This one episode, I had so much trouble with.

[a clip of the end of the previous episode is on a blue screen]
MM: Heh... so, the time has come...
JOE: Indeed.
MM: Quite.
JOE: Yes... so... what do we do?
[Metroid Prime 3: Corruption- Rundas Battle Theme slowly fades in]
MM: Watch that screen, and pay particular attention to Echo.
[the two laugh as the theme continues]

Dark Chao Adventures

[music volume decreases to hear the following]
[cut to Shade sitting in a red chair next to the camera]
Shade: Yeah, so, I'm Shade. And... I hate Chao. Not the SPECIES, but the guy. The guy's pretty damn annoying. ...I can say 'damn' on TV, right?
[camera bleep, cut to Dark sitting in the chair]
Dark: I'm Dark, and I WOULD be reading those Cue Cards, but I can't read. ...I know what a period is! It's when blood comes out of a girl's--
[camera bleep, cut to Chao sitting in the chair]
Chao: Hello. I'm Chao, the Hero. I'm pretty much the one who farts Shade and saves the day. ...oh, that can't be right... um... (to off-screen crew) what does that card say?
[camera bleep, cut to Tail sitting in the chair nervously]
Tail: Um... uh... I'm... uh... Tail.... AAAHH! The... the camera! IT'S GONNA EAT ME! *hides behind chair*
[camera bleep, cut to Metal sitting in the chair]
MS: The name's Sonic. METAL Sonic. Friends call me 'Metal.' Enemies call me 'Metal.' People call that heavy guitar music 'Metal.'
[camera bleep, cut to Mephiles sitting in the chair]
Mp: ...WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? Where am I? I was just eating my Cheerios! What's that? Is that a camera? God, the one time I DIDN'T do my hair...
[camera bleep, cut to a black screen, music increases]

Season 5: The Going Doesn't Get Good Until You Get Going. ...Good.

Episode 39: Now You're Thinking With Portal Storms part 1: Speedy Thing Goes In, Speedy Thing Comes Out

[cut to Shade's POV (think of 'FPS'), he wakes up and sees a roof above his head]
Shade: Ugh... that's not right...
[he tries to get up, but hits glass, which slides open, he gets out, and realizes he was just in a pod]
Shade: What the?
[he's in a large, plastic/glass 'cube,' and around him is a toilet, a radio playing an upbeat song, and a timer mounted on the wall counting down from 59 seconds]
Shade: What just... I mean, I could've sworn I was just in... wait.... huh?
*boop*
CPU voice: Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one. Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of the enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur. For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from-
*bzzrt*
CPU: -------stand back. The portal will open in three... two... one...
[a blue portal appears under the timer, which just hit 0]
Shade: ...okay. Why does this all look familiar?
[he thinks for a second]
Shade: ...nope, drawing a blank.
[Shade steps through the blue portal, and comes out outside the cube he was just in]
Shade: Awesome! But... this all looks familiar somehow...
[he thinks for a second]
Shade: Still nothing. Wait, what's that?
[high up on a wall is a glass window with what looks to be an observation office, but with no one in there]
Shade: I don't like this place... there's something... spooky about it.
[a general description: the art style is "safe" and contains different shades of black and white. Everything around him, even those in the cube, "matches" to this "safe" art style. It's eerie.]
[Shade proceeds through a door and notices a large, red button and a small cube]
Shade: *sigh* This is probably a video game. I mean, how often do you get such EASY puzzles as this?
[Shade picks the cube up and places it on the button, a nearby door opens]
CPU: Excellent. Please proceed into the chamber lock after completing each test. First, however, note the incandescent particle field across the exit. This Aperture Science Material Emancipation grid will vapourise any unauthorised equipment that passes through it; for instance, the Aperture Science Weighted Storage Cube.
[Shade steps through the Aperture Science Emancipation Grid into an elevator, which takes him up a floor]
Chapter 1: The Portal Gun
[around him is a large wall, with no apparant exits]
CPU: Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the 15 hundred megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Supercolliding Superbutton.
Shade: ...?
[a portal appears on the wall near him, through it is a cube]
Shade: That seems easy enough.
[Shade steps through, grabs the cube, and walks back]
Shade: Okay, now where's that 15 hundred-megawatt Aperture Science Heavy-Duty Supercolliding Superbutton?
[the portal he stepped through switches to show the 15HMASHDSS, Shade steps through it, places the cube on it, and comes back]
CPU: Perfect. Please move quickly to the chamber lock as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test.
