Shadow Raid."
Shadow: *sigh* Okay....
[he looks away, closes his eyes, then grabs the pheropod]
Shadow: Eeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh....... okay, I got it, now what?
Alien: Oh, no, I meant THAT object. That metal one.
[Shade and Dark burst out with laughter; Red holds back his]
Shadow: Right. Of course. *sigh*
[he tosses the "pheropod" away, then picks up the metal one]
Shadow: THIS one?
Alien: Yes. Sorry about the confusion.
Shadow: It's PERFECTLY DANDY!
Alien: Now, the Shadow Raid must follow!
Shadow: Okay. C'mon, you goofballs.
[the other three follow, snickering]
[the alien leads them through a small cave, filled with rebels and other aliens]
Shadow: Hey, what kind of alien are you, anyway?
Alien: We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrinx.
Dark: Pfft ya rite
Alien: Okay, fine, so we're the Goafaugtsetu.
Shade: That's entirely made up. Really, DJay, what ARE they?
[I DON'T KNOW! Sorry! I don't want them to be vortigaunts, but I can't come up with a cool reference to something else!]
[I'll let you know when I've come up with something, though. For now, they're just.. aliens.]
Shade: Fine.
Alien: ZOMG R WI XENOMORPHS
[Maybe. ..actually, that's funny, 'cause... "Xenomorphs," and "Xen.." eh? Eh?]
Dark: Nice.
Xen: Okay, we're Xenomorphs, then. RAAAWR 'cept now we're friendly.
Shade: Yeah, 'cause Eggman's badniks took over your homeworld so now you're plotting with the humans to fight him.
Dark: lulz Half-Life 2
Xen: Anyway, moving on... come! The Shadow Raid must attend the mandatory pheropod tutorial level!
Shadow: Oh, I was just about to say.. these things don't come with instructions.
Xen: Then this is the Shadow Raid's lucky day.
[the Xenomorph leads him into a small cavern room place]
[two antlions emerge]
Shadow: Uh-oh...
[...and just stand there]
Xen: The Shadow Raid will now toss a pheropod into yonder pit.
Dark: lulz "yonder"
Shadow: Um... okay. *tosses pheropod into yonder pit*
[the antlions run into the pit]
[..oh, yeah, and there's somehow an infinite supply of pheropods]
Xen: The Shadow Raid excels at all tasks!
Shadow: Hells yea
Xen: The Shadow Raid shall now toss the bug-bait at that dummy we installed, like.. last Tuesday.
[a dummy of a Chaobine soldier appears]
[Shadow tosses the pheropod at the dummy]
[the antlions charge at, and attack the dummy]
Xen: The Shadow Raid rocks!
Shadow: Yay.
Xen: The Shadow Raid will now call to his herd through application of pressure to the pheropod.
Shadow: Uh......
Shade: He means squeeze the balls and see what it does.
Shadow: Oh. *squish squish*
[the antlions go to Shadow]
Shadow: Awesome.
Xen: The Shadow Raid is the MASTA OF PUPPETS!
Shadow: I'm the whaaaaat?
Shade+Dark: MASTA! MASTA!
Shadow: The whaaaaat?
Shade+Dark: MASTA! MASTA!
Shadow: Hahaaa. Okay, now what?
[the Xenomorph runs over to a blockade and electro-zaps it away]
Xen: The Shadow Raid shall now begin his assault of Novella Prospekt. It's just about a mile away.
Shadow: Thank you for your help, Xenomorph.
Xen: No prob. See ya.
Dark: kthxbai
[they leave the cave]
[they find themselves on the beach at about... 7? I dunno]
[some more antlions come up, making the herd about four]
Shadow: Alright. You are Ness, you're Paula, you're Jeff, and you're Poo.
Dark: lulz Poo
Shadow: So, Shade... you know the way.
Shade: Nah, I think I'll let YOU take point this time. You've proved you can handle yourself out there, after all.
Shadow: Oh. Alright. C'mon, Chosen Four! And you three.
[Shadow leads the way]
[And I'll skip the thumpers 'cause they're just boring stuff.]
[Basically, there are these machines that thump the ground and scare off antlions, so Shadow must turn 'em off.]
[Not as exciting as you might think, and they're even MORE boring in script format.]
[they reach the shoreline, and instantly hear gunshots]
Shadow: Crap! We've got machine gun nests up the beach!
[Shadow tosses a pheropod at the nests]
[the antlions fly at the Chaobine and slaughter them]
[Shadow then calls them back]
Shadow: And to think I used to be scared of you guys. ONWARD!
[they march down the shoreline, taking out whatever machine gun nests may await them until...]
Shadow: Hm. Looks like the only way through is this dark, manmade cave. Let's go!
Red: Hang on a sec.
Shadow: What is it?
Red: This all seems too easy.
Shade: So? Half-Life 2 IS easy.
Red: Yeah, but... why haven't the Veteran's Committee done anything yet?
Shadow: Please don't jinx us.
Red: The more we put it off, the bigger the surprise'll be!
Shadow: YES, we KNOW that. We just don't want to bring it up, because that means... well, who knows?!
Red: Okay, sorry!
[they move into the manmade cave]
[it's dark]
Dark: Wow, it's... ME!
Shadow: No, it's light, but filled with an awfully large amount of shadows.
Shade: *chuckle* Good one.
[suddenly, a couple of red flares are lit ahead]
Shadow: Uh-oh.
[Chaobine soldiers have ambushed our heroes!]
Shadow: Sic 'em, Chosen Four. Use PK Asswhoop, or something.
[one massacre later, the chao are out of the cave]
Shadow: ONWAAAAARD!
[they press forward, killing more soldiers]
Shade: Hey, kid, I got some good news for ya.
Shadow: Yeah?
Shade: Look up there.
[atop a cliff is a giant prison]
Shadow: Is that....?
Shade: Yuh-huh. We made it, kinda.
Shadow: "Kinda?"
Shade: We've still gotta get INSIDE.
Shadow: Oh. ...oh. Good point.
Shade: Don't worry; I'll do this one for ya.
Shadow: You will?
Shade: Yeah. I kinda missed being the leader.
[Shade leads them up the cliff, through dangerous..... drops, and whatnot]
[eventually, they make it to a large sewage pipe]
Shade: Okay. According to my calculations, this pipe should take us into the outer walls of Novella Prospekt.
Shadow: Cool.
Shade: I gotta warn ya, though... once we're in, we're gonna have quite the firefight.
Shadow: It's cool. I've got the Chosen Four.
Shade: Okay. C'mon.
[they go through the sewage pipe, and emerge within the outer wall]
[..well.. just think of a yard in a prison. THAT kind of "within the outer wall."]
[suddenly, a siren goes off]
Badnik: ATTENTION, BADNIKS: ANTICITIZENS ONE, TWO, THREE AND FOUR HAVE PENETRATED THE OUTER WALL.
All: SHIT!
Shade: Okay... okay, we've been spotted.
Shadow: How do we get INTO Novella Prospekt, anyway?
Shade: It's through that wall, there. But... opening it's not that easy.
[some gunships fly above them]
Shadow: ......I have an idea.
[one RPG toss later, the gunship flies down and explodes]
Shadow: Ugh. Great.
[another gunship comes]
Shadow: Huh. Okay, once more!
[BOOM!]
[the gunship explodes by the wall, breaking it open]
Shade: Haha, you're thinking now.
Shadow: So... we can go in?
Shade: Of course.
[they hop in, and explore the maintenance passages]
[eventually, they come across a cell block A]
Chapter 9: Not a Prospekt...lem
[it's deserted and empty, but the chao don't seem to notice]
Dark: Hey, Shade?
Shade: Yeah?
Dark: I was thinkin'... about the epic song we'd have to play at the end of this game.
Shade: Like Stairway in the first one?
Dark: Yeah. I was thinkin'... how about Six Degrees?
Shade: Shit, can we DO that one? I mean, I dunno if I can drum for...
Dark: C'mon, are ya CHICKEN? And Shadow can do all the keyboard solos.
Shadow: I know keyboard?
Dark: Sure ya do! An' if ya don't, just ask DJay; he'll make you miraculously know.
[I suppose I would if ya asked me.]
Red: But hang on... that song would also require a full-fledged orchestra.
Shade: The Redman's right. Maybe we should save it for the end of some even MORE epic adventure. Like.... *gasp*
Dark: You thought of one?
Shade: Episode Two!
Dark: I didn't know that was more epic than this.
Shade: The final battle is A HUNDRED times better.
Red: Hm, but I wanted to see how DJay would manage to write it. I bet it'd be fantastic in script format.
Shade: Hm. Yeah. All four of us splitting up across the forest, each taking a house...
[..Whoa, I just had a freaky idea.]
Shade: What? What?
[I whisper my idea to Shade.]
Shade: ...what? No you didn't. You simply said that out loud.
[Um.... *whisper whisper*]
Shade: That's better. ..HRM. I don't know WHAT to think of that one, except... why didn't you think of that for MY journey?
[I don't know!]
Shade: Anyway, I guess you can try it... hope you don't forget about it later, though.
Shadow: Hey, can we go back to exploring things? And where'd the Chosen Four go?
Shade: Them? Oh, they couldn't follow you in here. They have to get inside by other means.
Shadow: Ah.
[they resume exploring, and find absolutely nobody around, but the place is falling apart]
Shadow: Man, what the heck happened in here?
Shade: This is the manmade part of Novella Prospekt. The badniks are trying to robotnicize it all, but haven't gotten here.
Shadow: Oh. I'd hate to see the robotnicized parts.
Shade: Yes, you will.
[they go up some stairs, then see some turrets shooting antlions]
Shadow: Oh, no! How do I...?
Shade: Gravity gun.
Shadow: Got it.
[Shadow shunts the turrets, knocking them over; they stop shooting]
[the antlions follow Shadow]
Shadow: Yay, antlions!
Shade: See how much better things are now that you've overcome your fear?
Shadow: They're so awesome!
[they move through quite a few rooms, fighting off the occasional soldier, but mostly turrets]
[eventually, they find themselves in a hallway overlooking a big shower room]
Shadow: Ugh. That place is so dirty. Hope we don't have to go THERE soon.
[Shade puts his hand on Shadow's shoulder]
Shade: Buddy... we're goin' there NOW.
Shadow: Oh.
Shade: C'mon.
[they jump over the railing or whatever and into the shower room]
Shadow: It's quiet in here... TOO quiet.
Dark: Hey, where'd your antlions go?
Shadow: Good question! Antlions? Oh, antlions? Come here, antlions!
[BAAAASH!]
[SNAAARRRRL GROWWWWWL]
[Shadow slowly turns around, and screams]
[an Antlion Guard bashed its way into the shower room]
Shadow: I didn't mean THAT antlion!
[it charges at them; he dives to the side]
Shadow: OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAAAAAP! DARK! RPG!
Dark: Got it!
[Dark tosses FF7 at the Guard; it staggers, then gets back up]
Shadow: Not enough. Oh, boy. Shade?
Shade: Oh, no! You're not using my crowbar again. Sorry.
[the Guard turns and charges at Shadow again, who dodges]
Shadow: Why's it after ME!?
Shade: 'Cause you're Player 1!
Shadow: But this is Half-Life 2; there's ONLY Player 1!
Shade: Well... you've got the pheropod! I don't know!
[Shadow quickly looks around]
Shadow: Uh... uh... uh... explosive barrels!
[he grabs them with his gravity gun, and shoots them at the Guard]
[the Guard begins limping]
Shadow: Nearly down. I need more explosives!
Dark: I can try Final Fantasy again.
Shadow: Be my guest.
[BOOM!]
[ROOOOAAAAAAARRRR....... THUD]
[the Guard is dead!]
Shadow: *pant* Good... thanks, Dark.
Dark: You're welcome, Shadow!
[they leave the shower room, and find a bunch of Chaobine soldiers behind a forcefield]
[the chao take cover]
Shadow: Crap!
Red: Well, Shadow? Any ideas?
Shadow: *looks around* ...yeah. Let's check out that cell block. Maybe it'll help.
[Shade grins and nods his head; they head into the cell block]
[more soldiers are in there]
Shadow: Looks like we're on the right track.
[budda budda boom]
Shadow: Okay, let's look around, and do it quickly; more will come, and in greater numbers.
Shade: Okey-doke, Obi Wan.
[they look around and find a security booth]
[Shadow presses a button]
Shadow: Somehow, I know that turned off the forcefield. I just know it.
Shade: Maybe because it's on this TV?
[it is]
Shadow: ...oh.
[they flick through the channels on the TV, and one shows the Chaobine shooting at something]
Shadow: Wait, wait, wait. What's going on HERE?
Red: There's an awful lot of soldiers for just an antlion fleet.
[BAAAASH!]
[an Antlion Guard charges on-screen, and starts killing all the soldiers]
Shadow: Well... good to know we're not the ONLY ones dealing with those things.
Shade: ..alright, I think that's enough TV. Whaddya say we move on?
Shadow: Right, of course.
[they move on and deal with the soldiers]
Shadow: Hang on a tick...
Red: What is it?
Shadow: These soldiers... they're different.
Shade: That's 'cause they're prison guards.
Shadow: No, but.... they're based on adult Dark chao.
Red: ...you're right. They ARE.
Shade: Hm. This is strange.
Shadow: ...whatever. We'll find out why eventually. For now, let's keep it moving. Shade, where are we going?
Shade: We've gotta meet future me in the train depot. It's not too far. C'mon, this way.
[they do some vent crawling and some more shooting]
[eventually, they reach a staircase leading up to a large room]
Shade: Security station. ...and it's full of tangos.
Shadow: 10-4. Intercept and destroy, right?
Shade: Intercept and destroy. GO!
[they charge up the stairs, and kill whatever enemies are up there]
[out the windows of the security station is a type of laundry room; it's huge, deserted, and dirty]
[and guess what's littered around? EXPLOSIVE BARRELS.]
[Shadow looks out the window, then at Shade]
Shade: You think you can handle this one by yourself?
Shadow: I don't see why not.
[Shadow hops out the window]
[BAAASH!]
[ROAAAAR!]
Shadow: Yup, hello, Antlion Guard. How ya doin'?
[SNARRRRL]
Shadow: Yeah, yeah. C'mon, charge at me.
[CHAAARGE!]
Shadow: *dodge* Haha! Missed.
[gravity gun + explosive barrel = BOOM!]
Shadow: What's that? You liked it? Here, have ANOTHER!
[BOOM!]
[BOOM!]
[BOOM!]
[BOOOOOOOOM!]
[eventually, after enough of that, the Guard collapses and the other three chao jump out the window]
Shade: You're getting good at this.
Shadow: After a while, it gets almost FUN.
Shade: Okay, so.. according to my intel, the train depot's this way.
[Shade leads them through.. well.. not even a corridor]
[it's basically just a junkyard of rubble and fire; Badnik Walls (walls that move like a trash compactor) surround them]
Shadow: What.. IS this place?
Shade: This is where the badniks have gotten to in their conquest to robotnicize the whole building.
Shadow: So.. so past this point...
Shade: Enemy territory.
Chapter 9a: Entangled up in Blue
[cut to the train depot in Novella Prospekt]
[Shadow, Shade, Dark and Red walk along as trains whiz past]
?: Hey, you made it!
