DCRPG Mission 3: Home Improvement-- Dark Garden Edition
--
[this game begins in the Hero Garden]
Chao: Okay, so, we're all set on the plan, then? Yeah, we're gonna fool those crummy idiots so much!
[the Hero Chao cheer]
[in the Dark Garden...]
Dark: (sigh) So bored....
[...IT floats up to Dark]
It: Come now, Dark! You can't honestly be bored! Over one hundred people joined the team!
Dark: ...Okay, since when did you talk like the devil?
It: Hmm? Oh. (whispering) I mean, how can you be bored?
Dark: Oh, I dunno. I just... need more chao to play with.
[this all takes place before the series, I guess, if you notice any mistakes, tell me]
It: Well, maybe we should ask Shade to get a new mission.
Dark: Yeah! That's a great idea, 02-- uh... It!
[they do that]
Shade: WHAT!? A mission!? What on CHAO WORLD are you thinking!? Nothing interesting happens anymore, there's no POINT in having a--
[DING DONG!]
Dark: Oh boy!
[Dark runs to the door]
Shade: ...okay, since when did we have a door bell? ...Or a door?
[Shade runs to check it out, and at the door is a crew of Chao]
Chao1: Good day, sir... (looks at paper) Shade! I'm Mister Eroh, captain of the Home Improvement folks you ordered!
Shade: But we didn't order any--
Eroh: Allrighty then! Let's get to work! C'mon Haoc, Nucklek, Ailt, Peedys, and Quaa! (these guys each have funny accents, so most typos are supposed to be like that)
Shade: ..."Quaa"?
Quaa: Dunt miik fun of it, 'tis me family's name.
It: So... how do you pronoumce that name? "Knuckuhlk"?
Nucklek: Nah, "Nuck-lehk". Don't make fun of MINE, either, it's MY family's name.
[You come to Shade]
You: (tired) Who are those guys? I was napping.
[Eroh runs up to you and shakes your hand]
Eroh: G'day, mistur... Drak Hwak?
You: "DRAQUACK"!? How dare you make fun of my name! I'm "Dark Hawk"! Sheesh!
Eroh: Sorry, I'm from somewhere else. Somewhere REAL far. This place called the Eroh Ardeng.
Dark: (to Shade) Is it just me, or are these guys funny?
Ailt: Ha-ha funny, or "Ready to kick your arseroony" funny?
Dark: HA-HA FUNNY......... (gulp)
Shade: Dark Hawk, whaddya suppose we do?

DH:SHADE!,the sammrguys keep hogging the poooool!!
sammer guys:it is our pool to ya know!
DH:fine

Shade: Okay then. I vote on checking out the Hero Garden... just in case.
[in the Hero Garden...]
Dark: There's nobody here!
Shade: I knew it... guys, ever heard of Pig Latin? Y'know... where you take the first letter to the end, and add 'Ay'? Such as 'devil' is 'evilday'. Heh... "Evil Day"... "Be"..."eBay"... HA! Anyway, try doing that with the hero chao names. Hero-- "Erohay", then take away the "Ay"! "Eroh"! "Haocay"--"Haoc". "Nucklekay"--"Knuckle"! "Quaaay"... pfft.... "Quaa"..... HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, couldn't say that with a straight face. Let's rat them out.
[back in the Dark Garden]
Shade: J'ACCUSE, QUAA!
Quaa: 'Eh?
Shade: Er, uh, I meant "Eroh"... sorry.
Eroh: What is it?
Dark: You guys are fakes!
[the workers get nervous]
Shade: Yeah, take off those costumes, CHAO, HERO, SPEEDY, TAIL, KNUCKLE, and AQUA!
Peedys: Uh? Wan me tu bust 'em out on a rail?
Eroh: Nah, these guys... I can handle them.
[Eroh cracks his knuckles]
Eroh: Accuse us of being such a low group of freaks? We're not. Although, you were right when you said we were FAKING....
[Chao comes running into the room, followed by the others]
Chao: ATTACK! --Wha?
[they stop]
Haoc: Oi! That guy looks like me a little! Liz git 'em!
[Dark-Hawk comes walking in, carrying a laptop]
DH: 'K, guys, I've done some research! Y'know those guys? Yeah? Well, turns out they're a group of aliens! From ANOTHER DIMENSION! How cool is that!?
Shade: Glad you could make it... but... you notice these guys here?
DH: Huh? (sees the workers) AAAHH!
Eroh: Folks... allow us to introduce... ourselves.

