Dark Chao Adventures
Adventuring since 2005.

"Quinquenquoi"
An epic script by DJay32


Chapter 1: Somewhere, Beyond the Sea...
[cut to the void]
[the chao wake up from stasis]
Shadow: *YAAAAWWWWWWWN* Ah.. mmm... huh. Hey, guys, wake up.
[Shade, Dark, and Red wake up]
Red: I wonder where.. where we're going next.
Shadow: If my memory serves, it was something like.. the Atlantic Ocean.
Shade: Aw, geez... I can guess where this'll be.
[Levity Nite appears]
Nite: And you will undoubtedly guess wrong.
Shade: I will?
Nite: Yes. It would appear we have made a minor miscalculation as to where the next chaos drive resides.
Shadow: Really?
Nite: Yeahh.. you see, our anonymous source told us the Atlantic Ocean... but then we checked it out for ourselves.
Red: Go on.
Nite: There is a Chao Transporter at the exact coordinates we were given.
Shade: A Chao Transporter? So.. it's in the Gardens?
Nite: It seemed so. We followed our anonymous tip even further to a Chao GBA thingy.
[Shade and Dark fall silent with fear]
Shadow: Yes, and then?
Nite: A certain option was highlighted onscreen. "Goodbye."
Shadow: So.. so the next chaos drive.. is on the Chao World?
Nite: As far as we are certain, yes.
Shadow: Did you investigate any further than that?
Nite: You weren't gone that long, you know. BUT, we WERE able to find one thing out..
Shadow: Yuh-huh?
Nite: Your next chaos drive.. is somewhere in the sea.
[Levity Nite disappears]
Shade: Dude... I am NOT looking forward to this. This is the freaking CHAO WORLD we're talking about.
Dark: Land of nutjobs and half-wits...
[the void begins to dissolve; a beach slowly fades in]
[suddenly, the chao find themselves on said beach in the Chao World, surrounded by many local chao]
Shadow: Well... here we are.
Shade: Yes. Here we are.
Red: Yup.
Dark: Yep. ...HEY IT'S A BEACH
[Dark runs off, and starts playing in the ocean]
Shade: Don't bother chasing him. He'll grow tired shortly.
Dark: NO I WON'T
[Shade laughs and shakes his head]
[Shadow looks around]
Shadow: There's got to be someone who knows where the chaos drive is.
?: (Russian accent) Hey. Friend.
[the three approach a Dark chao selling ice cream]
Shadow: You mean me?
?: Yes. Call me "Ice Cream Man."
Shade: Isn't there anything else we can call you other than the seller of dairy treats?
ICM: Very well. "Ice Cream Man" is only codename, for it has same initials as Ivan Corey Mallet.
Shadow: See, Ivan Mallet is an awesome name.
Mallet: Thank you. Anyway, I hear you are looking for the... how you say.. chaos drives?
Shadow: Yes, we are. Do you happen to know where any of them are?
Mallet: As matter of fact... da. I am knowing where one is.
Red: And where's that?
[Ivan Mallet looks around for any witnesses, then he leans closer to the chao]
Mallet: There is one at bottom of ocean.
Shade: Uh.. yeah, thanks; we could figure that out.
Mallet: Ah, of course, of course. But, I am knowing more of it than you. Get your friend, and be following me.
[Ivan turns and walks into a small beach shack]
[the Darks get Dark and head into the shack]
Chapter 2: Somewhere, Waiting for Me...
Mallet: ..(Irish accent) a'ight, then. Enuff o' the Russian shit.
[Shade and Dark fall silent with fear]
Mallet: After all, I only played Russian ta fool those tourists. 'Foi showed me Oyrish self, I'd never get stuff done.
Shadow: Well, you're great with accents.
Mallet: Thank ya. Lissen, I know why yer really here... you are from the past.
Red: Wait.. what?
Mallet: Ya moight not 'av known it yerself, but.. y'air. Thirteh years.
Shade: How the heck do you know this?
Mallet: 'Cause I seen you, meself, thirteh years back. An' ain't no bloke from 'roundeer dun't know 'bout.....
[Ivan collects his thoughts]
Mallet: ....no, if you dun' know 'bout it nao, no sense tellin' you 'bout it, meself.
[he gets up and leads the chao to his garage]
[a form of plane is parked]
Mallet: Juss take this plane, yeah? Floi it out, 'bout.. mile an' two yerrrrds out.
Shadow: We'll know what we're looking for when we see it, right?
Mallet: 'Course.
[the Darks enter the plane]
Red: Aren't you coming, Mallet?
Mallet: No, oi've got me oice cream to take carev.
[Mallet leaves the garage]
Shadow: Um... anybody else feel like we were just rushed into a plane?
[BZZZZRT]
[a small radio in the plane turns on]
MalletRadio: Oi, mate! Couldja mebby foire the plane up an' sterrrt floin'?
Shadow: Fine, fine!
[Shadow starts the plane up, and starts flying]
[they fly over the ocean]
MalletR: I may 'av messed up a detail...
Shadow: And what is THAT?
MalletR: Yer gonna 'afta floi a good distance into the noite.
Shade: HEY, hold up, mister "Oirish man!" That wasn't part of the deal!
MalletR: I thought your deal was wif t'Vet'ran's C'mittee... not ME.
[Shade shuts up]
Shadow: *sigh* Alright... we'll do it.
MalletR: Yeah, I mean, you want that chaos droive, roite?
[the radio turns off]
Red: ...guys?
Shadow: Yeah, Red?
Red: I have a bad feeling about this mission.
Shade: *gulp* You and me, both, Red...
Shadow: MY bad feelings sink deeper and deeper... notably whenever Mallet says something.
Shade: I second that.
[hours pass]
Dark: Sh..Shade...
Shade: What's wrong, Dark?
Dark: I don't like this.
Shade: *sigh* Me, neither, Dark........ me, neither.
Red: I can't believe we're back in the Chao World. I HATE this place.
Shade: I can't believe we're thirty years in the future here.
Shadow: I can't believe we're looking for something deep in the ocean thirty years in the future here.
Dark: I can't believe it's margarine.
[more hours pass]
[night falls, and Red has taken over flying for a bit]
[BZZZZRT]
MalletR: 'Ow ya 'oldin' up?
Red: *yawn* I'm... getting tired.
MalletR: Cerrrful, Red. Don't want you fallin' asleep at the wheel, nao...
[the radio turns off]
Red: I'm NOT gonna... *yawn* ...fall asleep... at the wheel...
Chapter 3: My Lover Stands on Golden Sands...
[cut to Shadow's POV, sitting in his seat, legs crossed]
Shadow: My parents always used to tell me, "Son... you're gonna grow up to do great things."
[he pulls a lollipop out of his mouth]
Shadow: Well.... they were right.
[suddenly, Red dozes off at the wheel]
[the plane plummets down to the ocean]
[Shadow blacks out]
[a few seconds later, Shadow wakes up underwater]
[he looks around and sees the debris from the plane sinking]
[he quickly swims to the surface]
[at the surface, he breaths heavily, and looks around for the others]
Shadow: GUYS?! *pant pant* Guys? You there?!
Shade: KID!
[amidst the fire and crashed plane, Shadow notices Shade swimming nearby]
Shade: C'MON!
[Shadow swims over to Shade; on the way, he finds the radio and grabs it]
[Dark and Red find their way to Shade, as well]
Dark: Shade.. I'm scared.
Shade: I don't blame you, Dark.
Red: Shade.... where.. where do we go now?
Shadow: Guys! Look!
[Shadow points at a lighthouse nearby]
Red: That's strange. Why is a lighthouse out in the middle of the ocean?
Shadow: Who cares? It's solid ground.
[they swim to the lighthouse and ascend some stairs, out of the water]
[Shadow tries the radio]
Shadow: Mallet? *hits radio* ...Mallet, do you read?
[silence]
Shadow: Guess the radio's out. Maybe we should check out what's in here?
Shade: ..fine.
[they enter the lighthouse, and find it pitch black]
Shadow: Hello? Anyone here?
[the door behind them closes]
Red: Wha?
[the lights turn on, revealing a giant statue in the center of the room]
[it is of a Dark chao, standing proudly]
[a banner hangs across it, reading "NO GODS OR KINGS. ONLY CHAO. -Andrew Ryder"]
Shade: This can't be happening.
Dark: I think I'm gonna cry.
Shadow: What? What can't be happening?
Shade: I.... I....... I'll tell you later.
[they head down some stairs and find some form of orbular submarine]
Shadow: Terrible description.
Red: I wonder what's inside?
Shade: *sigh*
[they head into the sphere, and find a lever]
Dark: ...
Shade: ...
Red: .....anybody gonna pull it?
Shadow: I guess I will.
Shade: Before you do... are.. are you SURE you wanna go through with this?
Shadow: Well, it's the only way to get the next chaos drive.
Shade: ..fine. Fine. Go.
[Shadow pulls the lever; the plexiglass door to the sphere slams shut]
Shadow: Oh, boy.
[the sphere descends into the water, down a very large tunnel]
[they pass various signs listing how many fathoms beneath the sea they are]
[40... 400...... 400,000...]
[a screen comes down in front of the window, and a projector activates]
[on the screen is the Dark chao depicted on the statue]
["From the desk of Andrew Ryder" is written on the bottom of the screen]
[a recording of a voice plays]
Ryder: I am Andrew Ryder, and I am here to ask you a question: is a chao not entitled to the sweat of his brow?
[the chao listen to the recording with great intent]
Ryder: "No," says the chao in the Chao World, "it belongs to the poor."
[dramatic close-up shots of the chao, and.. insert more filler]
Ryder: "No," says the chao in the Hero Garden, "it belongs to the Hero Chaos."
[Shade chuckles at this; "That IS what they say.."]
Ryder: "No," says the chao in the Dark Garden, "it belongs to everyone."
[Shade then quickly shuts up, and looks around nervously]
Ryder: I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible! I... chose...
[the picture switches off; the screen retracts into the ceiling, revealing what's out the window]
[there is a breathtaking city stationed at the bottom of the ocean; neon lights and skyscrapers are everywhere]
[no streets, though; the buildings are connected by sealed-off walkways]
[thousands of fish are seen swimming around; even a whale is seen]
Ryder: ...Euphoria. A city where the artist would not fear the censor.
[Shadow smiles at this comment]
Ryder: Where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality.
[Red smiles at this]
Ryder: Where the great would not be constrained by the small.
[Shade lets a small smirk out, then quickly hides it as a sense of familiarity strikes him]
Ryder: And with the sweat of your brow, Euphoria can become your city, as well.
[the recording switches off as the sphere floats towards a building]
Shadow: This place is amazing!
Shade: We really shouldn't be here.
Red: This city is astounding!
Dark: This place is really familiar.
Shade: Dark's right. This is all from Bioshock.
Dark: No, I mean... the.... something about this place... gives me a bad vibe. A familiar one.
[Dark walks up to the window, and scans the scenery]
Dark: I keep.. expecting... to see... someone.
[Shadow's radio activates]
Shadow: Whoa, finally, a signal!
MalletR: But the whole loitehowse is set off loike 'ellfoire. ..looks like some koind of plane crash.
?R: We're in the middle of the Chat Ocean. How could it--
MalletR: Dunno. You'd best get over there-- and be quick about it; the sploicers are comin'.
(Okay, fine, I won't toipe out the Oirish accent no more. :P)
?R: You've got to be kidding. How do you even know anybody's even coming?
MalletR: 'Cause we've got one o' them bathyspheres on its way down; we've got company.
?R: O..okay. Just one more minute. The sphere.. the sphere is coming up now.
MalletR: Johnny, security's banging all over-- get a move on!
[the bathysphere (submarine thing) surfaces inside a building (and.. airlocks n' stuff, so there's air inside)]
Chapter 4: And Watches the Ships that Go Sailin'...
[the chao look out the window and see complete darkness, save for the occasional flash of light, showing figures]
Johnny: Please, lady... I didn't mean to trespass. You can have my gun, just don't kill me, please!
[FLASH-- a chao brutally murders another chao]
[silence]
[the chao can just about make out the shadow of an.. odd chao]
Chao?: ........is it someone NEW?
[the chao screams, then hops away]
MalletR: Boy? Boy, you there?
Shadow: Um.. yes, I'm here, Mallet. Are you.. are you.. here, in the city?
MalletR: No, but Johnny told me of the plane crash, an' I'm on me way there now.
Shadow: That's good! Yes, that's very good.
MalletR: I don't know how you survived that plane crash, but.. lissen.. I aim to keep you alive.
Shadow: Thank you.
MalletR: Step out of the bathysphere. We're gonna draw her out.
Shadow: Wait, draw WHO out?
MalletR: The sploicer.
Shadow: Um.. okay.
[Shadow creeps out of the bathysphere]
Chao?: I'm gonna wrap you in a sheet.
[Shadow looks around; the female chao leaps at him]
[the chao is then instantly shot at by a turret defense system and killed]
MalletR: Now, couldja mebby grab a crowbar or summin'? You'll want a weapon.
[Shade finds a wrench and grabs it]
Shade: Lost in Bioshock. May as well make the most of it, yeah?
Shadow: Good, you're lightening up to things.
Shade: Yeah... I s'pose I AM.
Dark: I'm not...
Shade: Sheesh, Dark, will you chill? You've been freaking out ever since we started this mission.
Dark: But.. but this isn't good. I swear, this place is so familiar.
Shadow: Please calm down, Dark. Everything'll be okay.
Shade: Yeah, there's no way this can be any worse than Bioshock.
Red: Um.. Veteran's Committee, Shade.
Shade: ..............SHIT!!! I had completely forgotten!
Shadow: Guys, we don't have time to debate about how bad things will get. We have to move on.
MalletR: Yes, please do, boys.
Shade: Fine! Fine. Let's hurry and get this done with.
[they enter the next room, and find the exit is having some technical difficulties]
Shadow: Great. We're stuck in here 'til we find a way to jump start a door.
Red: Maybe we can find something up these stairs?
[they head up some stairs]
[a vending machine is there; at the hatch.. thing of the machine is a syringe filled with blue liquid]
[pause]
Dark: I call "not it."
Shade: Not it.
Shadow: Not it!
Red: Hey, now that's not fair. You're the Green One. You HAVE to be it.
Shadow: I hate you.
[Shadow grabs the syringe and injects himself with it]
Shadow: GUH! Ah, I always hated taking shots. Stings a little. At least it's over n--
[Shadow falls over; he gets up and grips his arm in pain]
Shadow: FUCK!!!! Ahh! Ahhhh! Ohhhhh... aahhhhhh!
[his arm turns blue]
MalletR: Steady now! Your genetic code is being rewritten! Just hold on and everything will be fine!
Shadow: WHAAAT?!
[he runs to a balcony and jumps off of it]
[THUD! .....silence]
[the other chao stand awkwardly for a moment before heading down the stairs]
[Shadow is lying on the ground, arm throbbing; sparks are flying from it]
MalletR: You alright, boy?
Shadow: *cough* Ugh.... just about.
MalletR: First time Arrem's a real kick from a mule. But there's nothin' like a fistful of fury, is there?
Shadow: "Arrem?"
MalletR: Yeah, Arrem. It's a type of Remtal.
Shadow: "Remtal?"
MalletR: Oi, no need ta make fun o' me accent. I dunno how to really pronounce it.
Shadow: Ah, whatever. What does this Arrem do?
MalletR: That particular Arrem makes it so you can shoot lightning out of your fist.
Shadow: ...that has got to be the coolest thing ever.
[Shadow shoots the exit that is having technical difficulties]
[it opens]
Shadow: Well, that's pretty damn useful!
[they move on to a small plexiglass hallway connecting two buildings]
[out one window, in another hallway, is a tall hooded figure leading a small faceless chao]
[our heroes stand in awe]
Dark: I.. don't.. like... this place.
[they keep moving on, and enter the next building]
[inside, a crazy male chao (wearing a mask) charges at them]
MalletR: A sploicer! Zap 'em, then whack 'em! The one-two punch! Remember! The one-two punch!
[Shadow zaps the chao, then Shade whacks him; he dies]
[they move through the building, killing some sploicers, then they enter an elevator and ride it up]
MalletR: I've made it to Euphoria. I tried to make it through a back door, but it's.. locked.
Shadow: You want us to unlock it, right?
MalletR: Yeah. 'S over at the Entertainment Center, "Neptunes R Us."
Shadow: Hm. Neptunes R Us.
MalletR: Lissen.. I know you must feel like the unluckiest chao in the world right now...
Shadow: A little bit, yeah. And Dark's fears don't really help.
MalletR: You're my only hope to get in there.
Shadow: Why do you want to get in here?
MalletR: I know how to get you the chaos drive.
Shadow: ...it's a deal, Mallet.
[they reach the top of the elevator]
[a shadow is cast from around the next corner-- a female chao is sobbing over a baby's pram]
Shade: Alright, Shadow, on the count of three, you're gonna zap her.
Shadow: Why? She's obviously lost her baby.
Shade: "Obviously" doesn't count for shit anymore, buddy. C'mon. One.. two... three!
[they hop around the corner, zap, then whack the chao]
[inside the pram was a pistol]
MalletR: Arrem changed everythin'. It destroyed our bodies.. our minds....
Shadow: I can tell.
MalletR: We couldn't handle it. Best friends butcherin' one another... babies strangled in cribs...
Shade: And replaced with pistols.
MalletR: And then there was the whole "mass sacrifice" deal every Tuesday... eah, doesn't matter.
Shade: Yeah, the whole city went to Hell.
MalletR: Boy... you don't know the half of it.
[they enter a restaurant; a neon sign says "Happy New Year 2039"]
Shadow: Hey, Mallet? What year is it?
MalletR: Well, uh.. for the sake of the story, it's 2040.
Shadow: Alright, thanks.
[next to a corpse sitting at a table is a strange device]
Shadow: What's this thing?
MalletR: If you're seein' what I think you are, try pressin' the "Play" button.
Shadow: Okay, the "Play" button...
[beep!]
(Diane McChaotock- New Year's Sadface)
"Well. Here I am. Alone on New Year's Eve... the silliest girl in Euphoria. Silly enough to fall in love with Andrew Ryder.
Silly enough to-- *STATIC* What? Wha? What's... what's going on? HOLY--"
[they look at the corpse once more; it is missing various limbs, and has no eyes]
Red: I wonder what happened on New Year's.
Shade: Gah! Don't say stuff like that, otherwise we'll end up finding out!
Red: But.. don't we want to?
Shade: NO!
Shadow: I think I'm with Shade this time. After our last adventure, I don't.. really.. want to threaten my life anymore.
[they explore the restaurant, killing whatever sploicers they find]
[in the women's restroom, they find another device]
[beep!]
(Bobby Johnson- Hole in the Bathroom)
"Yo, Flora. This is Bobby from the theater. I dunno what kinda restaurant yer tryin' to pull, but I got people complainin'
about a hole in yer bathroom wall, lettin' all the stink out! I'm tryin' to run a respectable theater, so I don't want to
have to deal with my payin' customers worryin' about the stink comin' from yer crapper. Get it fixed."
Shadow: Gotta admit, I didn't want to know that.
Red: Now hold on a second, Shadow. This hole might take us further.
Shadow: I guess...
[they search the bathrooms and find a big hole leading to a theater balcony]
Chapter 5: Somewhere, Beyond the Sea (Reprise)
[a chao is down on the ground floor, singing a childlike song and doing something to a corpse]
MalletR: Careful now... couldja mebby lower your weapon for a minute?
[Shadow glances at Shade, who lowers his crowbar]
[they carefully walk across a catwalk, observing the chao down on the ground]
Shadow: What is that guy doing?
MalletR: You think that's a chao down there? Don't be fooled. He's a Little Reaper now.
Shadow: "Little Reaper..?"
MalletR: Someone went and turned an innocent baby chao into a monster.
Shade: Right, and it's up to us to kill each and every one of them.
Shadow: K..kill them? But.. but that's wrong..
MalletR: Whatever they taught you about right an' wrong in your time... doesn't count fer much down here.
Shadow: But.. why.. why is...
MalletR: They carry Remtal.. everyone wants it.. everybody needs it.
[they make it to the other balcony, and descend some stairs]
[they enter a room with a window looking out to the Little Reaper]
[a sploicer approaches the Little Reaper]
Sploicer: Hey there, little kid... you wanna come for a ride in my van? Right this way...
[the Little Reaper screams]
Sploicer: N-no! Don't!
[a tall, hooded figure slowly walks into the room]
[it grabs the sploicer with one (cloaked) hand, and holds him up]
[the sploicer tries to shield his eyes, but ends up staring directly into the face behind the cloak]
[a red substance seeps out of the figure and into the sploicer]
Sploicer: URGH... AHH... AHHHHAAHHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHasdufasd bn
[the figure drops the sploicer, whose head then explodes]
[the Little Reaper follows the figure out of the room]
[pause]
[Dark screams]
Shade: C-calm down, Dark... please.
Dark: BUT THAT THAT THAT FIGURE NO WAY THAT STUFF THAT THAT THAT...
[Dark falls silent with fear]
Shadow: Mallet... Mallet, what the.. what was that?
MalletR: That was a Turgii.
Shadow: Ugh, I can't understand your freaking accent! ...sorry.
MalletR: Doesn't matter. The Little Reaper gathers Remtal, the Turgii keeps 'em safe.
Shadow: But what.. what happened to that guy?
Red: His head exploded!