[in comes the Future Shade (Shade with a cowboy hat, shotgun, and stubble)]
Shadow: Of course. You told us to come, and we had nothing else to do.
ShadeF: Ah, yes... I remember. This is the part where you got guts.
Shade: Yeah, I've been teaching him how to be cool.
ShadeF: Not a bad job, kiddo.
Shadow: Alright, now are we gonna get a move on, or what?
ShadeF: Fine, fine. Come on.
[Future Shade leads them to an elevator; they ride it]
ShadeF: I'm afraid I'm flying blind here.
Red: What do you mean?
ShadeF: Well, every now and again, a Xenomorph'll give us info on this place, but.. we still don't know much about it.
Shadow: Hm, well, I suppose we'll just have to find out about it, then, huh?
ShadeF: *chuckle* I guess so.
[the elevator reaches the top; Chaobine Guard Soldier People are ready to fight n' whatnot]
[budda budda budda]
[Future whatsisname leads them to an odd room]
[Badnik technology fills the walls]
ShadeF: Okay, let me take a look at this...
[he pushes some buttons and pulls some levers]
[suddenly, a window opens up, and they see thousands and thousands of pods in the distance]
Shadow: What the heck...?
ShadeF: Wait a second... I've got an idea. *pushes s'more buttons*
[one random pod is lifted up by machines and taken to them]
[it opens up, and Future Cham is inside!]
ChamF: Ugh... Shade? Shade? Shadow? Dark? Red? What are you doing here?
ShadeF: We're here to save you, dude.
ChamF: It's not worth the risk! You have to get out of here! Save yourselves!
ShadeF: No! I've been talking with Mister Prower, and he's calibrated his portal and stuff, and...
ChamF: Well... okay, but I'm not leaving without Purflee!
ShadeF: We'll find her. Don't worry. I'll send you to the teleport chamber. See you there.
[he presses some buttons; Cham's pod closes, and he is taken away]
ShadeF: Alright, you four. I'm gonna look for a security station. Here's a radio. *gives Shadow a radio*
Shadow: Where are we supposed to go?
ShadeF: Just keep moving through this place. I'll meet up with you later. I have my own stuff to take care of.
Shadow: But... to where?
ShadeF: Go.. um... I dunno. To the teleport chamber, wherever the heck THAT is. Good luck!
[Future Shade runs off]
Shadow: Great. We're lost in a robotnicized prison about thirty-odd years in the future.
Shade: Ah, get over yourself, kid. Just pretend you have seven HP left, or something. Now, let's look around.
[they look around, and quickly find a closed gate]
ShadeFRadio: Hold up, guys. You at a gate yet?
Shadow: Affirmative.
ShadeFR: Okay, well... I found a security station. Let's see if I can't......
[the gate opens]
ShadeFR: Ah-ha!
Shadow: Alright, thank you.
[they move on, fight some soldiers, then find ANOTHER gate]
ShadeFR: Another gate? Okay, hang on.
[pause]
ShadeFR: Hrm. It's kinda jammed. Gimme a sec.
[soldiers arrive]
Shadow: Uh-oh. Hurry up, Shade!
[budda budda budda]
ShadeFR: Got it! Gate's open.
[they dash through, and keep going through the hallways]
Red: Man, for a Robotnicized prison, it sure is much more BORING than the rest of the prison.
Shade: I guess Eggman doesn't like STYLE.
ShadeFR: *chuckle* Good one. Alright, listen, you're coming up to a security station. It's still occupied.
[Shadow points at Red and Dark, then at the station ahead]
[Red and Dark nod their heads, then dash in, guns blazing]
[Shade and Shadow follow]
Shadow: Hm. Pretty nice station. ...hm. Future Shade?
ShadeFR: Yep?
Shadow: It appears the path ahead is blocked by a forcefield. Mind takin' it down?
ShadeFR: Can do.
[pause]
ShadeFR: ...CAN'T do. Not from here. I'll have to come over there and take it down.
Red: Couldn't you just tell US how to do it?
ShadeFR: Yeah, but that's not as fun. ..crap, a LOT of Chaobine soldiers comin' your way!
Shade: What do you want us to do about 'em?
ShadeFR: There should be two turrets you can set up in there. ...set 'em up. I'll be there shortly, over and out.
Shadow: Alright, let's set up these turrets at the two exits.
[they do that]
Shadow: Now Shade, Dark, you two cover THIS exit; Red and I'll cover THAT one.
[they do that, too]
[in come the soldiers, one by one]
Dark: Funny. "One by one" is also how they die.
[Future Shade comes in after about a minute of these boring theatrics]
ShadeF: Right, I'm here. What'd you want? Forcefield deactivation? Kay-o.
[he messes with the consoles (oh, and the soldiers stopped coming)]
ShadeF: ...hm? Guys.
[the chao surround the monitor (another thing I forgot to mention)]
[on the monitor is Purflee, somewhere else in the facility, talking to the camera?]
PFF: ..I'm not calling about that. You promised you weren't going to touch Cham.
[another voice is heard-- that of Doctor Eggman]
Egg: The Chaobine were a bit overzealous, I admit, but he was too big a prize to ignore in the absense of Shadow Raid.
PFF: You would have gotten Shadow had you waited for my signal, like I asked.
Egg: Well, we weren't sure if you'd go through with that.
PFF: Doctor Robotnik...
Egg: This is not open to debate, Purflee.
PFF: Doctor--
Egg: So sorry, but I'm out of time.
[the monitor switches off]
Shadow: ...damn. What a twist, huh?
ShadeF: I can't believe it.
Shade: It's been a while since you last played Half-Life 2, hasn't it?
ShadeF: Kinda. It came out over thirty years ago, you know.
Shade: Oh, yeah.
ShadeF: Anyway, you guys move on. I'll stay here and shut off the security n' whatnot.
[Shadow, Shade, Dark n' Red move on]
[they open a door and head downstairs to a flooded basement]
[Shade sticks out his arm, gesturing for the others to stop]
Shade: Don't touch that water.
Shadow: I'm not gonna ask.
Red: Neither will I.
Shade: In this case, though, we're gonna need you, Shadow.
Shadow: Got it.
[Shadow uses his gravity gun to make a lot of platforms across the water.. and... stuff]
[on the other side, they enter yet ANOTHER hallway]
Dark: So many hallways.
Red: It's like a maze of hallways.
[SUDDENLY, the lights go out]
All: Uh-oh.
[red flares are set off further ahead]
Shadow: Arm yourselves, guys.
[Chaobine soldiers try to ambush our 'heroes,' but are quickly SMITTEN DOWN TO DA GROUND]
Dark: You can't kill the metal. The metal will live on.
[they move onward, and find a cell block]
Red: Finally, normal prison stuff.
[deserted, of course]
Red: Good enough.
[they head into a small security station]
[three turrets are there]
ShadeFR: Hey, guys? I'd recommend you set up those turrets you found. Soldiers are coming from all directions.
Shadow: Sure, we'll do that.
[they do that]
[a few soldiers come in and attack]
[they are quickly held back]
ShadeFR: Alright, I'm gonna come to your position. Hold 'em back a little bit longer, okay?
Shadow: Okey-dokey. See ya then.
[it's sooooooo boring... they fight off such small numbers]
[Future Shade arrives to find all four of them asleep]
ShadeF: Well, I'll be. Sleeping on the job, are you?
Red: Uhh.... wow, I guess we were. Hey, guys, wake up.
[they wake up]
Shadow: Oh, I was just having the most wonderful dream...
Shade: What happened in it?
Shadow: It turns out we were just playing this on a computer.
ShadeF: Alright, c'mon, let's go.
[they find another monitor thingy; Future Shade messes with it]
[on the monitor is Purflee in a small room]
ShadeF: There she is.
[he messes with stuff more, and ends up trapping her in the room she's in]
ShadeF: Let's go cross-examine her.
[they walk into the room she's in]
PFF: Sh-Shade?
ShadeF: Whassup? What's up with you and the Egghead?
PFF: I.. I don't know what you mean.
ShadeF: 'Course you do. That monitor's got a built-in camera, you know. Captures your every move.
PFF: Ack! ..It's impossible to lie to you.
ShadeF: Thirty years of experience, ma'am. Now, tell me... what's going on?
PFF: I've..... sorta been working as a mole for Eggman.
ShadeF: Hm. Mole for Eggman, meaning trying to deceive HIM, or US?
PFF: Him, I swear!
ShadeF: Alright. Come on, everyone.
Shadow: Where are we going now?
ShadeF: Out of Novella Prospekt.
Red: How are we gonna get out of THIS place?
ShadeF: The same way Cham will.
[Future Shade leads them through a door and into a giant chamber]
[in the middle of the chamber is a huge machine]
ShadeF: We're teleporting out.
[the chao look at each other for a second]
Shadow: ...okay, let's do it, then.
PFF: I've already warmed the teleporter up for Cham.
ShadeF: That's good. Speaking of, he should be getting here soon.
[a machine carries a pod into the room]
ShadeF: Yup, there he is now.
[the pod is carried into the teleporter]
[Future Shade walks over to a console, and fiddles about]
[Tails' voice is heard on a radio]
TailsR: Shade, is everything ready?
ShadeF: All set. You?
TailsR: Everything is in order.
ShadeF: Sweet. Then let's do it.
[he turns to look at the teleporter; Purflee has entered it with Cham, and sealed herself in]
ShadeF: Wha?!
PFF: I'm sorry, Shade. It's for the best.
ShadeF: NO!
[the teleporter activates]
[the room flashes and... yaddayadda]
[ZZZZAP!]
[Purflee and Cham have now been teleported]
[Future Shade stands and stares for a bit before running back to the console]
ShadeF: I can't believe it...
TailsR: Can't believe what? What's happening?
ShadeF: Holy Sham-Wow... what coordinates are THESE?
[the other chao run over to look at them]
ShadeF: Kids, I think it's time to fear the worst.
[suddenly, they hear someone banging on the door]
ShadeF: SHIT! SHIT!!! The Chaobine have found us!
Dark: What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?!
ShadeF: Uhh.. uhhh... Mister Prower, you're still ready for us?
TailsR: Of course.
ShadeF: Then we're still teleporting out.
[he hits a button]
ShadeF: Ohhh, but it's gonna take a while for it to warm up!
[he looks around the room]
[he sees some turrets]
ShadeF: There! Turrets! Set 'em up, guys!
[the chao set up the three turrets around the room]
Shade: Now, if my Half-Life 2 memory is fully functional, we've got three turrets and four entrances.
Shadow: Well, if my RECENT memory is fully functional, then these "ambushes" are really easy.
Shade: Exactly. We'll be fine--
[BASH! The door is broken open, and in floods THOUSANDS of Chaobine soldiers!]
[the turrets are destroyed within seconds]
ShadeF: Ah, I never thought I'd get to use this...
[Future Shade pulls out his shotgun, and performs a crazy maneuver, blasting in every conceivable direction]
[the entire room is instantly filled with dead soldiers]
ShadeF: Peace o' cak--
[BASH! In comes an antlion GUARD!]
Shadow: I REALLY hate the Veteran's Committee.
[Shadow and the Guard lock eyes]
[the Guard snorts and prepares to charge]
ShadeF: Kid. Take it. Now.
[Future Shade hands Shadow his shotgun]
[Shadow cocks it, and the Guard charges]
[right before it strikes him, he fires the gun once]
[the Guard's corpse collapses and flies to the wall behind Shadow]
Shadow: Teleporter. Now.
Red: But it's not ready yet!
ShadeF: You heard the kid. Into the teleporter!
[they enter the teleporter, and press a button]
[the machine seems to not want to activate]
[BAAAASH! More Chaobine soldiers enter]
Red: Wait, those don't look anything like the ones we're used to.
ShadeF: ....no way, can't be.
Shadow: Can't be what? What are they?
ShadeF: Chaobine Elites, based on the Dark Ch--
[VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR]
[ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZSHOOOOOOOOOAAAAOOOOOSSSHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZOOOOMMMMMM]
[everything goes black]
[all that is heard is Shadow's heavy breathing]
[pause]
[VAM]
[they find themselves back in Tails' lab, back in the city]
ShadeF: *pant* Whoo, I think we.. I think we made it.
Shadow: But, where's Mister Prower? I thought he knew we were coming.
Dark: Maybe Half-Life 2: Episode Three just came out.
[Shade bursts out with laughter]
Shade: Nice, dude.
[they enter the next room, and come face-to-face with a shotgun-- a shotgun held by Tails]
Tails: Sh..Shadow? Shade? Other guys? I had almost given up hope!
Shadow: Calm down, Mister Prower. For a second there, I thought we wouldn't make it, either.
ShadeF: Yeah, it felt like the teleporter freakin' blew up...
Tails: It did.
ShadeF: ..oh.
Tails: Yes, it certainly did, and its repurcussions were felt worldwide! But... that was a week ago!
ShadeF: A WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
[Dark's jaw drops to the floor]
Red: But.. but we were just there a few seconds ago...
Tails: Fascinating... we seem to have developed a slow teleport! This calls for a new line of investigation.
Shadow: A week? What have we missed?
Tails: Eh, not much. The explosion at Novella Prospekt was taken as a signal to begin the uprising.
Shadow: ...oh.
Tails: Yeah, war on the streets, urban warfare, new badniks, State of Emergency.. you didn't miss that much.
Shade: War broke out?
Tails: War broke out.
Shade: Still going?
Tails: Yeah. You can still get some action.
Shade: Yes!
ShadeF: So.. what happened to Cham?
Tails: That is most disturbing. According to our Xenomorph friends, he has been taken to the Egg Citadel.
Shadow: ...so.... rescue mission?
Tails: Indeed. In fact, Red--the one from our time-- has gone off with that very purpose in mind.
Shade: Sweet. We can catch up with him.
[suddenly, a monitor turns on; the future Red is on it]
RedF: Doc? You there?
Tails: Oh, speak of the devil! Red, I have good news! The boys are back in town!
Red: The boys are back in town?
Tails: The boys are back in town!
Red: The boys are back in town! That's wonderful! We could use 'em here. We're about to stage our assault on the Egg Citadel.
Shade: We'll get there, man! We'll give you some back-up.
Red: Much obliged.
ShadeF: Listen, you guys go on by yourselves for a bit; I've got to stay here with Mister Prower for a bit.
Shadow: You'll catch up later, though, right?
ShadeF: Of course. I wouldn't miss this for the world.
Red: Alright, well... I gotta go. INCOMING!
[bzzzzrt]
[the screen shuts off]
ShadeF: You guys had better get goin', then. I'll catch up; I promise.
[the fearsome foursome head out of the lab, and down an elevator shaft]
Chapter 10: Anticitizen Kane
[Shadow, Shade, Dark and Red head out the door to the streets]
[the time is about.. five-thirty, maybe six in the afternoon]