[the portal he stepped through switches to show the chamberlock, Shade steps through and goes up the lift]
[at the next floor, Shade runs into a large sign that reads, "02", then finds a closed door]
CPU: You're doing very well. Please be advised that a noticable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but it is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Bacterial Emancipation Grid, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
[the door opens, Shade runs through and sees a portal appear out of nowhere, he steps through it, jumps off a ledge, and sees a strange gun on a spinning pedestal]
Shade: !!! Sweet, a gun! You can never run around in an unknown, so-called 'enrichment center' without a gun!
[he grabs it, and realizes just where he is]
CPU: Very good. You are now in possession of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. With it, you can create your own portals. These intradimensional gates have proven to be completely safe. The Device, however, has not. Do not touch the operational end of the device. Do not look directly at the operational end of the device. Do not submerge the device in liquid, even partially. Most importantly, under no circumstances should *static*.
Shade: Crap... I must be in that game I heard about... that game in the Orange Box.... Portal! Now, is this good... or bad?
[Shade looks around and realizes that there are no exits-- ANYWHERE]
Shade: ...bad, yeah, ABSOLUTELY a bad thing. (breaking fourth wall) And do you know WHY it's bad, kids?
[silence]
Shade: Well, for one thing, this could be very life-threatening. And I know that because this game was made by Valve, the makers of Half-Life. Also, I DON'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT PORTAL!
[Shade looks around again]
Shade: Hmm... maybe I can easily find a way through? But... how?
[Shade looks at his gun]
Shade: Right. DUH! I've got a portal gun!
[Shade sees an orange portal up by the exit]
Shade: And I'm gonna have to assume that I need to reach THAT portal.
[Shade shoots a wall, placing a blue portal on it, and looking through it, you see the exit]
Shade: I see. The orange portal's point B, the blue portal's point A. I can place point A anywhere, allowing me easy access through this place.
[he goes through the portal, and out the exit into an elevator]
[next floor, Shade sees a sign that reads "03"]
CPU: Please proceed to the chamber lock. Mind the gap.
Shade: What gap?
[he sees the orange portal on the other side of a chasm, he uses the walls around him (plus his blue portal) to get there]
Shade: So, where's the exit?
[he is sad to see the exit on the other side of ANOTHER chasm]
Shade: CRAP! But... to get there, I'd have to find some way to place another portal! ...or WILL I?
[so, Shade shoots a portal on the wall next to the exit, and steps through the orange portal]
CPU: Well done. Remember, the Aperture Science Bring your Daughter To Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.
[next floor, the sign reads "04"]
CPU: Welcome to Test Chamber 4. You're doing quite well.
[there's a button in front of the exit, but between them is a glass wall]
Shade: So... I can't just stand on the button and fire a portal into the exit, can I?
[however, nearby is a pit with a cube in it. Shade jumps in, shoots a portal onto a wall, grabs the cube and runs out-- the orange portal was by the button]
CPU: Once again, excellent work. As part of our required test protocol, we will not monitor the next test chamber. You will be entirely on your own. Good luck.
[test chamber 5, there is a cube in a pit, and two buttons]
Shade: So... I take it the computer won't help me here. Hm?
[nearby are two platforms, Shade sees the orange portal is by one of them, so he gets the cube to the platform (via portals), and tosses it onto the button]
[the second cube is on the other platform-- Shade makes a portal behind it, steps through the orange one to it, grabs it, and tosses it onto the other button, and steps through the door]
CPU: As part of a required test protocol, our previous statement suggesting that we would not monitor this chamber was an outright fabrication. Good job. As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in 3... 2... *static*
[he's not out yet- above him is the exit, between him and it is a glass ceiling/floor, and an orange portal on the ceiling above the glass]
[he shoots a portal anywhere and enters the exit]
Chapter 2: A Test of His Skill
[test chamber 6]
CPU: While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellet seen to the left of the chamber can, and has, caused permanent disabilities, such as vaporization. Please be careful.
Shade: Vaporization!? Aw, man... so... what do I have to do here?
[there is an Aperture Science High-Energy Pellet, and an Aperture Science High-Energy Pellet Catcher]
Shade: ...I think I get it.
[Shade uses portals to get the pellet into the catcher, and an elevator activates leading to the next chamber]
CPU: Unbelievable. You, {subject name here}, must be the pride of {subject hometown here}.
