Dark Chao Role-Playing Game (DCRPG) Mission 1: The Crazy Saga (While Somewhat Soggy) Begins

[the game begins in the Dark Garden, Shade (me) is recruiting chao to help on his newest mission]

Shade: Okay, you little chao-guys! If you are/want to be a Dark Chao, please SIGN YOUR NAME, and your ATTRIBUTES (Speed, Flight, Power, Swim, Stamina) right here on the dotted line, and I'll see what I can do. However, if you are/want to be a Hero Chao (or, in my words, a loser [no offense, this is Shade speaking]), please do the same. Please, however, remember to state whether you are a Dark or a Hero. Just... no pictures, and no asking for my autograph [once again, Shade speaking, no offense]. Let's get this party started!

[later, in the Hero Garden, Shade and the 'army' are marching forward]

Shade: I have one last thing to say. After signing your chao, you must choose to either apprehend Chao, the Hero guy, or go around and attack the guards. Make up whatever it is you want to that'll happen as you do it.

(Need an example? Okay, let's say I'm Shade)

Shade, Dark. Grey chao, nothing special. Stamina.

I choose to attack Chao.

Yourchaonamehere: Chao! I will get you with an iron fist!

Chao: Heh... yeah, right.

[Chao dodges and sends Yourchaonamehere flying into the pool]

(END EXAMPLE. Of course, what I said was just an example. ANYTHING YOU WANT can happen there, as long as it's not plot-changing, BUT... the first one to capture Chao gets something...)

Dark Hawk:I'm great at flying and when I'm in the air i go faster than shadow.My one dream is to become a dark Phoenix and my arch enemy is hawk my hero counter-pod we're twins but we both despise each other.
He knows magic but I do too and I'm much better at it.I turned him into a frog Chao for a whole week once *snicker* I hope to be second in command shade. May I? *Starts grinning devilishly like he always does when he wants to please someone* 

Shade: Ah, Dark Hawk, eh? Yes, sounds... evil. Demonic, slightly. Yeah, uh, you joined in a bit late, I already killed Chao.
[Chao walks in]
Chao: No you didn't! Remember? You got a boo-boo, then cried and went to McDonald's?
Shade: You can't prove that!
Chao: Yeah I can. Here's the video.
Shade: That was... uh.... a Hero Chao dressed up as me!
Chao: Sure it was. So I guess that McDonald's cheeseburger you're holding is just there because it appeared there?
Shade: Um... yeah, that's right! Great guess... for a Hero.
Chao: Dark Hawk, don't listen to this weirdo! Join the Heroes, become Light Hawk!
Shade: If you've played Paper Mario 2 all the way to the end, you should know what happens if you join as a SLAVE.
Chao: HEY! No spoilers!
Shade: Wh-whuh? That was ACTUALLY in PM2? I didn't know! WAAAAAA! You spoiled it for me! You're mean! I just made it up 'cuz I needed a reference that sounded real! I didn't even KNOW there was a Paper Mario 2!
Chao: Pfft. Crybaby. So, Dark Hawk, you have a choice-- join the Heroes and be honest, starting off as a private and working your way up--
Shade: --OR sticking with me, and I'll make you second in command!
Dark: I thought I was second in command!
Shade: Nah, you were actually third, I just never told you. Plus, I never came up with anybody worthy enough for our cooliness. So, Dark Hawk, choose wisely. Stick with me, and I'll put that mountain back into the Dark Garden (even in the script DCA, I'll say when something will affect the whole 'show'), so you can jump off and fly all you want! I'll even steal--uh, BORROW that dude Kamek's wand so you can use magic from this book called 'Dark Prognosticus' that I stol-- uh, BORROWED from that dude Count Bleck! Um... I'll also tell you how I opened a space-time rip to the Paper universe.
Chao: C'mon, that was Mephiles who did that! Really, I'll let you have a fresh start, a new leaf! Join me now, and I will forgive your attacks!
Shade: Okay, even DARK knows that's a spoiler.
Chao: I thought you didn't even know that game existed!
Shade: Uh... which game we talking bout? Never mind. You want MORE propositions, Dark Hawk? Chao offers you nothing but the Private rank. I offer you (ones I offer ALL Dark Chao have a star next to them)

- *The cave/mountain to return to the garden!