"Uprising 101"
(Day 3- 17:54:06)
(Shadow a.k.a "Shadow Raid")
(District 14)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Regroup with Future Shade}
{Learn the basics of fighting in the Uprising}

[they walk along for a bit and suddenly an Egg APC (Armored Patrol Car) drives by!]
Shade: Shit, and there's no Dog here...
Shadow: Wait, so.. can't we just fight them?
Shade: .....actually, that's not such a bad idea.
[budda budda budda]
[they carry on past a big Badnik Wall and into the plaza outside the train station]
[in the plaza, some rebel chao are tipping over a spire with one of Eggman's monitors on it]
[they tip it over, and it blows up]
[they cheer]
Rebel1: HEY! It's the One Free Raid!
Rebel2: Wait up, Shadow; I'm comin' with ya!
[the whole squadron of three rebel chao join our heroes]
Shadow: ..what just happened?
Shade: You got a squad following you now. You can send them wherever the heck you want.
Shadow: Hmm.... go over there!
[the squad goes over there]
Shadow: Now come back here!
[they come back here]
Shadow: Sweet. Do they ever talk?
Rebel3: Sometimes I dream of cheese.
Shadow: Never mind. Let's... get moving.
[they move down an alleyway]
[Shade stops them]
Shade: Hold on... see that red light?
Shadow: Yeah.. what IS that?
Shade: Egg Hopper.
Shadow: What's it do?
Shade: It hops.
Shadow: Oh.
Shade: ...and it blows up.
Shadow: OH. How do we dodge it?
Shade: Gravity gun.
[Shadow gravitifies that sucker]
[they move through the alleyway, dealing with whatever Egg Hoppers they find until they reach an uphill street]
[up the street is a Chaobine barricade, complete with turrets]
[also up the street, before the barricade, are tons of potholes and rubble, making it impossible to traverse]
Shade: I'll let you take care of this one, Green One.
[Shadow analyzes the situation]
Shadow: ...guys, see that building across the street?
Dark: Pfft, yeah. We're not BLIND.
Shadow: Well, we've gotta get there. Maybe there's a way up the street from there.
Red: That's a sound idea. Let's try it.
Shadow: Glad you think so. Ready?
[they run across the street, and are instantly shot at by the barricade]
[cut to the building across the street]
[six chao enter]
Shadow: Ugh... well, that was much more firepower than I had assumed.
Dark: *cough cough* Never... never assume, dude...... ow...
Shade: He has a point. If you ARE gonna assume in a situation like this, then assume the worst.
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Learn the basics of fighting in the Uprising}

"You and Me and Uma Thurman"
(Day 3- 18:04:58)
(Adrian Benjamin Ruthford a.k.a "Jack White")
(District 13)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Regroup with Future Shade}
{Assault the Chaobine barricade up the street}

Rebel2: Shadow Raid, sir?
Shadow: Yeah?
Rebel2: I.. think we lost Hendrix.
Shadow: Oh, right, I never got your names! Uh.. which one was Hendrix?
Rebel3: "Rebel1."
Shadow: Oh, darn. So, who are YOU two?
Rebel2: I'm White.
Rebel3: And I'm Jovi.
White: Code names, of course.
Shadow: Alright, cool. Jovi, could you scout ahead and see what's in this building?
Jovi: Sure thing, Raid.
[Jovi heads around a corner]
[pause]
Jovi: CHAOBINE OH SHI--
[budda budda budda]
Shadow: *sigh* White, you think you can deal with those Chaobine?
White: Of course.
[White takes care of the soldiers]
Shadow: Alright, well, we're probably gonna need codenames, too. I'm Shadow Raid, as usual.
Shade: I call Solid Shade.
Red: No, man, you need a REAL code name. One that you can say without your real name, and "Solid" doesn't count.
Shade: Fine, fine, I'm Peter Greybriel.
Red: I'm Redd Fox.
Dark: Just call me Duke Nukem.
Shade: Hmm... maybe "Peter Greybriel's" kinda silly.
Duke: What was your first clue?
Shade: ..call me Mycroft Holmes.
Raid: Okay, sweet, we've all got our codenames, then. White, status report!
White: Jovi's dead, and there's another door in this building that leads further up the street.
Raid: Awesome. Mycroft, Fox, Duke, White... we are now oscar mike.
Duke: lol call of doody
[they head out the next door and find themselves a little further up the street]
Raid: Hmmmm.... ah, another building! In here, guys.
[they enter another building]
Raid: Say, whatever happened to my antlions?
Mycroft: Eh, they're only used in and around Novella Prospekt. Sad, I know.
Raid: Aw. Anyway, Duke! Fox! Check the basement.
Duke+Fox: Got it. *to the basement*
Raid: White, Mycroft, you two come with me up these stairs. I can hear tangos up there.
[they head up the stairs, and approach a door]
Raid: ....yeah, confirmed tangos.
Mycroft: How many?
Raid: A small squadron... I'd say about three or four.
Mycroft: We can take 'em. Who's gonna bust this door down?
White: Allow me, Sarge.
[White steps up to the door and kicks it down]
[Raid and Mycroft hop in and shoot the Chaobine inside]
Raid: ALL CLEAR! White, you check that door! Mycroft, THAT one!
[they split up and check out all the rooms]
[eventually, they regroup, as well as Fox and Duke]
Raid: Report.
Mycroft: Nada.
White: Zilch.
Fox: Nada III.
Duke: I found a supply crate.
Raid: Ah, we don't need those. We're fine the way we are.
[they hear noises coming from a monitor]
Raid: Huh?
[the monitor flickers Eggman's face a couple of times]
Egg: Y......er.............eo....et....on..........rep...
[it repeats endlessly]
Raid: Strange.
Fox: Raid, I think we'd best move on for now. We can worry about herr Doktor later.
Raid: Good point. Let's go.
[they enter another door, and see a hole in the floor]
Duke: Ooh! I wanna scout ahead this time!
Raid: Be my guest.
[Duke hops down the hole]
Duke: CLEAR, save for two turrets facing the other way!
Raid: I got 'em. C'mon.
[the rest of them hop down the hole, and Raid uses his gravity gun to boot the turrets through a window]
Raid: Hmmm...
[through the window is the very top of the street, just in front of the barricade]
Raid: We need to get around that barriade somehow... any ideas?
Mycroft: Try the other side of the street.
Raid: The other side of the street?
[on the other side of the street is another building they can enter]
Raid: Wilco. Onward, soldiers.
[they dash across and make it to the building]
White: Ugh... those.. those gunners are getting pretty painful.
Raid: Don't worry, White. You'll get yours in a moment. For now, up the stairs, guys.
[they head up the stairs, and deal with a Chaobine soldier or two]
[White finds health, and they all find a hole in the ground that leads to the other side of the barricade]
Raid: Alright, here's the plan... Duke Nukem, I want you to do what you're best at.
Duke: Sweeeeet.
Raid: Mycroft, if you want, you can back him up.
Mycroft: Fine by me.
Raid: White, you'll be in the back, but you've gotta focus on the gunners.
White: With pleasure.
Raid: Fox, if you'd like, you can sit this one out.
Fox: That sounds pretty nice, actually. I'll stay back here and toss health if you guys ever need it.
Raid: Sounds like a plan, then. Let's go.
[they charge out in a squad of four, tactfully taking care of the Chaobine]
[..except Duke, who just charges out and blasts everyone he sees]
[using this hybrid of tactics and RAWR, they easily deal with the barricade]
Raid: Fox, c'mon, we're oscar mike again!
Fox: Got it!
[Fox regroups with them, and they move up some stairs into another building]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Assault the Chaobine barricade up the street}
{NEW OBJECTIVE- Fight through the apartments}
[they deal with whatever soldiers are up here]
Raid: Moving on. C'mon, onwards! Lot of ground to cover.
[they head down a lot of stairs]
[down the stairs is a long hallway-- AMBUSH!]
[budda budda budda]
Raid: Keep it going. Nothin' to see here.
[up some more stairs-- budda budda, more boring hallways and soldiers]
[down more stairs-- budda budda, zombies and hallways]
[they make it outside into the center of the apartment complex]
Raid: Hm. We can't move on due to a cage over the next door.
White: Raid, sir, how about that staircase leading down to what is presumably an underground underpass?
Raid: ...good idea.
[they head down the stairs]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Fight through the apartments}

"Drattmannc0meth"
{Day 3- 18:30:00}
{Megan Sherry Bates a.k.a "Lady Gaga"}
{Underground Tunnels}
{Robotnikland 17, Egg Country}
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Regroup with Future Shade}
{Traverse the tunnels}
[cut to an underground highway tunnel]
[the chao arrive to find another squad of rebel chao]
Raid: Sweet, reinforcements! Names?
Rebel1: I'm Theodor--
Raid: CODEnames, buddy.
Rebel1: Oh. Then... I'm Van Halen.
Rebel2: John Petrucci's the name.
Rebel3: I'm Lady Gaga.
Rebel4: And I'm Jimmy Page.
Mycroft: Ugh. Hope he dies.
Page: Excuse me?
Mycroft: Oh, just... mumbling to myself. Let's get a move on.
[they move forward, then suddenly are bombarded with manhacks]
Raid: Huh. Haven't seen these guys in a while.
[they destroy the manhacks and move around some rubble]
Fox: The Badniks must have gotten here. Everything's torn apart.
[they move through some narrow corridors n' whatnot]
[they come across a bunch of Chaobine]
Raid: Alright, Halen, Petrucci, Gaga and Page, let's see how good you guys are. Take care of that station.
Page: Gaga, I think you'd better sit this one out.
Gaga: What? Why me?
Page: Well, you're... a girl. This situation calls for boys.
Petrucci: C'mon, Page, you're just jealous 'cause Gaga's a better sharpshooter than you are.
Page: N..no, I'm not!
Raid: Will you guys shut up and take care of the freaking Chaobine already?
Page: Fine...
[the four head out and take care of the soldiers]
[Raid follows them and walks up to a wall of rubble blocking the road ahead]
Raid: Well, ain't THIS just perfect?
?: Hey, is there someone there?
Raid: Uh.. yes, I'm Raid.
?: The One Free Raid?
Raid: That's the one.
?: Listen! We're gonna plant some charges and blow this rubble up! But, it may take a while, so.. be patient.
Raid: Can do.
[they sit around for a bit, waiting for the people on the other side to blow the rubble up]
Raid: So, Petrucci, what's the scoop between Page and Gaga?
Petrucci: Oh, well, as I said, Page is jealous 'cause he wants to be the best sharpshooter... and he's not.
Raid: Gaga took the title away from him?
Petrucci: Yep.
Page: Guys, I'm right here.
Raid: Congratulations. Would you like a medal?
?: Alright! Alright, we've planted the charges! Stand back!
[they stand back]
[...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]
[the rubble is cleared]
[on the other side is a medic]
Raid: Oh, there's only one of you. Codename?
Medic: Robbie Williams.
Mycroft: Ooh, I like this guy.
Duke: Raid!
Raid: Find something, Duke?
Duke: Yeah, there's this little crawlspace right here.
Williams: Oh, that crawlspace heads to the next patch of tunnel, but it's been covered in radiation...
Raid: Leave this one to me, th--
Mycroft: No. Leave it to ME.
Raid: Hm?
Mycroft: I know where to go. That place can kill you if you don't.
Raid: Oh, well, if you really want to go...
Mycroft: I do.
[Mycroft crawls through the space]
Williams: HEY! Try to get us out of here, too, will ya?
Mycroft: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
[he looks around and sees a bunch of broken-down cars sitting in toxic waste]
[he wipes off some sweat, feels the radiation, and hops onto a nearby car]
[he then hops from car to truck to car to car to random crate to pipe to whacking headcrabs to car to other pipe]
[he climbs up the pipe, and into a vent]
[the vent takes him to a long corridor]
[he goes to one end of the corridor and opens a door, which leads to the room the others are in]
Mycroft: Piece of cake. Let's go.
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Traverse the tunnels}


"The Only Easy Day Was Pancake Day"
(Day 3- 18:47:29)
(Robert Truman a.k.a "Brian May")
(Apartment Complexes District 9)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Regroup with Future Shade}
{Fight through the complexes}