[test chamber 7]
CPU: Warning devices are required on all mobile equipment. However, alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the High Energy Pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety.
[Shade sees a pellet and a catcher. He takes home the gold.]
CPU: Good. Now use the Aperture Science un-stationary scaffold to reach the chamber lock.
[Shade uses the magic of portals to get through-- or, at least, TRIES to, but the portals won't appear on certain walls]
Shade: Uh-oh... could this be... a CHALLENGE!? Could I actually HAVE to use the un-stationary scaffold!?
[he does, and continues]
[test chamber 8]
CPU: Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck.
Shade: That... doesn't sound good.
[there's a ball-catcher, and a pellet, Shade adds two and two together, activating a scaffold, which he uses to get by]
CPU: Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.
[test chamber 9]
CPU: The Enrichment Centre regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.
Shade: That doesn't sound AT ALL good!
[the exit is right around the corner, all he needs is to bring a cube onto a nearby button]
Shade: ...okay.
[he tries, but in between him and the button is an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grid, which destroys the cube]
CPU: The Enrichment Center apologises for this clearly broken test chamber.
Shade: Whuh... what?
[he tries again, it doesn't work]
CPU: Once again, the Enrichment Center offers its most sincere apology on the occasion of this unsolvable test environment.
Shade: Oh, screw this, I'll use portals!
[Shade tries to shoot a portal through the grid, but the portal is destroyed]
CPU: Frankly, this chamber was a mistake. If we were you, we would quit now.
[Shade tries making a portal inside the grid, then grabbing the cube and putting it through, but the portal is destroyed when he walks back]
CPU: Quit now and cake will be served immediately.
[Shade solves it by shooting a portal through a small gap above the grid, and taking the cube through]
CPU: Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of extreme pessimism.
[test chamber 10]
Shade: Okay, how many chambers ARE there? ...and... where exactly AM I? Yeah, missus computer, I mean YOU!
CPU: Hello again, to reiterate- -our previous warning- -this test- -momentum.
Shade: Wait, WHAT? Momentum? Huh? Say what?
[in this room, the orange portal is above his head, on the wall, and the next room is on top of very tall stairs (too high for him)]
Shade: Momentum... hmm...
[Shade notices a large pit in front of him, jumps in, and right before he lands, plants a portal where he WOULD land]
Shade: WHOOOO-HOOOO!
[Shade flies through the orange one onto the stairs above]
[the next room is the same, except the door is even higher, and the pit is deeper]
[so, a very fun jump later...]
CPU: Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not.
[this time, Shade jumps in the next pit-- but slams into the ground. It turns out the orange portal was down there, so after a retry, he makes up to a high ledge]
[Shade needs to get to the ledge in front of (yet higher than) him]
CPU: Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
[another fun jump later...]
Chapter 3: Completing the Portal Gun
[test chamber 11]
CPU: The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance: 'The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.'
Shade: Hey, what's that?
[down in the chamber below is a portal gun firing orange portals]
Shade: Okay, I KNOW I want that.
[Shade shoots a portal on a wall nearby, then waits for the gun to fire the portal near a button, and steps through it]
[he presses the button and notices a door open, fires a portal into it, and rushes back through the orange one]
Shade: Hmm... a PS (pellet spawner) in this alcove, and a PC (pellet catcher) out there in the main chamber. How ever will I do this?
[Shade shoots a portal for the pellet to go through, and watches as it flies across the main chamber into the PC]
[an unstationary scaffold activates, Shade rides it to the gun, and watches as his gun is modified]
CPU: The Device has been modified so that it can now manufacture two linked portals at once. As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact: the device is now more valuable than the organs, and combined incomes, of everyone in {subject hometown here}.
[Shade presses a button, shoots a portal through the door, and rides the scaffold back to the other portal, thus completing the chamber]
[test chamber 12]
CPU: *static*fling yourself-- *static*fling into space.
Shade: Fling into space? ...sweet, another momentum chamber!
[Shade flings himself up a few floors before finding a closed door and a button]
[he flings himself up a floor and finds a cube, but finds that he'll have to pull off a suicidal jump to make it back]
Shade: This is either gonna be extremely fun, or this place will need a maid tomorrow.
[he jumps down a long way, and flies through the portal at an angle]
CPU: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*static*
[THUD... he lands, places the cube on the button, and goes to the next chamber]
[test chamber 13]
CPU: Now that you are in control of both portals, this next test could take a very, very, long time. If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.
