Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Volume 4: Hi-Def Hey! DJay32 here, ready to give you some commentary for DCRPG, VOLUME 4, REFURBISHED EDITION! By "refurbished," I mean it's got more commentary, and certain errors are fixed. Volume 4, Missions 13-16, is called "Hi-Def" because it mostly revolves around Shade's new TV. And, the story becomes the top focus, as it should be, so you could say I've given the story "high definition" quality. //////////////// Welcome to the wicka-wakka-wakka-wakka-wicked wild. This is Dark Chao Role-Playing Game, VOLUME 4! Let's start this wild-ish volume with DCRPG Mission 13! "Television is Not Meant for Chao." This is one classic Mission. Why? Because I PLANNED IT OUT. If I set a goal for the chao, and show them what they must do, they usually are able to work together to KICK SOME AHAB. Actually, TNMC is the first of the two-part serial, "Television." These two missions involve the new plasma-screen TV the Darks get, and what troubles it causes. It's also the revealance of JOE Enterprises. This company also makes a return in DCA's "Sit-Com Silliness," but not under the same name. Well, not under ANY name. They're just a TV company. In reality, they're JOE Enterprises. Actually, JOE Enterprises is an extremely significant part of DCA. EXTREMELY. But, enough hinting. Let the mission begin! --------------- Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Mission 13: Television part one: Television is Not Meant for Chao [our story begins in the Hero Garden, where Tail is watching TV] Tail: I like TV. [enter Chao] Chao: *gasp* Tail! TV is bad! It makes your eyes bad! Tail: O yea? Chao: Yea wai. Tail: Well, I just watched Penn & Teller: Bull**** right now, and-- Chao: You watched WHAT?! Tail: Don't worry! It said that TV does not ruin your eyesight at all! But, if someone is constantly sitting close to the TV, it might be a sign that their eyesight IS bad, not actually from the TV. Chao: Wow. And what's this show rated? Tail: TV-MA. Look, they did the science, and the math. Chao: ....weird. Anyway, we have a problem. There are Darks camping outside in the lobby. Tail: Really? Chao: Really. [they run outside, and bump into Flame] Flame: Hey, watch it! Chao: ......who are you? Flame: I'm Flame, the new guy. I just arrived here. (Note to Flame: What side is he on, again? Dark, Hero, or Neutral?) Chao: Hmm... so, what's going on? Flame: Haven't you heard the news? The Darks have a new plasma screen TV! In Hi-Def! Chao: NO WAI Flame: YA WAI! That's why we're camping out here. We're in a line to watch the TV for a few hours each! Chao: LE GASP! Tail, we've gotta steal that TV. Tail: I'm with you. [cut to the Dark Garden; Shade has tons of money] Shade: Well, Dark, I think my new scheme to get money worked. Letting chao watch it for ten bucks an hour gets us quite the profit. Dark: And how! ?: Excuse me.... Shade: Yes? [a man in a business suit is standing next to Shade] ?: Yes, my name is Joe Mama, of JOE Enterprises. I would like to sign a deal with you.... Shade: What KINDA deal? JOE: Simple. Allow us to make a reality show based on your life, and... we'll give you three hundred million dollars. Shade: DEAL! SB: So let me get this straight Shade, You want us Chao....to live life normally... for a reality show of Dark Chao on TV? Shade: Yes SB: And you also know that nothing Normal happens here do you? *You hear canned Laughter* SB: Wait....are we already being watch on TVs....EVERYWHERE?!!? *More canned laughter* Silver: This can not be! we will not be so low as to preform on TV, wait...why is it recording? WE WERE NOT READY FOR THIS!!! Sonic: You idiot! this is reality TV, that means that we need to act like a REAL chao would, and act like there isn't hidden cameras around the dark garden! *Way too much canned laughter* SB: Okay, I need to figure out where that canned laughter is coming because it's bugging me! *Okay....no it's being over used! Canned Laughter* SB: Oooh, that's it!!! and if this is Reality TV, why is there even Canned laughter, that would mean they knew what we were going to do! *crickets chirp (Yes no canned laughter)* *Canned Laughter (NO!)* SB: Okay, Shade, that big Plasma Screen TV was a good Idea for making money but.... I WANT TO WATCH IT!!!! *Canned Laughter again....* -SB zips out of there- Silver: Camera Shy... At least we're not Camera Shy Right Sonic? Sonic? -Looks Around- WUSSIES!!! -Later to SB and Sonic- SB: I'm glad we got away from the Reality TV to watch this Plasma Screen TV huh Sonic? Sonic: Agreed *Canned Laughter.....FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME* SB: WHY IS NO MATTER WE GO THESE PEOPLE ARE FOLLOWING US? Sonic: We must find some place to go, quick! to the hero Garden -Zips Out of there- -20 seconds later at the same location of the Plasma TV- *Canned laughter* SB: There is way too much canned laughter, we have to go make fun of the Hero Chao...Oh Hey A. Chao A. Chao: Hey SB, it's about time something happened and- SB: Now's not the time, I need to make fun of the hero garden there's way too much - *Canned Laughter* SB: Right....anyways it's time I did something normal. quick, sonic, the spray paint! Sonic: Got it! -tosses the red spray paint- SB: Time to write something bad! -SB writes "Ur mother wears army boots" but it comes out as....- *CANNED LAUGHTER* SB: AAAUUUGGHH! I'm going to go insane if this keeps up, there's way too much canned laughter in this reality show... I give up for now. Sonic: Someone else needs to have too much canned laughter...*sigh* *Canned laughter* Announcer: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's time for the Dark Show! [cheer, applause] Ann: Starring Shade! Shade: Wassup? Ann: Aaaaand Dark! Dark: I like toast. Ann: Let's begin. [cut to the Dark Garden; Shade wakes up] [peaceful music crescendos as Shade gets up] Shade: Ah, it's great to be awake. Dark: Hey, Shade. Shade: Hey, Dark! How's our Plasma TV Profit Scheme working out? Dark: Not good. The TV's gone. [DUN DUN DUUUN! Shade's face goes pale; "GASP"] Shade: Gone? ....or STOLEN? Dark: You think someone took it? Shade: (as he says this, the audience slowly laughs more and more) No, Dark. I think a huge plasma-screen TV just grew legs, got up, got itself some coffee, left to go fishing with its friends, and then got mugged on the way back, so it couldn't tell us where it was. Dark: Really? 'Cause that's kinda stupid. [the two pause and look around idly as the audience laughs wildly] Shade: So, should we investigate who stole it? Dark: .........sure. [they go outside, into the Lobby, and see Chao and Tail struggling to carry a huge box up the stairs] [laughter] Chao: Oh, um........... how go things? [laughter] Shade: Not so good. ....our TV was stolen. Chao: Really? Oh, that's horrible. What does it look like? I'll help look for it. Shade: It's a black Toshiba TV.... about as tall as, uh......... that box you're struggling to carry up these stairs. [laughter] Shade: About as heavy as it, too. [laughter] Chao: I see. Well.... let me just pull some paper out of my pocket, and write down the details, and I'll..... see what I can do. [Chao checks his pocket..... area, and pulls out some paper; laughter] Chao: You got a pen? Shade: Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. Here. *hands him pen* [Chao uses both hands to grab the pen and paper; Tail is too weak to carry the box by himself; he drops it; it tumbles down the stairs; the box opens; the TV rolls out] [big laughter] Shade: ....Now, how do you suppose that got there? [Chao and Tail have an embarrassed look on their faces; fade to black; commercial; applause] SB: Hey! Why didn't he get over used canned Laughter *Canned Laughter* SB: Ooh, this just makes me even more mad they do this! Sonic: We've got to do something -you see MGS exclamation mark above his head- Sonic: Look, Tail and Chao are trying to steal are TV that we used as a scheme to get money, let's go there! -The Make it down to the Chao Lobby- Shade: ....Now, how do you suppose that got there? [Chao and Tail have an embarrassed look on their faces; fade to black; commercial; applause] SB: That was close, I'm glad it's commercial! *Canned Laughter* Shade: Where's that coming from? SB: We don't know, that's what we need to know though Sonic: And if we don't find the source quick...we'll go insane! *canned Laughter* Silver: