[Shade puts up sign in the Neutral Garden that says "Help Wanted"]

Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Mission 6: The Government Is Watching Us!
[with special guest appearance of G-Man!]

[the story begins in the Neutral Garden, some Neutral chao are coming up to the sign]
(don't forget, this took place BEFORE the series, so you'll find out what happened to all the Neutrals)
[one green Neutral baby is reading the sign]
GNB: "Hewp Wanted. If you can hewp, pwease come to da Dahk Gahden." Uh... sure!
[the Green Baby comes to the Dark Garden]
Shade: So... (looks at card) "Shadow...." are you ready for the PAIN and TORTURE of the Dark Army? 'Cause if you are, I can start you off in the DOTHC.
Sh: ?
Shade: Whaddya mean you don't know what the "DOTHC" is? Don't you know about the "NOTHC?"
Sh: .......no.
allothers(evenyou): No, no.
Shade: (gasp) Then, we gotta send all you guys there, PRONTO! Dark, come on. You went to the DOTHC, didn't you?
Dark: As true as the pudding, General Shade, sir!
Shade: Ahhh..... "General" Shade. I like that. Well, come on, all you SCALLY-WAGS, we gotta send you to the DOTDC!
[Shade and Dark get everyone on big buses, and then Shade gets on one, and Dark the other]
[the buses leave]
Ph: General Shade, sir... where IS the DOTHC?
Shade: It is deep in the big mountains that are behind the Dark Garden. Don't worry, though... it'll only hurt.
Ph: ......a little?
Shade: NO, it's gonna hurt!
[on the other bus]
DH: Brigadier Dark, sir... I didn't know there were THREE buses. Who's on that other one?
Dark: WHAT? There are only two...
[Dark looks out the window and sees another bus with no driver, no driver AT ALL. The only person on it is an old-ish man in a blue government suit, and he is standing around the middle of the bus. He looks out the window to Dark]
Dark: ...whoa. Uh.... let's....not....look....out the window anymore.
[after a few hours, they arrive at the DOTHC]
[they step out the buses]
Dark: Hey, where's that Tie-Wearing Guy?
Shade: What?
Dark: Uh.... nothing.
Shade: Okay, all you-- AH, DARK-HAWK! Where were you? I didn't see you in the Garden, nor on the buses!
DH: I was in Dark's bus, sir.
Shade: Well, Warrant-Officer... since the battle against Mephola I haven't seen you. I wanted to PROMOTE you! You are now...


LIEUTENANT Dark-Hawk!
As Lieutenant, you can...


- (Only for ANY KIND Lieutenant/Captain/Flight Lieutenant or higher) Access the Stardust Eggman, DURING missions, and exit it to missions ANY time! (lower ranks can only enter between missions, and exit between)

Since I, Shade, am the highest rank, I can do that any day. Excuse me as I believe it's MY turn in Poker.


Thought of your cards yet, Quartz? Remember: You think up 5 (no 5 Aces or anything like that), and I think up your other two.

Your other 2 cards are: 5 Jack

I'm not telling you MY cards since... I'm me!

Here's a hint to Metal's: 7 King

MS: So, boys... double or nothing? I'm thinking that simply killing you mortals is not enough. I think absolutely DESTROYING you should be great!
Shade: We're not--uh... well, I'M not gonna lose. HE might, but not ME.

Quartz, as soon as you say your other 5 cards, I'll say my 7 and Metal's other 5 (completely random).

Also, Quartz, remember... YOU CANNOT LEAVE THE STARDUST EGGMAN UNTIL THE MISSION IS OVER. You are not ranked high enough. Your rank (as well as Phantom's) is Seaman/Aircraftman/Private.

Oh, I almost forgot-- Quartz and Phantom... choose NOW.

The Navy Shadows where you start off as a Seaman,
The Shady Shooters where you start off as a Private,
The Darkish Commonwealth where you start off as an Aircraftman.

Quartz, since you are swimming AND flying, but mostly flying, it is recommended you join the Darkish Commonwealth. Those guys have air battles! But, you are free to choose whatever you wish.

[Quartz triple-posts]

Triple posting TWICE.... uh... sorry, that means I'm gonna have to... DELETE YO CHANCE AT WINNING!

Metal: Ace Ace King King 2 7 King

Shade: 8 9 Ace 2 2 8 Ace



U LOZE, SUCKA!
[Metal picks you up, carries you over to the back alley outside the building, and your screams are heard going on for an hour]
[Metal exits, covered in BLOOD]
MS: So, Shade... you're the last victim. You won a round, huh? FINAL ROUND!