[Eroh jumps up high, and suddenly disappears]
[the chao look around a little]
Dark: Where'd he go? OOF!
[In front of Dark appears a tiny man wearing a heavy coat, and a scarf covering the mouth, a hat, and goggles, so you can't see any part of him]
Eroh: X-Naut Captain 'Zero' reporting for duty!
[the others do the same]
Haoc: X-Naut Elite 'Havoc' reporting for duty!
Nucklek: X-Naut PhD 'Sumleck' reporting for duty!
Ailt: X-Naut 'Aleduke' reporting for duty!
Peedys: X-Naut 'Piidiiz' reporting for duty!
Quaa: X-Naut Elite 'Swerve' reporting for duty!
[Shade's mouth is wide open]
Shade: ..........Dark, you're gonna need to learn "Supper's Ready" to beat these guys.
[Swerve destroys a wall]
Shade: ...........Never mind, you'll need "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway"!
Dark: All 2 hours!?
Shade: All 2 hours.
Dark: I'm on it.
[Dark runs off]
Zero: Face it, you pathetic Chao........... the X-Nauts will win! All those wafer-thin and evil... there is no beating us. Havoc, get these idiots and send them to our base... ON THE MOON.
[DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN]
[on the Paper moon...]
Shade: Well, looks like this is it. THIS... IS.... IT. WHY!?
Dark: Don't worry, sir, I have memorized all of "Nursery Chryme", "Foxtrot", and "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway"!
Shade: Good. You sure that's enough? You may as well memorize ALL of Genesis' songs.
Dark: (sigh)... look, I'll sing "Watcher of the Skies" and see how it goes, okay?
Shade: Throw in "Get 'Em Out By Friday" and I'll promote Dark-Hawk.
Dark: Why not me?
Shade: 'Cause I said so.
DH: What about me?
Shade: Listen up, and listen well, Seargent Dark-Hawk: while Dark is preparing his guitars, and Devilish prepares his piano, I want you to sneak into the main room of this base and steal the blueprints for the escape pod. Got it? Anything can happen while you're out there... so watch out for X-Nauts.... those guys are only ONE TEAM. There's tons of X-Nauts out there. There's your mission, GO! 

can't I just teleport to the blueprints?
anyways
on moon of paper mario
DH:finally i got the blue prints!
*the X-naut squad appears*
DH:holy crud! 

Shade: Continuation. The first time, I wasn't experienced enough. My dog ate it. I DON'T KNOW, OKAY? I'm only a chao! And, uh... okay.... so the X-Nauts appeared. And........? Look, I'm busy thinking of an escape plan, Dark's tuning his guitar, Devilish is tuning his piano, so nobody can help you! You have to fight them yourself! ...Or teleport here, either one's good. It's just... if you teleport, they'll follow you and get us. 

DH:I'll fight*lays wand on the ground and and leader snaps it*
DH:huh you wish you had'nt done that*eyes turn red**grabs zero punches him through the wall**DH's eyes turn pure black**roars like a dinsaur*starts looking like chao version of mephiles*YAAAAAAAAAGH!!*GRABS zero's neck and strangle him and zero dies*
*LOOKS AT X-nauts*
Havoc:uh-oh
DH:*puts hands in the position like goku does in DBZ when doing the hamehame*siatsu!(seeatsoo)....kansute(consuta~long a~)...frisono(freesony)...sumay!!!!!!!!!(soomay)*giant pure black ball appears*yahhhh!!
*giant ball destroys half the x-naut base thus killing more than half of the x-naut population*
*giant black ball disappears*
in a blink of an eye grabs havoc shoves him to the grounds killing him too!
*looks even more like a mephiles chao*

Shade: Okay... apparently, the materials needed would take some years to get. LUCKILY, there's an escape pod right next to our cell.
[you fall over anime-style]
[Zero stops us]
Zero: We want our revenge! RAAAAAAAWR! I mean... ROAAAR!
Dark: Wait! I have an idea!