[the gang emerges next to a DIFFERENT set of apartments]
Halen: Crap! They're shelling us!
[a metal shell falls from the sky and lands on top of Jimmy Page]
[headcrabs jump out and are quickly killed]
Gaga: They.. they got Page.
Raid: ..damn.
Fox: Guys, I think we'd best keep going. I mean, we've still got a ways to go, don't we?
Raid: F..Fox is right. We need to keep moving, and waiting around's only gonna bring in more enemies.
White: Well, I'm ready to roll when you are, Raid.
Raid: Good. Let's move on, then.
[they move on, and encounter a locked door]
Petrucci: Oh, hold on. *knock knock*
?: What's the password?
Petrucci: If you don't shut your damn piehole, I will shoot you in your left mouth.
?: Correct.
[the door opens; another rebel awaits them]
?: 'Sup, Petrucci?
Petrucci: Hey, May. Mind if we come in?
May: No, go right ahead. HEY, EVERYONE! We got visitors!
[they enter the building and find it to be some sort of rebel refugee.. place]
[Petrucci steps to the center of the room; everyone slowly starts looking at him]
Petrucci: Listen, everyone.. this will be the last day in the Uprising.
[the crowd gives off confused murmurs]
Petrucci: Shadow Raid has returned.
[cheer]
[Raid takes the stage]
Raid: Uh.. hello. I'm Shadow Raid.
[cheeeeer]
Raid: You may not believe this, but.. I came here from the past to overthrow Herr Doktor.
[Booooo]
Raid: Yeah, he sucks. I know. Anyway, I'm running a siege on the Egg Citadel.
[cheer]
Raid: I'm gonna let my advisor, Mycroft Holmes, explain to you the details.
Mycroft: Thanks, Shadow Raid. Hello. I'm Mycroft. I used to be the famous one.
["Huh?" "Don't recognize him." "Ringing no bells."]
Mycroft: *sigh* Yeah. Well, according to my calculations, we should be able to reach the Egg Citadel in a couple hours.
Raid: Really? We're THAT close?
Mycroft: Yeah.
Raid: Oh, awesome. It looks so far.
Mycroft: That's just because it's so freaking tall.
Raid: Right, of course. How hard will it be to get to the top?
Mycroft: Not hard at all. We'll go over this later, dude. You have a speech to give, remember?
Raid: Oh, right, right, yeah. Anyway, to accompany me in this speech...
[the lights go out]
Raid: ON DRUMS! THE BADASS MYCROFT HOLMES!
[a spotlight shows Mycroft at a drumkit]
Raid: ON BASS! THE WITTY REDD FOX!
[a spotlight show Fox holding a bass guitar]
Raid: ON LEAD! THE KILLER DUKE NUKEM!
[a spotlight shows Duke holding a guitar]
Raid: LADIES AND REBELMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU... RUBBER! GOOSE!
[cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer]
[Duke grabs the microphone]
Duke: 'Sup, everyone... we're Rubber Goose. Joining us today is the Robotnikland 17 Symphony Orchestra.
[in comes the squad of rebels (like Jack White, John Petrucci, etc) holding string instruments]
Duke: And we have a very special guest tonight, who will be singing this piece with me... please welcome Shadow Raid.
[Raid steps up to the microphone again]
[the crowd goes wild; Duke gestures for them to calm down]
Duke: Raid has told you the basics. The Egg Citadel's gotta go down. But first, we need an army.
Raid: A BIG one.
Duke: So, to help you guys decide whether or not to enlist in our squadron... we wanted to play this song.
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x29TGL71pv4 ]

[instantly the drums play an upbeat tempo as the guitar plays alongside the string instruments and..
you know what? Why don't you just listen to the damn song? xD]

Duke+Raid: Whooooaoooaooooooah! Whoooaooooooohhhhhhoooh! Whooooaooooaooooooaoooooah!

(Raid is singing most of the lyrics; the ones in parentheses are sung by Duke)
Raid: Hey all! (Hey all!)
Welcome to the greatest storm.
I know! (I know!)
You have waited much too long..
And I! (And I!)
I will be your shining star!
I'm here! (I'm here!)
Here to conquer here! And! Far!

Raid: Like the sun (The sun!), I run (I run!)!
Both: Into the heat of day!
Raid: Like a knight (A knight!), I fight (I fight!)!
Until the fight is woooooon...

(Here, everyone sings along, with Duke singing the backups)
All: In a rage (A rage!), I slay (I slay!)..
Raid: Each and every,
Duke: Each and every,
Both: Each and everyone..
Raid: 'Till this war is won!

Raid: And I live! To rule!
Duke: By the sword..
Raid: Slashing through the every inch of the power,
Duke: The power in you!

Raid: As I sit!
Duke: As I stand!
Raid: By the table I command!
Both: My kingdom...

Raid: I'm a Kniiiiiight of the Wind.

Duke+Raid: Whooooaoooaooooooah! Whoooaooooooohhhhhhoooh! Whooooaooooaooooooaoooooah!

Raid: Hey all! (Hey all!)
Welcome to the end is near.
I know! (I know!)
I will bring you pain! And! Fear!

Raid: On the ground (On the ground!), to the sky (To the sky!)!
Both: Face with you and I!
Raid: In a flash (In a flash!), I'm gone (I'm gone!)!
Both: Holding your crown high

All: In a rage (A rage!), I slay (I slay!)..
Raid: Each and every,
Duke: Each and every,
Both: Each and everyone..
Raid: 'Till this war is won!

Raid: And I live! To rule!
Duke: By the sword..
Raid: Slashing through the every inch of the power,
Duke: The power in you!

Raid: As I sit!
Duke: As I stand!
Raid: By the table I command!
Both: My kingdom...

Raid: I'm a Kniiiiiight of the Wind...
I'm a Knight of the Wind.
I'm a Knight of the Wind!

Duke: Our castle is a massive force!
Fox: A stronghold of power!
Mycroft: My armor stays unbreakable!
All: In battle every hour!

[Duke's guitar solo, followed by..]
[Duke's WTF this is a freaking SONIC song, what's THAT doing in there? solo]

All: Whooooaoooaooooooah! Whoooaooooooohhhhhhoooh! Whooooaooooaooooooaoooooah!

Raid: Like the sun (The sun!), I run (I run!)!
Both: Into the heat of day!
Raid: Like a knight (A knight!), I fight (I fight!)!
Until the fight is woooooon...

All: In a rage (A rage!), I slay (I slay!)..
Raid: Each and every,
Duke: Each and every,
Both: Each and everyone..
Raid: 'Till this war is won!

Raid: And I live! To rule!
Duke: By the sword..
Raid: Slashing through the every inch of the power,
Duke: The power in you!

Raid: As I sit!
Duke: As I stand!
Raid: By the table I command!
Both: My kingdom...

Raid: I'm a Kniiiiiight of the Wind.
I'm a Knight of the Wind!
[they finish]
[standing ovation]
Raid: So, who's gonna help us siege the Egg Citadel?
[silence]
May: Uh.. I guess I will.
Petrucci: Sweet, welcome to the squad, May.
Duke: You guys are the worst crowd we've ever had. Where's my trailer?
Raid: Well.. okay, I guess we'll just carry on, then.
[they go through the next set of apartments, hopping through broken floors, fighting zombies and killing Chaobine]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Fight through the complexes}

"Took You Long Enough"
(Day 3- 19:01:40)
(Shade the Dark, Future, a.k.a "Slenderchao")
(District 8)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Regroup with Future Shade}

[they enter a room and are greeted by two turrets]
[Raid quickly shuts them down with his gravity gun]
[a door on the other side is kicked down... by Future Shade, leading his own little squad]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Regroup with Future Shade}
ShadeF: Well, lookie what we have here. Told you I'd meet up with you guys.
Raid: Looks like you followed through, sarge.
ShadeF: Kid, for now, just call me "Slenderchao."
Raid: Cool. I assume you know all of OUR nicknames?
Slender: Of course. I've been hearing of your adventures. You impress me, Shadow Raid.
Mycroft: What about me, dude?
Slender: Mister Holmes, you always impressed me. After all... you're ME.
Mycroft: Oh, sweet.
Slender: Anyway, c'mon, we've got a lot of work to do.
[Slenderchao leads them down some stairs and to a console]
Slender: Apparently, there's some kind of generator in the plaza below.
Raid: A generator? What does it fuel?
Slender: It fuels a forcefield that prevents us from moving on.
Raid: So... how do we shut it off?
Slender: You leave that to me. It'll take me a while, though, so.. defend me while I shut it off, kay?
Raid: Can do.
[they head out to the plaza]
[Slenderchao activates a console in the center of the plaza]
Slender: Alright, I'm starting the hack. Cover me.
Raid: Affirmative. C'mon, you heard him; let's set up some cover, guys!
[they set up some cover and wait]
[and wait]
[and wait s'more]
Slender: All done.
Fox: Wow, was that really it?
Raid: I guess we finally got a break.
Slender: That ain't a good thing, kids. 'Specially not in Left 4 Dead, but that's besides the point.
Raid: What are you implying?
Mycroft: My future self is saying that this is a warning that something REALLY bad's coming.
Slender: Pretty much. Then again, I'm not too certain.
Raid: We'll burn that bridge when we get there. C'mon, guys.
[most of the chao move on; Jack White and Slenderchao don't]
White: Now, there's something that's bothering me, Slenderchao...
Slender: Yeah-huh?
White: If you're Mycroft's future self.. then... shouldn't you remember what you've been through, and know what's coming?
Slender: It's a lot more complicated than that, Jack.
White: But am I at least correct? In theory, you SHOULD be able to, right?
Slender: No. You are not correct. In theory, I have no way of knowing what will happen in that boy's future.
White: Wha?
[close-up of Slenderchao]
Slender: In THEORY....... I could MAKE his future.
[He takes one step forward]
White: How.. in the name of jahosephats does that make the SLIGHTEST lick of sense?
Slender: This shit goes far beyond the simple concepts of a meta-show, Jack. It makes perfect sense...
[dramatic camera angles]
Slender: ..once you know the spoilers.
[Slenderchao leaves; Jack White ponders the conversation]

"Residue Processing"
(Day 3- 19:07:10)
(Dark a.k.a "Duke Nukem")
(City Underlevels)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}
{Go through the sewers}

[the chao come across a big gorge in the street, blocking them from progressing]
Slender: Alright, so last I checked, the Red dude you're looking for is on the other side of this trench.
Raid: Awesome. How do we get across?
Slender: You don't. You climb in and explore the sewers. 'S the best way through.
Raid: Oh... I guess we can manage that.
Slender: Sure ya can. Hey, listen, this may be inconvenient for you, but.. I've gotta go.
Raid: Snap, why?
Slender: Gotta make sure Mister Prower is alright in the hiding place I relocated him to.
Raid: Oh, okay... you do that. We'll look for Red.
Slender: I know you will. But, hey.. don't think you won't see me again.
Raid: Of course.
Slender: I'll catch up with ya... I wouldn't miss Eggman's tail getting kicked for the world. I'm out!
[Slenderchao leaves, along with his squad]
Mycroft: There goes the greatest badass who ever lived.
Raid: What about Chuck Norris?
Mycroft: Doesn't hold a candle.
Fox: Captain Falcon?
Mycroft: Pales in comparison.
Duke: Samus Aran?
Mycroft: .......fuck. I stand corrected.
Raid: Right, what were we thinking? After all, every calender I've ever bought was a Metroid one.
Fox: My desktop background is of Samus in her badass Phazon suit.
Mycroft: Mine's of her in her Zero Suit.
Duke: Mine's of her in her birthday suit.
[they stare at Duke]
Duke: ...NSFW?
Fox: Word.
[they hop into the trench, and into the sewers]
Petrucci: Freakin' smells down here.
Gaga: Get over it, will ya?
Petrucci: *sigh* Fine...
[they traverse through the sewers, fending off many a zombie and alien creature]
[..oh, and Brian May was dragged away by the zombies]
White: I will miss Brian May.
Mycroft: Pfft, I won't.
[they enter a door and find themselves in a very large warehouse]
Raid: Stay alert, everyone. I have a bad feeling about this.
Duke: You have a bad feeling about EVERYTHING.
Fox: Um... no, he doesn't.
Duke: ..oh.
[suddenly, they are surrounded by Chaobine soldiers, but not just ANY soldiers...]
Mycroft: These are... the fabled Dark Chaos Chao.
Raid: I'm sure they're just like all the other robots.
[...they are :P]
Mycroft: Such a shame, too. I've been hoping to be a Chaos Chao some day... I hope they're nothing like THIS.
Fox: Oh, I highly doubt they will be.
Raid: Man, this is a really big warehouse. Where the heck is the door?
Fox: Right in front of you.
Raid: .......huh.
[they open the door]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Go through the sewers}

Chapter 11: "Stop Following Me"

"Charlie Rescued Me!"
(Day 3- 19:12:54)
(Red, Future a.k.a "Barney Calhoun")
(District 3)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Find Future Red}