MalletR: That's what happens when you touch raw Remtal. It's not always the head, and it's not always an explosion.
Shadow: Whoa... this is heavy.
MalletR: Keep movin', boy! Neptunes R Us is right around the corner!
Shadow: Right...
[they enter the next room and approach a sign that says "Neptunes R Us"]
[a gate slams shut, blocking entrance; an alarm goes off]
MalletR: DAMMIT!
Shadow: Wh..what happened?
MalletR: It's Ryder! He found us! He's blocked off exit to Neptunes! Argh, you'll have to go around!
Shadow: How?!
MalletR: There's a way through Medical! Go to Medical!
Shadow: Got it!
[they fight off some more sploicers and enter a gate that reads "Medical District"]
[they walk around a corner, and are suddenly locked in a small, dark room]
MalletR: He's trapped you! I.. I'm gonna see if I can't bypass the system, okay?
[a projector activates, showing a video of Andrew Ryder giving a monumental speech]
Ryder: Centuries ago, there existed a utopia unmatched by all others...
Many would try to enter. They would be allowed, so long as they respected the customs.
But, there would often be chao entering who were trying to rob the city of its secrets and technology.
Those people would always be met with extreme prejudice.
When I established Euphoria, circa 2026, I made sure to follow each and every example set by that city.
BUT, I chose to set some of my OWN examples... for instance: Euphoria would be a utopia.. in an unthinkable place.
Where on Chao World could I possibly place a city that no other city has been?
Then I got it. Euphoria wouldn't be a NEW utopia...
It would be an OLD one, brought to NEW life by one simple change.
In the year of 2018, I became President of Darku, and my first order of business was to secretly work on Euphoria.
The Tlekozamfa was to be transformed into sea. You now know it as the Ryder Ocean, named after myself.
Of course, as the old fables of yore go, Tlekozamfa is old Darkonjurf for "Unthinkable Valley..."
For Tlekozamfa is the geographical location of the aforementioned ancient utopia.
I sank this valley into the sea, thereby changing the face of the planet and rendering myself an unforgettable president.
After my second term, the utopia had adjusted to its new conditions surprisingly well.
I mean that.
It looked completely untouched!
Since a good decade of clean-up and pressurization was unnecessary, I formally opened Euphoria to the public.
One day, our scientists discovered a secret lab, and a strange substance. It horrifically decapitated all who touched it.
It was later discovered that it was this substance that kept the city safe as it sunk the brimey deeps.
Scriptures were found in the labs that labelled it Red Metal.
Let me say that once more, for it sounds very powerful! Very.. proud. Red. Metal.
It was as obvious then as it is now... the founders of the ancient utopia were pure geniuses. Why, you ask?
If you mix Red Metal with sodium chloride, it becomes a gene splicing treatment!
We deemed this new substance "Remtal." It changes your genetic code so that you may better yourself in whatever you'd like.
As an example, if one were to find himself too slow, one would just apply the correct Arrem, and he would be faster.
Right, right. Remtal is the substance, itself. Arrem beefs up individual traits.
Now, on to more pressing matters. You, there. What are you doing in my city?
Who sent you? Was it the Darks? The Heroes? Or maybe the Neutrals aren't as they say they are?
Or were you perhaps sent by an... OUTSIDE source?
You will never learn the secrets of Euphoria. No negotiations.
Perhaps if you'd care to negotiate with these other people, though...
[the video switches off; a horde of sploicers are heard banging on the doors and shouting]
[the door behind them opens]
MalletR: Alright, I've opened the door! Go now! To Medical!
[the chao run into the next room and close the door]
[this room is some kind of airlock]
Shade: Guys.
Red: No.
Shadow: I don't...
Dark: ...
Shade: Guys.
Red: This isn't... this can't..
Shadow: I mean...
Dark: ...
Shade: This is much worse... than I could have ever predicted.
Red: This can't be real! This CANNOT BE REAL!
Shadow: I.. I don't know.. what is happening right now.
Dark: ...
Shade: But, dude! You were there!
Red: DCA09?
Shadow: I.. I was a minor character back then. Very minor. I don't remember anything.
Dark: ...
Shade: Dude.. let me put it in simple terms...
Red: We are all going to die.
Shade: We're dabbling with the single most INSANE city ever known.
Red: It's a wonder we haven't seen the Nomble yet.
Shade: But I'm sure we've seen the Tour Gui--
Dark: DON'T SAY THAT NAME.
[the chao stare at Dark]
Dark: That.. THING back there wasn't my.. the Tour Guide.
Red: How can you be sure?
Dark: I.. I just know. I do.
Shadow: Can someone PLEASE tell me what is going on?
Red: Ah, we may as well.. if not for him, then at least for the readers who haven't read DCA09.
Shade: *sigh* Alright... listen. Euphoria is basically a copypasta'd version of the secretcity.
Red: The secretcity that rested deep in Chao World for ages, and killed all who entered it.
Shade: There's nothing but crazy puzzles and the occasional ominous character in here.
Shadow: Yes, but.. where ARE we?!
Dark: We're in Chao Talk!
Chapter 6: In the Presence of Enemies, Part 1
[cut to an endless void]
[Levity Nite is speaking with someone]
Nite: ..mhmm. Okay. Got it. Yep. Yep. Cool. Can do.
[Levity then teleports all the chao to the void]
Shade: Wait, what?
Shadow: What the?
Red: What's happening?
Dark: Who are you people, and where is my horse?
Nite: It would seem that.. it would be very much wise to give you kids the day off.
Shadow: ...wait, WHAT?
Nite: Yes. You see, it has come to our attention that Dark Chao Adventures was first written five years ago.
Shade: Shitfuck, has it been that long already?
Nite: Very much so. In commemoration, we wanted to let you take................. a break.
Red: But--
[the chao are then teleported into the Chao Lobby]
Chapter 7: Jump in the Fire
[the chao sit in silence for a little bit]
Dark: The crap just happened?
Shade: I think.. we just got cut some slack.
Red: But.. but that's impossible! We.. we COULDN'T have been! There must be some kind of catch!
[Echo appears]
Echo: We knew you'd be understandably suspicious. Your chaos drive is in the Dark Garden.
Dark: Buh forreal d'oh
Echo: I AM being for real, Dark. Grab it when you are done with your break. Enjoy.
[Echo leaves]
Red: Godfuckingdammitalltohell! I KNEW there was a catch!
Shade: Red! Red. Calm down. He said the DARK Garden.
Red: Yes! I know!
Dark: Freaking Veteran's Committee, man.
Red: Totally...
Shadow: Guys, what the heck is your problem?
Red: We.. never DID tell you what happened while you were gone on your two-year espionage mission, did we?
Shadow: Oh yeah, Chao took over the garden. I completely forgot.
Shade: This'll be easy. We can take him, no sweat.
Dark: But you don't understand!
[Shade and Shadow waltz on in to the Dark Garden]
Chapter 8: Dazed and Confused
[the ground is still grey]
[the walls are still old]
[the tombstones and creepy trees are still there]
[the water is still red]
[the Garden is still Dark]
Shade: Dude... the Garden, it's... YOU!
Dark: When you put it that way, it sounds cool.
Chao: Shade? Shadow? What are you guys doing here?
Shade: Chao, you crazy son of a-- where the heck ARE you?
Chao: I'm standing right here, in front of you.
Shade: Where? Behind this Dark chao? ..speaking of, who IS this guy?
Chao: .......
Shade: .......
Chao: .......
Shade: ...NOOOOOOOOO WAYYYYYYYY
Shadow: Well... THAT'S a plot twist if I've ever seen one.
[Chao is now a normal Dark chao, but not just ANY normal Dark chao...]
Shade: Chao. I am going to freaking.. PUNCH you. In the.. in the... badass horns.
Shadow: Chao.. how the heck did you manage to become a Chaos chao?
Chao: Simple. I know how to take care of myself.
Shade: Like HELL, you do. We've been out there, saving LIVES.. not including our own.
Shadow: I KILLED METAL SONIC.
Shade: We've infiltrated more buildings than you've even seen in your freaking LIFE!
Chao: Yes, but Uncle Shadow has been gathering the finest animals and chaos drives for me.
Shade: So you've been pampered to royalty.
Chao: Someone's jealous.
Shade: In both senses of the word.
Chao: Shade, I'm fit by NATURE to be the leader of the Dark Garden now.
Shade: Yeah, well, I'm fit by ANCESTRY to be the leader of the Dark Garden now.
Chao: Prove it.
[the screen fades to old pictures of Dark chao as Shade voices over things]
Shade (VO): The Dark Garden was founded long ago by MY ancestors. The original Fountaneers. The folks like Echo and...
the.. other guy, who is my ancestor. Then there was Shawn. You remember him. The MILKMAN. My father. He was the lord of the
Dark Garden before me, then when he got too old, he passed the dynasty down to me.
?: Shade.
Chapter 9: In the Presence of Enemies, Part 2
[back in the Dark Garden, Echo is standing at the door]
Echo: It would seem your break is not going as planned.
Shade: Hell, no. Could you get this loser out of the Garden, please?
Echo: No can do, former lord of the Dark Garden.
Shade: I'm STILL the lord.
Echo: You haven't been for the last two years.
Shade: What do you want? You guys only show up when something REALLY important is happening.
Nite: Something really important IS happening.
[Levity Nite steps into the Garden]
Shade: Levity...
Nite: In our efforts to stop this script, we came across a wholly unexpected new development.
Echo: In fact, the development has various symptoms.. including the reason why we had to pull you out of Euphoria so fast.
Shadow: DCA's fifth anniversary?
Shade: Are you trying to say that TIME is the development?
Nite: No, we pulled you out of there because a fugitive is loose in that city.
Echo: This fugitive has the ability to bend the script at will. We had to get you out of there before...
Shade: Before what?
Echo: Before.... you became the catalyst for further destruction.
Nite: If the fugitive is able to speak with you, he would be able to bend the script to get to us.
Echo: Or worse!
Nite: There's no telling what he would do, actually.
Echo: We simply HAD to evacuate you as quickly as possible.
Shadow: But.. what about the chaos drive that was deep down there?
Egg: My boy, do you not know WHAT a chaos drive IS?
[in walks Doctor Eggman]
Egg: Neither do we, honestly, but I am trying to say there are more than seven of them in existence. Far more.
Shadow: Eggman! Are you..?
Egg: Harharhar, yes. You see, one of the Veteran's Committee members has... passed away, so they needed another member.
Shadow: Well... congratulations.
Egg: Thank you.
Chao: Uh.. hey, guys? Could we wrap this up soon?
Egg: Oh, yes, of course. This new development will be coming up surprisingly shortly.
Shadow: HOW surprisingly?
Echo: Couple of serials.
Red: Well, that's not too bad.
Nite: The symptoms of the development will become increasingly evident as you continue through your adventures.
Echo: Eventually, the symptoms will be so big that you won't know what's meant to happen and what's not.
Shadow: So.. you guys are losing control?
Egg: I'm afraid so. There's no telling where this development will go, but we can only fear the worst.
Shade: Do you know exactly what we're dealing with, here?
Nite: We don't have a 100%-positive ID yet, but we've got a logical theory.
Shade: Okay, now why did you send us HERE, why did you just now come here to tell us this, and... yeah!
Nite: We learned that a chaos drive was held here, in the Dark Garden.
Echo: We just now came to tell you of this because... well...
Egg: Which one of us is going to tell him?
Nite: How about all of us at once?
Egg: Sounds good, yeah.
Echo: Let's do it. Three, two, one...
All: Shawn's dying.
Shade: WAT
Egg: I'm so sorry to have to tell you this.
Shade: WAT
Echo: We've been keeping a close eye on him, but.. he's bound to go any day now.
Shade: WAT
Nite: He is dying from a symptom of the developments mentioned earlier.
Shade: WAT
Egg: We realize this must be hard for you.
[Shade holds back some tears]
Shade: I've.. I've got to help him. I've got to find some way to.. cure him, or avenge him, or.. HELP.
Nite: Then you'd better come with us.
Chapter 10: I'm Only Sleeping
[Shade is taken to the void]
Shade: What do you mean my father is dying?
Nite: Shawn is being slowly killed by some form of.. well... see for yourself.
[Shade is "dropped off" in a small hut on the Chao World]
Shade: Dad..
[Shawn the Dark is lying in bed, visibly ill]
Shawn: Shade.. you made it.
Shade: They told me just in time.
[Shawn looks around, suspiciously]
[Shade comes a little closer; Shawn speaks in a low whisper]
Shawn: Did they follow you?
Shade: I don't think so.
Shawn: Listen, I'm.. I'm not going to die. My mind is just.. well.. it's freaking out.
Shade: ..Levity mentioned that this was 'cause of some symptom of something. What the heck is going on?
Shawn: I'm not entirely sure, but I.. I'm not going to fear the worst! I'm not gonna die.
Shade: Dad. You know. What is going on?
Shawn: I... I really can't tell you.
Shade: Hmm... one last thing, though. Why are you here, on the Chao World?
Shawn: I was on vacation for a bit.
Shade: Oh. Okay. Well.. I'll check on Cham now.
[Shade leaves the house, and is then taken back to the void]
Echo: Well?
Shade: He's a tough one. I don't think he'll die. Can you guys take me to see Cham?
Egg: Mah boi, we can take you ANYWHERE.
Chapter 11: Another One Bites the Dust
[Shade is then '"dropped off" in the Neutral Garden]
Shade: Cham? You there, dude?
[Cham is heard hacking and coughing from behind the waterfall]
[Shade heads back there]
Shade: Hello, Cham?
Cham: Sh...Shade? *hack wheeze* That you?
[Cham is lying on the cave floor, grabbing his chest]
Cham: Kid.. I.. I'm dying, kid.
Shade: Are you sure? How bad is it?
Cham: It's.. it's deathly.
Shade: C'mon, describe it. What are you feeling?
Cham: My.. my legs feel like they're.. st..stretching... almost... and my.. arms, too...
Shade: What about your head? Any strange new thoughts?
Cham: Everything's going black... I.. I don't know.. what's happening.....
Shade: No, c'mon, stay with me!
Cham: It's.. it's..... no use, kid..... I can't... I.. I can't... I... I can't..... I.... I can't........
Shade: You can't what?
[Cham closes his eyes]
Shade: Cham!
Nite: He's gone, Shade. Come on. We've got work to do.
[Levity Nite had entered the cave]
Shade: You.. you guys can bend the script. Can't you make him alive again?
Nite: If we tried, the other force would bend it back, and he'd die. Please, come. We need your assistance.
Chapter 12: Another Brick in the Wall
[cut to the Dark Garden]
[Dark, Red, and Shadow have been building a wall seperating the Garden into two]
[enter Doctor Eggman]
Egg: What in the name of Seargent Pepper are you boys doing?
Red: Eggman! Come to this side of the garden, over here.
Chao: No, Doctor, please.. come to MY side of the garden.
Egg: ...
[Eggman goes to Red's side]
Red: Yes! In your face, Chao!
[Eggman approaches Shadow]
Egg: Shadow, we may need you for a second.
Shadow: Sure, what is it?
Egg: Come with me.
[Eggman leads Shadow out, and into CPAK]
Shadow: What's going on?
Egg: It's Echo. He's a little... under the weather.
Shadow: Where is he?
Egg: We put him in the clinic.
[they open the door to the clinic and find it empty]
Egg: WHAT THE?
[Levity Nite walks in, with Shade]
Nite: How's Echo doing?
Egg: He's gone!
Nite: WHAT?!
[Nite runs into the room, and looks around]
Nite: Not a trace. I.. I have to tell the others.
[Levity disappears]
Shade: Hmmm...
Shadow: What's up?
Shade: I think I might have a theory as to what's going on. But.. I need more evidence. Eggman.
Egg: Yes, mah boi?
Shade: Could you take me to Earth?
Egg: Um.. I suppose so. Where on Earth?
Shade: A specific place.
Chapter 13: The End of the Line
[cut to outside a run-down building in some city somewhere]
[enter Shade, Shadow, and Eggman]
Egg: This is the place you wanted, right?
Shade: Without a doubt.
Shadow: Shade... what is this place?
Shade: Long story. C'mon.
[they enter the building-- a main room, three doors]
Shade: I believe it's this door, right here.
[locked]
Shade: Hrm. So maybe my theory was incorrect.
[Shade tries another door, and it opens]
[inside this room are a few empty jail cells]
Shade: Look for anything of interest.
Shadow: Like these jail cells?
[Shade takes a second look at them]
Shade: .......yes.
[he carefully examines one]
Egg: So they're jail cells.
Shade: Not JUST jail cells....
[Shade holds a padlock]
Shade: ..empty, LOCKED jail cells.
Shadow: Locked? You serious?
Shade: Interesting. Let's check out the next room.
[they leave that room and enter the final door]
[it's a utility closet]
Shade: Huh. Okay, you two, look for keys.
[they find some keys, and unlock the cells-- nothing different]
Egg: What about this door?
[Shade tries the keys on the door-- nothing works]
Shade: Well, that's peculiar.
Shadow: Can't open it?
Shade: Won't budge.
[Shade presses his ear.. area to the door, listening in]
Shade: ....I hear voices. Eggman, can't you teleport us in there?
Egg: I.. I COULD, yes.
Shade: Do it.
Chapter 14: Prophets of War
[they appear in a dark room; no lights are on, no windows are anywhere; it's pitch-black]
Shadow: Awfully dark room, isn't it?
Shade: Let's look for a light switch.
Egg: What about those voices you said you heard?
Shade: ..oh, yeah. Shh.
?: It's good to be back. Isn't it, Shade?
Shade: Who are you?
?: You know who I am, fool.
Shade: Mephiles!
Mp: Correct. Welcome to my newest diabolical scheme... one that will undoubtedly finish you pests off.
Shade: Why are you still trying to kill us?
Mp: For one thing, I haven't appeared in this season since the boring episodes.
Shade: So make some more appearances!
Mp: DJay forgot about me. Now I'm gonna show him why he should NEVER forget me.
Egg: But there are tons of villains in this show by this point. I'm sure it's hard to remember all of them!
Mp: But I was one of the earlier ones!
Shadow: What are you trying to do, anyway?
Mp: Heh heh heh...
[Mephiles hits a switch]
[televisions turn on all across the room, giving off a blue glow]
Shadow: So.. what? You can monitor everything now?
Mp: Oh, I don't want to monitor you. Actually, I want to do... THIS!
[he presses a button, and the chao (plus Eggman) suddenly find themselves in the Chao Lobby]
Egg: That darn Mephiles!
Shadow: What was he trying to do?
Shade: I.. I don't know, but whatever it is, I hope it's not too huge.
[Dark runs out to them]
Dark: SHADE! SHADE!
Shade: What is it, Dark?
Dark: A meteor's falling, and it's gonna hit the Dark Garden!
Chapter 15: The Sky is Fallin'
Shade: Dark, what do you MEAN a meteor is falling, and it's gonna hit the Dark Garden?
Dark: I.. I mean exactly that! Exactly what you just said!
Shade: I... I... I gotta take a look at this for myself.
[Shade runs down the stairs; the others follow]
[cut to the Dark Garden; the sky is turning red as a giant meteor is seen falling towards the garden]
[Chao, now a Dark Chaos chao, is there, too]
Dark: See? That!
Shade: Okay. Okay. Stay calm. Uhhhhh.... hrrrm, how did we stop the ARK when it fell that one time?
Chao: You didn't. I recall it hitting the Earth, but not creating much of an impact.
Shadow: Then that should happen this time, right?
Shade: No. This meteor is on fire. The ARK was not on fire.
Chao: Plus, compared to this, the ARK was a small pea.
Dark: Shade, we don't have time for this!
Shade: Ack! You're right! But who could help us stop something like this?
Shadow: Not Sonic, THAT'S for sure.
[Eggman chuckles]
Egg: That's.. that's a good one.
Shade: Hmmmmm... who can help?
[Shade stands, thinking]
Shade: ....OF COURSE! Eggman, take us... to San Francisco!
Egg: Mmkay.
Chapter 16: Victim of Changes
[cut to San Francisco, California]
[the gang appears outside a house]
[Shade rings the doorbell]
Shadow: Are you sure this person will be able to help us?
Shade: He HAS to be.
[the door opens]
?: Eh?! WHO is disturbing my ME time? I am TRYING to plot ways to DESTRRRROYYY THE HUUUMANNNS!
??: HEY ASK 'EM IF THEY WANT SOME MUFFINS!
[it's Zim! You know! From Invader ZIM!]
[and good ol' GIR, too]
Shade: Zim, we need your help. A meteor is--
Zim: Well, OF COURSE you need the help of the great ZIIIM!
Shade: Y.. yeah, we do. You see--
Zim: But maybe the great ZIM doesn't WANT to help you, pathetic egg-baby!
GIR: Awww, c'mon, look at them! They're so cute! We should help them!
Zim: "Cute?" "Cute" means NOTHING to an Irken invader. Do you hear me? NOTHING!
GIR: Don't worry, guys! We-za gonna help you!
Shade: Listen, okay? A meteor is gonna hit the Dark Garden any minute now. We need you to whip up something cool to help.