Hey guys what's up? *Crowd goes "Yea!" and Claps* SB: Canned laughter is killing me! Sonic: And me! Shade: But not me. *More Canned Laughter* Shade: But it's starting to get on my nerve, hey Dark, you want to help us find the source of this canned laughter....Dark? Dark? -Looks around to find Dark on the Floor going insane- *Canned Laughter* SB: how 'bout you guys figure it out while me and Sonic bring the TV back! Sonic: And add security to it so it doesn't go anywhere Sonic: UP OVER AND GONE Shade: But- -They're gone and out of there- Shade: Oh great, now they're going to start again *Canned laughter* -Shade's eye twitches- SB: Hey Shadow Shadow: Pipe down, I'm watching TV here on my personal TV Silver: Why? When we have a huge plasma screen TV Sonic: I know, it's only a couple of bucks SB: Rings... Shadow: It's not that, it seems that anyone that watches TV now, turns into like a zombie or something. Flame: wait... you guys didn't return that TV did you? SB: No! Flame: Then why is there a TV out there? SB: you mean to say that there is another TV *demonic Canned Laughter* Silver: I don't think this is just a regular reality tv show Shadow: I wonder who could be behind this! -they all run downstairs- All: !!!!! A. Chao: I knew it! SB: What? A. Chao: That Nights like chao I saw a long time ago! Realala(Chao): I knew that someone had figured out about me. A. Chao: Where has Knuckles been? I haven't seen him in forever! Realala: He's right here -He Holds Knuckle by the head as he's knocked out- A. Chao: Knuckle! All: !!!! Realala: He was a weak fellow anyways... -He tosses him as A. Choa Catches him- SB: You may have beaten him but you won't beat me! Realala: I highly doubt it! BATTLE START S. Bonic V.S. Realala SB: My health is over 9000, you'll lose Realala: I doubt it SB = 10,000 Realala = 9,999,999,999,999,999,999 SB: !!!! Realala: I told you! you won't beat me ever SB: I call forth the power of the chaos emeralds! Super SB (SSB) = 10,000,000 Realala: Chaos Blast SSB - 10,000 SSB: !!!! SSB: SUPER CHAOS SPEAR Realala - 10 health SSB: What? Realala: Chaos Snap! SSB - all but one health SSB: CHAOS DEATH!!! Realala: What? Realala - all but one health SSB = dead BATTLE END A. Chao: S. Bonic!!! S. BONIIIIIIIC!!!!!!! Silver: Give it up A. Chao, he's gone to another place... Shadow: Hmf... Sonic: Don't you care for S. Bonic!? Shadow: He had been as so foolish as to use chaos Death on that thing? Sonic: ....ergh..... -You see Violent dark Energies- Sonic: You!!!!! Realala: -smirks- Sonic: YOU!!!!! Realala: This should be- Dark Sonic: YOU KILLED ME FATHER YOU B*****D!!! Realala: hm? Dark Sonic: IT'S TIME YOU DIED, CHAOS BLADE -Dark Sonic slices Realala in half with it- -then turns back due to using up his anger- Sonic: Ugh.... S. Bonic.... A. Chao: Don't worry, we can revive him using the dragon balls! *POOF* SB: Ugh, I had this weird dream where I died, and a DBZ reference was made... *Canned laughter* Announcer: Iiiiiiiiit's time for another exciting installment of The Dark Show! [cheer, applause] [the camera shows the Gardens, silent] [the audience makes questioning remarks] Ann: It appears... the chao... are gone. [the audience jeers and boos] Ann: I wonder where they are... [they find a post-it on a tombstone in the Dark Garden] "Dear Studio Audience, We are unable to make it today. It is Halloween in chao time, and so we are doing our annual "Go to the Future for Halloween" adventure. It is going to be great! Of course, in Human time, it is only October 10th, 2008. Well, in chao time, it is October 31st, 105. That's right. Hundred n' five. I think. Sincerely, Shade of the Dark Garden. PS: If that date causes any loopholes, retcons, plot holes, or contradictions.... then what the crap, I'll tell you the REAL reason we're in the future. As you know, DJay does not make episodes up on the spot (anymore). So, he's pretending that we're "prerecording" the Halloween special, to make it seem weird and stuff, and to sync in with him "prewriting" episodes. I hope I explained this well. PSS: Next to this Post-It is my laptop. Yep. I have a laptop. Didn't you read Episode 11? Anyway, I will e-mail this laptop with ONE e-mail before we get back. I will send you it halfway through our big Halloween adventure. It will tell you how things are going. Don't worry; I'm sure we'll have LOADS of fun. DJay can NEVER make anything THAT scary." [next to the post-it note is a laptop, with one e-mail in the Inbox] [the cameraman clicks on the e-mail] TO: shadedgray@notarealemail.com SUBJECT: Our Happy Halloween Adventure! MESSAGE: ...............I had to say, "DJay NEVER makes anything THAT scary...." DIDN'T I? This..... this is...... TERRIFYING. I'm...... I'm.... I'm mentally scarred. Dark has been nearly killed on multiple occasions so far, and once he really nearly did almost die. Same with me, Chao, and Cham. (Note: I can't believe I never realized this, but... Cham is alive during DCRPG!) Mostly just me and Dark, though. And don't get me STARTED on Future me, and on Shadow the chao. This is....... this is WORSE than sparta. This is SCARIER than Scream. This is more GRUESOME than Misery. ...well, the only actually true thing in there was the gruesome part. I doubt it's really THAT bad and/or scary. But, just believe me when I say that THIS IS NOT HOW MUCH FEAR I WANTED FOR HALLOWEEN. Too much. Oh, crap, here comes Me (The message cuts off there.......) ...PS: I got back from the danger that took me away from the laptop. I'm not gonna finish typing in the name. I'm gonna keep you in suspense. But, right now, I want to adress something. If DCAHall2 is the NEWEST adventure in the DCA storyline..... well, DCRPG takes place BEFORE DCA, so.... how are we doing this? ....oh, I've got an explanation. We're in the Future, so we placed this laptop and post-it note. As for the chao of DCRPG's whereabouts? I dunno, I guess they're out shopping. Yours Truly, (Present-day) Shade." [so, I suppose this means that DCRPG Shade is Past Shade, DCA Shade is Present Shade, and the Halloween specials/Season 2 Finale/Season 6 Finale Future Shades are Future Shade] Ann: ....oh. So, they're out shopping. Heh... I was beginning to get worried, there. Perhaps those guys don't make it out of that alive? [the chao come back] Shade: ....oh, I'm sorry; we were out shopping for my newest cereal brand, Shade Bran. I signed a deal with Kelloggs. Time for the Dark Show? Ann: Time for the massacre-- I mean, The Dark Show. Shade: ..........'the massacre?' [the crowd simultaneously says, "Oops!"] Shade: Dark. Plan Lamba-Lambda-Lambda. Dark: Got it. [Dark punches the camera, making it crack, and turn off] ["TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES"] [when the regular camera (the one used for the actual DCA) comes back, mysterious, shadowy creatures are raising from the ground] Dark: Crap. Shade: Dark Army........ ATTACK THE SHADOWY CREATURES! All: YES, SIR! SB: Yes Sir! BATTLE START SB: Guys! we have the advantage! Silver: We're ready when you are Shadow: I'm going to kick everyone of their asses Sonic: Don't curse Shadow: ... Ass means BUTT!!! It's just a cooler way of saying butt Sonic: So? Flame: let's just shut up and battle! *on the other side are the shadow figures* Shadow Fig. 1: Heh...Chao Shadow Fig. 2: We need to kick their Butts Sonic: SEE SHADOW! HE DIDN'T SAY ASS Shadow Fig. 3: That's because we've been censored all Shadow Figs.: 4kids ! Flame: Shuryoken all Shadow Figs. - 9,000 Sonic: They've lost over 9000 health! Shadow: Now's not the time SB: Hadoken all Shadow Figs. - 9,000 Shadow: Chaos....SPEAR Sonic: Here we go! Hyper Spin Dash!!! Silver: Mind Destruction! all Shadow Figs. - 9,000 Flame: it seems they always lose 9,000 health...watch this Flame throws a piece of crumpled piece of paper all Shadow Figs. - 9,000 All Chaos: WHAT THE? SB: What do the scoute- Shadow: I SAID NO REFERENCES!!!! SB: *sigh* how high is their health anyway? Silver: It's......It's....... SB: WHAT? What is it? Silver: *gasp* It's...Unlimited!!!!!! SB: Dang it A. Chao: Light Blast all Shadow Figs. - 1 all Shadow Figs. now have a health of 1,000,000 Shadow: How did that help? A. Chao: At least now you can hurt them...Chaos Light Beam all Shadow Figs. - 10,000 SB: Burning Ember all Shadow Figs. - 50 SB: What? A. Chao: Because they are now able to get hurt and damaged... Shadow: It seems that they now no longer