[the chao find themselves out on the streets; this district seems to be focused around a building in the center]
Raid: Huh. Next chapter.
Fox: *yawwwwn* That took an extremely long time, didn't it?
Mycroft: What can I say? It's a street war. It's not supposed to be short.
White: Yeah, but those sewers passed by quickly.
Mycroft: Most likely because DJay's getting bored, or thinks the chapter was getting WAY too long.
Duke: Maybe both.
Raid: Hey, guys... stand back. I've got a REALLY bad feeling about this.
Gaga: About what, Raid?
Raid: Shhh...
[along the street leading to the center building is a blue line, obviously of a gun]
Raid: Snipers. Too high to reach.
Duke: Maybe we should get to the top of that center building?
Raid: That is actually a really good idea. Let's do that.
Mycroft: We don't want too many people in the line of fire of those snipers, man. Shit would get real awfully fast.
Raid: Hmm... you make a good point. Gaga, Petrucci, White... you're coming with me.
[they carefully head up the street, and enter the center building]
Petrucci: Damn snipers... I could swear they're waiting... gonna pick us off, one by one.
Raid: Calm down, soldier.
Petrucci: We're not safe in here. They.. they're still waiting...
White: Would you chill, John? The game's not over yet.
Petrucci: The game may not be over, but they're still waiting for half-time, then, aren't they?
Raid: *sigh* M'lady, could you stay here with Petrucci and try to calm him down?
Gaga: Sure thing.
Raid: Jack, c'mon, we're gonna look for a way up.
White: What's wrong with the stairs?
[Raid opens the door, and reveals that the stairs leading up have collapsed]
White: Typical.
[Raid leads Jack down into the basement]
[the camera stays with John and Gaga]
Gaga: What's wrong?
Petrucci: I... I don't know. It's all this warfare stuff... I.. I just can't handle it, you know?
Gaga: Oh, John.. I know things may seem apocalyptic and hellbroken, but I assure you... everything's not lost.
Petrucci: How can you be so sure? We're going up against the whole freaking Badnik Empire!
Gaga: I'm sure because we've got Shadow Raid on our side.
Petrucci: Ohhh, I don't see all the hype in that guy.. I mean, what could he POSSIBLY do?
Gaga: Well, first of all, he supposedly came from the past.
Petrucci: Pfft, load of crock.
Gaga: As odd as it may sound... I believe him.
Petrucci: You... you DO?
Gaga: Yeah. He definitely doesn't seem to know much about the Badniks.. I'm certain he's a total outsider.
Petrucci: Now that you mention it, he DOES seem to be going in the direction of the Egg Nexus, completely oblivious...
Gaga: Oh, the Egg Nexus, fuck... I had completely forgotten about that.
Petrucci: Still, it proves your point. Go on.
Gaga: Besides being from the past, he was able to escape from the city and to Cham's lab in a few hours.
Petrucci: Well... yeah, that IS pretty amazing.
Gaga: AND, he made it through Ravenholm. Then the highway. Then he was able to destroy Novella Prospekt.
Petrucci: Okay, okay, I get it! You're right. We.. we might just be able to do this.
Gaga: See? Everything's not lost. We have the One Shadow Raid... as well as the Grey One.
Petrucci: W..we have THE Grey One with us?
Gaga: Yeah, that Mycroft Holmes guy.
Petrucci: Huh. I didn't recognize him.
Gaga: Oh, and then there's Slenderchao..
Petrucci: Wait, if Mycroft is the Grey One, then that means Duke Nukem and Redd Fox are......
Gaga: ...huh, I hadn't thought of that. We might just stand more than a chance against Herr Doktor.
Petrucci: Heh, now that you mention it... YES, we DO! Haha! Thanks, ma'am.
Gaga: Anytime.
[Lady Gaga slaps John Petrucci in the face]
Gaga: Now don't you EVER pull that EVER again, you hear me, soldier?
Petrucci: Ow! Alright!
[a door opens in front of them; Raid is there]
Raid: Guys, we found another staircase. Let's go. Petrucci, you up for this?
Petrucci: Yeah, I'm thrilled.
[they head up the stairs to the top floor]
[Future Red is there]
RedF: Hey, Raid! Could you.. give me a little help?
Raid: Sure, with the snipers?
RedF: No, I want to bake a fucking cake. Just toss some grenades at 'em, man.
Raid: Got it. White, you take that sniper over there. Gaga, take the one opposite me. Petrucci?
Petrucci: It's fine. I can do this. I've calmed down.
Raid: Good, so you can take that sniper opposite White's. I'll take this one.
[..and.. they uneventfully throw grenades into the windows the snipers are perched in]
RedF: Thanks, dude.
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- 
Raid: No prob. Now that we've met up, maybe you can tell me how to get to the citadel so we can get there?
RedF: Oh, there's a slight problem with that plan. C'mon. Let's have us one o' them walk-n-talks.
[they go back down the stairs and regroup with the others]
Raid: Alright, what is it we need to know, Red?
RedF: First of all, call me "Barney Calhoun."
Raid: Kay, Barney. What's up?
Barney: You see, up ahead is this big.. bank, or museum, or.. whatever it was, it's gone now. The badniks got to it.
Gaga: Oh, you're talking about THAT, aren't you?
Barney: Yeah, see, they've converted it to the Egg Nexus.
Raid: *gulp* The... Egg Nexus? What is that?
Mycroft: Think of it like this: the Egg Citadel's got the final boss, so the Nexus has the semi-final one.
Raid: Oh. And... and I'm fighting him all by myself?
Mycroft: We'll discuss that later.
Barney: Yeah, but you see... it's not easy to invade. It's gonna require a muli-step invasion.
Mycroft: He's right. It's a freaking bitch to invade. An EPIC bitch, mind you, but... still a bitch.
Raid: Well, how close are we?
Barney: Right around the corner. C'mon.
Raid: Oh, boy. Okay...
[Barney leads them into a building]
Barney: ...anybody hear a moose?
Fox: No.
Petrucci: Not at all.
Barney: Damn thing still haunts me...

"Egg Nexus: Not By the Hairs on My Chinny-Chin Chin"
(Day 3- 19:26:42)
(Shade the Dark, a.k.a "Mycroft Holmes")
(Egg Nexus exterior, District 2)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Infiltrate and disable the Egg Nexus}

[the chao go up some stairs into a small building]
[they come across a window that reveals a large museum-looking building, with a big roof and huge courtyard in front]
Barney: There you have it, Raid. The Egg Nexus.
Raid: Whoa. Well, we may as well plan the raid out now. How are we gonna do this?
Mycroft: Breaking in will be easy. Just follow us.
Barney: Yeah, but when we're in there... shutting things down may be difficult.
Mycroft: Then, once we've shut things down, we should have roof access.
Raid: Why do we want roof access?
Barney: It's, like... something to do with reinforcements.
Raid: Oh.
Mycroft: Of course, once the Egg Nexus is shut down, you can bet this square will be teeming with soldiers.
Barney: Ah, yes. Eggman won't take too kindly to shutting down this stronghold.
Raid: It won't be too bad, though, right, Mycroft?
Mycroft: WELLLLL......
Raid: Is it harder than the Antlion Guards?
Mycroft: Con.....siiiiiderably.
Raid: Shit. Will I be on my own?
Mycroft: Like I said, we'll discuss that later. For now, let's stick to discussing the outline of the plan.
Raid: Right. So, once we get roof access, then what?
Mycroft: Well, while  you're trying to get the access, Barney over here will press on ahead to the next district.
Barney: District 1.
Raid: District ONE?! We're THAT close?
Mycroft: Yeah, but it's a heavily-guarded district, you know.
Raid: So... once I've got roof access, I'll have to fight my way out of the Egg Nexus and to District 1 where we'll regroup?
Barney: Pretty much. Once we've regrouped, we'll find a way into the Egg Citadel.
Raid: Okay, so that's it? We can do this!
[Mycroft shakes his head]
Mycroft: Love your enthusiasm, kid, but this is arguably the hardest part of the game, right here. Wellll....
Raid: Well?
Mycroft: It's debatable, but some say the Nexus is the hardest part, while most say the part AFTER it is.
Raid: District 1?
Mycroft: The journey TO District 1.
Raid: Hm. Well, we'll burn that bridge when we get there. We've gotten this far. Nowhere to go but forward.
Mycroft: That's the spirit. You ready to go?
Raid: Hell yes.
Barney: Then everybody, take your last bathroom breaks or whatever.
[Barney loads his weapon]
Barney: We're beginning the assault.
[everyone takes care of their last bathroom break or whatever, then gathers in the next room]
Barney: Okay. Mycroft and I will take point until we get to the building.
Mycroft: White, come on up here. You're pairing with Raid for this.
White: Alright.
Mycroft: Petrucci, you and Gaga stick behind Raid and White. Back them up at all costs.
Gaga: Roger that, chief.
Mycroft: Fox, Duke, take the caboose. Take any stragglers. Two by two, everybody!
[a camera spots them]
Barney: Shit, so much for stealth; we've been spotted!
Mycroft: Let's go! Stick together!
[they head down some stairs and to a street in front of the Egg Nexus' courtyard]
Mycroft: Oh, one more thing--
[OMG WTF LAZER HAX]
Raid: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
Mycroft: The badniks can fire lasers out of the sky, but just out here. They'll stop once the Egg Nexus is down.
Raid: That... that was NOT what I expected.
Barney: Enough chitter-chatter. To get into the courtyard, we've got to go around these forcefields.
Raid: Seriously, couldn't you guys have told me about the forcefields beforehand?
Barney: Hey, relax. We're taking point. Just follow us.
[Mycroft and Barney lead the group down the street, watching out for any OMG WTF LAZER HAXes]
[they waltz on into a small building at the end of the street and kill some soldiers]
[they then open a door and find themselves in the courtyard]
Barney: C'mon, let's keep it moving; there's another forcefield stopping us from reaching the building.
[they fight off more soldiers, dodge more LAZORZ and enter another small building]
[..and kill more soldiers, then exit through another door, and find themselves just outside the Egg Nexus]
Barney: Nearly there. We gotta go around to the side door. C'mon.
[Barney leads them to the side door; they enter it]
{OBECTIVE COMPLETE- Infiltrate the Egg Nexus}

"Egg Nexus: Search and Disable"
(Day 3- 19:32:32)
(Michael Urkel a.k.a. "Johnny Gioeli")
(Egg Nexus interior, District 2)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Disable the Egg Nexus}

[the side door took them to a quiet hallway]
Barney: We're in. Everyone here?
[everyone is here]
Mycroft: Yeah, everyone's here. Raid, you mind taking point from here?
Raid: I guess, but... where do we go?
Mycroft: Well, we're looking for three generators.
Barney: Obvious ones. Ya can't miss 'em.
Raid: Oh. Okay. Let's go, guys.
[Raid leads them into the nex-- BEEP BEEP]
[before they enter the next room, turrets rise from the floor]
Raid: Whoa!
Mycroft: Duke, explosives!
Duke: Got it!
[Duke fires explosives at the turrets; they go ka-blooey]
[NOW they enter the next room]
[Chaobine city!]
[budda budda budda budda]
[boom]
[they move on to the next room, and up some stairs]
Raid: ...shh! You guys hear that?
?: Help! Please!
White: It was coming from this room, right here.
[they enter the room, and find some rebels stuck behind a force field]
Rebel1: You there! Please, shut the force field off!
Raid: Sure thing. *shuts off*
Rebel1: Thanks, dude. The name's Jun Senoue.
Duke: Awesome name.
Jun: Thanks. My pal here is codenamed Johnny Gioeli.
Gioeli: 'Sup?
Raid: Welcome to the team, guys. We're taking this place down.
Gioeli: Rock n' roll!
[they leave the room, and some turrets rise from the floor]
Raid: Duke?
Duke: Yah?
Raid: Nuke 'em.
[BOOOM!]
[in the next room is a crazy energy orb being held in place by machines]
Barney: Kid, that's one of the generators. You know what to do.
Raid: I.... do?
Mycroft: Use what we have taught you, young grasshopper.
[Raid examines the scene carefully]
Raid: Hmmm.... ah-ha!
[Raid shunts the energy orb with a burst from the gravity gun; it flies around and disintegrates]
Mycroft: We have taught you well.
Barney: Two to go. Let's go!
Raid: Got it.
[they leave the room, and are ambushed by regular and Chaos Chaobine]
[..of course, our heroes win. They're a really big squad.]
[they find a strange bridge and cross it to another branch of the Egg Nexus]
[they check out a random room, and are instantly locked in]
Fox: Crap.
Raid: Brace yourselves, guys.
[they hear dozens of footsteps running to a door opposite them]
[beep beep]
[...beep beep...]
[...beep beep...]
[...BOOOOM!]
[The door is blasted open, and Chaobine soldiers storm in]
[budda budda budda budda budda]
[Guess who is left standing?]
Fox: Man, these fights are getting REALLY easy.
Mycroft: Pfft, yeah, 'cause there're, like... nine, ten of us.
[they keep moving and find another generator]
Raid: I got this. *SHUNT*
[fizzzzle.....]
Barney: Nice job. We've only one left.
Raid: This is all going much too easily.
Mycroft: Heh... good to see you're catching on.
Raid: Wha?
Mycroft: Duke, Fox? When we were going through Half-Life 1, do you remember when it went REALLY easily?
Fox: Uh... yeah, during "Forget about Freeman," right? Right after Surface Tension?
Mycroft: And what followed that?
Fox: Lambda Core, and then Xen.
Mycroft: And how hard was the rest of the game?
Duke+Fox: Fucking impossible.
Mycroft: So, kid, you've got that to look forward to. We're close to the end of the game.
Raid: Oh... gee, thanks for THAT pep talk.
Mycroft: Don't be like that. You're learning. You only have to worry about the journey to District 1.
Raid: Fine... let's just hurry up and shut off the last generator.
Barney: You heard the kid; hurry up, let's go!
[they travel to another wing of the Egg Nexus]
[the next room is filled with lasers and mines]
Raid: ......okay, so this IS kinda hard.
Mycroft: Do it. You'll find it's not as tough as it looks.
Raid: *sigh* Fine. Wait here, guys.
[Raid enters the room and looks for some ways around the lasers]
Raid: Huh. Looks like I'm gonna have to do this the hard way.
[he crawls under one laser, hops over another, sneaks around one, rolls under another]
[he hops across the machines in the room and dodges the mines]
[at the other end of the room, he hits a button and switches the lasers off]
[the others enter the room and come to him]
[in the next room is the final generator]
Barney: C'mon, Raid. Finish this.
Raid: Gladly. *SHUNT*
[fizzzzle...]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Disable the Egg Nexus}

"Egg Nexus: Ain't No Beatles Gig"
(Day 3- 19:52:01}
(Frederick Todd Jenkins a.k.a "John Petrucci")
(Egg Nexus roof, District 2)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}
{Obtain roof access}

Mycroft: Well, Raid... you wanted your hard part. You're about to get it.
Raid: Right...
Barney: I'll take point now! Follow close!
[Barney leads them back down to the bottom floor, dealing with tons of soldiers]
[they go through a small hallway and come to a door]
Barney: Alright, guys. This is where we part.
Raid: Bye, Barney. See ya in District 1.
Barney: Yeah, see ya. Senoue, Gioeli, could you back me up?
Jun: Sure thing.
[Jun Senoue and Johnny Gioeli go with Barney]
Raid: Well... let's get this over with.
[they head up the stairs and reach door to the roof]
Mycroft: Before we head out there, we need to talk.
Raid: Yes, we do. Am I going to be on my own during the hard part?
Mycroft: Most likely.
Raid: ..great. Okay, let's go.
[they head out the door and begin fighting the hordes of soldiers]

..meanwhile...