[Shade grabs a cube and puts it on a button, opening a door, which he goes through]
Shade: A long time? ...nah.
[he connects a pellet to a PC, thus activating a scaffold, which has a cube on top, which he uses to activate one of two buttons]
[for the other button, he 'warps' back to the first room, grabs the cube on the button, and uses it to activate the other button, thus opening the door]
CPU: As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. When the testing is over, you will be.. missed.
[Shade realizes what the computer just said, and his pupils shrink, then he continues]
[test chamber 14]
CPU: All subjects intending to handle high energy gamma leaking portal technology must be informed that they may be informed of applicable regulatory compliance issues. No further compliance information is required or will be provided, and you are an excellent test subject.
[Shade climbs some stairs, then sees them disappear]
Shade: ...not what I was expecting...
[above him is a cube]
Shade: I probably need that cube... but... how to get to it? ...oh, right, portals, DUH.
[he puts a portal close to the cube, and jumps off to where the stairs used to be]
Shade: Please work...
[he puts another portal where he is going to land, and flings to the cube]
Shade: IT WORKED! Yay!
[he places the cube on a button, and notices a PS, but no PC]
[upon further examination, Shade finds the PC in another room, and using the magic of portals, adds two and two together]
CPU: Very, very, good. A complementary victory lift has been activated in the main chamber.
Shade: Something tells me that these chambers are gonna be the death of me.
[close-up on his face]
Shade: And something tells me these Aperture guys (quietly) who you can't see a soul of anywhere (normally) WANT this to happen.
Chapter 3.5: Android?
[test chamber 15]
CPU: The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants. Cake, and grief counselling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
[Shade flings and swings to the next room]
[then, he shoots and scores with a pellet and PC]
Shade: *yawn* Really, things are getting old now...
[next room-- he flings, then flings again, then "re-establishes the love relationship between a pellet and a PC," then flings again]
Shade: Whoa.. sweet, something new!
[Shade uses portals to help himself across a winding, narrow corridor with a deadly floor]
[finally, Shade readies himself by two buttons, quickly presses them, and helps a pellet find his true home]
CPU: Did you know, you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true.
[test chamber 16]
Shade: Here we go again, where I'm gonna have to use portals to connect a pellet and a catcher, or fling, or do some cube-to-button mathematics, or hear the computer drone on about cake, or D, all of the above.
CPU: Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chamber for this testing sequence is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live fire course designed for military androids. The Enrichment Centre apologises for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck.
Shade: ...WHAT. THE. DARK. GARDEN?
[the door opens and Shade proceeds in, only to be shot at by a turret with a polite AI]
Shade: HOLY--
[he uses portals to send the turret falling to its doom]
[around a corner, Shade can see the laser that represents the turret's eyesight]
Shade: Crap.
[using his leet portal skittlez, he sneaks behind the turret and massacres it]
[around the bend-- another turret, which meets its maker, or rather, Shade]
[then, one more corner away are two turrets hoping to ambush him, but he quickly runs over to two cubes]
Shade: Drat! How am I supposed to get outta this one? Hey, wait, what's back here?
[behind the cubes is a secret room, where the overall style is much more industrial and mechanical, rather than the style he's used to]
Shade: What IS this place?
[he sees what looks like living quarters, and is about to leave before he notices some writing on the wall]
Shade: "the cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie the cake is a lie"...?
[there is also a picture of a cube being dropped on a turret, as well as multiple other scribbles]
Shade: Well, I think I have my battle plan.
[he tries using portals to smash the turrets, and it works!]
Shade: Heeeeere's Johnny!
[he picks up a turret and bashes it into another one in the next room]
[suddenly, Shade finds a huge cache of cubes, as well as a radio]
Shade: ...I don't even wanna know.
[using the cache, Shade manages to ambush an ambush of turrets]
[he opens a door, and is instantly shot by a turret behind a grate]
[thanks to his trusty portal gun, Shade manages to go around the grate and bash the turret's artificial brains out]
[then, he goes around ANOTHER grate, stops another ambush waiting to happen, and finally finds the exit]
CPU: Well done, android. The Enrichment Centre once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
Shade: (panting) ...android? .....
[test chamber 17]
CPU: The Vital Apparatus Stand will deliver a Weighted Companion Cube in 3.. 2.. 1...
[a cube with hearts on it drops in front of Shade]
CPU: This Weighted Companion Cube will accompany you through the test chamber. Please take care of it.