Zim: Hahahaha! Is that all? Very well, silly creature. I will stop your big, bad meteor for you.
Shade: And.. could you maybe do it, like... now?
Zim: Alright, alright.
[Zim gets his Voot cruiser spaceshipamabobber and... gets to the Dark Garden somehow]
[the others follow]
[out in space, Zim flies around the meteor for a bit]
Zim: Okay, you freakishly large meteor.. thing. How about I start you off with a shove?
[Zim presses a button, and a giant robot hand extends out of his ship and smacks the meteor]
[it is sent flying into the nearby sun]
[he lands the Voot cruiser down in the Dark Garden and gets out]
Shade: Thanks a lot, Zim. We were pretty worried about that for a second.
Zim: Eh. It was no problem for the great ZIM!
Shade: ..so, why haven't you been here in a while? Why don't you come visit?
Zim: Oh, you know, I'm.. busy. Gotta try to make ends meet ever since I got fired from Nickelodeon.
Dark: Worst thing they ever did.
Shade: No, Dark. The worst thing they ever did was get rid of a BUNCH of shows, not just Zim.
GIR: I miss Rocket Power!
Shade: So, Zim, have you.. gotten some kind of job?
Zim: What?! ME? Get a JOB?! Like a HUMAN?! I would never! ...I sell pies.
Shade: Oh, cool. Seriously, why don't you ever visit? I'm sure you could make a funny villain from time to time.
Zim: Oh, I don't know. I might try to.. from now on. Maybe.
[in comes Levity Nite]
Nite: Shade, Shadow... oh, hey, Zim.
Zim: Hey, how ya doin'?
Nite: Shade, Shadow.. Mephiles has relayed a message to you.
Shadow: What's the message?
[Levity pulls out a piece of paper]
Nite: "You fools think you're the stars of DCA, huh? Well, we'll see just how good you are at braving the show, won't we?"
Shadow: What? What the heck is he talking about?
Shade: He's gonna give us some blasts from the past. From that room, he can do pretty much anything.
Nite: Hey, Doctor? May I have a word with you?
Egg: Uh.. sure.
[Eggman heads out of the room with Levity]
Chapter 17: Man on the Edge
[cut to Mephiles' base of operations]
Mp: Hmm.. what should I send at them next?
Nite: How about an apology?
[Mephiles turns and sees Levity Nite and Eggman]
Mp: I should have expected you fools to break in here.
Egg: You should not be in here, Mephiles. This building was shut down for a reason.
Mp: Heh heh heh... so now it looks like I have a bargaining chip, huh?
Egg: You.. you want to join us?
Nite: Eggman was a special case, Mephiles. We had lost a member, and Eggman proved himself to be worthy.
Mp: Well.. if I can't join the Veteran's Committee.. then I will bomb the Gardens to the ground.
Nite: You DO know we were trying to end this show, anyway, right?
Mp: So I won't get any opposition. Muh huh huh... yeah, I knew that.
Egg: But.. but you can't!
Nite: Why not? We WERE gonna end the show.
Egg: But.... I mean... but... argh. I.. I've got to warn the chao.
[Eggman teleports away]
Nite: ......
[cut back to the Dark Garden; Eggman appears]
Egg: You guys have got to get out of here! Quickly!
Shade: Why? What's wrong?
Egg: Mephiles is going to bomb these gardens!
[a chill runs down Shade's spine]
Shade: Much like the Grey Journey...
[BAM-- a bomb appears in the center of the garden]
Shade: RUN!
Egg: No need!
[Eggman snaps his fingers, and the bomb disappears]
Chao: ..wow, where were you a couple seasons ago?
Egg: He'll probably send another unless we stop him.
Shade: Let us come with you.
Zim: Yes! I wish to see Mephiles again... it has been a while.
Egg: Okay...
[cut back to Mephiles' base of operations]
[Levity has gone; Eggman, Shade, Dark, Shadow, Chao, Zim, and GIR appear]
Shade: Mephiles!
Zim: Odd demon hog thing!
Mp: Ah, Shade.. AH, hello, Zim. Come to watch me destroy the gardens?
Shade: Mephiles, you don't have to do this!
Mp: You're right; it's a total waste. However, I DO have to do... THIS!
[Mephiles hits a button; the others are teleported to...]
Chapter 18: For Absent Friends
[Stardust Speedway Zone, Act II]
[the Eggman statue toward the end]
Chao: *gasp* The Stardust Eggman...
Shade: I'm glad he sent us here. We could use the Poker Gang.
[they enter the Stardust Eggman and find Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll sitting in a corner, bored]
MK: What do you wanna do today?
TD: Stare at the wall.
GIR: HAI GAIZ! HI, WALL! :D
MK: Hey, it's you guys!
TD: Have you guys seen the boss?
Shadow: Metal Sonic? Well.. last I saw him, he fell off the Egg Citadel, but that's thirty years from now.
TD: Then where is he NOW?
Shadow: I dunno.
MK: Anyway, what's up? You guys need something?
Shade: As a matter of fact, we do. Mephiles has gone crazy and is trying to destroy everyone. Wanna help us stop him?
[Mecha and the Doll hop up]
MK: Do we?!
TD: Dude, we've had nothing to do ever since Metal disappeared! We've been DYING for something to do!
MK: Yeah! Let's rock and roll!
Egg: Very well. Let's go back to Mephiles, then.
[cut to Station Square; everyone appears there]
All: Huh?
Egg: Funny... I can't seem to get us any closer than this.
Shade: He must be blocking your teleportamajigger ability...
MK: Oh, he is SO dead. Okay, where is this building of his?
Shade: Uh.. I'm pretty sure it's... this way.
[Shade leads the gang down multiple blocks]
Dark: Are we there yet?
Shade: Um.. not.. quite.
Chao: Are we lost?
Shade: Shut up, Chao.
[they keep walking down even more blocks]
[eventually, they reach a beach]
Dark: Station Square has a beach?
Chao: Apparently so.
MK: Kid. You have no fucking clue where you're going, do you?
Shade: N..not really.
[everyone groans]
[Levity Nite appears]
Nite: It's a good thing you're down here. Mephiles has another message.
Shade: Great. Let's hear it.
Nite: "You might want to spend less time hunting ME down and more time hunting your gardens. You have one hour."
Shadow: This is a troubling situation, isn't it?
Nite: Eggman, I must speak with you. Come with me, for this is urgent.
Egg: S..sure.
[Eggman leaves]
Shade: ..oh, crap, now he can't teleport us back!
TD: Somehow, I think Levity Nite did that on purpose.
Shadow: Do you think Mephiles is affiliated with the Veteran's Committee now?
Shade: No time to speculate. We only have an hour to do this.
MK: Listen to yourself, kid! "Only an hour!" Harharhar! An hour is plenty of time.
Shade: Not when we're lost at some beach in Station Square, and have to get back and defuse a bomb without Eggman's help.
MK: It's still easy.
Zim: Yes, you silly chao! You simply have to think with the resources given to you.
Shade: WHAT resources?
[Mecha, the Doll, Zim, and GIR clear their throats]
Shade: ..oh... right.
Chapter 19: Counting Out Time
[cut to the gang wandering around the streets by the beach, asking people where the nearest Chao Transporter is]
[they regroup after some queries]
Shade: Report.
MK: I got nothing.
Chao: I got some rumors on one on Prison Island.
Dark: I got a rock.
Shade: Prison Island. *sigh* Great.
TD: You sound disappointed. It won't be that bad. We've just gotta look for a plane of sorts.
Shade: Zim, what about your Voot Cruiser?
Zim: Uh.. right, of course. GIR!
GIR: Yes, my master?
Zim: Where did you park the Voot Cruiser?
GIR: The what?
Zim: The.. the Voot... y'know... our ship!
GIR: What's it look like?
Zim: It's.. it's purple.
GIR: Oh, that?
Zim: Yeah, that.
GIR: What about it, again?
Zim: Where did you park it?
GIR: In a lake.
Zim: WHAAAAT?!
GIR: Yeah!
Zim: WHY?!
GIR: "Why" what?
Zim: Why did you park the Voot cruiser in a lake?!
GIR: The what now?
Zim: The.. the purple thingy!
GIR: What about it?
Zim: WHY did you park the purple thingy in a lake?!
GIR: 'Cause!
Zim: "'Cause" what?!
GIR: Mister Demon Guy told me to!
Shade: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Mephiles told you to dump the Voot Cruiser in a lake?
GIR: Yup!
Shade: Damn. He's good.
Shadow: I agree. He is.. he is really good.
GIR: Who we talkin' about?
Shadow: Mephiles.
GIR: Who's that?
Shadow: The demon guy.
GIR: Oh, yeah. What about him?
Shadow: He's really good.
GIR: Yeah. He is. ^___^
Shade: ARGH, we don't have time for this!
[Shade runs up to a random person]
Shade: Excuse me, sir? Which way to the nearest airport?
Man: That-a way. *points somewheres*
Shade: Thanks! Everyone, follow me!
[they run along the roads for a while; Dark stops suddenly]
Shadow: Dark, what's wrong?
[everyone else stops]
[Dark points at a giant ice cream parlour]
Dark: I'm hungry.
Shade: Dark! We don't have the time! We've only got about.. three quarters of an hour!
Dark: But the iiiice creeeeaaaam! D:
Shade: AH! Fine! Fine.
[they get some ice cream]
Shade: There! Better?
[Dark holds up his hand in opposition, then finishes his ice cream]
Dark: Okay! Better.
Shade: Good! Let's go!
[they continue running]
[after a while of running, they reach the airport]
[they enter]
Chao: Oh, great.
Shade: What? What's wrong now?
Chao: We've still got to go through customs.
Shade: *grrrooooaaaaan* Great.
[they stand in line for about ten minutes (half an hour left now)]
[they reach the reception.. clerk... place]
Clerk: Hello, how may I help you?
Shade: Uh.. yes, hello. We'd like eight tickets to, um.. the.. 2:30 flight to Prison Island.
Clerk: 2:30 flight leaves in half an hour. You sure you can make it in time?
[Shade turns to the others and shrugs his shoulders]
Shade: I guess we'll take it.
Clerk: Alright. That'll come to about.. two thousand dollars.
Shade: Two thousand clams? *pays the man* Highway robbery.
[they move through the airport]
Shadow: Where the heck did you get two thousand dollars, Shade?
Shade: Let's just say the Tooth Fairy owed me one.
[they enter the food court and see a clock-- 2:03]
TD: Huh. We've got twenty-seven minutes 'til the flight leaves, and 'til the gardens blow up.
MK: Man, how are we gonna pull this off?
Shade: I've been thinking about that one. ...yeah, uh, seven cheeseburgers and fries, please. Dark, what do you want?
Dark: I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6-- with extra dip, a number 7,
[the others turn to look at Dark]
Dark: Two number 45s-- one with cheese, and a large soda.
[they get their food and find a table]
Shade: Anyway, I was thinking... *chomp* maybe we could.. and you might call me crazy at this... *munch*
[the others lean closer]
Shade: I was thinking we could hijack the plane. *chomp* ..aw, MAN, this stuff is GOOD!
MK: Well.. I'm in.
TD: Yeah, sure. I mean, we've done worse.
Zim: Hijacking a human aerial ship? Ooh, neat!
GIR: I didn't get a toy with my meal. :c
Chao: I.. I suppose I'm up for it.
Dark: Ready to roll, sarge.
Shadow: Hey, anything that'll get me those chaos drives, right?
Shade: Alright... it's settled. We hijack the plane in five minutes.
[Dark burps]
Shade: ...seven minutes. When we're all done with our food. Be ready, 'cause...
[close-up of Shade]
Shade: This is gonna be fun.
Chapter 20: Unbound (The Wild Ride)
[they head to a plane]
Shade: Right. You guys know the plan, right?
MK: Don't worry about it, kid. We're experts at this.
[they enter the airplane]
Shade: Zim, Tails Doll, you two are up.
[Zim and the Tails Doll head into the flight deck; the pilot turns to look at them]
Pilot: What the? What are you doing here?
TD: Greetings, plane driver person. We are from the government.
Zim: The Station Square government!
TD: You see, we are giving out prizes for Best Dancer, Best Pilot, Best Singer, and Biggest A7X Fan.
Zim: I won Biggest A7X Fan.
[Dark shouts: "NUH-UH, I DID!"]
Pilot: I see... and what did I win?
TD: Oh, you didn't win ANYTHING. We just wanted to laugh in your face about that.
Pilot: What?! That can't be right! I demand to speak with whoever is giving out these awards!
Zim: If you wish to speak with him, he is out in the bookstore in the airport mall.
Pilot: Alright. *gets up* Who do I ask for?
Zim: Uh.. um.. uh...
TD: John Smith.
Pilot: Got it. I'll be right back; I've got some "awards" to give out of my own.
[the pilot leaves the plane]
[the others walk into the flight deck]
TD: Wow. That was easier than I thought.
Zim: Yeah, I barely even had to say anything.
Shade: Right! Time, Chao!
Chao: It's.. 2:12.
Shade: We're making good time. Who here can fly a commercial airliner?
Zim: Ooh! Me! Me! Pick ME!
MK: I can fly pretty well.
Shade: Uh.. I think I'm gonna go with Mecha for this one.
MK: Yes! In your face, Zim!
Zim: Shut up, robot!
Shade: Hurry, guys! Time is of the essence!
MK: Of course.
[Mecha takes to the controls]
MK: Uh, hey, control tower, this is, um........ Sigma-Alpha ONE. Are we clear for take-off, over?
CT: This is control tower, you are clear, over.
MK: Awesome. In that case.. and I've been DYING to say this... Thunderbirds are go! ....over.
[Mecha starts up the plane and drives it on the runway; the others carefully watch in anxiety]
[as they go, another plane drives in front of them-- they're gonna collide soon]
MK: Uh.. HEY! YOU! Plane in front of me! Who is that?! I demand to speak with your pilot, over!
[suddenly, Fang the Sniper's voice speaks from the radio]
Fang: 'Sup, Sigma-Alpha One? This is the pilot of Aeroforce Three speaking. Whatchu want, over?
MK: Aeroforce Three, I need the runway clear for take-off, over!
Fang: Well, I guess I could try to steer clear for a bit. Gimme a sec, over.
[Aeroforce Three drives to the side]
MK: Appreciate it, over and out.
[Mecha puts the pedal to the metal, then pulls up; they fly]
MK: We have lift-off, over!
CT: Congrats, Sigma-Alpha One, over.
MK: Hey, Control Tower? How far is Prison Island from here, over?
CT: About.. ten minutes? I suppose, over.
MK: Thanks, over.
[Mecha hits "Autopilot," and turns around in his seat]
MK: Alright, so we'll be there in about ten minutes if we go at normal speed, five if we do it Mecha-style. Any questions?
[the others are staring in awe]
TD: Gotta hand it to you, Mecha.. I never once thought that you could fly a plane.
MK: 'Course I can fly a plane! Flight Simulator taught me.
Shade: So we've got five minutes, then?
MK: Yep. Leave it to me; I'll get us there.
Shade: Chao, how much time left?
Chao: Fifteen minutes.
Shade: So when we're there, we'll have ten minutes to look around for a Chao Transporter, AND to disarm the bomb.
TD: Pfft, that'll be the easy part. The hard part is getting to Prison Island.
Shadow: Well.. what's so hard about it?
TD: I heard they've got a new prisoner.. a REALLY dangerous one, so they're amping up security.
Chao: A new prisoner? Do you know who it is?
TD: Not a clue. I just know he's REALLY bad.
MK: ...well.. I'd better get back to flying.
[Mecha turns back around and flies the plane]
MK: By the way.. hold on tight.
[Mecha hits a button that says "Do Not Hit This Button"]
[the plane starts flying at twice the speed]
CT: Uh.. Sigma-Alpha One, did you just press the Turbo Button, over?
MK: Hell yeah, Control Tower. Over.
CT: What for, over?
MK: It's fun, over.
CT: Huh. Can't argue with that. Carry on, then.. over.
[the plane flies for a few minutes]
?: Hey, Sigma-Alpha One... keep going at that speed, and you're gonna DIE, over.
MK: Up yours, buddy. By the way, who is this, over?
?: Nobody special.. just the King of Dairy Products, over.
[everyone looks at Shade]
Shade: ..he's using a codename. That guy is NOT.. the king.
MK: Hey, is that YOUR name, over?
?: Oh, no, sorry. That's the name of the plane. Sorry. Over.
MK: Oh. Okay. Seriously, who are you, over?
?: I'm just the guy who you kicked out of the plane. That's supposed to be MY plane, over.
MK: Well.. sorry, but we really needed this, otherwise my friends' homes would blow up! Over.
?: Oh, snap, really? Over.
MK: Yeah. Some jerk planted a bomb in their home, and we need to go to Prison Island to save them, over.
?: Damn. That's intense. Alright, sorry for bothering you. Over and out.
Zim: He seemed like a nice guy.
GIR: We should invite him over for tea and cupcakes.
[eventually, they reach Prison Island and land the plane]
Chapter 21: Aisle of Plenty
Shade: Alright, we've got ten minutes! GO!
[they run out of the plane and enter the Prison Island Prison Place]
[they enter the reception.. place... room]
Shade: Hey!
Clerk: Hey.
Shade: Where's the nearest Chao Transporter?
Clerk: That room, there, but it's under repairs.
Shade: Oh, you've GOTTA be kidding me!
Clerk: You can try to fix it, if you'd like.
Shade: Sure, why not?
[they enter the next room and see the broken Chao Transporter]
Shade: Mecha! Check it!
MK: Got it.
[Mecha kicks it]
MK: ...I can fix it, no prob.
Shade: Yes!
MK: BUT I'm gonna need some parts.
Shade: Crap! What parts?
MK: ...a screwdriver, some pliers, and a ham sandwich.
Shadow: Robots don't eat sandwiches.
MK: Well then, why am I ordering one, then, buddy? Stupid.
Shade: Fine! We'll get you your stuff. Dark, Chao, look for the screwdriver.
Dark+Chao: Okay.
Shade: Zim, GIR, look for the pliers.
Zim: Right. Come, GIR!
GIR: But I want some tuna on my sammich!
Shade: Shadow, you and I will get the sandwich.
Shadow: Sure.
TD: What about me?
Shade: Stay here and keep Mecha company.
TD: Fine.
Shade: Let's go!
[they run their seperate ways]
[cut to Chao and Dark in some guard quarters]
Chao: If we were screwdrivers, where would we be?
Dark: Wal-Mart.
Chao: Well, there isn't a Wal-Mart here, so let's--
[Dark points at a nearby Wal-Mart]
Chao: ..oh.
[cut to Zim and GIR in a bathroom]
Zim: Now, then.. those pliers have to be around here somewhere.
GIR: But we's in a bathroom!
Zim: I know that, GIR.. but didn't you know? Human bathrooms are not used the way we use them.
GIR: Then what do humans use 'em for?
Zim: Storage and communication!
GIR: Yay, mah favorite!
[Zim checks inside a bathroom stall]
Zim: Hmm.. nothing in this one. How about THIS one?
[he checks the next one-- PLIERS :D]
Zim: SUCCESS!
[cut to Shade and Shadow walkin' down some cell block]
Shadow: Shade, none of these guys are gonna give us their food.
Shade: That's what YOU think. All we gotta do is get 'em to like us.
Shadow: How would we do that?
Shade: Just watch.
[Shade walks down the block, whistling casually]
[none of the prisoners notice or care; they're all rowdy and whatnot]
[suddenly, a cell phone's ringtone is heard]
[Shade pulls out a giant cell phone]
Shade: HELLO!?!?
[everyone goes quiet]
Shade: WHAT?!
[everyone stares at the chao holding the massive cell phone]
Shade: ....NO, I'M IN PRISON ISLAND!!!
[pause]
Shade: .........PRISON ISLAND!!!
[some prisoners start to chuckle]
Shade: ..YEAH, IT'S RUBBISH!!! TOTAL RUBBISH!!!
[more begin to laugh]
Shade: .......WHAT?! .....I.. I CAN'T HEAR YOU; YOU'RE CRACKING UP!!!
[an uproar begins]
Shade: YOU'RE.. YOU'RE CRACKING UP!!! YEAH!!! CIAO!!!
[Shade puts the huge phone away]
[the prisoners applaud]
Shade: Alright! Alright. Does anybody have a ham sandwich we could have?
[a dozen ham sandwiches are thrown at him (almost like roses onto a stage)]
Shade: Thanks!
[Shade grabs the lot, gets Shadow, and they head back]
[cut back to the Chao Transporter; everyone gathers together and gives Mecha the stuff]
[Shade gives everyone a ham sandwich]
MK: Alright. I should have it fixed by five 'til.
Shade: So we'll have five minutes to defuse the bomb. Plenty of time.
[Mecha works and works and works until he gets it fixed]
MK: All done.
Shade: Great! C'mon, get in!
[they teleport to the Chao Lobby and hurry down to the Dark Garden]
Chapter 22: Let There Be Rock
[five minutes on the clock]
[the bomb is sitting there in the center of the garden]
Shade: Okay. Okay. We're here now. Who is good at defusing bombs?
Zim: Meh. I do 'em all the time.
Shade: Can you do this one?
Zim: Sure, sure.
[Zim walks on over to the bomb and examines it]
Zim: Ugh. It's not a typical bomb... it's all weird-y.
TD: What? You're shiting us. Let me see.
[the Doll floats on over and examines it]
TD: ...well, fuck me. He's right. It IS all weird-y.
Shade: Aw, dammit.. how are we gonna defuse it?
TD: I'd try the usual stuff, but I don't want to risk accidentally setting it off.
Shade: Then WHAT?! What are we gonna do?!
Dark: I have an idea.
Shade: Let's hear it, c'mon!
Dark: Let's show it the real superpower of rock.
Shade: Can we risk it? Do we have short songs?
Dark: Short, but EPIC.
Shade: Come ON, guys! We have four minutes to defuse this fucking thing, or else we're all gonna DIE! ANY IDEAS?!
Shadow: How.. how about Sgt. Pepper, plus from my Friends?
Shade: Four minutes and forty-six seconds.. wanna risk it?
All: Sure.
Shade: Okay! Okay. Hit it!
[Dark- guitar (plus backup vocals)]
[Shade- drums (plus backup vocals)]
[Chao- bass (plus backup vocals)]
[Shadow- vocals (plus rhythm guitar)]
[plus bonus instruments by Zim and GIR! 8D]
[they are currently playing Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (The Beatles)]
[they start off wit--no, why am I describing this? Everyone knows this song.]
[in case you don't, then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoJGDC10lZw ]