[cut to Eggman's office in the Egg Citadel]
[Eggman is talking on a monitor to someone]
Egg: The Egg Nexus has been deactivated. They're... they're coming for me.
[pause]
Egg: I'm NOT being paranoi..well, I AM, but with good reason! That chao.. Shadow Raid.. he's a madman.
[pause]
Egg: ..well... but...
[pause]
Egg: Hmph. Very well. Verrrry well. Please do. Oh, and... feel free to use maximum firepower.
[Eggman laughs evilly as the screen fades out]

[cut to the Egg Nexus rooftop; the chao have just fought their way to the other side]
[they have opened access to a bridge that allows reinforcements to spawn indefinitely]
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Obtain roof access}

"When the Poop Hits the Paddle..."
(Day 3- 19:57:23)
(Shadow a.k.a "Shadow Raid")
(District 2)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}

Raid: Alright, are you guys leaving me now?
Mycroft: Kinda-sorta. We'll just be up here.. in case things go horribly, horribly wrong.
Duke: Which they probably will.
Raid: Well.. wish me luck. I'm going down. By myself.
[Raid heads down some stairs]
Mycroft: ...he is SO dead.
White: Why did you send him down if you knew he was gonna die?
Mycroft: Well.. he needs to be tested.
White: Screw this; I'm going down with him.
[Jack White heads down the stairs]
Mycroft: ..aren't you two going down, too?
Petrucci: Me? You kiddin'?
Gaga: If White Stripes over there wants to get himself killed, I say let him.
[cut to Raid; he reached the bottom floor and is approaching the door to outside]
White: Wait up!
[White regroups with him]
Raid: You comin', too?
White: Hell yeah. We badasses have to stick together.
Raid: This is probably a suicide run, you know.
White: It won't be that bad. Now, come on.
[they exit the door]
[outside, giant tripod badniks are walking around, blowing things up]
[a random rebel soldier is seen shooting a tripod, which then proceeds to charge up a powerful beam]
[pause]
[.....BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!]
[the soldier disintegrates]
Raid: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.
White: ..okay, so it might be a TEENSY bit harder than I had predicted. But we can still manage.
Raid: Dude... there's five of 'em.
White: It'll just take a while.
[they run outside and take cover]
Raid: Okay... I'm gonna try shooting a rocket at it.
[BOOM]
Raid: ...another.
[BOOM]
Raid: One more.
[BOOM]
Raid: One more should do it.
[BOOM]
Raid: Ahhhhh, fuck you, man.
[BOOM; rooaaarrr.... die]
Raid: Okay! Five rockets kill one.
White: We have seven.
Raid: ...perfect.
[they hear a large crash coming from the center of the courtyard]
Raid: What...
[they hear the tripods fire at something]
White: The...
[they hear all the tripods explode]
Both: Nuclear-equipped walking battle tank?
[they peek over the cover]
[everything is on fire]
[in the center of all the rubble is a lone figure, crouching]
Raid: What IS that?
White: Is it a badnik?
Raid: I think the more important question is... is it friend or foe?
[the figure slowly stands up]
[Mycroft is heard shouting "HOLY SHITCAKES!"]
[it slowly steps towards Raid and White]
White: Whatever it is, it's got elflike shoes.
Raid: It's got blood-red eyes.
White: It's got a cape.
Raid: Worst of all... I think it's a robot.
?: This is quite amusing, you know...
Raid: Wh..what is?
?: The fact that you do not recognize me. I have saved your life more times than you even know.
Raid: So.. so you're our ally?
?: Now, I wouldn't say "ally..." I am merely your acquaintance. And you have pissed off my #1 client.
Raid: Who's that?
?: Herr Robotnik. He was paying me BIIIIG bucks to control the streets of Robotnikland 17.
White: *gasp* No way.. you're The Cremator.
?: Some have called me by that name.
Raid: You control the streets? You haven't been doing a very good job, then.
?: Yes, well, when you blew up Novella Prospekt, I was called in to.. clean up the rubble. And the coasts.
Raid: You've been killing the rebels in the outposts?
?: Hahaha... yes. And I was just about to bomb the antlion nests when Herr Doktor called me in with some shocking news.
Raid: The Egg Nexus...
?: I must say, I am very impressed. I never expected a CHAO to shut down such a building.
White: Well, for the record, there were, like.. nine of us. Including Mycroft Holmes.
?: M..what? Wait, what?
White: Mycroft Holmes. The codename for Sh--nobody!
?: "Sh.." who?
White: Doesn't matter.
?: Hmmmm... yes. Doesn't matter. At least.. not for YOU.
Raid: Enough! Who ARE you?
[Mycroft suddenly drops in, wielding his crowbar]
Mycroft: Metal Sonic...
White: Mycroft!
MS: Ah, yes... Shade. Of course, it all makes sense now.
Mycroft: You want me. Don't mess with these guys if you want me.
MS: I'll mess with whoever I want.
Mycroft: Like hell, you will!
[Metal glares at Mycroft]
MS: You are pushing my patience, Shade. You're lucky I haven't done any cremating just yet.
Raid: Just let us pass by. We only want to get to District 1.
MS: Let you pass by? What, should I also sit around while you assassinate herr Doktor?
Mycroft: Relax. We're not gonna assassinate him. We just want to talk with him.
MS: He's my biggest client. I can't take any chances. For instance!
[Metal pulls out a freaky sword]
MS: This sword may be old-fashioned, but it gets the job done. I don't want to take chances on whether or not you die.
[Mycroft wields his crowbar]
[they stare off for a bit]
MS: ...prepare to be cremated!
[Metal charges at Mycroft, who hops out of the way; Metal turns on a dime and follows]
Mycroft: Eah! *dodge*
MS: What's the matter, Shade? *chase* Did you forget who I am?
Mycroft: No! *dodge* Well.... *dodge* ...sorta. *dodge*
[they continue the game of cat-and-mouse for a bit before Mycroft stumbles]
[suddenly, Jack White leaps into the fray and tugs onto Metal's cape, making Metal stumble, as well]
[Metal shakes Jack off]
MS: I'll deal with YOU later, runt.
[he launches himself into the air; Mycroft jumps out of the way as Metal lands]
Mycroft: Duke! Duke!
Duke: Got it, chief!
[Duke tosses his RPG from afar]
[it hits, and a large explosion covers the ground]
[the chao watch closely to see if Metal survived]
[pause]
Mycroft: ....I think... I think we did it, guys. Yeah! I think we actually beat Met--
[suddenly, two robotic arms extend from within and grab Mycroft]
[as they detract back into the cloud, Raid uses his gravity gun to pull them back]
Mycroft: Pull, dude! Pull!
Raid: (strained) I'm... I'm trying!
MS: Muahahaha...
Raid: What's.. what's so funny?
MS: Oh, nothing... just the fact that, while you're trying, I'm NOT!
[Metal's arms retract extremely quickly]
Mycroft: SHITFUCK!!!
[Petrucci and Gaga come down to the courtyard, then run into the cloud]
[struggles are heard; the cloud slowly fades]
[Metal is gone]
Raid: Wha? Where did he go?
[Redd Fox and Duke Nukem have now come down, too]
Fox: I think the more important question is... when will he return?
[Duke helps Mycroft up]
Duke: Whoa, Holmes, are you alright?
Mycroft: *cough cough* Ugh... not too bad... I don't think Metal was able to do anything too rash.
Petrucci: We'd better get outta here before he comes back.
Raid: John is right. We'd best hightail it out of here.
White: Let's get a move on, then. District 1 isn't far from here.
Raid: Yeah, let's go.
[they head out of the courtyard; Mycroft slowly walks forward]
Duke: C'mon, Shade. Put your arm over my shoulder.
Mycroft: *does that* Thanks, Dark... *hack wheeze* ugh...
Duke: What did he...?
[Mycroft reveals his stomach (which he was covering to this point); blood covers it]
Mycroft: I *cough* ..didn't want to worry you guys.
Duke: You are a true badass, sir.
Mycroft: Dark..... I never told you this, but... it's been a real pleasure with you as my number one.
Duke: Wha? But.. no! We're.. you're...
Mycroft: Dark. Look at me. I'm about to tell you something I have never told ANYBODY in my entire life.
[Mycroft looks at Duke right in the eyes]
Mycroft: You will rule the garden when I am gone. You have always been my best friend, and... I love you.
[tears build in Duke's eyes]
Duke: Sh..Shade... sir... you're not going to die. We're getting you out of this!
[Duke starts walking and pulling Mycroft with him]
Mycroft: Dark...
Duke: We've.. *sniff* ..we've only got a little bit left! The game's nearly over!
Mycroft: Don't you get it, Dark? Metal's gonna come back! He's.. he's...
[Mycroft feels tears, and attempts to hold them back]
[...but he ends up sobbing over Duke's shoulder]
Mycroft: (crying) He's gonna come back, and he's gonna finish what he started!
Duke: Sh....Shade... you.. you're crying...
Mycroft: (crying) You're damn right I'm crying! I'm no badass.. I'm just a chao. And.. I.. I can't take this.
Duke: Shade, listen to ME for a second, okay? I'm going to tell you something I have never said before, EVER.
[Mycroft sniffles and looks at Duke]
Duke: ...I will not let Metal touch you. Even if I have to fight him personally.
Mycroft: ....aw, geez, Dark... *sob* you... you... you're..... thank...
Duke: Shh, shh, shhh.. it's alright.
[Duke looks at Mycroft right in the eyes]
Duke: Now... are you going to continue crying to me about Metal, or are you going to go out there and finish this game?
[Mycroft sniffles and thinks]
Duke: Remember, there's a kid out there who is depending on your mentorship to make it through this alive.
Mycroft: You're... you're right. Shadow needs me now more than ever. I.. I shouldn't be crying. I should be helping him.
[Mycroft hugs Duke]
Mycroft: Thanks, Dark. You're a true pal.. and you always have been. C'mon, let's go.
Duke: There's the Shade I know and love.
[Duke supports Mycroft as they walk along to the next street]

"...It Goes Splat"
(Day 3- 20:12:14)
(Metal Sonic a.k.a "The Cremator")
(District 2 underpass)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}

[the chao head down some stairs and find themselves in an underground tunnel]
Raid: Mycroft, everything okay?
Mycroft: Yes. We were just... planning out how to do this next part.
Raid: Ah, yes.. about this next part...
Mycroft: ...*remembers* Aw, crap.
Raid: What?
Mycroft: Kid... no matter what, we're here to back you up.
Raid: Wait.. what?
[BASH!!!]
[they slowly turn around]
[The Cremator is far away, at the other end of the tunnel]
Raid: Run. Run now.
Mycroft: You heard the man; let's go, doubletime!
[they run as fast as they can; Duke is still trying to help Mycroft through]
Mycroft: Duke, go on ahead! I.. I think I can run.
[Duke lets go and runs ahead; Mycroft attempts to run, but trips]
[The Cremator chuckles, pulls out his sword, and runs toward Mycroft]
Duke: RAID!
[the others stop running, turn, and see the situation]
[they quickly run to Mycroft's aid]
Raid: C'mon, Holmes, don't die on me now. No man left behind.
Mycroft: ...I've taught you well, kid.. *cough*
Crem: Perhaps a little TOO well?
[The Cremator is standing next to them]
Duke: Fuck off, Cremator!
Crem: Well, that's not a very nice thing to say...
Duke: Oh, I'm sorry; I just.. got a bit defensive.
Crem: No, no, I understand. After all, I've almost killed Shade, and all...
Duke: Yeah, and... yeah. You know, you're not such a bad guy.
Crem: Really? Well, that gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside! Thank you!
Duke: No problem! ...say, what happened to you? I mean... I'm sure you've died multiple times now.
Crem: What, you mean during the Instability War? Yeah, well... the Veteran's Committee... they thought I'd be best for this.
Duke: Oh, of course... the Veteran's Committee. Do you.. do you work for them, or something?
Crem: Well... to tell you the truth... I'm actually a mole. I work for them only as a cover.
Duke: O rly?
Crem: Ya rly. I mean, they're trying to end DCA, and that's NO good. So, I'm finding out what their plans are.
Duke: Cool. And what ARE their plans?
Crem: So far, I've found out that they want to use Shadow to get the chaos drives for their own gain.
Duke: R..really? And what could the chaos drives do for them?
Crem: I haven't quite figured that out yet.
Duke: Ah. Okay.
[The Cremator looks, and finds that the others had run off during the conversation]
Crem: Aw, dammit. Why do they always run?
Duke: Want me to go fetch 'em for ya?
Crem: Oh, you'd do that?
Duke: Of course! You can trust me.
Crem: Well, that'd be swell. Thanks!
[Duke runs off to find the others]
[Duke enters a building that happens to be in the tunnel]
Duke: Guys? You there?
Raid: Shhh! Up here!
[Duke heads up some stairs, and finds them]
Raid: Nice job stalling for us. Now, we were able to find out that the entrance to District 1 is somewhere in here.
Mycroft: On the third floor, yeah. So c'mon, let's go.
[they head up some more stairs, and search for any doors]
[...but there are none]
[--wait, no, there's one. xD Of course.]
Raid: Quick, quick, get in!
[they run in the door]

"Pale Horse"
(Day 3- 20:20:44)
(Ivo Robotnik a.k.a "Doctor Eggman")
(District 1)
(Robotnikland 17, Egg Country)
{Journey to the Egg Citadel}