- Kamek's magic wand!

- Dark Prognist... Promo... Paper Mario... uh... Dark Prog... Dark Frog............... that magic book!

- The rank of Commodore/Brigadier/Air Commodore Dark Hawk!

- *Access to the EXCLUSIVE-TO-DARK CHAO Shadow the Hedgehog the Therapist!

- *Access to the EXCLUSIVE-TO-DARK CHAO Rouge the Bat the Massager/Insurance Sailswoman!

- *Access to the EXCLUSICE-TO-DARK CHAO Eggman the Omelett-maker/Transportation Guy!

- (Only for Dark Chao Lieutenant Commander/Major/Squadron Leader or higher) Access to the Space-Time Rip (STR)!

- (Only for ANY KIND Lieutenant/Captain/Flight Lieutenant or higher) Access to the Stardust Eggman, which I will go over later, but it's a REALLY cool thing (you'll know what it is if you read DCA)!

- (Only for Dark Chao higher than Devilish [he'll be different ranks over time]) the Game Room in Stardust Eggman!

- (Only for those in the 'Navy Shadows' Dark Chao Navy) Access to those awesome cannons and guns and blowing-up thingies in the ships!

And finally: - (Only for Commodore/You) Say in what we do during missions! (others have say in it, too, just barely)

Shade: So, sound good? Seriously, ALL THIS could be yours if you refuse Chao's offer (which you most likely will)! Now, to go over Stardust Eggman, which differs from the script a little:

If you're in Stardust Eggman, you won't be able to participate in missions (unless the mission takes place IN the Stardust Eggman).

You can only stay in the Stardust Eggman for 10 posts before the Poker Gang kicks you out for being annoying (exception in next part).

You can play poker against other Chao, and during special occasions, the Poker Gang. While playing poker, you can't be kicked out UNLESS you choose to. How to play poker: join in, you can think of 5 cards, I'll decide the other two (evil grin). YES, EVEN FOR THE POKER GANG, so you have a SLIGHT chance of winning. Trust me, Metal Sonic is da rula at da poka table! Of course, the other rules still apply. If I mess up choosing two cards (y'know, violate rules such as only 4 of the same card in one deck, one poker match is only one deck, then if I say 5 or more of a card), then you get to pick that/those card(s)!

IMPORTANT: Under VERY FEW cirmustances may ANYBODY be an actual character such as Sonic, Metal, Shadow, etc. I'll say when someone else can be them, usually for very FUNNY occasions. The biggest reason, which you'll see alot is: when I think you're high ranked enough to choose the fate for that character/whoever they're fighting.

Obviously, I play a huge role in this RPG. Of course, though, I mean, I'm the creator of DCA/DCRPG! But, like I've shown, I let others rule a little. (Okay, I let others rule alot)

The GAME ROOM: Play any other game, ANY other game. Even DDR, Hide-and-seek, whatever! As long as it DOESN'T INCLUDE A CHARACTER/CHAO DEATH!

Injuries while playing: Allowed. You choose if/when your character gets injured, BUT... hehehe... when pokering against the Poker Gang...... HAHAHAHAHA, MUAHAHAHAHA! ...Expect a... broken leg, or two.

Let me get this straight for you: THE POKER GANG = DANGER. If you lose a bet against them, you may as well just grab a chainsaw and hold it up to your chin! If you win, expect a beating. If you CHEAT, expect a HUMONGUS MASSACRE. Of course, if you win, you can expect a worthy prize, such as an upgrade in rank, a trophy, perhaps. Just to make you feel safe: the Poker Gang only appears on Thursdays, unless otherwise noted--
[Shade is gagged and stuffed into a bag by Metal Sonic]
MS: Okay, allow ME to give you the REAL low-down on Poker:

WE, the Poker Gang, will NOT hold back at wringing your little no-necks! So, make us mad, and you'd better run!