take 9,000 every attack Silver: And we need to think of new attacks all Shadow Figs.: And stop skipping our turns Shadow Fig. 1: Dark Hole All Chao - 1,000 Shadow Fig. 2: Dark Spear SB - 1,000 Shadow Fig. 3: Dark Blast Shadow - 1,000 Shadow Fig. 4: Dark Ember Silver - 2,000 SB: Silver!! Silver: i didn't tell you, I'm vunerable to Dark Attacks Shadow Fig. 5: Dark Beam Silver - 5,000 Silver: EEERRGH Shadow Fig. 6: Dark Beam Silver: -5,000 Shadow Fig. 7: Dark Beam Silver: -10,000 Silver: Crap....a criti- -Silver Fainted- SB: Crap! Shadow Fig. 8: Hyper Dark Hole All Chao - 10,000 SB: That wasn't even a critical! A. Chao: One more attack like that and we're doomed Shadow: We'll have to focus on using our Mana to heal us when needed Shadow Fig. 9: Hyper Dark Hole Shadow: Auuuggh! -Shadow Faints- Sonic: Ergh...I can hold on a little bit longer SB: A. Chao Heal him when they're done! Shadow Fig. 10: HYPER DARK HOLE SB: !!!! Sonic: AAAAUUUGGGHHH... -Sonic fainted- SB: A. Chao, are you al- Augh -A. Chao has a big wound on her right arm- A. Chao: I'm alright...ERK.... SB: Chaos Explosion! All Shadow Figs. - all but one health SB: A. Chao Heal us A. Chao: Cura 2 A. Chao and SB + all health All Shadow Figs.: HYPER DARK HOLE SB: AAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!! -SB Faints- A. Chao: You're going to die Shadow Fig. 1: You can't kill every single Shadow here! A. Chao: LIGHT BEAM OF DEATH! -Shadow Fig 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, AND 10 fainted- A. Chao: Cura 3 -All of her friends are alive and well- SB: I feel better BATTLE END SB: I don't think this is the last of them all... A. Chao: That was difficult -A. Chao falls asleep due to magic overuse- SB: A. Chao! Silver: Let her sleep, it will do her good Shadow: I agree with him SB: We just need to be ready for other shadow figs. Shade: Nice, guys. *hi 5s each* [Shade looks around] Shade: Where'd JOE go? [A. Chao notices JOE the Manager walking off-screen] A: He's getting away! [they run after him] [cut to a shadowy office; smoke is filling the room] [a big figure smoking a cigar is sitting at a desk] [the camera pans to show the figure shuffling through some papers] [the camera focuses on a paper that says, "DJay32 does not endorse smoking. So.... don't smoke."] [the figure places a different piece of paper in front of the camera] [the piece of paper is bland and boring, except for five boxes on it] [a red dotted line connects the five boxes, going from left to right] BOX 1: A picture of the Dark Garden. Below it is written, "Shadow grunts." The figure draws a red "X" over this box. BOX 2: A picture of the Neutral Garden. Below it is written, "Audience from Hell." BOX 3: A picture of the Hero Garden. Below it is written, "Commercial Horrors." BOX 4: A picture of the Chao Lobby. Below it is simply written, "JOE." BOX 5: A picture of an office. Below it is written, "MILKMAN " [the camera zooms in on the word, "MILKMAN "] [fade to the Neutral Garden; Shade, Dark, Shadow the chao, and all of Flame's chao run on-screen] [BOO!!!! JEER!!! BOO!!!] Shade: Brace yourselves. It's about to get ugly. [a bunch of mysterious, ghost-like chao float into the garden] Ghost1: BOOOO!!!! GET OFF THE STAGE!!! YOU STINK!!! Ghost2: *a-hem* ....I am the messenger of the Audience. We do not like you. You attacked our host, JOE. We shouted, "Jerry," but you did not stop. What is wrong with you? [BOOO!!!!!] Shade: Take me to your leader, freaks! [NO! NO!!!! BOOO!!! YOU STINK!!!] Ghost2: Our leader.... whom we will call, "MILKMAN," for suspicious purposes.... is not available at the moment. Please leave a message after your death. Shade: Um...... no, thanks. Ghost2: Oh. Well..... all right. Come again, please! [the ghosts leave] SB: I didn't think we could win like that. [the ghosts come back in, quickly] Shade: Nice going, Shadow Bonic. Ghost2: We have just been informed that thinking outside the box is not an acceptable tactic for this boss battle. Good luck, and have a pleasent tomorrow. ........in the afterlife. [FIGHT!] SB: How can I think outside the box when they won't let me out? -looks around- *canned Laughter* SB: didn't we finish that already? What's his health anyways? Silver: um....Infinity? SB: You mean you don't know? Silver: Why do you ask me? SB: Don't ou have mind reading powers? Silver: I do? Shadow: Whay are there so many questions? Flame: Does he know why? Sonic: What would I know? Ghost1: Why don't we battle now? Flame: Because I don't feel like it? Ghost2: Sonic: Enough with the questions! SB: Chaos Stike! Ghost1 - 9,000 SB: Don't tell me...same thing? Silver: Yes and no A. Chao: They don't have infinite help this time Silver: Hey look! a flashlight! Shadow: And a bucket of Ice! Sonic: And if they're ghosts from Hell... SB: That means Ice will kill them because it's too cold Ghost1: Did he just figure out our weakness? Ghost2: I believe so... Ghost1: And do you also suppose that the Creater of this was to Lazy to- Ghost2: Do an extremely Long Battle? Both Ghosts: ...Yes Flame and Shadow: Ice cold Flashlight attack Both Ghosts equal dead SB: Do you think that Flame(Me not chao) was to lazy to make an extremely long battle A. Chao: stop complaing, look at Flame's previous post! SB: Okay, let me get my computer Silver: We have computers? SB: Duh! *canned laughter* Shade: Sweet, we did it. ...hey, there's JOE again! [they chase after him] [cut to a shadowy office; smoke is filling the room] [a big figure smoking a cigar is sitting at a desk] [the camera pans to show the figure shuffling through some papers] [the camera focuses on a paper that says, "DJay32 does not endorse smoking. So.... don't smoke."] [the figure places a different piece of paper in front of the camera] [the piece of paper is bland and boring, except for five boxes on it] [a red dotted line connects the five boxes, going from left to right] BOX 1: A picture of the Dark Garden. Below it is written, "Shadow grunts." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 2: A picture of the Neutral Garden. Below it is written, "Audience from Hell." The figure draws a red "X" over this box. BOX 3: A picture of the Hero Garden. Below it is written, "Commercial Horrors." BOX 4: A picture of the Chao Lobby. Below it is simply written, "JOE." BOX 5: A picture of an office. Below it is written, "MILKMAN " [the camera zooms in on the word, "MILKMAN "] [cut to the Hero Garden; they run in; JOE is there] JOE: Hello. I understand you have done well in destroying our wonderful show. Shade: I hate you. JOE: Why so hostile? Why don't you take a break? ....a..... COMMERCIAL.... break? [the screen fades to black] Shade: Crap. I can't see! SB: Sir, what will we do? Shade: I.... I don't know! Figure out some way to see again! [YOU KNOW YOUR NEXT TASK. NOW DO IT!] Flame: We could use that flashlight we used from the previous one... SB: You're no Fun at all! Shade: No Flame...You have no Flashlight! Flame(Drops flashlight): I have no Flashlight Silver: Yes you do! Flame(Picks it Up): Yes I do! Shade: I am the Chao of the creator of this, I say you have no Flashlight! Flame: I have no Flashlight Silver: Well, I has a FLOODLIGHT! Not the bad ones, I have the one that turns NIGHT into DAY! -Silver Shines the Light- -Dark smacks Silver- Dark: You're no Fun at all Silver Shadow: I liked the dark too... A. Chao(Thinking): Why am I included in this post? D. Hawk: Hey guys I'm back, what did I miss? *Canned Laughter* Shadow: Where have you been in for so long? D. Hawk: My creator never posts me anymore... Shadow: So you decided to appear as a Cameo? D. Hawk: Exactly *canned Laughter* Shadow: And do you also know you probably never show up again right? D. Hawk: Yes, I just never show up... Shadow: Alright, you've hogged up too much time D. Hawk: awww.... L. Hawk: Hey guys what did I miss *canned Laughter* Silver: *sigh* not this again... *canned laughter* Shade: Nice. Cheater. So, the commercial is over, and.... there's JOE! Let's get him! [they chase JOE off-screen] [cut to a shadowy office; smoke is filling the room] [a big figure smoking a cigar is sitting at a desk] [the camera pans to show the figure shuffling through some papers] [the camera focuses on a paper that says, "DJay32 does not endorse smoking. So.... don't smoke."] [the figure places a different piece of paper in front of the camera] [the piece of paper is bland and boring, except for five boxes on it] [a red dotted line connects the five boxes, going from left to right] BOX 1: A picture of the Dark Garden. Below it is written, "Shadow grunts." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 2: A picture of the Neutral Garden. Below it is written, "Audience from Hell." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 3: A picture of the Hero Garden. Below it is written, "Commercial Horrors." The figure draws a red "X" over this box. BOX 4: A picture of the Chao Lobby. Below it is simply written, "JOE." BOX 5: A picture of an office. Below it is written, "MILKMAN " [the camera zooms in on the word, "MILKMAN "] [cut to the Chao Lobby; they run in; JOE is there] JOE: Good day. I see you have made it past my three deadly trials of horror. Shade: Shut up and die! Dark: Your bodies, they will cry. Shade: Nice. Anyway, what's our NEXT challenge? Flying ponies from wonderland? Teletubbies? SB: The Smurfs? JOE: No. Your next challenge...... is me. Shade: Y....you? JOE: Kill me. Go on. KILL. ME. I dare you. Flame: Ah......I......um....... Silver: Should we.........? Shadow: Hell YES! Angel Chao(A. Chao): .... Shadow Bonic: Oooooh Snaaap!! F: We is going to defeat Joe! Sonic: Let's kill him! Slvr: End It Now Shdw: Can we shut up and Kill him now? S: We aint cheatahs! SB: That's CHEATERS Sonic..... AC: Let's just kill him already -One massive beating later- Joe: Give it up! You can't win SB: I WASN'T EXPECTING THAT MAN! Joe: You guys give up! F: NO! -Another Massive beating- SB: We need help... ugh SB: Shade! Help! Shade: ....he's dead. SB: Help--what? Shade: He's dead. Why should I help you when you're pretending to have a broken leg, and JOE is dead? SB: ....rats, we've been found out. Shade: Wait. So.... what do we do now, anyway? Dark: Shade, look! [the Chao World Exit Thing is glowing] [out of stupidity and curiosity, they step in] [the screen fades to white] [cut to a shadowy office; smoke is filling the room] [a big figure smoking a cigar is sitting at a desk] [the camera pans to show the figure shuffling through some papers] [the camera focuses on a paper that says, "DJay32 does not endorse smoking. So.... don't smoke."] [the figure places a different piece of paper in front of the camera] [the piece of paper is bland and boring, except for five boxes on it] [a red dotted line connects the five boxes, going from left to right] BOX 1: A picture of the Dark Garden. Below it is written, "Shadow grunts." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 2: A picture of the Neutral Garden. Below it is written, "Audience from Hell." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 3: A picture of the Hero Garden. Below it is written, "Commercial Horrors." A red "X" has been drawn over this box. BOX 4: A picture of the Chao Lobby. Below it is simply written, "JOE." The figure draws a red "X" over this box. BOX 5: A picture of an office. Below it is written, "MILKMAN...." [the camera zooms in on the word, "MILKMAN...."] [cut to the chao teleporting into an office; people are in cubicles, talking on phones] Shade: ....huh? Dark: We're lost. Shade: Impossible. I'm Shade. I'm never lost. Dark: We're lost. Shade: We are NOT lost! Dark: WE'RE LOST!!!!!!!!!! [all the people in the cubicles stop talking, and stare at them] [they become shadowy creatures, and start attacking] Shade: Crap! Flame: We will never End this SB: Can't the Author of this post be a very lazy person and get us out of here? Silver: Why should he be lazy! That's too lazy A. Chao: And how many times do we have to beat up these things anyways? Shadow: These things aren't the same SB: You mean...These bad guys are different? Shadow: *sarcasm* No Shadow Bonic, these enemies are exactly the Same *Sarcasm end* OF COURSE THEY'RE DIFFERENT YOU IDIOT! SB: Oh....you don't have to go hatin' on me *sob* Flame: Suck it up Sonic: Hey guys...How come we keep ending up in the same room with the exact same things with the exact same bad guy? Flame: I don't know, ask Djay32 or something... Djay32: Hey! don't involve me in this! figure it out yourselves! Flame: Well, that plan worked well... Sonic: Can we just fight the enemies already? SB: Sure go ahead. Sonic: Aren't you coming? SB: You're the only one that wants to go! Flame: I do! A. Chao: I do! Shadow: I do! Silver: I do! SB: ...They don't count Flame: I do! SB: We established that already... Sonic: FINE! we'll all go and leave you behind! SB: Doesn't bother me! Sonic: Oh Yeah? SB: Yeah! Shadow: Oh Yeah? SB: YEAH! Silver: OH YEAH? SB: *whispers* This is getting repetitive *whisper end* YEA! A. Chao: Oh YE- SB: Shut UP! A. Chao: ... SB: what are you all waiting for? GO GO GO! All chao except SB: FINE THEN GEEZ! SB: Whatever, I don't care... me: And so all the chaos except Shadow Bonic went and fought these creatures and they died a horrible death, and A. Chao has one last thing to say and- A. Chao: Hey You! Me: Yea? Shadow: WE AIN'T DEAD YET! Me: so? Silver: Then how can you say we're dead if we're still here? Me: i was trying to get Shad- SB: *sarcasm* Oh yeah! your plan worked perfectly dude... Me: Wait, why you still recording fool? Shade: Oops! still trying to get that footage of reality Chao TV Me: Just turn it OFF!!! Shade: Fine Fine... *whispers* he's such a blow hard Smooth. But, from now on until the end of DCRPG, I'm not helping you anymore. I'm simply letting the story continue. [the Third-Parties (that's you) wake up, and notice Shade and Dark have already defeated all the enemies] (...so yeah, I guess I AM bailing you out.) Shade: C'mon, let's go! [MOAR SHADOWY CREECHURS] Dark: More creatures? NOOOOO!!! DEFEAT THEM! ....wait. [the shadowy creatures grab everyone, and take them to a dark, smoke-filled room] [a figure is sitting at a desk, smoking. DON'T SMOKE!] ?: .....*pulls cigar out of mouth*.... kill 'em. Shade: NO! KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAAAAA!!! [pause] ?: ......lolwut? [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!] [the whole office explodes, leaving only a barren wasteland] [it's just the chao and the figure, who reveals himself to be METAL SONIC WTF] MS: Nice. You uncovered my secret plan. Shade: Metal! What's going on?! MS: I used-- Flame: Wait. How could you have smoked-- MS: Let's not worry about that. Just.... don't smoke. All right? Flame: Okay. MS: Anyway, I used the powers of television to attempt to bind you under a contract. Dark: The silent killer. MS: Indeed. Anyway, now it is time for you to DIE! Shade: *sigh* Metal, we never die anyway, so why don't you just GIVE UP? MS: Me? Give up? NEVER! [Metal runs away] Shade: So, we have one last problem before your mission is over, kiddos! SB: Sir! What is it? Shade: We're stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and the other freelancers (you guys) aren't here. So, Dark-Hawk can't save us with his magic. It's up to you to find us a way out. SB: But wait... Dark-Hawk isn't ever here anymore... DH: Yes I a- SB: Shut up! Flame: And we have to find a way out? A. Chao: Why don't we just follow Metal Sonic Flame: *sigh* must we always be lazy? Me: Hey, stop pointing fingers! It was A. Chao's Idea! Flame: A. Chao! AC: It's not my fault, He writes the script! SB: You mean there's a script? Me: YOU MEAN THERE'S A SCRIPT? -All chao are quiet- Me: There is no script AC: But you also write what we say Me: So? AC: That means you forced me to say that! Me: And why am I suddenly involved in this RPG? -all chao are quiet again- Me: I think I'm going to end this right now and PM Dark Hawk so he'll come again... Flame: AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT! (Zammie joins with his Neutral chao, Ade) Nice! There's our ticket out! Ade manages to call us a bus. [cut to the Dark Garden; the chao get off the bus] Shade: Dark, tip the kind bus driver. Dark: Awww..... END OF MISSION! ----------------- That was SUPER EXTEND-O-LONG! So, Metal Sonic is the original MILKMAN? Or... is something ELSE going on here? Now for the next Mission. "This is a War-Like Event!" Part two of the two-part "Television" serial. Also the first Mission to use the term, "Freelance chao." ...sorry, I'm giving terrible commentary. The next Volume will be more planned out, though. It'll also involve a LOT more commentary. ----------------- [Shade gathers all the freelance chao (NEW NAME FOR THIRD-PARTY)] Shade: Listen, guys..... I need to apologize for getting us that TV. TV is bad for the soul. [pause] Ade: Do you really mean that, Shade? Shade: No. Now, c'mon, let's see what the Heroes did with our TV. [cut to the Hero Garden; the Heroes are watching the TV] Shade: HEY! Give us back our idiot box! Chao: ..........no. Shade: Wh.... wh..... what? "No?" Dark Army, REGROUP! Out in the Lobby! [huddle] Shade: It looks like the enemy does not want to give us back our treasure. So, what will we do? Ade: ....kindly ask for it back? Shade: NO! We fight for it. You ready? SB: Shade, you seriously must take a breather. It's just a TV. Shade: "Just a TV?" "JUST A TV?!" Shadow Bonic, it's my PLASMA SCREEN TV! I had to pay, like, a JILLION rings for that thing! This isn't just a battle..... Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Mission 14: Television part two: This is a War-Like Event! [cut to the huddled-up squadron of chao] Shade: So, here's the plan. Shadow Bonic, you will fight Hero, and take out their supply trains. Angel Chao or whatever, you will fight Tail, and capture their transportation. Flame, you will fight Speedy, and take the communication tower. Ade, since you are new, you will take Aqua, and try to break down their fourth wall of defense. Anybody else will fight the oncoming onslaught of Hero soldiers who appeared out of nowhere. I will try to fight Chao, and make story things happen. Shade: This is the classic definition of War of the Gardens. Now, let's get in there and show them some pure Dark mission stuff! All the Chaos nooded, and they ran to fight to they respective objectives. Ade ran to Aqua. Ade: Give me your best shot! Aqua took the Hero Garden small ball and threw it to Ade's face. Ade: You're joking, right? Ade jumped into aqua, and from his "invisible" pocket he had some ropes, and attached them to Aqua. Ade: Now, to break that defense wall. (Solar joins) Shade: Uh... welcome to the army, Solar! I just gotta remind you that, in case anybody's curious, Metal Sonic is NOT made of metal. I do believe he is made of pure monocoque titanium. How do I know this? Well.... I just do. Dark: He means he found Metal's operations manual. Shade: Shut up! Anyway, so if we ever run into Metal, you can't just BITE him to death. Solar: I see. So, what is my objective? Shade: Well, soldier, since you just joined, I'll start you off EASY. [Shade pulls out a map of the Hero Garden, and points at the fountain behind the pool] Shade: Reports show that this fountain opposite the pool is Chao's "hangout." Dark: Serious reports. Shade: However, I'm gonna be too busy fighting Chao to investigate it. Solar: You want me to wait until you've drawn Chao out of the fountain, then go in there and search it? Shade: I want you to scan every nook, cranny, and Nook's Cranny. Leave no section behind! Solar: Roger that. Anything in particular to look for? Shade: A little, blue envelope. Solar: A little, blue envelope? Shade: A little, blue envelope. Solar: So.... a little, blue envelope. Shade: An envelope that is blue and little. Solar: Gotcha. Shade: I'll draw Chao out of the fountain, and fight him. Let's go! [cut to Shade walking past all the little brawls and melees happening all over; he approaches the fountain behind the pool] [Solar is slowly following him, staying low] [Chao is sitting in a meditating position-majigger, facing the wall] [Shade steps forward] Chao: Shade. What is the meaning of this? Shade: We want our television back. Chao: Your television? I'm sorry, Shade, but I have confiscated it for the time being. Shade: ...get up and say that to my face. [Chao gets up, and says it to his face] Shade: That's what I THOUGHT you said. Chao: So, let's see you actually DO something for once, Shade. Shade: ....mmkay. *PUNCH!* [Shade and Chao engage in a fistfight; Shade quickly looks at Solar, signalling him to go] Ade was looking at Shade fighting with Chao, when Chao gave Shade a punch.. Ade: OW! I should go to help him! *thinks* (Wait, Shade likes to fight alone, should I leave him alone? *takes DCA Season 1* (Well, I shouldn't mess with him..I should go and break down that defence wall...) SOLAR:finds the littile blue envlope. all heros takle him but miss and the battle begens:solar:atacks with BEGONE YA FOOL. ALL HEROS EXEPT CHAO:*FAINT*solar:well tat was easey.*takes letter to dark.* *eggman appears and atacks, but is promptly bitten to death by solar.* solar:ive always wanted to do that. shade:sees the remains of eggnmans craft with LOTS of bite marks. woah. [Shade is knocked into a wall] Ade: Shade! Shade: Ugh.... yeah? Ade: What's the fourth wall defense? Shade: It's just a wall with some Hero Guards on it. I think Chao named it "Fourth Wall Defense" as a slight pun. Chao: Yes, that is correct. It was intended to be a pun. Ade: Oh. And how do I do what I do? Shade: You simply defeat any guards up there, and open this random gate that is blocking our random army from invading this Garden. Ade: Uh..... copy that. [Shade gets back up, and resumes fighting] Solar: Shade, sir! I got the little, blue-- Shade: Shhh!!! Hang on. [Shade shoves Chao into the pool, then throws a giant statue of Superman at him] Shade: So, you got it? Solar: Um, yes, sir. [Shade grabs the envelope] Shade: Excellent. Now, the only thing left for us to do is find where they hid our TV. ...and fight off the randomly endless random hordes of random Hero soldiers. Solar: You want me to do that? Shade: Affirmative. Go fight off the endless hordes. I'll search for the TV. Solar: But, what about Chao? Shade: Dude, he's underwater with a huge statue of Superman above him. Solar: Oh. Right. Shade: Just go do your orderly stuff. Go fight. Solar: Sir, yes, SIR! [Solar joins the huge fight while Shade checks everything for the missing television] Shadow Bonic, you will fight Hero, and take out their supply trains. Angel Chao or whatever, you will fight Tail, and capture their transportation. Flame, you will fight Speedy, and take the communication tower. -SB looks up at the words above him- SB: I can do that! Hey Hero! Hero: Hm? SB: Your owner wears army boots! Hero: Nyah Nyah! My Chao owner is a guy! SB: oops! what I meant to say is... get ready for a surprise, now close your eyes Hero: Okay -Hero shuts his eyes closed- SB: And your surprise is...A SLEEP GRENADE -Hero opens his eyes and looks at the grenade, then at Shadow Bonic- Hero: You do know that you forgot your gas mask right? so we're both going to fall asleep. -you see that Shadow Bonic was a Cardboard box like thing and it tips over- Hero: Snap... -the grenade explodes and Hero Falls into a deep...DEEP, sleep- SB: Mission accomplished! A. Chao: That means I'm next right? -looks up at text- AC: Steal their mode of Transportation huh? Tail: YOU'LL NEVER GET IT AC: Why's that? Tail: Because I can fly and you will be distracted! -Tail starts to fly up like Tails- AC: Does he really think I'll be- Ooooh! do it again! Tail: Okay! -Tail does it again. except this time...- AC: I stole the transportation! Tail: What? I thought you were dazzled AC: I was dazzled that you were so stupid as to allow me to get past you with no effort Tail: Crap... Flame: And I'm up last right? -looks at text along with them- Flame: Speedy?! Speedy: you are never faster than me! Flame: Do we have to fight over speed like the main Sonic characters? Speedy: YES! Flame: Why do I have a feeling that he's going to regret this? -They start to race- Flame: Come on, you can't defeat me Speedy: Oh yeah? Cheap Stamina Boost! Flame: No way! I'll just use a power boost -Flame Punches Speedy in the Face SO hard that he falls over and scrapes his face- Flame: Next time, don't challenge me ever again! Got the uh... -Flame Looks up at the text at the top...- Flame: I got the communications Tower under my control...I think solar:CHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMPCHOMP *METAL IS RUNNING AROUND WITH SOLAR HANGIN ON TO HIS TAIL WITH HIS TEETH METAL IS BEATING UP HEROS.