[cut to District 1: a bunch of streets revolving around one large building in the center]
[a horse statue is visible in the distance]
Raid: We made it.. the hard part is over.
Mycroft: Mostly. This part's not quite a walk in the park, either.
Raid: Wonderful. Where do we go?
Mycroft: To that horse statue at the other side of the district. Barney's waiting for us there.
Raid: But.. there's tons of rubble blocking the street leading to there!
Mycroft: That's why we go into that building in the middle.
[they head into the building, and drop down into the basement]
[they hear Chaobine radio chatter]
Gaga: Ohh, I've never been so happy to hear Chaobine in my life. ..let's kill 'em.
[they move through the basement, killing Chaobine]
[they then head up the stairs, finding that the building is in ruin]
[the second floor has been blasted apart, and there is no longer a roof]
Raid: I think we can go through the ruined second floor and jump out a window to get to the statue.
Mycroft: Now you're thinking.
[they head up to the second floor, killing more Chaobine]
[the "islands" of the ruined second floor are all connected by girders, or nothing at all]
Raid: Okay... easy does it...
[they hop across some patches of the floor 'til they reach the center of the building]
[CRASH!]
Fox: What was that?
[The Cremator flies above the building]
Crem: Guess who, kiddies!
[the chao scream]
Duke: Um.. I found them for you!
Crem: Yeah, yeah, I know you secretly snuck off with them. Besides...
[he pulls out a machine gun]
Crem: I was gonna kill you, anyway!
Duke: *gasp* You monster!
Crem: Hahahaha! Eat lead!
[The Cremator flies around, firing at them]
Raid: Aw, crap!
Duke: ...you messed with Shade. You made him cry. Nobody makes Shade cry and gets away with it.
[Duke tosses Final Fantasy VII at The Cremator; it just misses]
Crem: Whoa! Watch where you're throwing that thing!
[...and, as it's coming back, it strikes him in the back of the head]
[BOOOM!]
[he falls to the ground; Duke hops down to the first floor to finish the fight]
[The Cremator gets up]
Crem: Ugh... you insufferable rogue!
Duke: You're gonna pay for what you did.
Crem: As will you.
[The Cremator whips out his machine gun again and opens fire]
[Duke ducks behind a rock, and pulls out his trusty RPG]
Crem: Hiding won't help you! I have legs, you know.
[The Cremator walks around the rock, but Duke is no longer there]
[he scratches his head in confusion]
Duke: HEY, UGLY!
[The Cremator looks up and sees Duke on the platform with the others]
Duke: Time to show you what we Darks are made of.
[Duke throws his RPG]
[BOOOM!]
[and once more]
[BOOOOOOOM!]
[and one final time]
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!]
[once all the smoke clears, they find that The Cremator is trapped in rubble]
Crem: Argh! Freakin'.. rocks...
Raid: Let's get out of here, NOW!
[they run along the platforms and jump out a window]
[they land on a street, and run to the horse statue]
[Barney is waiting for them there]
Barney: Hey, you made it! ..whoa, what happened to Holmes?
Mycroft: The Cremator... he's cleaning the streets.
Barney: Aw, balls! We'd better hurry, then. See, the Egg Citadel is just past this Badnik Wall.
[there is a Badnik Wall at the end of the street, but it won't budge]
Barney: See, I think it might be best if we find a way around it.
Mycroft: No time! *hack wheeze* We have.. no time for that.
Barney: Well, what else CAN we do?
[THUD!]
[The Cremator has landed on the street]
Crem: Leaving so soon?
Barney: Mycroft... what's the plan?
Mycroft: There's a way under the Badnik Wall. We just have to get down there.
Crem: What are you guys talking about? Your inevitable deaths?
[The Cremator steps forward]
Crem: You know, I'm done playing. The game is over. I'm really going to shoot you now.
[he pulls out a pistol]
Crem: And I'm doing it with a pistol.
[the chao look at each other]
Raid: Duke.
Duke: Got it, chief.
[Duke throws his RPG at The Cremator]
[BOOM!]
Crem: RPGs won't help you here.
[The Cremator shoots at the ground by their feet]
Crem: Perhaps you weren't taking me seriously enough. I'm good with pistols. Really good.
[he points it at Mycroft]
Crem: And I'm more than willing to shoot your beloved Shade.
Mycroft: Why do you want ME?
Crem: I was given specific instructions to kill "Shade the Dark." That, and we've known each other for a while.
Mycroft: Who gave you the instructions?
Crem: Isn't it obvious by now? The Veteran's Committee! They know you are the star of the show, and want you dead.
Mycroft: But... but Shadow's the star now.
Crem: He's simply the protagonist. You still have quite a following, Dark Lord.
[Mycroft thinks things through]
Crem: Enough talking. Let's end this.
Barney: Yes, let's. Gioeli, Senoue! Formation Phi.
Gioeli: HUAH!
Senoue: LET'S ROCK!
[Johnny throws mines into the battlefield; Jun grabs The Cremator with a grappling hook and pulls him towards the mines]
Crem: Oh shi
[BOOM]
[BAM]
[KA-BLAM]
Crem: Hmph, so you guys have some new tricks up your sleeve. So do I.
[The Cremator flips his cape over himself and becomes invisible]
Petrucci: Holy crabcakes!
Senoue: Don't worry, guys. I've still got him with the grappling hook!
[suddenly, the grappling hook becomes really light]
[Jun pulls it back, and finds that it is no longer grabbing anything]
Senoue: Uh-oh.
[Mycroft is lifted into the air]
Mycroft: Found him found him get him hurry!!!
[Duke tosses his RPG]
[Fox shoots with his AR2]
[Raid picks up a rock with the gravity gun and chucks it]
[Petrucci, White, and Gaga shoot with whatever gun they have]
[Barney fires with Duke's shotgun]
[Johnny tosses mines]
[Jun throws the hook again and again]
[finally, Mycroft uses his last strengths to pull out his crowbar and thrust it forward]
[sparks fly; Mycroft is dropped (and runs like hell); The Cremator becomes visible]
Crem: This was not predicted.
[....BOOM!]
[The Cremator is sent flying]
Crem: Looks like Team Rocket is blasting off again!
[the chao cheer]
Raid: We.. we did it! We actually did it!
Barney: We did, yeah.. that was pretty awesome, right there.
Mycroft: Now, about this Badnik Wall... Jun Senoue!
Senoue: Yes?
Mycroft: Place your grappling hook under it, right about.. here.
[he does that]
Mycroft: Now, everybody pull!
[everyone pulls the rope/whatever, and the wall lifts]
Mycroft: Raid... go in! Go in now!
Raid: M..me? Alone?
Mycroft: You can do it, kid... we believe in you.
Raid: But.. but the Egg Citadel is HUGE!
Mycroft: Don't worry, we'll try to find our own way in. Just go!
Raid: Okay! Okay.
[Raid runs to under the wall, and drops down into a hole]
Barney: And if you see Doctor Eggman, tell him I said... "FU*wall drops and crashes* YOU!"
[smoke fills the underground passageway]
Raid: Calm down, Shadow... you can do this.
[he gets hit on the head with something-- a crowbar!]
Mycroft: KID! TAKE IT!
Raid: Thank you!
[Raid equips the crowbar]
Raid: I guess it's time for me to become a badass.
{OBJECTIVE COMPLETE- Journey to the Egg Citadel}