[cut to Zero sitting on a couch]
Zero: (sigh) This new condo idea was great!
[meanwhile, Dark's sitting at a desk, peppy music plays for a moment, then turns into techno]
[Dark presses a button on his intercom, contacting Shade]
Shade: Yes, mister John Pebble? What shall I do for Styx enterprises?
Dark: I want you to do something about the X-Nauts.
Shade: What?
Dark: I will tell you........ Genesis-style! (Dark DOES get out of this Genesis-fad, if you request it)
Shade: Sing it to me!
Dark: (singing as John Pebble of Styx enterprises) Get ‘em out by Friday!
You don’t get paid till the last one’s well on his way.
Get ‘em out by Friday!
It’s important that we keep to schedule, there must be no delay!
[Shade hurries to the X-Nauts in their condo]
Shade: (as Mark Hall of Styx enterprises [sometimes called "The Winkler") I represent a firm of gentlemen who recently purchased this
house and all the others in the road,
In the interest of humanity we’ve found a better place for you
to go, go-woh, go-woh!
Havoc: (as Mrs. Barrow, a tenant [I guess we could say Havoc is a girl]) Oh no, this I can’t believe,
Oh Mary, they’re asking us to leave.
[Mr. Pebble (Dark) calls Mr. Hall (Shade) on the radio]
Dark: Get ‘em out by Friday!
I’ve told you before, ‘s good many gone if we let them stay.
And if it isn’t easy,
You can squeeze a little grease and our troubles will soon run away.
[Mr. Hall puts the radio away]
Havoc: After all this time, they ask us to leave,
And I told them we could pay double the rent.
I don’t know why it seemed so funny,
Seeing as how they’d take more money.
The winkler called again, he came here this morning,
With four hundred pounds and a photograph of the place he has found.
A block of flats with central heating.
I think we’re going to find it hard.
[Mr. Hall calls Mr. Pebble and tells him about it, and Mr. Pebble replies]
Dark: Now we’ve got them!
I’ve always said that cash cash cash can do anything well.
Work can be rewarding
When a flash of intuition is a gift that helps you
excel-sell-sell-sell.
[Mr. Hall directs Mrs. Barrow to their new home]
Shade: Here we are in Harlow New Town, did you recognise your block
across the square, over there,
Sadly since last time we spoke, we’ve found we’ve had to raise
the rent again,
just a bit.
Havoc: Oh no, this I can’t believe
Oh Mary, and we agreed to leave.
[Mr. Hall goes back to Styx enterprises, the two laugh, rolling in dough, as the Barrows (X-Nauts) deal with their lives. Later, everyone's TVs all switch to an important news program]
News guy: This is an announcement from Genetic Control:
It is my sad duty to inform you of a four foot restriction on
humanoid height.
[at a local pub, Joe Ordinary (Devilish) is talking to someone else]
Devilish: I hear the directors of Genetic Control have been buying all the
properties that have recently been sold, taking risks oh so bold.
It’s said now that people will be shorter in height,
they can fit twice as many in the same building site.
(they say it’s alright),
Beginning with the tenants of the town of Harlow,
in the interest of humanity, they’ve been told they must go,
told they must go-go-go-go.
[John Pebble is now called Sir John de Pebble, due to his immense riches, and he tells a friend...]
I think I’ve fixed a new deal
A dozen properties - we’ll buy at five and sell at thirty four,
Some are still inhabited,
It’s time to send the winkler to see them,
he’ll have to work some more.
[Sir John de Pebble recieves a memo from Satin Peter of Rock Development Ltd (Metal Sonic)]
MS Memo: With land in your hand, you’ll be happy on earth
Then invest in the Church for your heaven!
[the montage ends. I never understood the memo bit of the song, but I threw it in there anyway]

[the X-Nauts had been evicted to death!]
Shade: Dark... we did it! Yes! The evil X-Nauts are dead!
Dark: And yet, I didn't even need the bathroom ONCE. Oh, wait... ah, nope. Don't need it.
[END]