* about 100 heros go flyin and land on tail.well,THAT WAS EASY. solar:grabs a door with his teeth and rips it off its hinges;comes out with a sub-machine gun and lots of ammo;RATATTATTAT ! tears off the door that is blocking the army from entering;ade was knoked out (Ivan joins) Shade: Welcome, Ivan. You can, uh... lessee.... [Shade finds a single post-it] Shade: Read this post-it note to me. Ivan: "Chao, Thank you for selling us your awesome TV. It's sweet. Maybe some day you could come on over and play some poker with us? Murderously yours, Metal Sonic and his Poker Buddies" Shade: CRAP! Ade: What? Who's "Metal Sonic and his Poker Buddies?" Shade: Metal Sonic's Poker Buddies are fan names for Metal/Mecha Knuckles and the Tails Doll, from Sonic R. [lightning crash] [horses neigh] Dark: But... how will we ever get our TV back? Metal has it! Shade: We're gonna have to go into the Stardust Speedway Eggman Statue, or "Stardust Eggman," and fish it out ourselves! [cut to Stardust Speedway Round, Zone 2] [or, for those who have never played Sonic CD, Stardust Speedway Zone, Act 2] [the chao are standing in front of a large, golden statue of Eggman] Shade: Inside the Stardust Eggman is a series of rooms. Metal likes to hold weekly poker tournaments every Thursday at 8 with Mecha and the Tails Doll. Flame: What shall WE do, sir? Shade: I'll TELL you what you can do. We're gonna sneak in there and steal the TV. Ivan, find us a way inside. Not the front door, though, 'cause they'll see us. Make it something sneaky. Flame, disable any security systems. A. Chao, you will be our scout. After we get in, you will search the building until you find the TV, and then come back to us and let us know where it is. Shadow Bonic, you will provide us with a distraction in case somebody sees us. Ade, act like Hansel and Gretel and try to find some way to remember how we get in so we can get out easily. It's like a maze in there. Solar, we need you to be the brawns, and carry the TV. I will be the lookout, and let you know if somebody's coming. I'll also move the story along. Get going! Flame, disable any security systems. A. Chao, you will be our scout. After we get in, you will search the building until you find the TV, and then come back to us and let us know where it is. Shadow Bonic, you will provide us with a distraction in case somebody sees us. Flame: I'm First this Time, YES!!! Angel Chao: I'm second, cool Shadow Bonic: and I'm a distraction, I LOVE BEING A DISTRACTION!!! Flame: Time to disable the Security -you start to hear Metal Gear Solid Music- Flame: Okay, time to disable the Security...OH CRAP! Flame: Let's see here...Do I pull Out this red one? -All lights go Out- MS: Hey guys, was that a power outage TD: Don't worry, It's nothing Flame: alright, in you go -The lights go back on- Flame: Maybe this blue one? -All gravity turns off- MS: Watch it fix itself -Flame Plugs it back in- MS: See? TD: I'd say that someone was- MK: Don't be ridiculous Flame: Well duh! It was this one all Along -Flame Takes out some Electric Proof Scissors- Flame: Time to get Cutting! -Flame Cut's the one on the very Right- TD: Did the Security just go off? MS: Tails Doll- -Lighting Strikes- -you hear a horse Neigh- MS: stop being such a worry wart MK: Yeah! A. Chao: Now I can go! -A. Chao starts sneaking through the Vents- AC: not here, no, uh uh... -You see Metal Sonic, Tails Doll, and Mecha Knux playing Poker- TD: Did you guys hear that? MS: We just talked about this! TD: Whatever! AC: ... -Angel Chao Continues to crawl through the vents- AC: Still no...you've got to be kidding me! -You see through the Vent Angel Chao is looking through AC: The TV is in the Bathroom! Shade, the TV is IN the Bathroom, I repeat, in the Bathroom Shade: you've got to be kidding me... -Camera goes over to Shadow Bonic- SB: I'm bored... So so Bored... Can't wait to be a distraction... solar:grabs tails doll;uses him as a club and beats up metal and mecha,then takes the tv and takes it back out.mecha appears;solar:TURNS INTO A JAWS CHAO AND KILLS MECHA. Ade: Alright...Just let me stay here for a while so I can remember some stuff... (So, how to remember this? It's all clean...Wait, I've found...a peice of Dark fur..) MS: YOU CHEATER! I'LL LEAVE YOU ALL BALD! DT: B-but I didn't cheat! You just think that you're the best player of Poker of the world MS: I am! STAND STILL! (screams) Ade: O_oU Okay, I should've made this clearer. - There are certain characters that you cannot/are impossible to kill. Metal Sonic, Mecha Knuckles, and the Tails Doll are excellent examples. - If you kill them, you get a TIME PARADOX, courtesy of Metal Gear Solid 3. - If you get a TIME PARADOX, everything that you just did ends up as a dream, and you wake up right before your decision to kill them. - There is also such a thing as just plain a PARADOX. - To get a PARADOX, you must do the impossible, like ATTEMPT TO FIGHT METAL SONIC, MECHA KNUCKLES, or the TAILS DOLL. Shade: Did you forget that we're CHAO? Smart chao, mind you, but that doesn't mean you can go around attempting to fight battles you can't win. Chao can't beat all three of those guys all by themselves! Solar: What are you talking about? I just did. Shade: You were asleep. Solar: But it seemed so real-- Shade: YOU WERE ASLEEP! So.... [Solar wakes up outside the Stardust Eggman] Sorry, but I gotta put in SOME rules. I'll try not to put in TOO MANY of them. You can be as crazy as you want, as long as it doesn't go too far from the mission. MS: And DT, if you say one word, I'll kill you. DT: (All bald) I'm going to the bathroom, I can't beleive you manage that way your weapons! Ade: Dang! Everyone! Crouch! Shade: You're not the leader...EVERYONE CROUCH! SB: Yes... just being a distraction...yep. Nothing to do but distract people, I'm very entertained... Silver: SB, what are you doing? SB: Waiting to be a distraction... Silver: Right... Sonic: Can we help? SB: NO!!! this is my mission Sonic: Geez, okay okay... solar:sets off fire alarm;sets off regurgirating toliet while metal wuz uzing it(it does the oppisite when u flush it so say tat u flush it,it goes up not down) otherwize bein a nusince. metal:catches him. solar:bites metals hand,HARD. metal:holds up hand;it has some big scratches on it. while metal was takeing a painkiller solar was getting out of the stardust eggman. BACK IN DARK GARDEN: solar:i got it. shade:wheres metal? solar:takeing some pain killers. shade: what happend? solar:well letz just say,his hand is VERY SORE. shade:oh. SOLAR WAS NOT FIGHTING HIM,HE WAS ESCAPING. p.s.solars alternent diminson counterpart is lunar. Um.... okay, apparently you got the TV back. Good. Shade: Sweet, we got it back! [Shade turns it on; a Halo 3 commerical is on] [Shade turns it off] Shade: Okay, that was a waste of time. End mission, please. SEE YOU NEXT MISSION -------------- So, that was Mission 14. Craziness, huh? ...okay, NEXT! Ah, yes, "Return of the Government!" That was an interesting one. After all, nobody likes being kidnapped. ....yep. -------------- Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Mission 15: Return of the Government! [cut to the chao in Los Angeles] SB: Why are we in LA, again? Shade: I hear Ryan Drummond is somewhere in this city. Dark: I thought he was in-- Shade: HE'S IN THIS CITY. [a man in a business suit notices Shade] [Shade notices the man, as well] [the man walks around a building, quietly] [Shade checks around the building, and no one is there] Solar: Sir, what's wrong? Shade: ....thought I saw the G-Man. Doesn't matter. The REAL reason we're here is to kill the folks at Bungie for making such a horrible platformer. Ade: Okay, first of all, that's a STUPID reason to be here. Second, Halo is a first-person shooter. Third, Bungie's headquarters are in Washington, not California. Shade: It's an FPS? ....oh. [suddenly, they're ambushed and knocked out!] [they wake up in a quiet jail cell] [the word, "GUN" is on the wall] Solar: GUN kidnapped us? AChao: I'm sure they had a good reason to... Shade: Yeah-- we make good Chao Sandwiches! Let's get outta here! YOUR MISSION-- Break out of this room. Somehow. I don't care how, just get out of that room. Ade: No worries, sir, I'll break it! *punches it and breaks it*---wait, no--- *punches the wall and gets his hand hurt* Ade: OW, OW, OW, MY LITTLE HAND. solar:LEAVE THIS TO ME. *bites through the bars,and SWALLOWS THEM.