Shadow: It was twenty years ago today, 
Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.
They've been going in and out of style,
But they're guaranteed to raise a smile!
So may I introduce to you...
The act you've known for all these years, 
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Baaaaaand!

All: We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 
We hope you will enjoy the show, 
We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 
Sit back and let the evening go!
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, 
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

All: It's wonderful to be here, 
It's certainly a thrill. 
You're such a lovely audience, 
We'd like to take you home with us, 
We'd love to take you home!

(Dark's guitar solo in the background)
Shadow: I don't really want to stop the show, 
But I thought that you might like to know, 
That the singer's going to sing a song, 
And he wants you all to sing along. 
So let me introduce to you...
The one and only Billy Shears!
And Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Baaaaaand, yeah!

[quickly, they switch up]
[Mecha- Drums]
[Tails Doll- bass]
[Zim- guitar]
[GIR- rhythm guitar (wow, imagine that xD)]
[Dark- vocals]
[the other chao- Backup vocals]
[now they're playing With a Little Help From My Friends (still The Beatles)]
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiDmHKvGe4s&feature=related ]

All: Biiiiiiiillyyyyyyy Shears!

Dark: What would you think if I sang out of tune, 
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, 
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

(Parenthesis is Dark-only)
Dark: I get by with a little help from my friends, 
I get high with a little help from my friends, 
All: (Going to) try with a little help from my friends.

Dark: What do I do when my love is away?
Backup: Does it worry you to be alone?
Dark: How do I feel by the end of the day?
Backup: Are you sad because you're on your own?

All: (No, I get) by with a little help from my friends.
(I get) high with a little help from my friends, 
(Going to) try with a little help from my friends.

Backup: Do you need anybody?
Dark: I need somebody to love. 
Backup: Could it be anybody?
Dark: I want somebody to love.

Backup: Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Dark: Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time!
Backup: What do you see when you turn out the light?
Dark: I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

All: (Oh, I get) by with a little help from my friends,
(I get) high with a little help from my friends, 
(Going to) try with a little help from my friends.

Backup: Do you need anybody?
Dark: I just need someone to love...
Backup: Could it be anybody?
Dark: I want somebody to love.

All: (I get) by with a little help from my friends, 
(Gonna) try with a little help from my friends, 
(Get) high with a little help from my friends.
Dark: Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my frieeeennnnddds!