Shade: Well, it's nice to have a friend.
[he uses the Companion Cube to climb some stairs]
[suddenly, a pellet flies across a narrow corridor, and Shade uses the Companion as a shield]
Shade: I'm sorry, Companion Cube... I don't want to die!
CPU: The symptoms most commonly produced by Enrichment Centre testing are superstition, percieving inanimate objects as alive, and hallucinations. The Enrichment Centre reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Shade: I knew that. Who said I didn't know that? I don't know you people.
[suddenly, Shade sees another narrow corridor with a pellet flying around, and uses the cube as a shield again]
Shade: Hey, shut up, I told you I don't want to die! ....oh, so now it's all MY fault, is it? Huh? HUH!?
[Shade realizes what he's doing, and stops, then sees a PC, and drinks from the fountain of success]
[looking around, Shade finds another pellet and PC, and becomes the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree]
Shade: I know, I'm cool. ....what was that? .....thanks, Companion!
CPU: The Enrichment Centre reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube DOES speak, the Enrichment Centre urges you to disregard its advice.
Shade: Hey, I know that! Sheesh, what are you, an idiot? I know that. Don't I know that, Companion Cube? See? I know that.
[finally, Shade finds the final PC, and finds the final pellet. He uses his brain]
CPU: You did it. The Weighted Companion Cube certainly brought you good luck. However, it cannot accompany you for the rest of the test and, unfortunately, must be euthanised. Please escort your Companion Cube to the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator.
Shade: WHAT!? Are you crazy? I love the Companion Cube! It's my life! I LOVE IT!
CPU: Rest assured that an independant panel of ethicists has absolved the Enrichment Centre, Aperture Science employees, and all test subjects of any moral responsibility for the Companion Cube euthanising process.
Shade: I don't wanna listen to you. The Companion Cube and I are in da zone, G.
CPU: While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk (and the Enrichment Centre takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot), it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in fire than become a burden to you.
Shade: D...do you really think that, Cubie? ...oh... very funny, computer voice. You can't fool me!
CPU: Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated.
Shade: Then let the testing end!
CPU: Although the euthanising process is remarkably painful, eight out of ten Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain.
Shade: Well, I'm one of those other two!
CPU: The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local Statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanise it.
Shade: Well..........
CPU: Destroy your Companion Cube or the testing cannot continue.
Shade: *sigh* ...all right. Good bye, Cubie. I'll miss you...
[Shade slowly drops the Companion Cube into the incinerator]
CPU: You euthanised your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.
[test chamber 18]
CPU: The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Centre is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
[Shade takes a step forward, then realizes what the computer just said]
Shade: W...wait............WHAT!? I'm gonna be... WHAT!?
[silence]
Shade: Hey, miss computer-aided voice, could you tell me just WHAT is going on?
[silence]
Shade: *sigh* Looks like I'm gonna have to figure out this stuff myself.
Chapter 4.1: The Unbelievable Test 18
[in front of Shade is a large pit, and the next room on the other side]
Shade: Thank you, portals.
[Shade gets across by using portals]
Shade: ...something tells me this test will take a while. So, time to use somma my Dark chao magic!
[Shade fires a portal to let him up to a ledge]
[quickly, Shade uses portals plus momentum to arrive at the next room]
Shade: Hmm... a button... and a glass window showing a turret ambush...
[he presses the button, and the wall moves, allowing access to the turrets]
Shade: I know how to do this.
[in one mad dash, Shade fires a portal on the wall, and jumps down onto the hard concrete below, places a portal where he'd land, and flies across through the turrets' fire to a cube on the other side]
[he grabs the cube, jumps down, presses a button, and 'warps' back to the room before the turrets]
[using the cube, Shade enters the next room]
Shade: What's this? A bottomless pit... and several high platforms, each higher than the last, leading up to the exit? ...I know how to get through this. But, it won't be easy.
[Shade plants a portal on the platform in front of him, jumps down a pit, and 'flings' up, puts a portal on the next platform, falls into the one he came from, and works his way up]
[around the end, Shade hits a curved wall, and uses it to get to the exit]
CPU: Well done. Be advised that the next test requires exposure to uninsulated electrical parts that may be dangerous under certain conditions. For more information, please attend an Enrichment Centre Electrical Safety seminar.
Shade: Piece of cake. ...speaking of which...
Chapter 4.2: Cake Time!