WHEN you get an injury, you MUST take 3 posts (double-posts and modify posts don't count) to recover! And not IF you get one, WHEN you get one!

We'll be here EVERY day, so watch out! Of course, the only Poker Games that count are on Thursdays.

Who's the security? You're looking at 'em. If we catch you doing ANYTHING wrong, we'll put the hurt on ya!

Okay, I'll leave you to your inane antics, so see ya! If you want more explanations (which I WILL give eventually), then ask me.

d-hawk: hey ms! if you put a beating on me I'll put a beating on your poker gang *waves own magic wand*
*DT gets thrown against the wall and the magic force rips one of his tails off*
now don't threaten me MS! i can disassemble you as easily as a train set *cackles wildy* 
>:[
now I'll just start off at the first rank so i can have some fun *waves magic wand DH becomes first rank member* 

Shade: Lemme get this straight, by 'first rank', you mean the beginner? If so, you have a CHOICE: (this is for ALL people playing)

The Navy Shadows where you start off as a Seaman,
The Shady Shooters where you start off as a Private,
The Darkish Commonwealth where you start off as an Aircraftman.

So, choose wisely!
[Metal shows up]
MS: Yo, I got your message, and I heard you wanted to be a Seaman/Private/Aircraftman! Well, you may think it means I can't kick your butt since you can't come into the Stardust Eggman, well NOPE! Since you're lower ranked than I am, I'm the General of my army, I can come see you and kick your butt!
Shade: And, uh... since... you decided to NOT be Commodore, you don't get the magic wand OR Dark Pro... Pron... Por--uh whatever. (quietly) But I get that last one. (normally) And, to punish your foolish behavior--
You: What?
Shade: --Metal forced me to say this, we're gonna tie you to a chair and Metal's gonna beat you up.
[they do that, and you just got a BROKEN LEG! You can post, but you can't actually DO anything but heal n' talk n' stuff 'till you've healed! You will heal after you post another time. Not that post, but the one after that]
Shade: Sorry you had to go through that... well, I wish you luck in our next mission: Land Before Sky, Except After Sea (Heh, a little grammar pun).
MS: Yeah... be warned, pathetic chao: ALL OF YOU chao, we're invading the Chao Gardens; all three of them, and you can't stop us! (that was the mission)
Shade: You heard them! Get suited up, and Dark Hawk... heal your leg. 

D-hawk: *gets enraged* you wish you hadn't done that MS *zaps MS with Chao hands*
*MS's head falls off his shoulders* i may not have my wand anymore but i still know magic *cackles again*
shady shooters! 

Shade: Perfect! I've got all your information, Private Dark Hawk of the Shady Shooters! Plus, since you just posted, your injury's gone! And, uh... well... how do I put this simply? Um...
Me: I'll tell him. I'm being shipped off to Siberia, so I'm afraid I won't be able to participate anymore, nor will I be able to post the remaining DCA episodes. It's a job thing, hope you'll understand. I'm gonna freeze to death, I just know it. See ya never again... (sniff) 

real me: are you serious!?!?
D-hawk:NO!!!!!!!!
me:can you pm me all the episodes before you leave? 

I can't believe it at all. I was thinking nobody would believe me when I mentioned that! (wow...) Just... listen: I posted YESTERDAY, which was APRIL... FOOLS... DAY. Yeah, I can't believe anybody would fall for it. I'm not saying you're anything bad, everybody falls for April Fools jokes. BTW, about the remaining DCA episodes: all you gotta do is respond to the DCA topic to get more! And, uh... when you respond, tell me if you want just the first scary one or both of the scaries episodes I've ever made! (also, about the joke, it should've occured to you that I didn't post in the Goodbye forum! Actually, I forgot to, but anyway) Okay, moving on in the RPG:

[the Hero chao bust in the Dark Garden]
Shade: AHHH! Shady shooters-- get them!