This time, Quartz can BET on who'll win! Bet all you want.

(i come back in fine with a hot dog) Thanks for opening that ketchup but it got everywhere when you hit it that hard.
MS:no prob no go to that closet so i can use you as a lab rat. 

Yeah, stupid joke, here's what happens next:
[then the REAL Quartz comes out of the alley, crawling, and his legs are gone]
Q: (coughing up blood) Help me...
Shade: Whoa. This has more blood than Kirby 64's final boss!

Okay, I know that you are a Air-guy, what about YOU, Phantom? What are you? 

hold on let me kill that clone.
oh and metal thanks for the bat 

[the TRUE Quartz, which there are no clones of, and is not a clone or ANYTHING, is INDEED the TRUEEST OF ALL QUARTZ is heard still screaming for help]
Q: (shudder) Huh-huh-help.... Metal hurts. And I am the REAL Quartz, I am not any sort of clone. 

Q:ow why'd ya have ta hit me with a metal bat in my weak point!


hey DJay Im a friend of Black Phoenix(his Neighbor You know name starts with da) i want to be flame a dark swim/swim red chao with all cheetah parts.
stats: levels:
swim: 24
run: 35
power: 59
fly: 22
stamina: 15
I want to be a darkish commonwealth
(if i have to choose between option 1 or 2 i want 2)
(i know black phoenix got these) 

Okay, welcome aboard, Flame!

Uh-huh... so... you have pretty bad flying, yet you wanna join the Areal Battlers? Okay, but I think you'd be better off in the Navy. You're here in the DOTHC, as well. REMEMBER-- as soon as Multichao says which of the three he wants to be in, we can move on with the story. 

Sorry I took so so long. I'll be with the Shady Shooters. 

Okay... where were we? Oh, yeah.

Shade: Lieutenant... you don't have to train. Instead, you can come with me and Dark and watch the others! It's funny.
[Shade, Dark, and Dark-Hawk walk into a secluded room]
Shade: (on PA) Okay, all you maggots! Proceed into the next room! The DOTHC is the Dark Obstacle Training Hazard Course, or, simply put... YOUR TRAINING! In this room, you must all come up with your own different tactic on crossing this 90-feet deep X 90-feet wide POND! After you each come up with your own, you must come up with one more based on what team you joined! The Navy must use Swimming attributes, the Commonwealth has to take advantage of flight, and the Shooters must use the resources around them to cross! Oh, actually, you all have to take advantage of resources, but each team has different resources!

Navy (none), your resources are: a giant metal board, a set of scuba gear, and some grenades.

Shooters (2 [if Dark-Hawk wants to train]), your resources are: a huge wooden plank, a big tree, a log cabin, and some talcum powder. Oh, and a piece of string.

Commonwealth (2), your resources are: some feathers, a ceiling fan, a rope, and a coca-cola can shaped like George Washington's foot.

Shade: Good luck! 

Phantom: This is easy. [Phantom gets on the wooden plank and uses his arms to paddle across.] I'm crossing the pond, my wooden plank and me... 

Shade: Very nice, I always knew you'd make it first, Phantom! Now we just need to wait for Flame and Quartz. Here, "Phan," why don't you join us as we watch the others' futile attempts at making it across? Go ahead, laugh! This is Boot Camp, you are allowed to laugh at others' misfortune!
[Shadow (chao) runs into the metal board, and stumbles around, then falls into the pond]
[the 4 at the end laugh hard]
Shade: I tell you, Phantom... keep this up and I'll promote you to Warrant Officer by the time you maggots are finished with DOTHC! Oh, by the way... anyone who wants to learn what all the ranks are--

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_%28rank%29

That table to the side tells you. The "Navy" column is... self-explanatory, Land/Air is Shady Shooters, and Commonwealth is ALSO self-explanatory. Remember: as of now, I (Shade) am General (Shady Shooters), Dark is Brigadier, Devilish is Colonel, Dark-Hawk is Lieutenant, and all others are at the bottom of their respective force. But, like I said, "Phan," keep up the great work and you'll be Warrant Officer very quickly!


So... all you other maggots... GET TO WORK! 

Phan: Haahahahahaha! [Watches everyone's pathetic attempts to cross the pond with Shade.] You're right, Shade! Watching everyone fail is fun! [Dark blows himself into the air with a grenade.] 

oh come on !