* Every Chao goes out, but then an a guard stands up in front of them. Guard: How did you escape? Duh, I'll put you there again. All the Chao are on jail cell again. But now an a G.U.N guard is on a chair, watching them... S.Bonic: *quietly* Guys, I've got an a idea, what about if we make an a little Chao song for make him sleep? Dark: It'll be a pleasure! There has always been a dividing line But you choose, you choose, yes you choose not to see it And then you wonder why you fall It cuts through the heart of every city If you climb to the top of the highest building You can see where it falls 'cause the streetlights stop The colours start to change You hear a voice inside you Not the words that you wanted to hear Not the things that you wanted to see hey, hey, hey, hey In the comfort and safety of your own home Remember those outside in the cold And the wind and the rain And take in your hands a little ray of light And turn it into a beam that pierces the darkness of the night There has always been a dividing line But you choose, you choose, yes you choose not to see it Sometimes we believe if we close our eyes The rain might wash it away That's why we stumble and we fall Not the words that you wanted to hear Not the things that you wanted to see hey, hey, hey, hey When everything that you hold dear to you Has finally faded away from your life The last cold ray of sunshine slowly disappears Round the corner of the building And leaves you alone When darkness covers-- Shade: *punches Dark* Oh, shut up. SB: It's all about the thought AC: Maybe if we just snap their necks SB: You mean like SOLID SNAKE?! AC: ... Yes Shadow Bonic, just like Solid Snake Sonic: ooh Fun! Silver: Let's get a crackin' Shadow: Or a Snappin' Flame: Or a shut upin' and doing it already. -AC Snaps the guard's neck- AC: Quick guys, steal the keys and get us out of here before the guards come! SB: What does GUN want with us anyways? Silver: It doesn't matter right now! Sonic: Solar, I want you to bight the chain off the Keys... Shadow: And Ade, I want you to use the keys to get us out of here! Shade: HEY! that's my job! Shadow: Who cares, Just do it! [Shade punches the others; they wake up; they're out in the hallway] Shade: Remember? Solar ate the bars? Sheesh, you and your fantasies. [they run around, and find a huge, empty room] [the door behind them closes and locks] [a giant GUN robot appears] GUN Robo: I am Stinkoman 20X6-- I mean, I am Big Foot. From Sonic Adventure 2. You chao will never beat me. Or.... WILL you? SB: This is the Time for the Bouncy Ball Technique from Sonic adventure 2! Sonic: Wait, who's the- AUGH! Silver: Well that was well solved GUN Robo: how is a bouncy Chao going to hurt me? -GUN Robo Loses half his health- GUN Robo: Well that was unexpected... Sonic: Please, no more SB:The sooner we finish this, the less pain you'll be in! Silver: Well, here we go again -Sonic goes BOING- Shadow: I am so video taping this and putting this on Youtube! Sonic: Hey don't -boing- Mock -Boing- Me! GUN Robo: Oh snap, here it comes >.< -GUN robo dies for some odd reason because a Bouncy Chao hit him?- AC: Hey Guys All: What? AC: how did that make any sense? All: We don't care, it just did! AC: Whatever... ["NICE!!!" appears on-screen] [suddenly, the Master Chief appears] [Shade sighs, looks at him, and he wets his pants and runs away] Shade: What? I don't like Halo. Dark: But it's a good game! And sequel! Shade: ...I meant Halo 3. And that was the Halo 3 model of him. Dark: Oh. Good point. [note: These aren't EXACTLY my points of view. These are more... exaggerated forms of my opinions.] [SUDDENLY.... the BIOLIZARD (from SA2) appears and roars!] WHAT WILL YOU DO?! solar:whistles* perfect chaos(i beat the game and chaos is the guardian of Chao) appears and holds the biolizard in place while solar jumps up,finds a game cube controller slot,inserts a game cube controller in it and now has complete control over it. solar:sweet. makes the biolizard pick up the others,put them behind solar,and busts its way out. -You hear Live and Learn- Sonic: We've got to defeat him Shadow: His weak spot is the red swelling area, Aim for it SB: Oh yeah!!! -Guitar Solo- SB: But you can't help but follow! Silver: And put you right back where you ca-aaaaame SB: Whoa Whoa Whoa! OH YEAAAH!!! -Guitar Solo- Shadow: Chaos Spear! Sonic: Shadow, you need rest, let me give it a try! -Sonic Attacks the Red swelling area- Shadow: It's time we finish this, Chaos Spear! -The Bio-hazard is falling straight down to earth- Sonic: Shadow, you know what to do Shadow: Affirmative! Sonic and Shadow: CHAOS CONTROL!!! -Sonic, shadow, and the Bio hazard are now in a different part of Space- Sonic: Shadow, let's go back into the ark! Shadow: I hear you Sonic! -they get back into the Ark- SB: So, how'd it go? Shadow: Good, good... Sonic: WE DID EXCELLENT! solar:YOU MORON I WAS ON THAT THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sonic:uh-oh. solar:*hopping mad.*(btw solar is a chaos chao,a devil type.)never do that again. EVER. sonic:oops. [a powerful, deep, booming voice is heard] ?: Excellent. You have defeated the Sonic Adventure 2 representations of our mighty armada. But... can you beat the final enemy? Presenting...... GLaDOS! [a robot hangs from the ceiling; green gas slowly fills the room] ?: Good luck defeating her before that deadly neurotoxin kills you. [a rocket turret comes out of the ground, and begins firing rockets at you] ?: Oh, and... you cannot defeat her the way people normally do in Portal. You're on your own! solar:iil take care of glades with shade. try to stop the neurotoxin and rokets!GO!GO!GO! solar:now to unleash my true power! he starts absorbing soolar energy,and starts to glow before unleashing a blast of solar energy sonic: hey dude. i'm diggin the party! solar: yeah man. go RALPH NADER! sonic: yeah i like him. he's lonely like me. he doesn't have any friends. he's lame. sloar: yeah dude. you are pretty lame. sonic: SHUT THE DUCK UP! --sonic punches solar in the face-- --they fight for hours-- --they both die-- THE END. [GLaDOS is dead] GLaDOS: This isn't war. It's murder. What did I ever do to you? *shuts down, neurotoxins evaporate magically* ?: Excellent. You have stopped all three of our toughest enemies. Now... can you get out of this room?! MUAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! solar whips out random pistol and shoots where the voice is coming out and a figure falls down solar picks up and drags him back to dark garden. he got out by blasting the wall after all hes a chaos devil chao. [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!] [ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!] All: WHAT THE **** WAS THAT?! Dark: Sorry. I have gas. Shade: *groan* ?: Excellent. Now, I have one FINAL task for you. Be chargin' ya lazorz, then be firin' ya lazorz. BE SHOOP DA WHOOP. Shade: O NOEZ! Not even I, the great and epic Shade, can do that! Or even understand what that means! is it be chargeing your lasers,and fireing your lasers be hyper beam? ?:HOWD U FIGURE IT OUT? solar:dude,dude,dude,though i doubt it would fit in ur head,but.........A PLOT HOLE. and thanks for telling me how to defeat you. EVERYONE FIRE UR LAZERS! keep him distractred for a minite! okay! 1 miniute later:get out of the way! okay all:move aside. revaling solar glowing from the amount of solar energy hes absorbed solar cupped his hands,and shouted:SOLARKAMEHAMEHA!BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BASICILY SOLAR DID A KAMEHAMEHA WITH SOLAR ENERGY. masked figiure falls and lands and underneath it iz................................................ djay continue tis. [Shade punches Solar; he wakes up] Shade: Dude, what is the MATTER with you today? You're always daydreaming! Solar: Sorry, sir. Shade: *groan* And, no, it's not a hyper beam. Sheesh. Besides, we did the Shoop Da Whoop, and now we're out of the building. END MISSION? ?: Muahahahahahahaha..... [behind them is Metal Sonic, stepping out of the rubble] ----------- Oooh! I had completely forgotten about all these elaborate plots! Like Metal Sonic being the evil mastermind behind the kidnapping! This next mission, "Tequila Mockingbird," is the Freelance chao's first venture into court. It took a while to finish, because Tails hibernated. ----------- Now, it's time for.... Dark Chao Role-Playing Game Mission 16: Tequila Mockingbird [our newest mission begins in the Dark Garden; everybody is watching TV] [Dark changes the channel to BBC One] All: HEY! Shade: Wait. How do we have BBC One? We have the American channels. Dark: We have ALL the channels. Shade: Oh. Dark: And it's time for Doctor Who! I wanna watch it! Shade: Fine.... watch it, see if I care. I'm gonna go loiter. [Shade leaves