*shoots chao in the head with chao pioson that makes him pass-out for 15 minutes*
D-hawk:take that chao! 

[15 Minutes later]
Chao: Ugh... you Darks are stronger than I thought... well, you can't beat my PERMA-BANNA!
Shade: Perma-whatnow?
Chao: Don't ask, long story. Beat my warrior, nicknamed "Perma-Banna (PB)" and you win this war!
[ps: Didja get my PM? Didja like it?]
PB: I will crush you all under one blow with a pound of pinty wal-mart!
Shade: ...okay, I gotta write that line down and use it in an Episode, that's CLASSIC!
PB: Do not MOCK my uba-delish phrazerz o' phunnynesh!
Dark: Shade, WRITE THAT DOWN!
Shade: I am, I AM! It's comedy gold!
PB: ...? YOU DAAAAARE MOCK MOI? Da BALLIN' Poima Banna? Well, eat three times yo weight in fromage yo foo from da depths of wacky-spanky idiosyncrasy land-place of doomio plus ka-zoomio!
Shade: Pffffft! Wait, spell that last word for me, k?
PB: Duh... sure: kay, ay, dash, zee, oh, oh, em, eye, oh, exclamation mark.
Shade: Thanks! Okay, NOW let's fight! Oh, before I do, could you say ONE last funny thing?
PB: Shutchoskatchewan j00 fewl watcha talkin' 'bout willis; lez git it own!
Shade: You heard the fool; fight! Oh, MAN, that's stupid! 

*shoots PB with poison that kills him*
DH:can i kill Chao now shade?Because that poison will ware off in 2 minutes. 

Chao: Um, NO you can't kill me. Why? Because I'm gone now.
Shade: Yeah, he's gone. You missed him. Perma-Banna's dead, sorta, and, uh... you've been PROMOTED!

Member: Private Dark Hawk of the Shady Shooters is now Corporal Dark Hawk of the Shady Shooters!

Shade: Sweet, CORPORAL! 'Sup? Ya feel like... maybe TPing the Hero Garden? 

d- hawk: first off what does coporol mean second,Tping is not a real word thus i don't know what it means >.> 

Shade: Corporal, according to Wikipedia.us, is the second-worst rank in... something. Can't remember. Also, TPing, pronounced "Tee-pee-ing" is basically throwing toilet paper over something. So, I'll ask again, feel like throwing toilet paper (TP) all over the Hero Garden? 

oh in that case i'll run home and grab my T.P bazooka and knock out gas so the hero chao can't chase us when we are T.P-ing them *runs home and gets bazooka and knockout gas*
heres 2 gas masks!*gives shade a gas mask* 

Shade: Um... whoops, did I zone out again? Sorry, I was so caught up in Super Paper Mario, Genesis (band, not system), killing all Hero Chao, and my brand-new foldable windows... I sorta forgot to visit here again! Plus, with my new blog and all that stuff, and-- sorry. Well, you ready to start BLOWING the Hero Garden to smithereens? Oh, by the way, I've made it so the Stardust Eggman is available to ALL ranks! So, any time you fellas wanna play some old chao, or goldchao, or even poker, just tell me! (by the way, I really will post the next two DCAs if you just post in the topic again! It's been a while... alone on a silent hi-- I shouldn't have said that. TRUST ME.) Okay, so let's FIRE!
[BOOM]
[the Hero Garden is now COVERED in Toilet Paper, and the Hero Chao are knocked out]
Shade: Yessssss! Mission accomplished, pal! (Wonder why we're the only two here...) Uh-oh... looks like Sonic and Tails are going somewhere in the Tornado! Wait... they're headed towards the Stardust Eggman! But... why do they look shinier than they normally do? HEY! There's ANOTHER Sonic and Tails flying towards the Dark Garden! Which should we follow? 

well duh they could destroy our chao fleet! lets go *teleports back to the dark garden with shade*
like my new teleportation spell I learned it while you were gone! *starts smiling develishly again* 