!. tie the rope through the pop tab on the can
2. use the new rope to grapple onto the fan and use it to swing in circles
3. use your momentum to launch you across the pool and fly gently down to the ground.

Shade: Excellent, Aircraftman Phoenix! Now, we must wait for Flame.

He has heart problems and is in the infermary. He will only be able to do missions on and off. 

Shade: Oh, yes... very sad. The doctors and the Doctor said they did all they could do. ....Yes, I KNOW it's as crazy as that 6-year old getting her butt stuck in a pool drain and having her small intestines sucked out through her butt, then actually surviving and saying she wants to be on the news. But, it happened. How? He.... he used to be a famous rock star. Hence... "Flame." A fan of his saw that he was coming here, so the fan called all the other fans over here. These fans are very fat, and are pro sumo-wrestlers. They were about to dive on him, when he tried to fly into the ceiling fan.

Phantom: That's how that girl's intestines got sucked out of her? All I was told was they were sucked out of her. No mention of them coming out of her butt. I think I might barf. [holds stomach and puts hand over his mouth.] So, Shade, are we going wait for Flame, or just move on?

I think we should move on without him. his therapy only allows him to do missions when he can lift his upper torso.(rarely seening as his heart is there unlike ants wich are in their butts)

Other person: im here for this one
first one ill::
1. ok ill hit dark in the presure point to knock him out and lay him in the water
2.use him as a raft to float across
3.at the other end ill shove him to the start

for my flying type::
1.use the leftover rope to tie the feathers to my arms
2.jump toward the fan and use it with its stronger current(because of the rope) to glide to the other end 

ANOTHER person: I'm Black's Sis
I want to be a hero chao (please dont hurt me)
lvls.
Swim: B
Fly: A
Power: C
Run: A
Stamina:B
A pink hero run,run chao With all Bunny Parts(arms,legs,tail,ears)
Knows how to do all dances and tambourine.
sooo what are the hero groups????????????? 

Wow. Getting tons of people here, huh? Yep, I'm back from the faraway fairy-tale land called England. ...Until Saturday, when I'm going to Disney Land! I'm not doing a "hello," because I'm only here for a few days.

ANYWAY.... no time to read most of these posts, so I'll just say the next training mission.


1 Giant Robot. 9 Tiny Robots. 1 can of soda pop. What do you do to destroy the enemies? 

 Your Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Dude this is easy you:
1.Shake up the bottle of soda
2.Spray it on the robots
If any are left not short circuted:
1.Drink all leftover soda
2.Use the sugar rush to immitate sonic with a homing attack 

*quite a while later*

Uh.... normally, I'd say "wait for the others," but since I was AFK for so -dang- long, I'll move on. EVERYONE GETS A FREEBIE!

Shade: Speaking of "freebies," come to Shady Cross Paths THIS WEEK (I extended it) for FREE, ABSOLUTELY FREE stuff! ONLY THIS WEEK, until Monday!

ANYWAY... we move on to the FINAL mission, a Co-op mission. At first, though... it starts simple. Then, it gets intense!

[everyone enters the next room, which is pitch black]
[Shade flips a light switch, and a lone light over a robot tied to a chair turns on]
Robot: You'll never get a crack outta me!
Shade: Your mission... is to find out where the exit is. ONLY THIS ROBOT KNOWS! I have given EACH OF YOU something different, okay?

Black Pheonix: feather

Multichao: keyboard

anyone else: Copy of Half-Life 2


Shade: Work with your item, and feel free to ask each other to do something! I will be waiting for the mission to end... 

Qaurtz:(tickles robot) tell me what you know 
R:Its on the floor!
Q:Liar! Multichao, Please get his memory back!(that means hit him with the key board)

::::::::::::No matter what i took my sisters half life 2 game:::::::::::::::

DH: Im back from my vacation! sorry I didn't tell you about it but after that father episode I needed A break! and BTW, NTK (AKA Papermaster EX) says he's to lazy to read the last pages so he's is asking for a recap of whats happening. 

Okey-dokey. Uh... lessee... after the Father one...

The others joined and we talked about THIS...

*rip from Handbook*

And then Shade sent the guys to Boot Camp, but since you're a higher-ranking officer, you get to kick back and watch! You can also lend help if you want. Everything on the second half of this page is what you need to know. 

S.Bonic:Can I still Join?
I'm the all mighty chaos chao who wants training from you shade, is that okay

A CHAOS chao? Hmm.... tell me his stats, and his type. If he's Hero, he's out. 