the garden] Dark: ....what's "loiter" mean? Flame: He's gonna go stand around. Apparently, it's against the law. Dark: WHAT?! It's against the law to STAND now?! Ade: Only in dangerous and business places. It's a perfectly reasonable-- Dark: AGAINST THE LAW TO STAND AROUND?! I'm going to go sue! All: Sue WHO? Dark: ......uh....... sue Sony! Yeah. They made me cry! Ade: How did they make you CRY? Dark: I don't know. I'm just gonna sue them! [cut to a District Court] [The Irritable Judge Bowser is talking] SB: Who'd you get as our prosecutor? Dark: I got the best one around. Mister Prower! All: WHAT?! Dark: Yeah! Apparently, he's been prosecuting since he was seven! Ade: ...isn't he eight, though? Dark: So? Ade: Never mind. [Tails is here, prosecuting, uh......... Generic Sony Employee for "making Dark cry!"] [the defense attorney is Generic Sony Employee Number 2!] Bowser: Is everybody ready? Tails: The prosecution is ready, your honor. GSE2: The defense is ready, your honor. Bowser: Good. Good. Mister Prower, if you will please inform us of the case. Tails: Certainly. Sony has been charged with poisoning children's minds with their PS3. Ade: (to Dark) I thought they made you cry. Dark: (to Ade) Eh, they wouldn't take the case. So, Mister Prower changed it up a bit. Bowser: Generic Sony Employee, how do you plead? GSE: Not Guilty! Bowser: I see. Let's speed this up a bit. Give us your testimony. GSE: Okay. Well, this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. I'd like to take a minute and just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the Prince of a town called Bel-Air. Bowser: Interesting. Generic Sony Employee number 2, you may Cross-Examine the witness. Well, this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside-down. [HOLD IT!] GSE2: You say your life got "flipped, turned upside-down?" GSE: Yes. GSE2: What do you mean by that? GSE: My life went wrong. GSE2: Oh. Continue. I'd like to take a minute and just sit right there, [HOLD IT!!!] GSE2: I hardly think this will take one minute, sir! Bowser: Pointless pressing. Witness, CONTINUE! I'll tell you how I became the Prince [HOLD IT!!!] GSE2: You are a Prince? GSE: Yes. I am the prince chairman of Sony. All: WHOA!!! GSE: Did it shock you? GSE2: Quite. You may continue. of a town called Bel-Air. [HOLD IT!!!] GSE2: "A town called Bel-Air?" GSE: That is what we are calling the top headquarters at Sony now. GSE2: I see. So, you are the prince of Bel-Air? GSE: And I'm new at my job. GSE2: Ah. So you're the FRESH prince of Bel-Air. GSE: Yep. Bowser: I see no need to continue this testimony. Do you, Mister Prower? Tails: Um.... princes arent around anymore. he said town and THEN SAID SONY HEADQUATERS WAS BEL-AIR! SB: Objection! GSE2: Hm? SB: How in the world could you be the Prince of Bel-Air when you just started GSE2: Hm....ACK!! SB: And how did you become the Prince in the First place when, again, you just started GSE2: ... SB: And thirdly, what does Sitting down somewhere have to do with it? And Fouth of All, The case is about how your PS3 makes children's lives go wierdly! And Last, How did your life get flipped Up-Side Down when you just started huh? Tails: Um.... are princes even around anymore? Bowser: Yes. Tails: Oh. Where? Bowser: Eastern countries. Tails: Oh. All right, continue. Bowser: So, Chairman man of Bel-Air, what can you tell us about the PS3 making children die? GSE2: Cry. Bowser: Cry? GSE: Ah, the PS3.... I can tell you about it. Witness' Account (The PS3) GSE: The PlayStation 3 was designed with one purpose in mind-- comfort and utility. [OBJECTION!!!] GSE2: That's, uh.... that's TWO. GSE: Whatever! "Comfort and utility" are what the PS3 was designed for! That's all! Bowser: I don't see anything wrong with this one, do you? GSE2: Nope. Bowser: What about you, Mister Prower? Tails: Um..... chao, help me out here! Ade: *nervous* Um, objection! Bowser: What? Ade: Err..."Comfort and utility"? It's not supposed to give too...err...Smartness? Everyone: ... UR ROTTING PEOPLEZ BRAINZ. see?*holds up normal brain. and then a brain that has been using te PS3 and the brain is orange,with rotten egg smell. SB: OBJECTION! If this PS3 was based on Comfort and Utility, how come it makes children Cry! GSE: ACK! SB: And how can you sense Utility in your mind? ANSWER ME! U SAID COMFORT AND UTILITIY NOT COMFORT AND FUN IN FACT IT IS HORRIBLE! GSE:no itz not! oh yeah? guss wat i checked its programing and it was:horrible horrible horrible make kids cry dats wut it said! Ade: Can I ask, why comfort? GSE2: Er......... SB: And why Utility? GSE: Um... Dark: Cookies? GSE and GSE2: ... [Tails finally wakes up after many months] Bowser: Whoa! He's alive! Tails: Urgh.... sorry. I, uh.... hibernated. Where were we? Ah, yes. [OBJECTION!!!] Tails: You SAY the PS3 was designed for comfort and utility, and yet it SUCKS! GSE: ....ARGH! You're right! Tails: So, Generic Sony Employee... Dark: If that IS your real name! Tails: ...care to tell us why you lied to us? GSE: ...fine. Why I Lied: You see, my boss, the true director of Sony, he... he murdered somebody. Particularly, he murdered Sonic the Hedgehog! You might have noticed since people say Sonic's dead now. The boss has been acting kind of weird lately. When we made the PS3, he placed a rabid squirrel in the processing chip, and said we must advertise the "comfort and utility." GSE: ....I swear! That's what happened! I was simply doing my job! Bowser: I see.... so, the boss is the true enemy here. GSE2: Yes! I say we call him in, and he testifies! Bowser: What about the Prosecution? Should the boss testify? Or was there a contradiction in the witness' testimony? (sugi joins) sugi, a neutral chao who wants to be a hero, main attribute: fly. sugi: uh... what can I choose to do again? me: ... she has a short attention span Tails: Welcome, Sugi. You're just in time to help us win this case! Basically, the witness says, "You see, my boss, the true director of Sony, he... he murdered somebody. Particularly, he murdered Sonic the Hedgehog! You might have noticed since people say Sonic's dead now. The boss has been acting kind of weird lately. When we made the PS3, he placed a rabid squirrel in the processing chip, and said we must advertise the "comfort and utility."" Tails: So now, they're gonna call the guy's boss up to the stand, but, I gotta get THIS guy declared guilty. Not the boss. We need to find something wrong with the guy's testimony. (Night joins) Night - A hero fly-run chao, has all phonex parts, loves to tease Dark. Will burst into "flame rage" if angry. A.K.A.- Pyro (Buzz joins) Buzz-a dark fly-run chao,playful,likes to mess around alot,mellow,has spiky teeth,and has telekenesis solar:*goes up to tails*if he murdered sonic,then why is sonic and the black knight out?and,why hasn't sega sued sony then? and,why hasn't it been on the news? Tails: CONTRACEPTION! Bowser: What? Tails: Sorry, I mean, OBJECTION! The defendant claims that Sonic was murdered. But, I have incriminating evidence that he is NOT. [on the touch screen, the player selects, "Box Art"] Tails: TAKE THAT! [the crowd goes, "GASP!"] Bowser: Is that...? GSE: It can't be! GSE2: But, it is! Tails: Indeed. Sonic and the Black Knight. People claim this game was NOT lame. Bowser: You can bust a robust rhyme like locust, Mister Prower. Tails: So, if there is a slightly not that bad Sonic game... HOW CAN HE BE DEAD?! GSE: .....FINE! I admit it! The PS3 makes children cry! It's EVIL! RAAAAAAAH! [the Generic Sony Employee faints] Bowser: .....uh.... *bangs gavel* Order........? Um.... I think the Prosecution.... won. GSE2: Urp! [cut to the Dark Garden] Dark: Well, we won the case! Ade: Yeah, but you still can't stand around-- Solar: Ade. Ade: Oh, right. Sorry. [Shade comes back] Shade: That sucks. Some cop arrested me for loitering. Dark: What's "loitering" mean? Shade: It means... Ade+Solar: Shade, no! Dark: WHAT?! You can't even STAND AROUND anymore? That's ridiculous! I'm gonna go sue! Ade+Solar: Here we go again.... SEE YOU NEXT MISSION! ------------- Well, my friends, that ends the never-ends trends, please press "Sends" to bends your rear-ends. I'm a poet, and I wasn't aware of such a fact. Anyway, this ends the final mission that was NOT serious. The final Volume contains the final four Missions... and the DCRPG equivalent of DCA's Season 6. See you.... NEXT.... mission.