[test chamber 19]
CPU: Welcome to the final test. When you are done, you will drop the Device in the Equipment Recovery Annex. Enrichment Centre regulations require both hands to be empty before any cake *static* ake.
Shade: Uh-huh, yep, I see.
[the challenge is a simple pellet and PC challenge, which Shade passes with flying colors, activating a moving platform]
Shade: This is too easy...
[on the platform, immediately Shade knows there's trouble-- a large piston is in the way]
[Shade uses portals to carefully manuever around it, while staying on the platform]
[around the corner is a closed door, and a button which opens it for a second. Shade uses portals here, too]
[then, a pellet is flying around freely, which Shade sends upwards]
[finally, a large wall is blocking Shade's path, which, of course, portals easily solve]
[behind it, a large cake symbol is on the wall, and the track curves to the left]
CPU: Congratulations. The test is now over. All aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science Computer Aided Activity. Goodbye.
Shade: Huh?
[around the corner, the platform will go into a large furnace, with no visible means of escape]
Shade: Crap.
[as he draws nearer to the fire, a catwalk is seen above it, giving Shade an idea]
Shade: Man, this is gonna HURT if I miss...
[he places a portal up on the catwalk, and one on the wall of the furnace]
Shade: Here goes...
[he jumps into the portal, and makes it!]
CPU: What are you doing? Stop it! I-i-i-i-i-i-i-ii...eee are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very, very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honour of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A Party Associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area. Assume the Party Escort Submission position or you will miss the party.
Shade: Well, at least I made it out of that alive... now, where to from here?
[there is another catwalk above him, which he flings to]
Chapter 4.3: Partygoer
[after some walking, Shade gets deeper into the facility, where everything is much darker, bulkier, and slightly scarier]
CPU: Hello. Where are you? I know you're there. I can feel you here. Hello.
[a large fan is blocking Shade's progress, which he manages to fit a portal through]
[some more exploring gets him to an office]
Shade: Hello?
[silence]
Shade: ...hey, what's this?
[among the eerie office is a computer that mentions an Artificial Intelligence built to compete against Black Mesa, called the Genetic Life-form and Disc Operating System, or GLaDOS]
Shade: GLaDOS...
[continuing on, Shade finds many walls with pictures written in blood, usually saying where to go]
[he flings up to a higher level]
GLaDOS: What are you doing? You haven't escaped, you know. You're not even going the right way. Hello? Is anyone there?
[after climbing some stairs, Shade finds a Cube Transport Tube (or Cube Tube) and hops in]
Shade: WHEEEEE!!!
[eventually, the Cube Tube ends at Test Chamber 9]
GLaDOS: Okay. The testing is over now. You win. Go back to the Recovery Annex for your cake. It was a fun test, and we're all impressed at how you won. The test is over. Come back.
[Shade goes through the chamber and falls through the elevator shaft]
GLaDOS: Uh-oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you but they cut it anyway. There is still some left, so if you hurry back..
[after some running, and piston climbing, Shade gets even deeper into the facility]
GLaDOS: You're not even going the right way. Where do you think you're going? Because I don't think you're going where you think you're going. Hello?
[Shade climbs some more pistons, and finds EVEN MORE pistons]
GLaDOS: Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit, and I said 'Goodbye', and you were like, 'No Way', and then I was like, 'We pretended we were going to murder you'. That was great. Is anyone there?
[he goes through the multiple piston chambers]
GLaDOS: You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you. It is not too late for you to turn back. I am not angry. Just go back to the testing area.
[he goes through the piston areas, and across the Cube Tubes, and begins to wonder if he really SHOULD be there]
GLaDOS: You should have turned left before. It's funny, actually, when you think about it. Someday we'll remember this and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Oh boy. Well, you may as well come on back.
[Shade finds a railing and jumps down it, delving even DEEPER...]
[he goes across some pistons, which detract, dropping him into the chamber below...]
Shade: Now where am I?
[beeping is heard around him]
Shade: I don't like the sound of that.
[doors open around him, revealing 4 turrets, each hoping to ambush him]
Shade: CRAP!
[using the magic of portals (and a big barrel), Shade defeats the turrets and flees the area]
GLaDOS: You're not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't get up here. Can you hear me?
[Shade sees a turret's laser eyesight, and nearly screams, before noticing it's a dud]
Shade: ...what a relief.