[in the Dark Garden...]
Shade: Here we are...
Dark: It's too quiet...
You: Shade, look out!
[a giant monster eats Shade, and I play as Dark for this mission]
Dark: NO! SHADE! Who will play Lysanchao in "A Midsummer Chao's Dream" now?
[the monster reveals itself as PERFECT CHAOS, and Sonic and Tails come in]
Dark: Sonic! Tails! Help! Perfect Chaos is--
Sonic: Doing exactly what he was told to do.
You: You're not Sonic...
[Sonic transforms into Metal Sonic, and Tails into the Tails Doll]
TD: Yesssssss.... thanks to my powerz.... we may transform.
Dark: You friend!
[crickets chirp]
Dark: ...Huh? Oh... FIEND!
MS: Yes, MUAHAHAHAHA! Soon, the WORLD will be taken over! You should've followed the REAL Sonic and Tails, and been safe... in the cell we would've thrown you in! Now, Perfect Chaos... ATTACK THE PUNY CHAO!


BOSS BATTLE: P e r f e c t C h a o s
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 
H e a l t h: I (1)
M a g i c: X (10)
S k i l l: III (3)

How to fight bosses: The bosses here usually challenge you to a dangerous, deadly game of ROCHEMBEAU!
Dark; Rock-em-Bow? Where do Paper Mario characters fit into this?
NO! Rochembeau! It means: Rock-Paper-Scissors

Just in case (you never know): How to play Rochembeau-- You choose Rock, Paper, or Scissors. The other person chooses Rock, Paper, or Scissors. Whoever chooses the winning element wins.

Rock smashes Scissors
Scissors cut Paper
Paper covers Rock

Just to make it fair, I've chosen my one NOW. So, in order to beat this Episode, you must beat Perfect Chaos! GO! 

*D-HAWK used a magic point perfect chaos spits out shade*
*perfect chaos lunges towards shade but D-hawk jumps in the way*
d-hawk:auggghhh!
*perfect chaos eats D-hawk!*
SHADES MIND:
D-hawk's telepithy:shade....shade.... you have to take my place in rochembeau...