[Zim starts playing the opening lick to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds]
[everyone looks at him]
Zim: ..oh, sorry. I thought we were still going.
[the bomb is still sizzling down]
Shade: Crap. We just wasted most of our time doing that.
Chao: Wait, wait, wait.. did that say "sizzling?"
Shade: Yeah. Why?
[Chao facepalms, then goes over and blows the fuse out]
[everyone cheers; Chao continues facepalming]
MK: Man, kid, you're smart. How did you know to do that?
Chao: MY question is why we didn't check that fuse in the first place.
Chapter 23: Change of the Guard
[Levity Nite and Eggman enter the room]
Nite: Congratulations. You have solved Mephiles' challenge.. can you solve his next?
Shade: You've gotta be kidding me.
Egg: I'm afraid he's not, mah boi. Mephiles has proven to be a worthy opponent... and a worthy bargainer.
Shade: Is he a Veteran now?
Egg: No, although I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes one by the end of the day.
Zim: Foolish egg-person... you are merely letting the demon-boy deal his cards?
Egg: We.. really can't.
Nite: Mephiles has explained his intentions to us, and they do not interfere with our own.
Chao: So you're not even going to stop him from killing SHADOW? I thought he was the one you needed.
Nite: We do not NEED Shadow. He would be very useful to us, but we have backup plans.
Egg: Yes, yes, quite right. Besides, we have reason to believe that you will best Mephiles unaided.
MK: What makes you think THAT?
Nite: For starters, you just did more as a group in an hour than you do individually over a month.
Egg: Trust us, guys. You can do this.
Shadow: And what's in it for us?
Nite: Well... your gardens won't be at risk from being destroyed by Mephiles.
Egg: That, and we know the location of the next two Chaos Drives. We will agree to reveal them to you if you pull this off.
Shadow: ...I'm in.
[the others all agree]
Nite: Glad you accepted. Mephiles has told me to tell you another message.
Shade: Let's hear it.
Nite: *ahem* "I do a lot of bargaining. Let me bargain with YOU. I will not try to harm your gardens, letting you come and
get me. Can you do that? Sure you can. You know where I am, right, Shade? Still, you might want to seriously consider this."
[Shade looks at the others]
[they shrug their shoulders]
Shade: I.. guess we'll accept his bargain.
Nite: Ah, in that case, he has a second message.
Shade: Oh, boy...
Nite: "In case you're wondering about the 'bargain' part of it, I will try to harm YOU. Not your gardens."
TD: Heh. Is that all?
Nite: *checks* ...yes.
TD: Man, this will be freaking EASY.
Nite: Come, Eggman. We must not interfere.
Egg: Al..alright.
[Levity and Eggman leave]
Dark: We can do this, right, Shade?
Shade: Of course. This'll be child's play.
Chao: I dunno.. I mean, he's gonna send everything he has.
Shade: Yeah, but he WON'T be harming the gardens, so we only have to focus on one goal.
MK: So let's hurry up and DO that, already.
Shade: Of course. Right. C'mon, let's go.
[they head out of the Dark Garden, and go to the Exit.. thingy]
Chapter 24: Land of Confusion
[cut to Station Square-- the hotel in it, specifically]
[the gang comes out of an elevator]
TD: ..weirdest teleporter ever.
Shade: I've seen weirder.
MK: Wait, why didn't that one guy you asked a while ago tell you there was a Chao Transporter here in this hotel?
Shade: These are city folk, Mecha.
MK: Oh.
[they leave the hotel]
Zim: Okay, grey Dark chao thing. Where is the demon-man? I want to give him a piece of my mighty pants!
Shade: Don't worry, Zim.. you'll get your chance.
Chao: Shade, do you really know where Mephiles is?
Shade: Actually.. no. No, I don't. I just know he's here in Station Square.
Dark: I thought he was on Earth? In that building? Y'know, that.. that old one?
Shade: I could have sworn that building was here. In Station Square.
Shadow: Wait, you mean that one building where we found Mephiles?
Shade: Yes.
Shadow: That's on Earth. In New Jersey.
[everyone looks at Shade with exasperation]
MK: Great. How are we supposed to get to Earth?
TD: That depends. What planet are we on NOW?
Shade: Some people say it's Mobius, while others say it's Earth. Either way, it's not the Earth that we want.
MK: Then how do we get to the Earth that we want?
Shade: ...let's ask some locals.
[they walk up to some random guy]
Shade: Excuse me, sir?
Man: Yup?
Shade: How do we get to Earth?
Man: The real one?
Chao: No, the one we just made up.
[Shade hits Chao]
Shade: Yes, the real one.
Man: Oh, uh.. I don't know, but.. I know a guy who DOES.
Shade: Anything'll help.
Man: Alright. There's a record store downtown.. an old-school record store owned by a Mister Pirkle. Real name.
TD: This "Mister Pirkle..." he didn't happen to be mayor of any town, did he?
Dark: lolurfbownd
Man: I don't believe so. I dunno. He might have been. Anyway, the record store is called "One for the Vinyl."
Shade: Ooh, I'm liking that name. Thanks for the tip, dude!
Man: Uh-huh.
[they walk away]
[pause]
[they come back]
Shade: Which way is downtown?
Man: That-a way, little man.
Shade: Thanks!
[they hurry down that-a way]
[somewhere down the line, their hurrying is hindered by a horrendously huge helter skelter]
[the helter skelter had fallen down onto the road, blocking passage; a detour must be taken]
Shade: Hold on, guys. Imma gunna ask a policeman where the detour goes.
[Shade asks a policeman where the detour goes]
Shade: ...deep into the wrong side of downtown. The catacombs, you could say.
Dark: The kind of place where every street looks the same, and unsuspecting tourists get lost and eventually die?
Shade: Yep, that kind of place.
Chao: Oh, I'm sure it won't be that bad.
[the camera pans upward, showing a bird's-eye shot of the downtown district]
[it's miles and miles and miles of endless street mazes]
[cut to the chao walking down a long, winding road]
Dark: Ugh... Shade... how much longer until we get there?
Shade: I.. I don't know, buddy.
[they turn through various streets, and see all the same buildings and all the same cars]
Chao: You idiot, I think we're lost.
Shade: Hey, you're the one who said it wouldn't be that bad.
Chao: ...shut up.
MK: Hey, wait a minute.. why don't I just fly us there? I mean, I've got a flying ability.
GIR: HEY so do I!
Shadow: Wait, why didn't you guys bring this up when we needed to get to Prison Island?
MK+GIR: We.... forgot!
Shade: Alright, fine, fly us.
[so Mecha and GIR fly them into the air]
Shade: Okay.. everyone, look for a shop called "One for the Vinyl."
Dark: Is that it down there? The shop with the giant vinyl record on top?
Shade: ...probably. Let's go down and check.
[Mecha and GIR fly them down to the shop]
[the camera shows a dramatic shot of them standing in front of an old, run-down building]
["One for the Vinyl" is written on the front]
Chapter 25: Place for My Head
[the gang enters the shop and sees a guy (with a beard) sitting at the counter, listening to a record]
Shade: Um.. hello. Are you--
Man: Shhhh.
Shade: O..kay.
[the man listens to the record ("Octavarium" -Dream Theater), slowly nodding his head]
[eventually, it ends, and he takes it and puts it back in its sleeve]
Man: Alright, so what do you want?
Shade: Are you Mister Pirkle?
Pirkle: The very same. You were sent, then?
Shade: Yeah, uh.. this one guy sent us.
Pirkle: Oh. Dirge. Anyway, I understand you probably want something, then?
Shade: Yes. It is MY understanding that you know how to get to Earth.
Pirkle: Hm. You wish to go.. to Earth? Pourwhat, my amies?
Shadow: We've got to defeat an evil demon.
Pirkle: Oh. The Tenacious D pact. I see. ...this is intense. Alright, well, I DO know a way...
Shade: And what is it?
Pirkle: You've got to find the rare juice of the Irken flower.
Zim: OBJECTION, you pathetic music slave! There's no such thing as an Irken flower.
Pirkle: Holy cheez-its, it's a real Irken!
Zim: Yes, so I know you're full of the same stuff that made the world explode.
Pirkle: Okay! Okay, fine, I'll.. I'll take you to Earth. Follow me.
[they follow Pirkle to a small closet]
Pirkle: I shall now say the magic words...
[he clears his throat]
Pirkle: KLAATU! BARADA! NIKTO!
[flash flash flash bang]
Dark: MY EYES!
Chapter 26: Critical Acclaim
[the chao find themselves in the same room as Mephiles]
Mp: ..whoa, fuckitydoodah, I didn't.. realize you'd get here so fast. I haven't even begun sending evil at you yet!
MK: Man, no offense, but.. you SUCK at being evil.
Mp: Ack!
TD: Yeah, I think Mecha's right. You're.. you couldn't even be evil to a toilet.
Mp: Sh..shut up, guys!
Zim: Yes, so far, you've done quite.. useless things. You're terribly terrible!
Mp: Hey.. hey, shut up, you guys!
GIR: WHEEEE, YOU'RE WORSE THAN I AM!
Mp: Raaaagh, shut up!
MK: Yeah, if YOU were all we had to worry about, then I.. man, we were pretty naive.
TD: Yes, let's just throw him in jail, or something.
[cut to Mephiles being thrown in jail]
Mp: D..dammit! I hate you guys!
[the gang heads back to the Dark Garden]
Shade: Hey, why are you guys still with us?
MK: We have nothing better to do.
Zim: He's right, you know.
Shade: Okay, then. HEY, EGGMAN!
[Eggman enters, along with Levity Nite]
Egg: Congratulations, you have defeated Mephiles!
Shade: It wasn't hard. At all.
TD: Yeah, he's a moron.
Egg: Yep, he certainly is. Anyway, you called, Shade?
Shade: Yes, I did. You said you have the locations of the next two chaos drives.
Nite: Heheh.. we certainly do.
Egg: Yes. We do.
Shadow: Can you tell us them?
Egg: Of course! The one you are currently looking for is somewhere in this garden.
Nite: And the next one is somewhere on the Chao World, in the future. Not in Euphoria, though.
Shadow: Uh..huh. Cool. So where's the one we're looking for now?
Egg: Somewhere in here. Enjoy looking for it.
[Eggman and Nite disappear]
Chao: Huh. Funny. I don't remember there being any chaos drives in here.
Shade: Me, neither.
Shadow: Well, it's obviously hidden very well.
Dark: Like the Sky Temple keys!
Shade: UGH.. please don't remind me of Metroid Prime 2, Dark.
MK: What's wrong with Echoes?
Shade: Nothing.. it's one of my all-time favorite games, but.. damn, I hate the Sky Temple.
TD: Oh, right, the Ing Emperor.
Shade: *cringe* I.. I suddenly feel the need to mash my thumb on the "A" button.
MK: Well, I suddenly feel the need to jump up and down repeatedly to avoid being gassed to death.
Dark: Don't forget the ammo system.
[Shade, Mecha, and the Doll all groan loudly]
Shade: And having to constantly try to stay alive in that battle, trying to get ammo...
MK: Then there's the fact that his weak spot only stays lit for, like.. seconds at a time. With often minute-long intervals.
Shade: At least the song was good.
TD: Dude, all Metroid music is good.
Shade: True. Remember Torvus' catacombs?
MK: Oh, man, sounds like ecstasy. And.. and Dark Agon still sends chills down my spine. ..wait. My.. support.. robot.. thing.
Shade: Ooh, and Rundas.. from Corruption, y'know?
TD: Damn, he's still one of my favorite bosses ever. Gandrayda also had an awesome song.
Shade: That, she did.. that, she did.
Dark: Anybody remember Quadraxis?
MK: Tsk.. man, why you always gotta bring up the annoying parts?
Dark: It's what I do.
Shade: Quadraxis, man.. freaking Quadraxis.
TD: Fighting in the Dark World's atmosphere before you had the Light Suit.. argh.
MK: Yeah, but the Light Suit was awesome when you finally got it. You could teleport and everything!
TD: Hells yes. Too bad you only get to wear it during all the crazy-hard parts.
Shade: Yeah, but that means we can associate it with true badassery.
Shadow: Hey, isn't Echoes the one with Dark Samus?
Shade: Depends what you mean. Corruption also had her in it. You talkin' Wii, or Cube?
Shadow: Gamecube, I think.
Shade: Then yeah, Echoes is the one.
MK: Ah, dude, the Dark Samus battles were the best.
Shade: Yeah, yeah, they... they were.
[pause]
Shade: Well, we should probably start looking for that Sky T--CHAOS DRIVE!
MK: Yes. We should.
Chapter 27: Dawn Patrol
[they split up and search every inch of the garden for the chaos drive]
Shade: Find anything?
Chao: Not a scrap.
GIR: I found myself.
Shade: Uh-huh. Okay, how about back here, in this cave that was introduced in Season One?
Shadow: We can check it.
[Shade inputs a secret code on a tombstone; the tombstone moves, revealing a cave]
MK: Damn.
Shade: Yeah, I haven't been in here for a good few seasons and at least two years, so.. it's really old and dusty.
[they enter the cave]
[Mecha has some kind of flashlight built in (as does GIR), too]
[after a minute or two, all sources of light vanish, leaving just the flashlights]
Chao: Shade, how come I never knew about this?
Shade: 'Cause you're not the true ruler of the Dark Garden, that's why.
Chao: Very funny.
Shade: No, really. My dad showed me this cave shortly after I became ruler, just as HIS dad did for him.
Chao: Hmph. Well... well.... shut up.
TD: Stop arguing, guys. It's freaky enough as it is down here without you guys going all mental.
Shade+Chao: Fine.
[they come to a fork in the cave]
Shade: Huh. I don't recall THIS being in here.
Dark: I think these caves change every time.
Shade: Nonsense! Now, which way should we go?
TD: Uh.. how about we split up? I mean, there's eight of us...
Shade: Okay! Me, Shadow, Mecha and the Doll will go to the left. You guys will go right.
[they do that]
[cut to the folks on the left]
Shadow: Say, Shade?
Shade: Yep?
Shadow: Where do these caves lead?
Shade: The funny thing is, I have no idea. I never really.. got too far. Nor did I ask my dad.
MK: Well then.. I guess we're about to find out, huh?
Shade: I guess so.
[they keep walking]
?: Who's there?
All: Wha?!
TD: We are merely travelers, looking for the chaos drives.
Shade: Well, okay, so I'm the ruler of the Dark Garden, but these three are mere travelers.
?: You want the chaos drive? You don't want the chaos drive.
Shade: Um... yes, we do.
?: No. You don't. Trust me.
Shade: Yes, we most certainly DO. Trust ME.
?: Oh, yeah? Why should I trust you?
Shade: I'm a Dark/Swim chao.
?: ...oh, okay, that's a sufficient reason, yeah.
[the voice fades]
Shadow: ...that was strange.
MK: Tell me about it.
[these guys keep walking-- let's check in on the other four]
Chapter 28: Disappear
Chapter 29: El Dorado
[the eight characters suddenly meet up at the end of the tunnel]
Shade: Whoa. Did you guys just...
Dark: ..hear some random voice talk to us? Yep.
Shadow: Where in the world do these caves lead?
MK: Damn, kid, will you quit askin' that? We'll find out when we find out!
[they reach the light at the end of the tunnel]
[the light blinds them]
[when it fades, they find themselves in Los Angeles, California]
All: What the?
Shade: I didn't know the Dark Garden was in Los Angeles.
Chao: Explains why the water's red.
TD: WAIT! Guys! Do you know what ELSE is in LA?
GIR: Arby n' the Chief?
Dark: Hollywood?
Shadow: Wait, no, you don't mean...
[pause]
[the gang runs off-screen as fast as possible]
[cut to the Los Angeles Convention Center]
MK: EEEEK! :D
TD: Get ahold of yourself, Mecha.
MK: I'm sorry! It's just so... eeeek!
Shade: We need tickets first, don't we?
Dark: Shit. Who has monies?
Zim: Calm your foolish terrestrial nerves. The awesome ZIM!!! has some of your pathetic Earth monies.
[Zim pays the fare and they enter the left building, wandering around]
Shadow: Wait, guys. Someone needs to ask the obligatory "Exposition" question.
GIR: Me! Me! I wanna do it! ....whatsa happenin'?!?!
Shade: Three words, GIR. Electronic Entertainment Expo.
Dark: E3!
Chao: Are you telling me that we're going to spend the next few episodes not doing anything?
Shade: Preeeetty much.
Chao: So we're just yet another source that's giving the public info and comments on the upcoming games?
Shade: Yup.
Chao: Out of millions of sources doing the exact same thing, except better?
Shade: That's it in a nutshell.
Chao: ...alright, I'm in.
Shadow: Hang on, yesterday was PrE3, right? The day before E3? Shouldn't we cover what was announced then?
Shade: *sigh* Fine.
- In the Pre-Pre Show, some form of Alan Wake DLC was announced, as well as some other indie games n' such.
- During the Microsoft press conference, we learned about Need for Speed, Fable III, Halo: Reach, Metal Gear Solid: Rising...
Dark: We are SO doing a script adaption of that last one. :P
Shade: Definitely. Anyway, there was also...
- Gears of War 3 (plus lambent berserker), some Call of Duty something or other, and.. some weird Kingdoms.. thingy.
- Then Project: Natal was shown, except much more polished and under the name of "Kinect."
Dark: They spelled "connect" wrong.
Shade: Oh, Dark. You know it won't make any difference since today's kids can't spell.
Dark: Right! Silly me.
Shade: But Kinect looks relatively interesting.
- It'll have some form of.. dashboard? I dunno. It tracks you, and it's a camera but it's not a camera.