[he continues through]
[he drops into a room behind a turret, and peforms a sneak attack before continuing]
GLaDOS: This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this. I'm not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you. I'm going to kill you, and all the cake is gone. You don't even care, do you? This is your last chance.
[in the next room, Shade presses a button, releasing a special turret which fires rockets]
Shade: KUH-RAP!
[a mad dash later, Shade manages to get as far away from the rocket turret as possible]
Shade: This 'enrichment center' is crazy. I mean, I'm in a freaking SEWER! How is THAT 'enriching'?
[Shade finds the exit to the sewer, and surfaces in a suspiciously large room...]
Chapter 4.4: Violence is Not the Answer... Except Here.
[lots of beeps are heard, and all the doors surrounding Shade open, revealing dozens of turrets!]
Shade: Okay, this is sort of... a nightmare.
[for each turret, he has to sneak up on them and knock them out before another turret kills him, which takes him a while]
Shade: That's it... each and every last turret is dead. Wait...
[he sees a red laser above him, gets up there, and kills the turret]
[then, he solves a flinging puzzle, only to have two more turrets come in]
Shade: *sigh* How many turrets ARE there?
[he destroys them, then flings up to a catwalk which leads through multiple offices before leading to a large silo]
Shade: A large silo? I wonder what these guys need a silo for.
Chapter 4.5: I'm Not That GLaD to See YOU, Either.
[Shade sees a giant... robot thing hanging from the ceiling]
GLaDOS: Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behaviour, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just
call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. You chose this path; now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in 5, 4.. *something falls* Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen. Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise. I've never seen it before. Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later, by myself. As you'll be dead. .... I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse. Somehow. ... It isn't my job to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone. Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now? Okay, FINE. DO touch it. Pick it up and just stuff it back into me. Let's be honest. Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner and I'll deal with it later. That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it. Maybe you should marry that thing, since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? Well, I won't let you. How does that feel?... Have I lied to you? I mean.. in this room? Trust me. Leave that thing alone. I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol. Just ignore that thing and stand still. Think about it. If that thing is important, why don't I know about it? I'll tell you what that thing isn't. It isn't yours. So leave it alone. Are you even listening to me?
[Shade spies an incinerator in the far corner of the room, grabs the thing, and drops it in]
GLaDOS: You're kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator!? That has got to be the dumbest thing th- whoa.. whoa.. whoa.... Good news.. I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment centre with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me STOP flooding the Enrichment Centre with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.. Oh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses. Oh well. If you take my advice you should just lie down in front of a rocket. It'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin... Alright, just keep doing whatever you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive.
Shade: Shut up, you son/daughter/invention of a--
[the rocket turret fires at Shade, who dodges it, making it fly into GLaDOS, who drops another thing, which Shade chucks into the incinerator]
GLaDOS: You think you're doing some damage? 2 plus 2 is... *fizzfizzfizz* 10. ... ... ... In base 4. I'm fine. By the way, I only let you live this long because I was curious about how you would behave. Unfortunately, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster.
[Shade repeats the process]
GLaDOS: Neurotoxin.. so deadly.. choking.. Hahahaha. When I said deadly it had major sarcasm quotes around it. I could take a bath in this stuff. Honestly, it's not deadly at all - to me. You, on the other hand, will find its deadliness rather less funny.
Shade: Oh, shut up.
GLaDOS: I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A great big party. All of your friends were invited too. I invited your best friend the Companion Cube, but of course he couldn't come because you murdered him. None of your other friends could come because you don't have any other friends because you are unlikable. It says so here in your file, 'unlikable', liked by no one, all formal and everything. It also says you're adopted, so that's funny, too.
Shade: Well, it's a lie.
GLaDOS: Speaking of curiousity, I expect you're curious about what happens after you die. Guess what? I know. But you'll find out first-hand before I finish explaining it to you. But, in summary, I'd live as much as you can in the next few minutes.
[Shade gets tired of hearing her, and repeats the process]
GLaDOS: That thing you just broke isn't important to me. It's the Fluid Catalytic Cracking Unit. It makes shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero.
Shade: I'm a Dark.
GLaDOS: I'm not sure what's going on outside.. all I know is, I'm the only thing standing between us...and THEM.. And I... O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.. *BOOM*
[the ceiling blows up, and sucks Shade out. He blacks out]
Shade: *coughcough* Ugh...
[he opens his eyes and sees the outside world]
Shade: I'm... I'm free! I'm FREE! But... what did she mean by 'us and THEM'?
TO BE CONTINUED