Technically, that's cheating, but okay. JUST THIS ONCE, OKAY? (Maybe again later)
[PURE DRAMA ALERT, ALSO DARK'S ONLY THING HE'S GOOD AT ALERT]
Shade: Rock, paper, scissors, SHOE!
[Shade puts his hand in the shape of a rock]
PC: RAWR!
[Perfect Chaos' tentacle is paper-shaped]
MS: Ahaha... *a-hem*... sorry, thinking Dimenti-- never mind. Paper... covers... ROCK.
[Perfect Chaos eats Shade]
Dark: NOOOO!!! Grr... best two out of three?
MS: You're on.
Dark: Rock, paper, scissors, SHOE!
[Dark: Scissors, PC: Paper]
Dark: HA HA! Scissors... cut... PAPER!
MS: Wha!? Grr... win one more.
[Dark: Scissors, PC: Paper]
Dark: HA HA! Scissors... cut... PAPER! Whoa, deja vu!
MS: ...Best three out of five.
Dark: NO!
MS: Okay, beat ME at it and you'll get Shade and whatsisname back!
Dark: Dark Hawk... I will avenge you, new recruit.
MS: Ahaha... um... I mean, MUAHAHAHA! I'll call Perfect Chaos off if you beat me... 1... hundred... times.
Dark: WHA!? ....Play 'The Musical Box', and you're on. WAIT... Karaoke Version.
[MONTAGE! Reminiscent of a Beta Episode's montage]
Dark: (singing quietly, almost whispering) Play me Old King Cole...
[Dark wins some rounds]
That I...
[wins more]
May join...
[wins MORE]
...with you.
[The room turns pitch black]
Dark: (a little louder) All your hearts now seem so...
[steam fills the room as spotlights shine on Dark holding a guitar, and one hand in shape of a rock]
Dark: (quietly) Rock smashes scissors (singing) FAR... from me...
[Dark wins more, and plays acoustic guitar]
It hardly seems to MAT...TER now...
[he wins more rounds]
Dark: And the nurse will tell you lies...
[MS growls as Dark pulls out a paper-shaped hand against MS' rock]
Dark: Of a kingdom... BEYOND... the skies.
[once more, he wins]
But I am lost... within.... this.... haaaaaalf-wooooorld....
[he wins even more]
It hardly seems to MAT...TER now...
[MS attempts to punch him, but Dark pulls out a paper-shaped hand]
Dark: Play me my song...
[he wins some more]
Here it comes again...
[even more]
Play me my song...
[much more]
Here it comes again...
[he plays harder acoustic and wins more]
Dark: Just a little bit...
[MS attempts to poke his eyes out, but Dark pulls out a rock-shaped hand]
Just a little bit more time...
[more rounds won]
Time left... to live out... my life.
[long acoustic solo as Dark wins around ten more rounds: Dark- 23, MS- 0]
Dark: Play me my song...
[wins more]
Here it comes again...
[wins even more]
Play me my song...
[much more]
Here it comes again (echo)...
[Dark throws the guitar at Perfect Chaos and pulls out an electric guitar, and plays a solo]
[Devilish appears out of nowhere and plays electric piano]
[as he wins his 30th round, Dark plays very softly on an acoustic guitar]
Dark: "Old King Cole was a merry old soul...
[wins more]
And a merry old soul was he...
[wins more]
So he called for his pipe...
[MS growls]
And he called for his bowl...
[MS tries to karate-chop Dark, but is confronted by a scissor-shaped hand]
And he called for his fidllers... three..."
[Dark plays a little fiercer, a TINY BIT, a few seconds later, everything stops]
Dark: And the clock.
[wins more]
Dark: Tick tock.
[wins more]
On the mantlepiece...
[plays a few seconds, and starts to get quieter with every word]
Dark: And I want...
[MS snarls at Dark, who plays unaffected]
Dark: And I feel...
[MS stomps his foot on the ground]
Dark: And I know...
[Dark wins another round]
Dark: And I touch...
[Dark plays electric fiercely as he says loudly]
Dark: The WALL..........!
[Dark plays one fierce guitar solo, and by the end of it is Dark- 70, MS- 3]
[Suddenly, Dark plays softly]
Dark: She's a lady... she's got TIME!
[Dark wins more]
Dark: Brush back your hair and let me...
[Devilish silently says "She's got time... for she's a lady..."]
Dark: Get to know your face...
[Dark wins a few more rounds]
Dark: She's a lady, she's MINE!
[wins more]
Dark: Brush back your hair, and let me...
[Devilish silently says, "She is mine...... for she's a lady...."]
Dark: Get to know your.... flesh.
[Dark wins more rounds, and starts playing louder]
Dark: I've been waiting here for so long...
[wins more]
Dark: And all this time that passed me by...
[wins more]
Dark: It doesn't seem to matter now...
[wins more as Dark and Devilish play calmly, yet very fiercely]
Dark: You stand there with your fixed expression...
[wins more]
Dark: Casting doubt on all I have to say...
[wins a few more, up to 80 versus 10]
[they play a little fiercer]
Dark: Why don't you TOUCH ME, TOUUUUCH ME?
[Dark wins more]
Dark: Why don;t you TOUCH ME, TOUUUUCH ME?
[Dark wins more, everytime he shouts "now" scary light flashes onto him]
Dark: Touch me... NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
[Dark wins more]
Dark: NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
[Dark wins more, up to 90-10]
Dark: NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! Now..................
[Dark finishes the song with a very amazing ending]
[END MONTAGE, Devilish disappears]
MS: Best 200 out of--
Dark: Shut up.
MS: No, really....
[Dark bonks Metal with the guitar]
MS: Fine... I'll free Shade.
[Dark bonks him again]
MS: AND Dark Hawk...
[MS does that and leaves]
Shade: Wow, Dark... that was amazing! I didn't know you listened to (or knew about) Genesis!
Dark: What? Who's Genesis?
[wha, wha, whaaaaaaaa]

END! (of episode)