Dark: There were tons of EyeToy-esque games showcased, including a Star Wars thingie I slept through!
Shade: Right. Then they finally announced...
- There'll be a NEW type of Xbox 360. It's slim, black, sleek, has 250 gigs of hard drive data, and costs a fortune.
Dark: Then the other two conferences were pretty boring, right?
Shade: Pretty much. Electronic Arts was all this racing and Dead Space and sports n' stuff. BUT!
Dark: But?
Shade: Ubisoft's presentation was hilarious. The host had some pretty laugh-out-loud humour, in my opinion.
Dark: And your opinion is the same as DJay's, so we get the message. What games were announced?
Shade: Uh.. Assassin's Creed 3, Ghost Recon, Shaun White Skateboarding, a new laser tag, a Wii Vitality Sensor for the PC...
Dark: Anything else?
Shade: Oh! A Michael Jackson video game.
Dark: say wuuuuuuut?
Shade: That reminds me! Harmonix is also making a dance game for Kinect. It looks pretty decent.
Dark: But we love Harmonix, anyway, so...
Shade: Yeah. Let's go over to Mecha to find out what we have to look forward to. Mecha?
MK: Thanks, Shade. Today, the first OFFICIAL day of E3, has the following events scheduled:
- We've got Nintendo's presentation first up...
- Followed by Sony's press conference.
- The rest of the day will be filled with playable demos of games, and.. trailers and stuff.
TD: Of course, we won't be able to play those demos since DJay's just sitting at his computer at home.
MK: He's not at E3?
TD: Hell, no! He only decided to tie these things together 'cause he ran out of ideas for this script.
MK: Well, that, and E3's a pretty big event. Maybe he figured we should show some interest in video games?
TD: ...maybe.
Shade: So when's the Nintendo presentation starting?
MK: Uh... forty-five minutes.
Shade: Damn. What will we do until then?
Dark: Let's run around and play some demos!
[the others agree and run off]
[they come together in time for Nintendo's press conference]
Chapter 30: Visions of Angels
[after some trivia n' bitz, Reggie Fils-Aime walks on-stage]
[applause]
Dark: Hmph.
Shadow: What's up, don't you like Reggie?
Dark: He's been the face of evil for us MOTHER fans. Always telling us how there are no plans to import MOTHER 3...
TD: Shh! It's starting.
[Reggie starts up the conference with a small intro, then shows the first game...]
Shade: It's gonna be Zelda. Just watch. It'll be Zelda.
[The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword for the Nintendo Wii!]
Shade: Called it.
[the trailer shows colourful environments and typical Zelda goodness]
Dark: Psst. Hey, Shade.
Shade: Yeah?
Dark: Why haven't we visited any Zelda games yet?
Shade: 'Cause DJay's never actually beaten one. He never even really got into them.
[as the game is showcased, some technical difficulties prevent the full features to be shown]
Dark: Ha, the Wii MotionPlus is fucking up.
[the first game ends, and next on the list...]
[Reggie mentions how a certain character has been through many different sports]
Shade: Mario.
[..and how the next game will expand the range of sports fans.. or whatever, I wasn't paying attention]
Shade: Mario Football?
Dark: You mean Rugby?
Shade: Yeah, but the weaker version.
[...Mario Sports Mix, for the Nintendo Wii. Features volleyball, hockey, and basketball]
Shade: But wait.. Mario's already done all three of those!
Dark: In some cases, twice.
[then we see Mii Party, also for the Wii]
Shade: Wait, "Party?" Lemme guess.. it's a board game.
[board game! Plus 13 minigames]
Shade: Called it. *facepalm* Wish I was wrong.
MK: Tsk, couldn't they have just made Mario Party 9, given it a hundred minigames, and added full Mii support?
TD: Nah, that's way too risky for the big N.
Dark: Bash Ninten all you want, guys.. I know they'll come through and give us some amazing stuff.
[Next up, Just Dance 2 for the Wii-- appears to be some kind of dance game]
Dark: *facepalm* Please, Ninty.
[A DS title: Golden Sun: Dark Dawn]
TD: Wasn't this that series where you had to be playing in broad daylight in order to get good?
Chao: What, was it hard to see what was going on?
TD: No, I could've sworn there was some UV-ray detector, or something...
MK: Obviously not in this one.
[Reggie abruptly segues the games from "Golden Sun" to...]
[Goldeneye 007, revamped for the Nintendo Wii!]
["Online multiplayer" and all that jazz the mainstream people apparently care about]
Shade: Meh. I wish Retro Studios was still making the Prime games. Now THOSE were shooters.
Dark: You mean they were ADVENTURES. With shooter elements!
Shade: Yeah, but they were still better shooters than some of this stuff.
MK: I dunno, kid. Maybe you're too young, but Goldeneye was pretty damn awesome.
[next on the list, another Wii title...]
[Epic Mickey!]
Shadow: Ah, I've heard of this game. It sounds promising.
Shade: Gotta admit, I agree.
[we are shown clips of exploring, and a 2D platformer level]
Dark: That 2D section looks a little difficult.
MK: Meh. If you want difficult, play some Megaman.
[somewhere in the next monologue, Kirby was mentioned]
Dark: Huh?
[it was mentioned how he has not had a proper console game in seven years]
Dark: Huh? Huh?
[and the trailer to a new Kirby game begins]
Dark: Huh? Huh? Huh?!
[it shows the whole world with an art style as if everything were made of yarn]
Dark: ......huh? o_o
[the trailer shows some typical Kirby stuff, but in the new art style]
[new copy abilities are shown, such as turning into a giant.. robot thing]
[two yarn-made bosses are shown, as well, befor the title is revealed]
[Kirby's Epic Yarn, for the Nintendo Wii]
Dark: ..................huh? What the heck was THAT?
Shade: It was odd. Kinda reminded me of Kirby's Dreamland 3.
Dark: I hope it'll be as good as that, or even close to that.
[next up, Dragon Quest IX is shown]
[Dark falls asleep]
Shadow: Whoa, what's up with him?
Shade: He doesn't like Square Enix.
[120 mini-quests, up to five-player co-op]
[the trailer ends and Dark wakes up]
[suddenly, in comes a Metroid: Other M montage!]
Dark: YES.
[various action-filled scenes are shown as a remix of an earlier Super Metroid song plays in the background]
Dark: ME LIKEY.
[huge bosses, morph ball stuff, lots of scanning]
Shade: That's.. that's awesome.
[and box art!]
Dark: Nerdgasm.
[once again, that was Metroid: Other M, for the Nintendo Wii]
Chao: Well, I think it's easy to tell what DJay likes and dislikes. :P
TD: Eh. He has to keep it DCA-style, doesn't he?
[then, Retro Studios is mentioned]
Dark: Yes?!
[and Donkey Kong is shown]
Dark: Aw.
[however, the trailer shows some big levels, much in the style of the older Donkey Kong Country games]
Shade: This one looks interesting.
[Donkey Kong Country Returns, for the Nintendo Wii]
[finally, Reggie brings in Saturo Iwata to talk about the final product]
[Iwata gives a loooooong and tech-filled speech about the new Nintendo 3DS]
Shadow: So... it's a DS... that can play 3D... without 3D glasses?
MK: *whistle* Damn, just lookit those graphics, too.
[a trailer is shown for Kid Icarus: Uprising, with quality close to the Wii's]
Shade: Huh. Nintendo knows what they're doing, I suppose.
[Iwata finally gives off a list of third-party developers who are currently working on 3DS games]
[in the list are Level-5, Konami, Capcom, Team Ninja, Ubisoft... a lot of big names]
[our characters sit in awe]
TD: Gonna be a good year.
Shade: Definitely.
[Reggie comes back and ends the presentation by giving demos of the 3DS and Skyward Sword]
[our characters leave the room]
Dark: ...fuck yeah, Nintendo.
Shade: It was a good press conference.
Chao: I liked it.
Shadow: Some interesting technology.
MK: I'm a little disappointed, 'cause I was somehow expecting Rock Band 3. Maybe it's because of the official E3 website that told us Rock Band 3 was under Nintendo.
TD: Freakin' websites, man. But I liked the stuff we saw.
Zim: Meh. It was not bad.
GIR: I like the little Kirby guy! :D
Shade: All we can do now is wait for the Sony conference.
[they wait, and the Sony conference eventually starts]
Chapter 31: Another Brick in the Wall, pt. 2
[as soon as the Sony conference starts and a trailer of Killzone 3 begins, Shade, Dark, Mecha and the Doll fall asleep]
[cut to much later; Chao wakes Shade up]
Chao: Shade? Shade?
Shade: Eh, ugh, what is it?
Chao: Isn't that that guy from that company you guys like?
[onstage is Gabe Newell, from Valve]
Shade: Oh, shoot! Dark, Mecha, Tails Doll, get up! It's time for Valve's surprise!
[the others get up]
MK: Finally. I've been waitin' for a looong time for this.
[Gabe mentions how Portal 2 will be coming to the PS3, and how the PS3 will be getting full Steam Cloud support]
[oh, and the PS3 version will be the "best version on any console"]
[then he plays a trailer, but the four gamer nerds are too busy facepalming to watch]
Shadow: Wow, Portal 2 looks very cool.
Shade: Ugh... I don't want to see it.
Shadow: Why not?
Dark: It is on the devil's machine. Giygas, himself, is kept within that system.
MK: Load of crock.
TD: I'm... I'm... I'm gettin' outta here.
Shade: Wait for us.
[Shade, Dark, Mecha, and the Tails Doll get up and leave the room]
[the rest of the presentation.. ah, other than Gran Turismo 5 having a Top Gear track in it, I have no idea]
[cut to after the presentation]
Chapter 32: If You Have to Ask
Shade: I.. I can't believe it, man.
Dark: My life is a lie.
Shade: Mine, too.
Dark: What will happen to Projekt: Drattmanc0meth?
Shade: DJay'll probably still make it, but.. I dunno, man... it's just.... ahhh.
[enter Chao, Shadow, Zim and GIR]
Chao: Are you four done being crybabies?
Zim: Yes. You silly creatures, forming emotional bonds with simulations!
Shadow: Yeah, what he said. It's just a g--
MK: Fuck off!
Shade: Gotta admit, I'd also be pretty ticked if you actually went and said that.
Dark: THAT IS VERY OFFENSIVE. THAT HURTS MY FEELINGS.
TD: Kid, you gotta understand.. it's not JUST a game. It's something we happen to really care about.
Shadow: But how can you be so close to a.. a.. video game?
Shade: It's not just the video game! It's the context behind it. Why it was made, how it was made.. the company that made it.
TD: There's a lot of history riding on that "just a game." A company that has always went for the underdog...
Shade: And thus, always went for me. 'Cause I, too, always go for the underdog.
MK: Of course, Sony's never been the underdog.
TD: Only once, when they first attempted to make a game console, were they even considered to be close to an underdog.
Shadow: Really? What made them the underdog?
TD: Back then, Sony was the dominator of simple technology.
Shade: Then they decided to make the PlayStation.. which, at that time, was a foolish idea.
MK: Nintendo was the dominatrix of video game consoles, after all.
Shade: Of course, that idea ended up being very successful. From then on, Sony was not even considered to be the underdog.
TD: Then along came Valve. Sure, they made some revolutionary games, but they're still somehow relatively unknown.
MK: To the mainstream mass, anyway.
TD: If you're lucky, you can find people who know about Counter-Strike or Left 4 Dead, or Team Fortress.. or Half-Life.
MK: Either way, Valve isn't the most well-known of game companies.
TD: But no matter what, Valve will always root for the weaker guy.
MK: We'd give you examples, except.. we can't really think of any.
Dark: Narbacular Drop was invented by a small group of experimental indie game makers. One day, Valve happened to see the
game, and decided to hire the small team to work on a new game, later dubbed "Portal."
TD: Perfect example.
Dark: Counter-Strike, Team Fortress and Day of Defeat are all just mods of Half-Life. Valve liked the mods enough that they
decided to hire the people who made the mods to work full-time.
MK: Yeah, there's a good example, too.
Dark: Even the ever-popular "Forge" mode on Halo 3 is pretty much just a copypasta of Garry's Mod, for Half-Life 2. However,
Bungie added limits to it. They added limits on how much you could spawn, limited the boundaries of noclip, took out the
spawnable NPCs and entities.. however, they did add spawnable spawn points. That's about it, though.
Shade: My favourite example, that one.
Dark: That, added to the fact that Valve has often stated how the PlayStation 3 was glitchy and difficult to use, really
made this "E3 surprise" a rather unpleasant one. I hope you understand.
Shadow: Uhh... wow, yeah, I understand now.
Shade: .....ROCK BAND 3 LOOK LOOK LOOK
[they run to the Rock Band 3 booth]
Chapter 33: Band on the Run
[they wait their turn and set up their instruments]
Shade: Whoaaaa, nelly. Expert Pro!
Dark: ...give me the guitar.
Shade: Dark, you think you can handle that?
Dark: Give me the guitar.
[Shade hands Dark the 102-button guitar controller]
Dark: I need a bassist.
TD: Yo.
[the Tails Doll grabs the Pro bass controller]
Dark: Shade?
[Shade warms up his drum kit]
Shade: A-ready when you are.
Dark: Vocalists!
MK: Yo~
Zim: Hello~
GIR: HALLO~
Dark: Shadow?
[Shadow plays a scale on the keyboard controller]
Shadow: Let me attem.
Dark: Good. Now let's play us some White Stripes!
Chao: You guys go on and do that. I'll just sit here.
[so the new Rubber Goose plays "The Hardest Button to Button," by The White Stripes]
We started living in an old house
My ma gave birth and we were checking it out
It was a baby boy
So we bought him a toy
It was a ray gun
And it was 1981
We named him Baby
He had a toothache
He started crying
It sounded like an earthquake
It didnt last long
Because I stopped it
I grabbed a rag doll
And stuck some little pins in it
Now were a family
And were alright now
We got money and a little place
To fight now
We dont know you
And we dont owe you
But if you see us around
I got something else to show you
Now its easy when you dont know better
You think its sleazy?
Then put it in a short letter
We keep warm
But theres just something wrong when you
Just feel like youre the hardest little button
To button
I had opinions
That didnt matter
I had a brain
That felt like pancake batter
I got a backyard
With nothing in it
Except a stick
A dog
And a box with something in it
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button
The hardest button to button!
[they finish]
Dark: ...we failed it shortly after we started, you know.
Shade: Oh, we did?
Dark: Yeah. I think we just.. jammed.
MK: Whatever. FUCK YEAH WHITE STRIPES
Shade: E3 is fun. Can't wait for tomorrow.
Chao: You mean there's MORE?!
Shade: Three days, Chao. Three days. This was the first.
[close-up of Shade's face]
Shade: And somethin' tells me we were just getting started.
Chapter 34: Get off of My Cloud
[our heroes spend the day looking around, playing some games]
Chao: Wait, so no press conferences today?
Shade: Not really.
Chao: So why are we still here, again?
Dark: WE WANNA PLAY GAMES SHUT UP
Shadow: No, wait, I think Chao has a good point. Why did we come here?
MK: Wasn't it.. uh.. the caves led us here.
Shadow: Yeah, but why were we in the caves?
TD: To look for the chaos drive, right?
Shadow: There we go. And whatsisname said the chaos drive was in the Dark Garden.
Dark: WAIT FIRST LOOK GUITAR HERO 6
[our four gaming nerds (Shade, Dark, Mecha and the Tails Doll) run off to the Activision booth]
[they point and laugh for a bit]
[they come back]
Dark: Sorry, what were you saying?
Shadow: ..we need to look for the chaos drive.
[some random dude comes up to them]
Dude: Hey, nice costumes. Those your kids?
MK: Uh.. yeah. These are our kids. We got them to dress up like chao. Ain't they adorable?
Dude: Yeah, they're cute.
TD: Listen, person. We're looking for a chaos drive. Any idea where those are?
Dude: Chaos drives? You mean.. from Sonic Adventure 2?
MK: Those are the ones.
Dude: Aren't they in every stage? Like.. you gotta destroy robots to get 'em.
TD: You misunderstand me. I mean LITERALLY, where are they? Here, in real life?
Dark: You mean... our life isn't real?!
Dude: Hahahaha, nice reference, kid. You know about DCA?
Dark: Um... sure. I love fan fiction.
Dude: I'm surprised you guys know. I mean.. like.. NOBODY reads Sonic fanfiction anymore.
Shade: Yeah, gotta agree with you there.
Dude: ..oh, man, you're dressed as post-Grey Journey Shade, aren't you?
Shade: Uh.... why, yes, I am. He's dressed as Dark, he as Shadow, and him as Season seven Chao.
Dude: Ohh, man, Chao only just recently became a dark chao, didn't he? Man, you guys are up-to-date.
Chao: Very, yes.
Dude: I think.. I think we're the only guys who still read the new ones.
Shade: I think so, too. ..who are you, again?
Dude: Oh, I'm.. I'm Charles Boberson. I'm a long-time reader, but I don't comment. Who are you guys?
MK: Come with us, and we'll tell you.
Chapter 35: Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn
[they lead him out of the convention center]