Phantom: Roger, Quartz! *Gets keyboard and bangs the robot on the head repeatedly.* Now tell mah where teh exit is!

R: Ugh.... the exit's on... the ceiling. You'll need a flyer to get up there.
[one flyer takes everyone up there, and the "door" closes]
One of you guys: What?
[billions of robots ambush you] 

Ok lets go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quartz: ill use this (Holds up feather)
P:WHHATT!
Q:Eat this (uses wind from his wings to shoot the featherforward with amazing speed jamming it through half the robots before it snaps.
Q:Now, Phantom< kill the rest with your key board!

*S. Bonic says his stats*

All S, huh?

In order to be allowed into the Dark Army, I'm afraid they'll have to be toned down to A. YOU CAN WORK IT BACK UP TO S, remember that. You level a QUARTER of a level every time you go up a rank.

I'm afraid there's no Neutral army because of a peace treaty one year many centuries ago.

Oh, and... ONE stat can remain S. Choose wisely!



Still, I am honored to have a Chaos Chao in the army... welcome. Just don't use all your powers at once, okay? You'll make me jealous!

Oh, and... Luck DOES matter. ...in Poker Games, anyway. The higher your luck, the better chance to get better cards! 

Well, in his non Chaos form, he was a Shadow Chao, all evolutions so...

Swim:A
Fly:A
Run:S
Power:A
Stamina:A
Intelligence:A
Luck:A 

Phantom: Got it! *Uses keyboard as a boomerang to slash through the rest of the robots, destoying them.* Now let's go.


[you keep on running towards a Sonic 1-style spinny sign end thing, but before you reach it, a robot steals it] 

Phantom: Stupid robot. *Uses keyboard to destroy the robot.* Give *hit* me *hit* the *hit* sign! *hit* 

Shade: Bravo. You have all done it very well. Now, follow me into this door with the sign that says "Burning Room" for your gradua--
[someone's cell phone rings]
One of you guys: Uh... oh, that's me. Sorry. Gotta take this.
*beep*
It's me.
*chatter*
Oh... hey, Shade! You're where?
*chatter*
Colorado? What're you doing THERE?
*chatter*
Hmm... some guy in a suit threw you in a dumpster? Oh. Well, bye! See you soon!
*beep*
Heh... sorry. It was just...... Shade..... what?
[everyone looks at Shade]
Shade: Well, that wasn't... I mean to say I didn't.... uh.... um.......... ACTIVATE SELF-DESTRUCT!
[I need EVERYONE (unless you're one of those who don't get a chance to) to post "I'm out".
if anyone is left behind... well, MISSION FAILED.] 

S.Bonic: I will use my speed to get everyone out ///Matrix/// I'm Out with everyone else.Don't get jealous Shade... 

Okay, compliance. I accept the "everyone out" thing, CONGRATULATIONS! You all have successfully completed DOTHC! You are all OFFICIAL members of the RPG, the Dark Army, and are being reviewed for a position in Dark Chao Adventures' Season 4! I'm so happy to have such cooperative trainees... oh, I'm sorry... GRUNTS. You are no longer classified as Trainees, you are ALL "grunts!" Now, to assign each of you a rank and a role in the army...

Dark-Hawk: CLASS CHANGE-- No longer Grunt, but now a "Shader". Please refer to your DCA Handbook, which I am rushing to complete, for more information. PROMOTION-- Captain. You must ALL refer to him as "Captain Dark-Hawk," okay?

Quartz: Grunt. PROMOTION-- Corporal.

The two who don't come much: Uh... how about you two be "special spectators"? That's your class, and you can't change unless you come more frequently. You have no rank, but you can still help out. You have Private Privilages.

Phantom: Grunt. SPECIAL PROMOTION (page 6, read it)-- Warrant Officer.

So, let's have the graduation, hm? Yes... you'll like this. You all get your own "DCA-style" rank, which will be on the diploma I give you. I'll give you each one as I give you the DCA Handbook! Oh, uh... those 3 who cannot get PMs.... uh... you'll be the only ones to get them publically. Plus, you won't be able to download them.

[some random band plays "Pomp and Circumstance," played like the Hero Race theme]
[Quartz steps up first]
This diploma is to certify that QUARTZ has completed his/her training.
His/her nickname: Dark-ish Humor Guy.

[Quartz steps down as the Special Spectators each get theirs]
Shade: Okay, let's hurry this up!
END!