Chapter 12: Hour Factors
[cut to Shadow in an underground passageway; he has a crowbar and a gravity gun]
[he walks to the end of the passage]
[he finds himself at a large cliffside, going down for miles; some ledges and footholds surround him]
Shadow: Whoa.. this might be a little harder than I thought. ..at least it won't be as tough as what I just went through.
[he hops down to a ledge, and walks along the ledges and footholds]
[he looks for some sort of entrance to the Egg Citadel (which is on the other side of the cliff)]
[he sees some form of metal contraption that he uses as a platform to enter a small opening]
Shadow: Sweet, I'm in!
[the small opening leads to a humongous room; the ceiling is nowhere in sight, nor is the ground below]
Shadow: So.. this is the Egg Citadel.
[the room has a "blue" feeling to it, very robotic and lifeless]
[Shadow walks along the platforms and eventually finds some form of transport system--]
[--some pods are being pulled along a rail system]
[Shadow picks a pod and climbs in]
Shadow: I probably shouldn't have done that, but.. whatever.
[the pod moves along the rails, through a passageway and into a much larger room]
[by "much larger," I mean "immensely and impossibly larger"]
[contraptions and machinery fill the room; Badniks are repairing other Badniks and Chaobine soldiers are patrolling]
[Shadow just gets a free ride, though]
[as he's moving along, other pods join the rail]
Shade: Whoa, Shadow, is that you?
Shadow: Shade?!
Dark: Me, too!
Shadow: Dark! Who else is here?
Red: Yo.
Shadow: Oh, you guys made it! How did you get here?
Shade: It's not a very long story. This, however, is a very long ride. Allow me to tell the story.
[cut to District 1 of Robotnikland 17]
[Shade, Dark, Red, Future Red, and a collection of many other chao are there]
RedF: Alright, the kid made it! Now, how are WE gonna get in?
White: Maybe we could go over the wall?
RedF: Nah, that ain't possible. Plus, there's a big trench on the other side. We'd fall and die.
Petrucci: Hm. ..well, the Badniks have to get back in there at some point, right?
Shade: ..I think John's onto something. Yeah! Let's follow some Badniks and see where they end up.
[they find a Chaobine soldier that's missing an arm]
[they hide and watch as it goes into a building]
RedF: Quick! Follow that soldier!
[they run into the building, and follow the soldier into a metallic passageway]
[the passageway takes them into an odd little room within the Egg Citadel]
Red: Alright, we're in. Now what?
Shade: I guess we should look for Shadow.
Dark: HEY GUYS LOOK it's a pod!
Senoue: What's the Pick of Destiny doing in the Egg Citadel?
Gaga: I think he means it's literally a pod.
White: Awesome, a pod! Let's climb in!
[Jack White hops in; it clamps shut and moves out of the room on a rail system]
Shade: Oh, snap! That ain't good.
Petrucci: Well, we're not seeing HIM again.
Shade: Screw you guys! I'm going in after him. Dark, Red, you guys coming?
Dark: Of course!
Red: May as well.
[the three hop in pods and follow]
RedF: .....they're dead.
Gaga: Most likely. C'mon, let's look for a SAFER way through the Egg Citadel.
Gioeli: You read my mind.
[they walk off-screen]
[cut back to Shadow, Shade, Dark, and Red in the pods]
Shade: And that's pretty much it. Jack White should be somewhere here. So keep an eye open.
[the pods take them through rooms where tripods are marching out of the citadel]
[rooms where freaky chao/Badnik hybrids are firing lasers out of their eyes to fix broken Badniks]
[rooms where razor trains are speeding out with cargo]
[eventually, once the pods go high enough, the chao are dropped off in a small room]
[White is there]
White: ohai.
Shade: Well, at least we found White.
Shadow: Yeah, but what's up with this room? There's a forcefield barring the exit.
ALARM: WARNING! UNAUTHORIZED WEAPONS DETECTED! CONFISCATION FIELD ACTIVATED!
All: Uh-oh.
[lasers fly through the air and destroy all their weapons]
Shade: MY CROWBAR! sadface
[suddenly, the lasers strike the gravity gun and spazz out]
[the gravity gun turns blue and shakes uncontrollably]
ALARM: WARNING! CONFISCATION FIELD MALFUNTION! SHUTTING DOWN!
[the forcefield disappears]
[Shadow grabs the gravity gun]
Shadow: Whoa. This thing is.. highly radiated.
Shade: C'mon, the field is down! Let's charge through and kick some tail.
[they run out of the room and already Chaobine soldiers have stormed the halls]
Shadow: Crap! Outflanked!
Shade: It's a million to one, so the numbers are ALMOST even. ...ALMOST.
Shadow: What do we do?!
Shade: Use your new toy.
[Shadow pulls a trigger on the gravity gun, and the immense force from the gun pulls in a whole Chaobine soldier]
Shadow: Whoa. I like this new gravity gun.
[he shunts the soldier into the others]
Red: I think that one was a 7-10 split, dude!
Shadow: Haha, let's rock.
[they run into the next room and see an elevator]
Shadow: Onto the elevator!
[they get on; Shadow fights off the surrounding soldiers]
[Red hits a button, and the elevator goes up]
[at the top of the elevator, they get off and fight off even more soldiers]
Shadow: This is a pretty boring chapter.
Shade: Sure, it's not as exciting as "Follow Freeman," but.. it's still awesome in its own way.
[they reach another room with an elevator]
Shadow: *sigh* You know the drill.
[on the elevator, hits a button, rise up]
[suddenly, the elevator stops moving]
Red: What the?
White: I think that freaky chao/Badnik hybrid is shutting the power for the elevator.
[in the distance is a freaky chao/Badnik hybrid firing a laser at an energy ball]
Shadow: Not on my watch.
[Shadow grabs a nearby energy ball and fires it at the hybrid; it disintegrates]
[he then grabs an energy ball and fires it at the generator; the elevator resumes operation]
[as they ride up, Eggman appears on a nearby monitor]
Egg: Tell me, Shadow Raid, if you can... you have destroyed so much. What is it, exactly, that you have created?
[Shadow ponders]
Egg: Can you name even ONE THING?
[pause]
Egg: ...I thought not.
[the monitor switches off]
Shade: Don't worry, dude. You'll get to shut him up.
[the elevator reaches the top; they walk through some narrow corridors]
[eventually, they reach a humongous hallway]
[the end of the hallway is too far to be seen]
Shade: Alright. This may be one of the coolest parts in any game EVER. We've gotta go through this hallway.
Shadow: That's fine. This'll be easy.
White: Even though you're the only one with a weapon?
Shadow: ..oh, right. Shitfaced fuckjob.
[they enter the hallway, and start walking]
[in the distance are thousands of Chaobine soldiers (baby, normal, and Chaos)]
Shade: Go get 'em, tiger.
[Shadow grabs some empty pods that are on the walls, and he tosses them all at the soldiers]
Shadow: Steeeee-rike!
[the soldiers just keep coming]
[in the distance, a giant door opens]
[an Egg Tripod steps out (crushing tons of soldiers as it walks)]
Shadow: Awwwwww CRAP.
Shade: Dude! The orbs! Use the orbs!
[there are energy orbs scattered around]
Shadow: Of course!
[Shadow grabs an orb and fires it]
[SMACK!]
[and another]
[SMACK!]
[and one more]
[CRASSSHHHHH!!!]
[at the sight of the disintegrating tripod, the soldiers all run away]
Shadow: Wow, I wasn't expecting that reaction.
[the chao finally enter the next room]
[a giant monitor rests on the wall; Eggman's face appears on-screen]
Egg: It would seem you can topple my greatest creations quite easily. That's not advised, you know.
Shadow: Up yours, Doc!
Egg: So hostile. Hmph. You know, there ARE consequences to all your actions, right?
Shadow: Oh yeah? Like what?
[Eggman simply grins, and the monitor switches off]
White: Why do I not like the sound of that?
[behind them, Metal Sonic lands at the other end of the hallway]
MS: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Shadow: RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!
[they run through some hallways, and find another pod/rail system]
Shadow: Quick, quick, get in!
[they hop in pods and are taken away]
Shadow: *pant* Fuckity doodah! That.. that was close.
Shade: *pant* Hoo... tell me about it.
[up ahead, pods are stopping as a scanner scans the contents]
Shadow: Uh-oh.
[their pods reach the scanners; it beeps and takes pictures of them]
[their pods go upwards into the ceiling, unlike the rest of the pods]
[the pods go up and up]
[higher and higher]
[the occasional window is seen, showing them miles above Robotnikland 17 (at sunset)]
[eventually, everything goes black]
Chapter 13: Dark Lord Energy
[Shadow's pod reaches a small room with two Chaos Chaobine standing guard]
Shadow: Wh..what?
[one guard takes his gravity gun]
Shadow: Hey! No! Don't!
[enter the future Purflee]
Shadow: Purflee? Wh..where..
PFF: Shhh. It's no use. Until you're where he wants you, there's nothing you can do.
Shadow: But.. where're the others?
PFF: They're being taken care of. I am so sorry, Shadow...
[a mechanical arm grabs the pod and carries it, following Purflee into Eggman's office]
[Eggman is talking with future Cham, who is also in a pod]
Egg: ..worlds stretched thin across the membrane where dimensions intersect... impossible to describe with our limited vocabulary!
ChamF: What I have seen is ALSO beyond words, Doctor. Genocide! Indescribable evil!
[Cham notices Shadow]
ChamF: Good Hero Chaos...
Egg: Well, well, well.. if it isn't Shadow Raid, at last.
[a guard shows Eggman the gravity gun]
Egg: What's that? Oh, just.. put it over there.
[the guard puts the gravity gun down on Eggman's desk]
Egg: You have my gratitude, Shadow Raid. First you lead me straight to the doorstep of the leader of the rebels...
Shadow: I didn't lead you there; you followed me!
Egg: ..and then you deliver YOURSELF! *chuckle* If I'd have known you'd come here, I wouldn't have bothered hunting you in the first place!
Shadow: Shut up, you swine.
Egg: Having you here insures that I can make whatever bargains I'd like with the Committee.
Shadow: You.. you want to BARGAIN with them?! You fool! They don't bargain with people; they RUIN people!
Egg: Oh, still your tongue! What would you know about them? You're only their messenger boy!
PFF: Doctor Robotnik...
Egg: Yes, Purflee?
PFF: The bargain we should be making is for Cham's life so he can continue his research!
Egg: YOU are more than eligible to continue his work, Purflee. What CHAM should do is convince that.. RABBLE in the streets to give up their efforts!
Shadow: Um.. just for the record, their efforts actually worked. I mean, I'm here.
Egg: But, he refuses to speak the words that would save them all.
ChamF: Save them? For WHAT?
Egg: If you refuse to do it for the sake of the people, perhaps you'd do it for ONE of them.
[Eggman presses a button, and in comes the future Shade in a pod]
ShadeF: Let go of me, fatso! *gasp* Shadow...
ChamF: Dammit, Eggman, you let him GO!
Egg: That is all up to YOU, my friend. Will you let your shortsightedness doom your entire people...?
[future Shade's pod joins the other two]
Egg: Or will you allow the ruler of the Dark Garden to continue being exactly that?
ShadeF: I swear, if you don't let us go, you're gonna get a face full of fist.
Egg: Shade, you have your mother's loving nature, but your father's stubbornness and incompetence.
ShadeF: How dare you even MENTION my parents, you.. you cocking piece of...
Egg: Hohohoh! I wonder how well you'd fare on the other side of one of our interdimensional portals?
ChamF: Very well, Eggman, if that's the worst you can do, then send us BOTH through your portal.
Egg: Oh, it's hardly the worst I can do.. but you might find that hard to believe once you get there.
PFF: This isn't necessary!
Egg: Ah, I agree, it's a total waste. Fortunately, the rebels have shown they are ready for a NEW leader...
[Eggman walks up to Shadow]
Egg: And this one has proved to be a fine pawn for those who control him.
ShadeF: Don't listen to this asshat, kid!
Egg: What will it be, Shadow? Did you realize that your contract was open to the highest bidder?
ShadeF: Shadow'd NEVER make any kind of deal with the likes of you!
Egg: I'll send your friends away so we can discuss this in private.
[future Shade and Cham are taken away]
Egg: Miss Purflee, if you wouldn't mind... I'd like a moment alone with Shadow Raid.
PFF: V..very well...
[Purflee leaves]
Egg: Well, Shadow?
Shadow: I must say, I'm impressed, Doc... I never thought you'd actually rule the world.
Egg: Oh, I can do much more than rule it. I can destroy it. I can save it. I can just leave it.
Shadow: Then why do you keep it in this horrible state?
Egg: It's all about timing... I wish to use this power as leverage to get me into the Veteran's Committee.
Shadow: Man, everything's about becoming one of them, isn't it? You know, they're trying to end this show, right?
Egg: Yes, and frankly, I couldn't care less. This show has done nothing but make me look like a fool.
Shadow: What about this serial? You've become an evil dictator! You're one of the most realistic, and yet formidable foes we've faced!
Egg: Hmm... you raise an excellent point. Alright, let's cut the crap. I'll give up my power... for a price.
Shadow: Name it.
Egg: Stop the Veteran's Committee by any means necessary.
Shadow: I'm already working on that.
Egg: ..alright, I've been reluctant to mention this as of yet, but...
Shadow: What is it?
Egg: ......*sigh* ....I want you to destroy Metal.
Shadow: M..Metal Sonic? The Cremator?
Egg: Yes. Compared to him, I'm just a puppet. He's making all the BIG decisions...
Shadow: But.. but he's DEADLY! I'm sure he's invincible!
Egg: He IS deadly, but far from invincible. You see, he has a switch on his back that shuts off his defenses.
Shadow: Wow, why didn't I think of that? Hmm...... I'll do it. Let's shake on it.
Egg: Of course.
[Eggman sets Shadow free; they shake hands]
Shadow: But I'm gonna need my gravity gun.
Egg: Oh, of course!
[Eggman gives Shadow his gravity gun back]
Egg: Do this, and I'll agree to give up all control of the planet.
Shadow: So, where is he?
Egg: I have absolutely no idea.
Shadow: *sigh* Of course.
[Shadow heads out of the room]
[Purflee is there]
PFF: Shadow! He set you free?
Shadow: Yeah. Have you seen The Cremator anywhere?
PFF: Uh.. yeah, I think he's heading up the many elevators, trying to get up here.
Shadow: And where are those?
PFF: In that room, right there.
Shadow: Thanks.
[Shadow heads into the room, and looks down the elevator shaft]
[in the very far distance, he sees Metal heading up the elevators]
Shadow: Hmm... how to do this?
[cut to later on; Metal reaches the top, and sees Shadow standing in front of him]
MS: Ready to die, mofo?
[Metal attacks him, and rips him in half]
[..'cept he's cardboard]
[the REAL Shadow snuck up behind him and flipped the switch on his back]
MS: Eep! Shit my shit with a fuckin' shit-filled fucker shitman fuck shit shit SHIIIT!
[Shadow grabs Metal with the gravity gun]
MS: This is going to hurt.
[he shoots him at a wall]
[SMASH!]
[Metal's motionless body lies still]
Shadow: Finally... Metal is destroyed.
[Shadow heads back to Eggman's office]
[Eggman is not in the office]
Shadow: Eggman? You there? I've destroyed Metal for ya!
[Shadow looks around and presses some buttons]
[Shade, Future Shade, Cham, Red, and Dark drop in from the ceiling]
Shade: 'Sup?
Shadow: Okay, so I've set you guys free... but where's Eggman?
Dark: Maybe he's down that elevator that's in this room?
Shadow: Maybe.
ChamF: Ugh.. you guys go on ahead. I'm going to find Purflee and.. we're gonna get out of here.
ShadeF: Alright, Cham. You do that. See ya.
[the chao 'cept Cham head down the elevator]
[down the elevator is a room with a giant monitor]
[on the monitor is Metal Sonic]
Shadow: B..but... but...
MS: Shadow. Just as I destroyed a cardboard cut-out of you, you destroyed a fake version of me.
Shadow: Dammit!
MS: As you were busy trying to destroy "me," I went ahead and kidnapped Eggman.
Shadow: You monster!
MS: I think you'll find he is having fun inside the Dark Energy Reactor... hahaha!
[the monitor switches off, and the wall behind it opens up to reveal the top of the Egg Citadel (at sunset)]
[there is a giant machine at the top; in the machine is an orb containing Eggman]
[on the very top of the machine, standing on a lightning rod, is Metal Sonic]
MS: As soon as that orb reaches the top, I will summon lightning to zap him, and he will be fried.
[the chao stand, unimpressed]
MS: That's not all! The lightning will combine with the orb, and create a devastating explosion.
Shadow: Oh, shizzleshit.
ShadeF: Kid, you'd better go take care of this.
Shadow: C..can't you guys help?
Shade: C'mon, Shadow. Think of this as your final test.
Shadow: *sigh* Fine...
[Shadow heads down another elevator, and exits out to the open air at the top of the Egg Citadel]
MS: Shadow Raid... as soon as the orb reaches synapse, this chamber will be bathed in deadly radiation.
Shadow: Shutcho mowf!
MS: You will be destroyed in every way possible, and even in some ways thought impossible. Your body will be turned to particles that have not yet been scientifically named. Perhaps, if I have the time, I will name some of them after you.
ShadeF: Don't listen to him, Shadow!
[a pathway opens, leading higher up]
[Shadow runs up]
[Chaos Chaobine soldiers enter the chamber, but are quickly taken care of]
MS: Really, you shouldn't even be attempting this, Shadow. All possibilities point to failure.
[Shadow runs through more platforms and climbs onto a contraption that takes him even higher]
MS: I could have told you that was futile!
ShadeF: Crap, Eggman's begun his ascent!
MS: Oh, I forgot to mention... I will be summoning lightning that is not of this world. It's not even made of plasma.
[the contraption reaches the top; Shadow hops off, and onto a ledge]
[he now has a great view of the top of the spire, and of Metal Sonic]
[energy orbs are scattered around]
[a humongous portal opens up above the Egg Citadel]
ShadeF: Godfuckdammitshitfuckbitchcockshit, the portal's opening...
[two gunships fly out of the portal]
[in the portal, various humongous citadel-like structures can be seen]
Shadow: Oh, boy...
ShadeF: The orbs! Use the orbs, Shadow!
Shadow: Right! Of course!
[Shadow grabs some orbs and fires them at the gunships; they go a-splode]
[Eggman is nearing the top; storm clouds are seen swirling in the portal]
MS: Are you still with us, Shadow Raid? Not for much longer, I think.
Shadow: I don't think I can do this... ah, here goes nothing...
[he shoots one last energy orb]
[it strikes Metal Sonic, and it miraculously hits his "Defenses Off" switch]
MS: Oof!
[Metal loses his balance]
MS: Oh, no... no... NOOOOO!!!
[Metal falls off, and falls off the Egg Citadel entirely]
MS: This is gonna be a long drop. CURSE YOU, SHADOW RAIIIIIID!
[Eggman reaches the top, and with no lightning to strike it, the orb explodes, freeing Eggman]
Egg: Wah! You.. you did it, boy! You did it! YIPPY!
[the window behind Shadow breaks open, and the other four chao jump out to him and celebrate]
Dark: DUDE! DUUUUDE! DUUUUUUUUUUUE!
Red: That was... that was simply...
Dark: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
Red: I mean, WOW... you're...
Dark: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
Red: You.. you're... ah, screw it!
Both: DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!
Shade: *chuckle* Congratulations, Shadow. You... you passed the final test. You rock.
ShadeF: You prolly deserve my shotgun for pulling off a feat like that.
Shadow: Was I really that good?
Shade: Yeah.
[Eggman reaches the platform]
Egg: Well, mah boi.. that was very impressive.
Shadow: Thank you, Doctor. So.. you're going to stop ruling the world now?
Egg: A deal is a deal. ....well.. okay, here, please take this as thanks for ridding the world of Metal Sonic for good.
[Eggman hands Shadow a green chaos drive]
Shadow: A.. a chaos drive! Thank you! Thank you SOOO much!
Egg: It's no problem at all.
Shade: Well, Shadow, it looks like you're a true badass now.
Shadow: Wow... really?
ShadeF: Don't get cocky or anything; we need to get the hell outta here while we've still got
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!]
[everything slows to a halt as a HUMONGOUS explosion expands from the portal (and freezes, as well)]
[pause]
[pause]
Echo: ...TIME..... Shadow Raid?
[Shadow looks around, still frozen in time]
Echo: Is it really that... TIME... again?
[Echo walks in on the scene, seeming to drift in through time]
Echo: It feels as if... you've.. only just.. arrrrIIIVED.
[Echo walks over to Shadow and touches him; Shadow is able to move]
Echo: You've done a.. great DEal in a small... TIME...span.
Shadow: Ugh, what, what?
[Echo unfreezes Shade, as well]
Echo: You've done SO well, in fact... that I've been offered some.. INteresting offers for your services.
Shadow: You're gonna take 'em, aren't you?
[Echo unfreezes Dark]
Echo: Ordinarily, I wouldn't contemplate them, but... these are extrAORDInary... TIMES...
[Echo unfreezes Red next]
Echo: Rather than offer you the ilLUSion of free choice, I've taken the liberty of CHOO..SING... FOR..YOU!
All: Oh, COME ON.
Shade: Typical.
[Echo unfreezes Future Shade]
Echo: If... and WHEN... your... TIME... comes 'round... again.
[Echo sorta... well, he "drifts" them to the endless void]
Echo: I must apologize to you for what must seem an.. arbitrary imposition, Shadow Raid.
Shadow: Yeah, no, no, 'salright and everything..... seriously, tell me what the Man Rape is going on!
Echo: I trust it will all make sense to you in the COUrssse of.......
[Echo hesitates for a second]
Echo: Wellll... I'm really NOT..... at liberty to SAY.
[the chao look at each other in confusion]
[Echo begins heading away from them]
Echo: In the MEAN...TIME........ this is where I get off.
[a door of light opens in the void; Echo walks through; it closes]
DARK CHAO ADVENTURES
"Still Waiting for Half-Time"
was written by DJay32
Based on Half-Life 2 by VALVe Corporation
And characters by Sonic Team
..and also some of Left 4 Dead, by VALVe
And some elements of Rock Band, by Harmonix
And some BIG elements of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, by Infinity Ward

DARK CHAO ADVENTURES was written en memorium to my chao, who I raised in Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.
They.. are no longer with us. Not even Shade.

END