Charles: Where are we going?
Shade: Back to our house.
[they search through LA for a bit]
TD: ..wait, where'd it go?
MK: The cave?
TD: Yeah! It's gone!
Chao: Is it really?
TD: Well, I can't find it, and I think this is where we entered.
Charles: Huh? Cave? You mean.. like the one the DCA guys went through last episode?
Shade: That exact one. We can't find it.
Charles: ..you guys know DCA isn't real, right? There's no cave in Los Angeles that leads to the Dark Garden.
Shade: Well, not anymore. There WAS one.. somehow. I think. Or maybe the cave led us to a teleporter?
Chao: That would explain the blinding flash of white light we encountered.
Charles: You mean.. you mean that THEY encountered. Guys, it's fun to cosplay, but.. really.
Zim: Oh, can it, Earth bean. We are not cosplaying. I am the true ZIM!
GIR: And I'm me!
MK: Will the real Mecha Knuckles please stand up? Please stand up? Oh, that's right; I AM standing up!
TD: Real. And I can still curse people, so don't doubt us.
Shadow: But yeah, we're real. And I really need to find that chaos drive.
Charles: No way. You can't be serious.
MK: Ah, you caught us. We're Bang Camaro in costumes.
Shade: Some of us are flexible enough to fit in these damn chao costumes, too.
Charles: But.. but.. but DCA's not real! It's fan fiction!
TD: And we hate to break it to you, but.. that means YOU'RE not real, either.
Charles: Wh..wha?
MK: Whoa, that's an awesome idea for a book. Guy lives life, guy finds out his whole life was just fan fiction.
Shade: Wasn't that a Red Dwarf episode?
Dark: No, I've got one! Guy lives life, guy finds out his whole life was just so he could say "Hi" to the character the fan fiction is based around.
Shade: Nice.
Charles: But aw, no, that's... aaaahhhhhhh!!!
Chao: Whoa, Dark, I think you just explained this poor guy's life.
Dark: Oh.
[pause]
Dark: I'm sorry, buddy.
Charles: What am I gonna do?! This is horrible!
Shade: Well, for starters, since your life has no meaning anymore, you can give it meaning by helping us.
Charles: I.. I guess I could do that. You said you wanted to get home?
Dark: Please.
Charles: Well.. okay, I think I can help. I can take you guys to this one Chao Transporter nearby.
Shade: You know about a Chao Transporter, yet you didn't think we were real?
Charles: I thought the Chao Transporter was fake.
[Charles gets to his car or whatever and drives our heroes off onto the highway]
Chapter 36: St. Andrews (This Battle is in the Air)
[on the highway, Charles drives them down to the seaside]
Shade: Okay, cool, is this guy some kind of beach hut witch doctor, or something?
Charles: Something like that.
[he drives the car onto the beach and drives towards the ocean]
MK: Uh.. heh heh.. dude? Whatcha doing?
[he slams on the gas]
Dark: SHIT, HE'S FLIPPIN' A BITCH!
TD: BAIL! BAIL!
[they try the doors]
Dark: It's no good! The child safety locks are on!
Charles: *wild laughter* If my life is meaningless, then I don't give a damn anymore! You guys can come along, too!
MK: Unlock the cocking doors, man!
Charles: No way!
Zim: GIR. Grab the wheel.
GIR: But I don't have a license! :c I'll get arrested.
Zim: Do it for the hell of it.
GIR: WHEEEE!
[GIR hops up and grabs the wheel]
Charles: Hey! No! Get off!
[the car swerves around and the people on the beach run away]
[Mecha leaps for the wheel, too]
[Mecha rips the wheel right off]
[all of them stare at Mecha, holding the wheel in his hands]
MK: ...uhh... heh. Guess I don't know my own strength.
Charles: Guess you're going down with me, then.
Shadow: Guess again, buddy.
[the car is currently driving into some kind of.. thing that will stop the car slowly]
Shade: "Some kind of thing that will stop the car slowly?" That's the best you can come up with?
[look, I don't know much about how to stop a car, okay?]
[Charles sighs, and unlocks all the doors]
[our heroes get out]
[Charles leaves]
Chao: I must admit, Shade, I never once thought you were capable of getting a grown man to want to end his life.
Shade: Eh, look at it like this-- he's not a real person.
Chao: Yes, but it's still quite the mature theme.
Shadow: "Mature theme?"
Shade: Pfft, now you're trying to make us seem like some poncy little pretentious... thing.
TD: Hey, Zim. Thanks for getting GIR to save us.
Zim: Eh, it's no problem. We're just the two guys who stay quiet, but occasionally save the day.
TD: Yeah, but.. still. Thanks.
Chao: Shade, how we look doesn't matter. How the heck are we supposed to get home now?
MK: ..wait a minute. I can fly.
[the chao faint (anime-style!)]
Shadow: How the hell do you forget something like that?!
MK: I.. I don't know!
Shade: Mecha, we need you to fly us to Zim's house.
Zim: Eh? Why mine?
Shade: Don't you have a teleporter?
Zim: I have it on me right now.
[everyone else faints]
TD: Teleport us back to the Dark Garden, man!
Zim: Okay! Hold your horses.
[beep!]
[ZZZZZZZAP]
Chapter 37: Distant Early Warning
[they arrive in the Dark Garden]
[Red is there]
Red: Hey, guys!
[also Levity Nite is here]
Nite: Back from E3 so soon?
Shade: Yeah.. all the press conferences are over.
Nite: You have not yet found the third chaos drive.
Shadow: Yeah, about that... it's in this Garden, right? Not in California?
Nite: Correct. It is not anywhere on the Earth.
Shadow: Then what's up with that strange cave taking us there?
Nite: That was a little.. prototype teleporter.. ah, don't worry too much about it.
MK: Dude, could you just give us a little hint as to where this thing is?
Nite: Why would I have to give you any hints? This is a very small garden.
Chao: But I've had access to all of this garden for two years now. I know it inside and out.
Shade: And I know it even better than HE does, but we can't find anything.
Nite: Isn't there someone who knows it even better than you?
[Levity suddenly fades away]
Shade: Someone who knows the Dark Garden better than I?
Shadow: IS there someone like that, Shade?
Shade: I.. I don't know.
[pause]
Shade: OH!
[Levity appears again]
Nite: You want me to take you guys anywhere?
Shade: Yes. Take us to the Chao World... to a certain small hut.
[the chao find themselves in the Chao World, outside a certain small hut]
Shade: The only person who knows the Dark Garden better than even I do...
[inside the hut is Shawn the Dark, coughing heavily]
Shade: ..whoa, Dad, are you alright?
Shawn: Son.. *hack hack cough* what.. what is it?
Shade: Well, um.. we.. we came because there's supposedly a chaos drive in the Dark Garden.
Shawn: Oh.. oh that? *cough cough cough* That's.. a deeply guarded secret.. handed down from generation to generation.
Shade: And why did I never find out about it?
Shawn: You're a.. a swim chao at heart. I could tell. This is a Run drive. Not for you.
Shade: Well, my friend Shadow is--
Shawn: Yep, he's a run chao. Alright, kid, come here.
[Shadow comes closer to Shawn]
[Shawn whispers something to him]
Shadow: Oh, wow, I never would have guessed that!
Shade: Wait, Dad, if it's only passed down to run chao...
Shawn: Well, to run chao or whenever the chao actually needs to know about it.
Shadow: We've got the info. Let's go.
Shawn: Go on, guys. *cough hack wheeze*
[the chao leave; the Tails Doll stays]
TD: ...hey, man. What's wrong with you?
Shawn: I'm.. I'm reverting.
TD: Reverting? To what?
[Shawn shakes his head]
TD: ...oh, kibblesnbitz.
Shawn: I.. didn't have the heart to tell him.
TD: I don't think even I can tell him.
Shawn: I guess he'll just have to find out the hard way.
TD: Yeah... listen, keep up a positive attitude. You can fight out of this somehow.
Shawn: I fear it may end up worse than last time.
TD: ..damn.
[the Tails Doll leaves]
Chapter 38: Win Some, Lose Some
[our heroes teleport into the Garden]
Shade: So Shadow, where'd he say the chaos drive is?
Shadow: If what he said was right, and I have no reason to doubt him, then it should be in.. THIS grave, here.
[they walk up to a gravestone that reads "Chad"]
Dark: Who the flick is "Chad?"
Shade: I have no idea. I always thought he was some old guy who nobody liked.
Shadow: Apparently, he's not a real chao. It's fake.
MK: Either way, I've been waiting for a chance to do this!
[Mecha's arms turn into two giant drills, and he digs down into the ground]
[he hits a box and takes it back up to the surface]
MK: Here. Open it.
[Shadow opens it, and inside is a note]
"Hey guys. Thought I'd steal your chaos drive. In replacement, here is a bomb. It will go off today. Love, Mephiles.
PS: I broke out of jail."
All: DAMMIT, MEPHILES.
TD: Gimme the bomb. I'll defuse it.
[they find a bomb in the box and the Doll defuses it]
Shadow: Where do you think we can find him?
Shade: Hm. YO, EGGMAN!
[Eggman appears]
Egg: What, what, what is it?
Shade: We're looking for Mephiles. He broke out of jail. Where is he now?
Egg: If he broke out of jail, then he could be anywhere. That demon can do some pretty weird stuff.
[Levity appears]
Nite: He's in Euphoria.
Egg: Euphoria?
Nite: Euphoria.
Egg: Right. So.. there you go. He's down in the magnificent dystopia of Euphoria.
Shade: Well, we started our hunt there.. may as well end it, too.
Shadow: I'm not looking forward to this.
Dark: Does this mean we have to go through Bioshock? I mean, for real? 'Cause.. I'm not good at it.
Shade: Guess we'll find out when we get there.
MK: H..hey, don't forget, we're coming, too!
Shadow: You guys really want to join us?
Chao: Eh, you guys can, but I'm staying behind.
TD: Unlike him, we will. We've got nothing else to do.
Shadow: What about you, Zim?
Zim: I barely even do anything. I'm out of here.
GIR: WHEEE, WE'RE SUPPLEMENTARY SUPPORT CHARACTERS!
[Zim and GIR uneventfully walk off-screen]
Egg: Okay. You're going to Euphoria now. Shalakazaaam!
[they teleport]
Nite: ...you didn't have to say that, y'know.
Egg: I know...
Chapter 39: Back in the Saddle
[cut to the underwater city of Euphoria]
[our heroes find themselves in the Medical District]
[oh, and Red is also here]
Red: Whoa, whoa, whoa.. how'd I wind up trapped in this?
Shade: You were with us when we first went here. May as well come all the way.
Red: Aaaarrrrgghh... but I don't wanna go through Chao Talk again!
Dark: Euphoria. It's Euphoria. Not that.. that place.
Shade: Dark, man, you've gotta overcome your deep hatred for this place. I'm sure we'll be alright.
Shadow: Yeah, maybe Mallet can help us. Remember him? Now, where'd I put my radio...?
[he pulls out his radio]
MalletR: ..oh, you guys are back on, are ya?
Shadow: Yeah, uh.. sorry about taking so long. We were celebrating the script's fifth birthday.
MK: And E3. Don't forget to mention E3.
Shadow: Uh.. yeah, and E3.
MalletR: Well, I've been sittin' around in this submarine for a while, waitin' fer you guys to come back!
Shadow: ..how did you survive for a month?
MalletR: I dunno, but it's better than the alternative, innit?
Shadow: Good point. Alright, so where do we go from here?
MalletR: There should be a door leading to a Bathysphere transit metro thing somewhere nearby.
[they find it]
MalletR: Right. Is it open?
[Shadow tries it]
Shadow: ..yeah, it is.
MalletR: Thought not. Now go back through the district, and-- what?
Shadow: The door's open.
MalletR: But.. but how?
Shadow: I don't know; it just is! We're going through now.
MalletR: But... uh.. okay, fine. We need to meet up. I'm in Neptunes R Us, remember?
[they go through Neptunes R Us, occasionally shooting up the place, but eventually finding the back rooms]
[in the back rooms, they see a submarine, and head toward it]
[suddenly, some sploicers dive down and set fire to it]
[even though our heroes fight off the sploicers, the submarine still burns far too much]
MalletR: *cough cough* Boys.. get out o' here! Kill Ryan! Kill him!
Shadow: But..!
TD: C'mon, kid. We gotta get out of here.
[they get out as fast as they can]
Shadow: Guys.. Mallet.. man, Mallet's dead!
Dark: He expected the Medical District emergency access door to close. He.. he's played Bioshock. Who was he?
Red: Wasn't he just an ice cream salesman?
Shade: Yeah, who happened to know the inner workings of the video game this city's based on?
TD: Wait, "based on..."
Shade: Yeah, the city's based on Bioshock, isn't it?
TD: Yeah. Simply based on it. Obviously, it's not identical. Just inspired... a lot.
Shadow: Of course! So there'll probably be some new tricks, some differences from the game.
Dark: That doesn't make me fear it any less, guys. D:
Shade: Heh, no, but it should make you look forward to this some more.
Chapter 40: The Hellion
[as they move back to the bathysphere, they get contacted by Andrew Ryder]
RyderR: You creep in like assassins.. yet you sneak out like thieves. You're no CIA spooks. You're just pests.
[Shade gestures for Shadow not to reply]
RyderR: No matter. The only way to deal with pests like you is to get rid of them!
[they move on, to a large, domed-in forest]
Shadow: What is THIS supposed to be?
TD: Seems to me like it's some kind of indoor.. oxygen factory.
[they explore the forest for a bit]
RyderR: I came here to build the impossible. You came here to rob what you could never build.
[Shadow shakes his head]
RyderR: Even the air you breathe is mine! Well, breathe deep... it'll give you a fond memory for when you no longer can.
[they pass by some posters that say "Mallet Lives!"]
Red: Whoa, Mallet is known around here?
MK: If he's on a poster like this, he's bound to have deep haters, as well. Must have done something pretty big.
Shadow: ..I think we should keep moving.
[they make it to the next Bathysphere, no incidents]
Shade: Odd. There's supposed to be a liiiittle bit more opposition than this.
Shadow: Hey, let's take advantage of it while we can, right?
Shade: ..good point.
[the Bathysphere takes them to the Entertainment Center (completely rebuilt and whatnot)]
[they then enter the NEXT bathysphere]
Shadow: Okay, I've never played Bioshock, but I'm sure it's not anywhere near THIS easy.
Dark: Not even close.
[the next stop is the City Hall, home of Andrew Ryder]
Shadow: Alright. Ryder should be in here somewhere.
Shade: ......I think I know where he is. C'mon, guys.
[they go up to the third floor, trying to ignore how this building has not been changed at all]
[in the third floor, they enter a door that has been spraypainted over to read "Ryder"]
RyderR: In the end, all that matters to me.. is me. All that matters to YOU is you. It is the nature of life.
[Shade nods at Mecha, who kicks the door down]
[Ryder is not visible upon first sight]
RyderR: Does your master hear me? Mallet?! I am here, Mallet!
[finally, Shadow picks up the radio]
Shadow: Mallet is DEAD, Andrew.
RyderR: Ah, the parasite decides to speak! Tell me, boy.. how does it feel to see this magnificent city?
Shadow: It feels sickening. I've seen it all before.
RyderR: Yes, of course.. I've heard stories of you. The lost city of Chao Talk.. and the gang of travelers.
MK: Crap, he knows us.
RyderR: Tell me... is the one called "Shade" there?
[they all look at Shade]
[Shade grabs the radio]
Shade: What do you want, Ryder?
RyderR: Shade, you know who I am. Could you maybe tell the audience-- and Shadow-- who I am? Go on.
[Shade looks at Shadow]
Shade: Kid...
Shadow: Do you really know who he is?
Shade: I've had a hunch.
Shadow: Then who is that crazy cook?
Shade: He's.. your father.
Shadow: Wh..what? Ryder, is that true?
RyderR: It cannot be any more true, my child. Now that you know your legacy, perhaps it will make the rest of this easier.
Shadow: The rest of.. what?
RyderR: Could you maybe.. come into my office?
[Shadow walks into the office in front of him]
[Ryder walks out from around a corner, appearing at the top of a staircase in front of Shadow]
[he is a green Dark chao of about Shawn's age]
Ryder: We meet at last.
Shadow: Ryder...
Ryder: Oh, can the contempt! You know nothing of me, nor my works. Your only knowledge of me is what that Mallet fiend said.
Shadow: ..you're.. you're right.
[the door behind him closes]
Ryder: I've heard many tales of you, Shadow. I hear you are the Green One these days.
Shadow: That.. that's right.
[Ryder begins walking down the staircase]
Ryder: I hear you were able to do great things for Doctor Eggman. I hear he's a Veteran now.
Shadow: Um.. well.. yes. You know of the Committee?
Ryder: Of course I do! Boy, they've had their eyes on me for some time now.
Shadow: They have? Hm.. well, what else have you heard?
Ryder: I hear you actually destroyed Metal Sonic.
Shadow: It's not like it was hard, or anything.
[Shade is heard behind the door shouting "YEAH, IT WAS! DON'T LIE!"]
Ryder: *chuckle* I see the Grey One is becoming jealous. You kids haven't changed a bit.
Shadow: Wait, wait, wait.. how can you be my father? Zero kidnapped me and raised me as a child soldier.
Ryder: Yes, he kidnapped you. He stole you away from me. Soon after that, I left the Gardens. Let me clear some space.

I was in a rage. I dedicated many years of my life to searching the Chao World for you. After some years, I came across this
old city.. Chao Talk. I went in to search for you, and found myself lost in its massiveness after not too long. Do you want
to know another shocking truth? Once I entered this city, I never left it. Ever. The story of me becoming president? It's
all a fabricated lie to get people to believe this is a new city, a new, changed one that will not kill you.

Shadow: Wait, wait, wait.. but who fabricated the lie?
Ryder: Ah, yes.. I think I'll let your friends in now and tell everyone the next plot twist.
[Ryder opens the door and lets everyone in]
Ryder: We're not underwater.
All: WHAT?!
Red: That is absolutely absurd!
TD: What the heck are you smoking, man?
Shade: There's tons of water out there! Fish! Bubbles!
Ryder: Let me rephrase that. Euphoria never existed.
[they're still confused, except Dark]
Dark: ...I get it.
[they look at Dark]
Dark: You're saying Chao Talk is messing with us again?
Ryder: Exactly. We're still in the Tlekozamfa.
Shadow: So.. so you were never president; that was just a clever ruse by Red Metal?
Ryder: I'm afraid it might have not been the only ruse.
Shade: You're talking about Mallet, aren't you?
Ryder: Ivan Corey Mallet is not as he seems.
Shadow: What do you mean? He's dead.
Ryder: Are you sure? How did he die?
Shadow: He.. he was in a submarine that the sploicers--I mean.. the splicers.. they set it on fire.
Ryder: How do you know he was ever IN that submarine?
Red: We don't.
Ryder: Exactly. The chances of him actually staying in the submarine for a whole month are pretty slim.
Shadow: So then.. if he's not dead.. then where is he?
Ryder: No idea. All I know is, you boys had better watch yourselves. Maybe try getting out of here?
Shadow: No! We need to find Mephiles. He has a chaos drive.
Ryder: Mephiles? Who the heck is Mephiles?
?: I AM, FOOL!
[now at the top of the staircase is Mephiles]
Mp: I am surprised you fools managed to get this far without DYING a HORRIBLE, UNDERSEA DEATH.
Shadow: We're not underwater.
Mp: Haha, you idiots couldn't ev--what?
Shadow: The water. We're not under it.
Mp: Whoa, seriously? That's pretty intense. So where are we?
Red: We're still in the Unthinkable Valley.
Mp: Shit. Then what's with all the water outside the--
[they look up at the sky window thing; just sky]
Mp: Uh-oh.
Chapter 41: Electric Eye
Mp: Guys. We've.. really gotta get out of here.
Shadow: Why? You're the whole reason we went back down here!
Mp: Yeah, well, that's when I didn't realize this place wasn't Euphoria.
Dark: You're stupid.
Mp: Shut up!
Shadow: *sigh* Hey, Eggman, you there?
[Eggman appears]
Egg: What's up?
Shadow: Mephiles gave up. Let's go.
Mp: What?!
Egg: Okay. Hang on juuuuust one second.
[Eggman disappears]
Mp: Now you guys listen-- I did NOT just give up. I never give up! I'm Mephiles! I'm the freaking DEMON of..... uh...
MK: Darkness?
Mp: Eh, probably.
TD: Fuck you, man. I'M the demon of darkness and evil and.. curses.
Shade: Hey, actually, that brings me to wonder... could this show technically be a Tails Doll story?
TD: A really long one, dedicated to me? Sure, but it's not doing me justice.
Shade: How so?
TD: Well, for a story to be actually a Tails Doll story, I must be the main antagonist, and.. I gotta be ME!
MK: Y'know, speaking of... you've been slacking off, Dollface.
TD: Yeah, yeah, well..
MK: I mean, c'mon! You used to be going around, stealing people's souls left and right!
TD: Well, I'm trying to quit.
Red: Wow, are you really?
TD: Yeah. It's.. it's just not healthful, y'know? I'm trying to cut it down to about three souls a day.
Mp: Oh, I hear you, man, I mean.. being a demon isn't all it's cut out to be.
TD: Oh, totally, yeah... I.. I agree. Completely.
Mp: It's just.. yeah. A LOT of hard work.
TD: Yeah, I just can't find the time anymore. Ever since the boss disappeared...
Shadow: Wait, hang on. Hang on, hang on, HANG ON.
All: Whaaaat?
Shadow: Tails Doll, you mean.. Metal Sonic, right? Metal Sonic is gone?
TD: That's what I've been saying for this whole serial!
Shadow: But.. I mean... I killed him, or rather, I WILL kill him.. but I mean, I DID, but it's in the future...
Shade: He's saying we traveled to the future and killed him there.
Shadow: But he was Neo Metal Sonic! That's.. that's him in the future!
TD: Hrm.
MK: WHAT IF THE PANDORICA IS OPENING? And it's creating all these cracks in space?
Dark: WE GOTTA FLY IT INTO THE SUN!
MK: But the sun is really the TARDIS, and we don't have that.
Dark: What if we go to the post office and steal a phone booth?
MK: No, what if we get Eggman to take us back to the 60s so we can get a police box?
Shadow: Guys! GUYS!
Dark: NO! Let's fly Eggman into the sun!
TD: HEY, SHUT UP!!!
[Mecha and Dark shut up]
Shadow: ...thank you. Anyway, if what I think is true, then there's only one way Metal could be gone.
Ryder: You mean if his future self was his present self.
Shadow: Exactly, Ryder. But that would mean Metal can travel through time at will.
Ryder: You! Red robot guy.
MK: You called?
Ryder: How often did your boss actually appear at your base of operations?
MK: Uh...
Shade: He means "how much did you see Metal?"
MK: Well, usually a couple times a day, 'cause he was always going out to do something or other.
Shadow: Ah-ha. And The Cremator was completely off-screen and, hell, off the script before we got to that one place.
Shade: *shudder* District 2... man.
Shadow: So here we have plenty of time left unaccounted for. He could have easily just gone through time and whatnot.
Ryder: Hell, he doesn't even need that much time, if he's got a time machine.
Shadow: Excellent point. So I'd say my theory is pretty likely.
MK: Could you please tell me your theory, slowly, and with simple words? You're going a little fast.
Shadow: Okay. I killed your boss.
Shade: Hm. That leaves us with the question of "Why did he need to be in two times at once?"
Red: I have a much better question.
Shade: Yeah?
Red: Why isn't Eggman back yet?
Ryder: Mhmhmhm... yeah, that IS a good question.
Shade: Wait, didn't the Veterans once tell us about something or other?
Dark: They might have.
Shade: No. I meant... I thought they mentioned, like... some sort of bad guy? He was down in Euphoria...
Shadow: ..and he's the REAL reason we were taken out of here in the first place?
Shade: And he had the power to bend the script at will, too.
Shadow: Yeah, that guy. Ryder, do you know who this guy might be?
Ryder: Someone who.. wha? Any more info you can recall about this fellow?
Shade: Wait, yeah... there was one more, wasn't there?
Shadow: Something about symptoms...
Shade: AH! This person was the result of some new development.
Ryder: ..I can only think of one other dude who was the result of ANY new development, and that's....... me!
Shadow: Ryder? But.. can you bend the script at will?
Ryder: I.. I don't know. How would one go about doing that?
Shade: Ya just gotta.. think it.
Ryder: Hmmm...
[Shadow's radio turns on]
Shadow: Whoa.
Ryder: Wait, no, that's not right.
[coughing is heard from the other end of the radio]
Shade: That's pretty powerful script-bending powers you've got.
Ryder: But I'm not doing that!
Radio: Boy... boy... help...
Shadow: ...Mallet?
Chapter 42: The Chamber of 32 Doors
Shadow: Mallet, are you okay? Where are you? What happened?
MalletR: I'm... happy.
Dark: OH LAWDY IT'S GIYGAS
MalletR: Dark.. open Amnizu's door for me, would you kindly?
Dark: Oh, I ain't falling for your mind control, Giygas! Nuh-uh! No way!
[Dark is currently standing in front of a door labelled "Amnizu"]
[he's reaching for the doorknob]
MalletR: That's it, boy.. open that door.
[Dark opens the door; the rest of the gang just watches with curiosity and fear]
[the door leads down a long, dark hallway to a single, well-lit door]
MalletR: Now, son, couldja mebby walk up to THAT door in front o' yeh, and open IT, as well?
[Dark slowly walks down the long and dark hallway]
Shade: This is crazy. We've been here before. All that happens is that the door down there crushes you.
[Dark makes it to the door]
MalletR: Good. Open it.
[the rest of the gang moves up to the Amnizu door to get a closer look]
[Dark reaches for the doorknob... and turns it]
Shade: Well. So much for my recollection.
[behind this door is another long, dark hallway, leading up to another well-lit door]
MalletR: That's it, boy. Keep going.
[Dark moves further down the hall (followed far behind by the others), and opens the next door]
[behind it is yet another long, dark hallway, leading up to yet another well-lit door]
[and it keeps going for several doors]
[eventually, Dark reaches his tenth door, and is getting ready to open it]
Shade: YO, DARK!
[Dark turns to look at Shade]
Shade: MAYBE WE SHOULD--
[the next door opens by itself, slowly]
Shade: ....HEAD..... um.. b..back...?
[Dark turns around, and sees another long, dark hallway]
[at the end of THIS one, however, is a tall, cloaked figure]
MalletR: Okay, you wanna come up here? I'm lookin' forward to shakin' yer hand!
[the previous quote plays again and again, getting more and more distorted]
[the cloaked figure begins gliding towards them]
(Note: It's like it's walking.. but you can't see its legs move. Y'know. Gliding. Sliding. Hovering along the ground.)
[our heroes run like a bat outta hell through all ten or so hallways]
[yet they're still not back to the main hall place]
[they look ahead and see about ten more hallways]
[they turn around and see the one hall, with the cloaked figure hovering even closer]
Shadow: ...he's bending the script!
Shade: Ack, the kid's right! Dark, get back here!
Dark: I... I... okay!
[Dark turns and runs back to them; a door closes between him and the others]
[Shade tries opening the door, but to no avail]
Shade: Mecha!
MK: Got it.
[Mecha charges into the door; it stays put]
Shade: Try it again!
MK: I was gonna!
[he charges into it again]
[the door is busted open; the cloaked figure is almost to Dark]
Dark: Aiieeee! Help me!
Shade: C'mon, Dark!
[Dark follows them out]
Shadow: Where are we gonna go now? We've tried going back before, and it didn't work!
Shade: If that guy can bend the script, then... then... so can I.
TD: You can bend the script?!
Shade: I sure as hell hope so. Follow me.
[they head towards the door]
[Eggman appears at the other end]
Egg: Guys! Guys! Sorry I'm late. You say you have Mephiles? Excellent. Let's leave.
Shade: Eggman! Just the deus ex machina I wanted to see.
Egg: Wha? Oh. Oh! *chuckle* Good point. Alright, c'mon, guys!
[Eggman whisks them away]
Chapter 43: Never Walk Alone... A Call to Arms
[cut to the void]
Ryder: Um.. thank you, Doctor, for saving us.
Egg: It's no problem at all. I can see you met the, uh.. the fugitive?
Dark: He was coming for me...
Egg: Yes, well.. that's because he's your fa--
Dark: I KNOW WHO HE IS!
Shade: Yeah, uh, Eggman.. we have encountered him before.
Dark: He told me we'd come back, that there were parts of the city we'd never seen before.
Red: Wait, when did he tell you this?
Dark: He.. left it in a note. For my eyes only. The last time we were there.
Red: Do you think he was referring to this time?
Shade: Let's hope so. Let's hope we're finally done with that accursed city.
Egg: Now, did you manage to get the chaos drive?
Shade: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WE COMPLETELY FORGOT!
Ryder: Chaos drive? Hmm.. I think I know where that may be.
[cut back again to Chao Talk; the city hall; Ryder's office]
Ryder: Right. Well, I remember exploring this place, back when I thought it was actually my place.
Shade: And you think you remember seeing a chaos drive?
Ryder: Yes. In the secret passage below the elevator shaft.
[Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll back away]
MK: Yeah, uh.. you guys can go alone.
TD: We're.. staying up here.
MK: We're pussies.
Shade: That's fine. We can do this by ourselves, right, guys?
Ryder: Uh.. actually, Shade, if it's alright.. I wanna go down there alone with my son.
Shade: Oh. O..okay. That's fine.
Shadow: Why just us?
Ryder: I'll tell you later.
[they head to the elevator and ride it down to the second floor]
Ryder: Right, now to get to the passage, we need to enter the shaft, which means the elevator must stay here.
[they head to the first floor via staircase]
Shadow: So why just us?
Ryder: Actually, I have no idea. I just thought it would be cool.
Shadow: ..oh.
[they enter the elevator shaft and see a bricked-up passageway]
Ryder: Right. Crap. Uh.. you know anyone with a crowbar?
Shadow: I think Shade has one.
Shade: I do.
[Shadow screams; Shade had followed them]
Shade: I thought I'd come along, just in case you needed me.
Ryder: Smart. Crowbar, please.
Shade: No way! I don't give my crowbar to NOBODY.
Ryder: Then.. then break down this obstacle.
Shade: Fine.
[Shade breaks it down]
Shade: I'll scout ahead to see if it's safe.
Ryder: Be my guest.
[Shade enters, and finds it really dark]
Shade: Ugh, I can't see anything! Anybody got a light?
[someone turns on a flashlight]
[he sees a squadron of about five soldiers pointing guns at him]
Shade: Uh... thanks for the light, guys?
[they prepare to fire]
Shade: Wait! Wait. I have one request.
[the leader tells them to hold their fire]
Shade: Do it like a firing squad. Y'know.. a firing squad?
[the leader then tells them to ready their weapons]
[Shade puts his hand around his back, and shapes it like a gun]
["Aim...."]
[Shade points his gun-shaped hand at the soldier on the far end]
["FIRE!"]
Shade: Bang.
[the soldiers fire their guns]
[but Shadow had snuck up behind the soldier on the far end and pushed him over, knocking over the whole lot like dominoes]
[and that somehow makes the soldiers die]
Shade: Good, you remembered the signal.
Ryder: Wait, signal?
Shadow: Whenever Shade puts his hand behind his back and shapes it like a gun, that's a signal for the "domino" tactic.
Ryder: ...huh.
Shade: Okay, somebody take that flashlight.
[Shadow takes it]
Shade: Good. Let's move on, see where this little corridor leads.
[the corridor leads into a small cavern-ish room with a table and writing on the wall]
Shadow: Hang on, I think there's another flashlight on this table. Ryder, you want it?
Ryder: Um... sure. Thanks.
Shade: What's this stuff on the wall say?
Shadow: ..."No hope."
Ryder: Well! That's encouraging.
Shade: Hey, you're the one who said the drive was down here.
Ryder: I didn't realize this place was so dark before.
Shade: It's NOT dark, it's.......
Ryder: Yeah?
Shade: Never mind. It doesn't... it's not the same with you.
[they find that the path ahead is blocked by a bunch of boarded-up.. wood.. stuff]
Shade: I got this one.
[he breaks the wood down and they continue]
[the cavern becomes icy and frozen and whatnot]
[they turn a corner and find an underground, frozen river]
Shadow: Ryder, do you remember where the drive is?
Ryder: Kinda. Sorta. I just know it's down here.
Shade: But this is a dead-end!
?: Looking for something?
[they turn and shine their flashlights at the only way out-- the cloaked figure is there]
Chapter 44: Lucretia
Shade: You...
?: Relax! It's me.
[the figure takes off its cloak and reveals itself to be Shade Junior on stilts]
Shade: Junior? What are you doing here?
SJR: The Veterans sent me here to help you guys on your quest.
Shade: ..they.. did? Okay. Do you know where the chaos drive is?
SJR: Oh, yes, certainly! But it's not down here.
Shadow: Then where is it?
SJR: Follow me. I shall take you to it.
[Junior leads the three out of the cavern, and through the city hall]
SJR: It is in the Daedalus Labs, just opposite this building.
Ryder: Those old labs? But I could never even enter that damn place.
SJR: That is because it was locked. I shall open it for you.
Ryder: Huh?
Shade: It's okay. My son's got some weird as hell connection with the city, or whatever. He's a..... what's it called?
SJR: "Tour Guide."
Shade: There we go. He's a Tour Guide.
Ryder: A Turgii? But Turgii are beings of pure Remtal.
Shade: No, no, see.. he's a TOUR GUIDE. They're these people who know the inner workings of the city, and are all weirdy.
Ryder: But.. but I renamed them "Turgii." The beings of pure Remtal who know the secrets of Euphoria.
Shade: Ah, but see, Junior USED to be a Tour Guide. He's not anymore. He just happens to still know the secrets... wait.
[Shade stops walking]
Shadow: What?
Shade: The city always changes. If Junior's not a Guide anymore, he shouldn't know the...
[Shade runs up to Shade Junior]
Shade: Junior, are you a Guide again?
SJR: Don't touch me.
Shade: Wha?
SJR: I'll explain as we move on. Come. Into the labs.
[Junior leads them into the Daedalus Labs, which suddenly transform into "Ryder Industries"]
SJR: The city developed a new defense mechanism to hold back Red Metal. More on that later.
Shade: Um.. okay.
SJR: You see, Red Metal has evolved over time. It can now manipulate your minds.
Shadow: So it can make us hallucinate, and such? So that's why this place looks like Bioshock?
SJR: Correct.
Shade: How did it evolve, exactly?
SJR: That's the thing-- the chaos drive was able to amplify its power.
Shadow: So the chaos drive.. helped the Red Metal?
SJR: Yes. If you take the chaos drive, there's no telling what will happen to the city.
Shade: Does this mean any Tour Guides will do their best to steer us away from the drive?
SJR: .....why, yes. That's right.
Shade: Of course, you're not a Guide anymore. Right?
[Junior stops walking]
SJR: I am not a Tour Guide, Shade.
[he turns around and shifts into a cloaked figure]
SJR: I am THE Tour Guide.
Shade: KNEW it! Guys, let's scoot.
[the three run as fast as they can]
TG: Bare this in mind, Green One.. you will not get that chaos drive. I shall make sure of it.
[they head back into the elevator shaft and enter the cavern]
Shade: Okay, let's make this quick. I know now that Ryder was right. The drive IS in here.
Shadow: Otherwise the Guide wouldn't have been so quick to get us out, right?
Shade: Exactly. Look carefully, guys.
[they enter the dead-end cavern and look around]
Ryder: What's this in the frozen river?
[they look and see a sparkling yellow light]
Shadow: That's it!
TG: That is not yours.
[the Guide has entered the room]
Shade: Back off, Kilburn.
TG: Kilburn? No, Grey One, I am not Dark's father.
Shade: Wha? But.. but HE'S...
TG: Kilburn is no longer with us. I am the Tour Guide now.
Ryder: ..Shade, help Shadow get the drive.
Shade: What?
Ryder: I'll take care of this guy.
Shade: Okay. Stand back, Shadow!
[Shade smacks his crowbar into the ice]
Shade: Ugh, this stuff is tough. It may take a while.
Shadow: C'mon, Shade, dig! Dig!
Shade: I'm trying!
Ryder: Guys, he's not moving.
Shadow: What?
Ryder: The Tour Guide.. he's not moving.
[the Tour Guide has folded its arms, and is watching Shade]
Shadow: ....now, why would he be...?
Shade: I've got something!
[Shadow looks down and sees Shade strike the ice; the chaos drive is now grabbable]
Shade: Take it, Shadow! Take it!
Shadow: But why...?
[Shadow looks further up the river and sees a frozen corpse]
Shadow: ..Shade!
Shade: Wha?
[Shade sees it, too]
Shade: Holy nelly, what the?
[the frozen corpse comes to life and begins digging through the ice towards the chaos drive]
Shade: That's Kilburn!
Shadow: That's Dark's father?
TG: As I said, he is no longer with us.
Shadow: ......ah, screw it.
[Shadow grabs the chaos drive and absorbs it or whatever chao do with those things]
[suddenly, Wilson Kilburn burts up through the ice and grabs Shadow]
Shadow: Holy crap! Ugh, he's all bloody and gross! Get him off me!
Shade: I got him!
[Shade whacks Kilburn a couple times; he falls over; Shade grabs Shadow and they run]
Shadow: Ryder!
Ryder: You two go on.
Shade: What are you doing, man? You've gotta come with us!
Ryder: No. Just trust me on this one. I've got to stay here for now.
Shadow: Ryder! .....Dad..!
Shade: C'mon, Shadow!
[Shade grabs Shadow and pulls him out of the cavern]
[they hurry back up to the third floor]
Shade: Eggman! Eggman!
Egg: You have it now?
Shade: Yes! He's got it! Let's go! NOW!
Egg: Um.. yes, right!
[Eggman takes them all to the void]
Chapter 45: Los Endos
[cut to the void; Mecha, the Doll, Shade, Shadow, Dark, Red, and Mephiles are all gathered together]
MK: So? What happened? And where's Ryder?
Shade: Ryder couldn't come. Shadow got the drive.
TD: Nice job, kid.
[Eggman and Levity Nite appear]
Egg: Well done, fellows. Shadow.
Shadow: ........
Nite: Unfortunately, we do not have time to help you get the next chaos drive.
Shade: What do you mean?
Nite: In fact, we do not have time to help you get ANY more. Your escapades at Chao Talk have caused violent repercussions.
Shade: In English?
Egg: Well, without giving away confidential information, that Tour Guide is still bending the scripts, trying to get at us.
Nite: And Echo is not feeling his best. So we must give you the details quickly.
MK: Just give it to us straight.
Egg: Very well. The next two chaos drives are in-- wait, no.
Nite: We shall split you up into two groups. You four chao, come with me.
[the four chao go with Levity]
Nite: Now, then.. while the other three hunt for one chaos drive, you shall hunt for this one.
Shade: And when they find theirs, you'll give it to Shadow?
Nite: Essentially.
Red: Right, so where's ours?
Nite: According to survey data, it is somewhere in the Sancheria forest on the Chao World. Same time period, of course.
Red: The future?
Nite: Correct. Hurry now and get it!
[Levity sends them away]
END....?
DARK CHAO ADVENTURES
"Quinquenquoi"
was written by DJay32
using creatures by Sonic Team
and a buncha Bioshock stuff by 2K Games
as well as elements of the Sven Co-op map "secretcity3"
All the musical references are references to music. I don't own any of it or whatever.
Prison Island and Station Square are.. Sonic Team stuff.
Invader ZIM, GIR, the Irkens, and the Voot cruiser are elements of Invader ZIM.
..my second-favourite Invader. :D
E3 stuff was ripped from the actual E3 thing.
I don't own any of the E3 stuff, or the games featured during it...
or Valve, or Portal 2, or Rock Band 3, or ANY of that.

DCA was written en memorum to my chao, who all got lost.. on a memory card.
Five years down. Here's to five more!